Author's note: This is the sequel to "Tsutanai" and would make little sense without reading said fic first. While "Tsutanai" went from month to month, the chapter titles of "Ukime" are the Five Stages of Grief.
(denial)
I'm numb.
It didn't happen.
Sojiro is waiting for me when I enter, but says nothing. I notice as his eyes take in my blood soaked kimono; but he doesn't ask.
He already knows.
"Kamatari-san…" He bites his lip, "Sumimasen…"
"For what?"
Blue eyes don't even blink. He takes me by the hand, his customary smile unusually absent from his childish face. "Shishio-san should not have told Usui to do that…" The boy says absently as he leads me to the bathhouse.
"Do what?" My voice sounds like it's coming from far away; I'm so detached from reality.
Without so much as a blush, he helps me undress and get into the tub. Never again will I see the frosty purple kimono I had been wearing that day; I'll never know of its ultimate demise. Not that it matters anyway. I'd gotten something on it; the fabric was stained a deep plum color.
My entire body feels heavy. I can't manage the soap; can't cleanse the stickiness from my body.
Without so much as a word, Sojiro helps. He washes me gently, small calloused hands covering every inch of blood-stained skin. He looks pensive and I wonder at his missing smile. What, I wonder, has caused him so much grief. I can't remember the last time I'd seen the boy frown.
"Kamatari-san?"
"Hai?" I look up, meeting that brilliant blue gaze. He blushes lightly; pulling his soapy hands away from my naked body.
"I know this will be hard for you…You loved him very much."
"Loved who?" What's wrong with Sojiro that he's acting like this?
"Yuki-san." He pauses, "I know it will get some taking used to; his being…gone…"
I blink. "Sou-kun, you speak as if he's dead."
Something in his eyes breaks and he strokes my damp hair.