Hey ho! Well, as you guys know, I'm addicted to the kink meme at the moment, but this is something original. (Well, hardly.) I actually was about to post it as a prompt before I realised, herp derp, I'm a frickin' writer. Plus, I needed a break from the more serious fic I'm working on, so this was just a bit of fun. :D
Note about the formatting - don't even ask, I was totally caffeine'd when I wrote this and didn't even realise that I changed it half way through. So, urk, yeah. Italics are in the present and non-italics are in the past, but they all occur at the same time, obviously.
Oh, oops, forgot to mention this is set in the same universe as 'Everyone Loves a Bit of Skirt', but knowledge of the other story is totally unnecessary (not that I wouldn't recommend reading it, obviously. :P)
Name: Closeted.
Pairing: Klaine (Blaine/Kurt) and a dash of Duck (Dave/Puck...and yeah, I just made that portmanteau up on the spot, there's probably an official name somewhere.)
Rating: M for Mature.
Warnings: Two males having sex. Yes, that's sex. Also swearing. Back button's there if you need it.
Disclaimer: If I were Ryan Murphy, Kurt would have gotten laid by now. If I were FOX, Firefly would be still be going. Either way, I'm neither.
Summary: Whilst Blaine and Kurt are doing the dirty, Finn, Puck and Karofsky are in the closet. No, literally, in the closet, trying to act as if this is totally not as awkward as everyone knows it is.
Notes: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2 OF GLEE, I GUESS. Though, if you haven't seen Season 2...you won't really know who Blaine is, so the magic of Klaine would be lost on you. But...yeah.
Enjoy, my darlings! And don't be afraid to tell me if you do! ;D
Closeted
'Jeez, Blaine!' Kurt Hummel hissed as he and Blaine burst into the backroom of the auditorium. He sounded half-angry, but with a hint of amusement and definitely something else.
They dive for the nearest door, whispering harshly. Swearing.
'Did you have to do that? Someone could have seen my…my problem!' Kurt whined, trying to smooth out his hair.
They clamor into – oh, brilliant, it's a freaking clothes closet, the one where they keep the costumes for Glee and the Theatre Club – tripping over each other. None of them is small, so it's a tight squeeze, but thankfully there's room for a lot of costumes in here, so they just about manage to sit down, legs overlapping each other.
'Well, if you were wearing the skirt like I suggested, you wouldn't have had to worry about it!' Blaine replied, a smile on his face and his hands all over his boyfriend.
An exchange of looks that can't be seen. Finn fiddles with his phone and a light comes on. Puck hisses something like 'Dude! Won't they see that?' but Finn just shrugs. Karofsky, however, is distracted.
Kurt let out a huff of frustration. 'I don't think I can even look at that skirt again without blushing.' He admitted. His face was already scarlet just thinking about the last time he'd worn the skirt and engaged in some totally unintentional exhibitionism.
'But you're cute when you blush…' Blaine teased, cupping Kurt's cheeks with his hands.
'Pervert.' Kurt raises an eyebrow, and adds almost endearingly, 'But you quoted RENT, so I'll forgive you.'
Karofsky goes tense as a proverbial lightbulb goes on over his head. The other two don't notice, they're too busy squabbling over something.
Fuck. All he wanted to do was beat Hudson into telling him where Hummel was. He knew the little faggot…Kurt. He knew that Kurt would be coming in today to see his friends and properly introduce his new hom- his new boyfriend to them all. But somehow Puckerman had got involved too, and then the love-birds had barged in, already dry-humping and they'd all panicked and dove into a freaking closet and Karofsky wasn't sure why he didn't just yell at them and run out but…
Argh!
'Gosh, your lips look delicious.' Blaine sang breathily, wickedly, and went in for the kill. Kurt groaned with relief as their lips pressed together, kissing back with equal vivacity. He heard Blaine's muffled chuckle at his enthusiasm and responded by pulling the older boy's hair fiercely.
