A Perfect Life
I hid my head behind hands hoping that he would not see my tears. I don't want him to think that anything is wrong. The truth is that nothing is wrong with me except for my feelings. If he was sad, then I knew I would cry. His pain, his suffering are all mine. I don't want them, but they are there. And I don't know if I can take not being able to help him. Why can't I be more like my sister? Strong, confident, beautiful. If only there was some way for me to tell him how I felt. To let him know how I want to be with him forever, to never let him fight again. I just want the best for him, I want him to be happy and alive. Every time that he has passed out, I wanted to be the first person that he saw when he awoke. The person to care for him and always be there for him. To make him happy like he was the first time we met. Instead, I try to pretend that nothing is bothering me, when inside I am being eaten up.
I don't know that my dreams will ever be realized. Everyday he must suffer. He bears the knowledge that his best friend betrayed and left him. That is his sister died protecting him. And he tries to act like he can deal with all of the pain and suffering. He is all alone, and must make important decisions for himself and everyone else. He bears the burden of saving the lives of many. And of destroying the lives of others. Shu makes the plans, but only he can change them.
I watch him move around the castle, his castle. His dark eyes always full of hidden pain and sorrow. His hair shining in the light. How he smiles at everyone that fights with him, while inside I know he feels like screaming. I don't know how he can wake up every morning and continue to go on. Even after what happened. I want to take away his suffering. I want to be there when he needs someone to help him, someone's shoulder to cry on. I don't want him to be alone.
If only he knew how I felt. If only he cared for me as well. Then everything would be fine. We would both be happy. Then maybe this war would end quicker and he would stop risking his life. And maybe he would settle down and we could live together in peace, never again having to fight, or worry, or fear. That would be the perfect life.