And now they're kissing. Karofsky can hear the smacking of lips and the groans of that high-pitched girl voice. Funny, in his imagination (and by that he means wet dreams and fantasies) Kurt's voice doesn't go low like that, but hell if it doesn't sound gorgeous.
'Oh, god, Blaine.' Kurt moaned into his boyfriend's mouth as they press together, hips clashing.
'Oh, god.' Karofsky whispers. Puck and Finn are squabbling (over something else now,) but Dave is squirming, shifting and trying to sit in a position that hides his own problem.
'I want to do you right here.' Blaine groaned, his voice hoarse. His hands were already up Kurt's shirt and his fingers were tracing the muscles – not bulky, but defined like a dancer's. He brushes against the nipples before taking one in his fingers and squeezing, a jolt of pleasure rushing through him as Kurt let out a loud, throaty moan.
'Wait – shut up.' Puck claps his hand over Finn's mouth, finally noticing Karofsky's expression and the noises in the back room. 'Are they doing it?'
Finn looks like he's been punched in the stomach. Puck peeks through the gap in the door and his eyes widen, 'Dude, you gotta see this.'
Kurt's pants were slowly slipping down his thighs as Blaine started to pump him. He continue to let out a stream of moans and tried to reach for Blaine's crotch, but Blaine just gently pushed his hand aside and thrust his hips into Kurt's ass. Kurt groaned, low and loud, his dick twitching in Blaine's hand.
'See what?' Finn asks, and Puck points through the gap. Finn glances through and chokes on air. 'Oh, hell no!'
'Who'd have known?' Puck says, sounding almost awed, and Karofsky really wants to know what they're looking at. He feels like he should make a sarcastic comment right about now, but he can't help but look in the gap himself, and sees exactly what the others are looking at.
Kurt is standing, leaning into Blaine, the dark haired Warbler, his shirt undone, his pants around his knees. Blaine has his hand wrapped around Kurt's dick. His pretty impressive dick, which all three boys are marveling at.
'Blaine…if you keep doing that I'm gonna…' Blaine smirked and leaned Kurt's head backwards to kiss him, deeply and slowly. Kurt tried to move his hand, to thrust himself against Blaine, but Blaine kept him still, reveling in the kiss, his palm cupping Kurt's cheek.
'Holy shit!' Karofsky hisses, and the others look at him. He flushes and throws himself back, huddling in the corner of the closet again. Puck and Finn quickly ignore him, Finn staring, absolutely disturbed, and Puck watching with a morbid interest.
'I love you.' Blaine whispered, pulling back a little. Kurt stared up at him with wide, surprised eyes before pulling Blaine into a deeper, hotter kiss.
'I love you too.' He breathed, 'So, so much.' And he rocked against him, hearing him moan softly, kissing him, touching him.
Karofsky wants nothing more than to leap out of the closet and bone Kurt right there, (and Blaine too, if that's what it takes,) but instead he tries to disappear into the back of the wooden box. Where's Narnia when you need it?
Stuck in a closet while Kurt and his boyfriend have sex.
Karofsky, Puck and Finn might have laughed at the irony of it, if any of them knew what irony actually was.
There they were, scrunched together in a clothes closet, of all things, legs tangled and getting hotter as the minutes go by.
Getting hotter mostly because of what was going on outside the closet.
'I want to do you right here.' Blaine's voice is husky and deep and he's touching everywhere, Kurt moaning beneath him.
After a particularly loud groan, Kurt brings his hands up to Blaine's face and leans in close, his lips an inch away from Blaine's, so near he could taste his breath. 'Then do me.' Kurt whispers in the commanding, HBIC voice only he could master so well. 'Do me right here in this room.'
'Oh, man,' Finn whispered, sounding physically pained, 'they're actually going to do it.'
'Kudos to Kurt, even I've never done it in here.' Puck commented, seeming impressed.
Karofsky just let out a small whimper that made both boys turn to him. It should have been dark as pitch in there, but with the phone on Karofsky knew they could see he was blushing.
Blaine quickly pulls Kurt's skinny jeans to his ankles and wastes no time in pulling out a condom and slipping it on. He prods Kurt's lips with a finger and Kurt latches on to his hand, sucking and licking his fingers eagerly.
'What's with you?' Puck asked bitingly, 'It's bad enough we're stuck in here with you, but if you keep making funny noises I'm gonna have to break my probation orders.'
'Just try it.' Karofsky growled, but with little enthusiasm.
The saliva's enough for his fingers and Kurt's writhing and shaking in his hands. He makes sure to hit the bundle of nerves that make Kurt moan the loudest but a sloppy kiss reminds him he can't scream here.
'Jeez, Karofsky.' Puck was grinning, 'I didn't realize you were actually scared of fags…I mean, I know it's called homophobia, but seriously?'
'Look who's talking!' Dave burst out, and then retreated a little, realizing how loudly he had spoken. 'You're one of the most homophobic guys I ever met!' His voice was quieter, but somehow sharper.
Blaine pushes himself against Kurt but it's too tight, Kurt hisses in pain. 'Lube…in my handbag.' he groans, pointing weakly to an abandoned bag. Blaine refrains from commenting on either the bag or the fact he's stashed lube in there, and quickly finds the hidden pocket where it's concealed.
Kurt, meanwhile, is stretching himself over a desk, shamelessly humping at the wood for a moment before composing himself. His Gucci shirt is undone, his scarf is Gaga-knows-where, and his brand new skinny jeans are now on the floor, but (and this is the only, only circumstance where this is the case) he really doesn't care.
Returning, and carelessly slapping on more lube, Blaine starts to push in again and this time, slides in easily. Kurt's gasping and still in pain, he knows, but it's the bearable kind. The kind that has Kurt moaning and shaking and groaning, 'yes, oh, yes…ahhh…'
'I'm not homophobic,' Puck replied, weakly, since he knew it wasn't even a little true. He'd taunted Kurt for years, and wasn't exactly there to defend him against the homophobic slurs that he didn't say himself. 'I'm just a straight guy, totally confident in my sexuality.'
Karofsky gave a quiet snort.
'What?' Puck leapt (as much as one could leap in such a limited space) towards Karofsky, grabbing him by the collar. Karofsky was sneering at him. 'What the hell was that?'
'You seem pretty defensive for someone so sure of themselves.' Karofsky scoffed. 'I mean, you try pretty hard to make sure everyone knows what a stud you are. Sure you're not just a closet case who's collecting beards?'
If Puck had known more about Karofsky, he might have noted that he was being a complete hypocrite, but rage was currently clouding any knowledge stored, so instead he somehow came up with some sort of twisted logic that caused him to do something really, really stupid. Stupid, even by Dave's standards, and he'd done stupid things before which, in retrospect, were actually not very different to exactly what Puck was about to do.
When Puck grabbed the back of Karofsky's head and planted one on him, it wasn't just Finn that nearly died of shock. Karofsky looked like he'd just hit a mailman with his car, and even Puck himself looked shell-shocked at his own actions.
But, for some reason, he didn't stop.
And for reasons that he was totally ignorant of, Karofsky didn't push him away.
'More!' Kurt screams, and they've both forgotten they're not in the most private of locations. Blaine has wrapped his hand around Kurt's cock and is pumping and thrusting at an agonizingly slow pace, cooing things like 'patience,' and 'hold on,' in his ear. They don't exactly have all the time in the world, but the longer they stay, the bigger the chance of getting caught, and isn't that the thrill?
'Harder!' Kurt says, no, demands, and Blaine can hardly turn him down, pushing in harder and faster, gripping Kurt's chest and tightening his hold on his dick.
It went on for at least a minute, each of them seemingly playing makeout-chicken. Puck got his tongue in there pretty fast, twisting his fingers in Karofsky's hair and letting his other hand move his hand down to the bigger teen's crotch, mostly out of habit. Of course, he wasn't used to finding a dick down there, and was pretty surprised to find it hard, which he suspected wasn't entirely due to the kiss and probably something to do with the noises coming from outside.
'Blaine!' Kurt's screaming louder and louder and it's a miracle no one's come in yet. Blaine is shaking himself now and can feeling the heat rising in his stomach. Kurt feels so good, so tight, so soft…
Karofsky was moaning and weirdly enough he sounded kind of wanky, not that Puck would actually admit that. (Because he was a straight man proving how straight he was…which meant making out with and pressing a knee against another guy's crotch and feeling a pulse of pleasure at the moan he got in response…wait, what?)
'Blaine…oh, god! Aaahh…I'm coming…' It feels cliché to announce it but it's the power of which Kurt's orgasm hits him that causes him to scream it out loud, as hot white stickiness hits his stomach and splatters his shirt. His whole body is shaking and he can feel Blaine's dick jumping inside him as he cums as well, nails digging into his shoulders. Both of them fall silent apart from the heavy breathing, both bodies still convulsing occasionally as they come down from the high of orgasm.
Okay, so maybe this was going a little too far, Puck thought, as he palmed Karofsky's dick through his jeans, feeling it twitching beneath him in a way that he's only felt in his bedroom, jerking off, (and that one time with some random guy in a club once, but he had been totally hammered, so that didn't count.)
After way longer than would be required to prove straightness, Puck pulled back, leaving a mortified Karofsky in his wake.
'What…the fuck…' But it was Finn who spoke, since Dave appeared stunned into silence 'was that?'
Puck shrugged in response 'Proof I'm not a fag.' he answered shortly, and the other boys stared at him.
'That's the worst proof ever, man.' Karofsky mumbled, but Puck shut him up pretty fast.
'Looks like I got some proof of my own, Karofsky.' Puck sneered, pointing casually down to the hockey player's crotch, which was swiftly covered by big hands.
But Karofsky wasn't done. His face was twisted into an expression that was half terror and half sneer. 'If you were planning to blackmail me, you should've worn looser jeans.'
And – h'oh, damn, he was actually right. Puck suddenly noticed his own little problem, and spluttered in shock.
'Oh cheesus,' Finn groaned, 'is everyone gay?'
'Well, they do say it's contagious.' A high pitched voice cut through their conversation and the three boys' blood ran cold.
Funny that their shenanigans had distracted them so much they'd forgotten about the whole 'hiding' thing, and now light was pouring into the closet and Kurt Hummel, half dressed and hair all messed up, stood with his boyfriend, hand on hip and eyebrow raised.
'Kurt.' Finn said weakly as a sort of greeting, and Kurt flicked his eyes over at him.
'Hey.' He said. 'So…anyone want to tell me why you guys are hiding in the costume cupboard? And…whoa.' Puck and Karofsky suddenly wished they were wearing a lot looser pants. 'Didn't need to see that.' He stood back and let the two blushing boys practically leap out of the closet.
Finn, however, didn't move.
'No, man! I'm never leaving! I'm gonna stay in here until I freakin' die, if it means I don't have to see any of you again!' The esteemed leader whined, drawing his knees up to his stomach. 'I mean, first you guys are doing it in the freakin' backroom, and damnit, I never even watched gay porn before, and then those two are going at it right next to me! Sure, I'm all for it, man, but there's a massive distance from homophobia and wanting it up the ass, you know?'
Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Finn, out. Now. Before I start making closet quips. And I will.'
With a low groan, Finn lumbered out, and the five of them stood awkwardly for a couple of minutes before Kurt sighed loudly.
'Look, guys, can we just forget this ever happened?' He said quietly, rubbing his temples. The others quickly jumped to agree and with nods and murmurs, they left the back room, no one meeting anyone else's gaze. Finn still looked mortified and Kurt had a feeling this would have been inevitable anyway, but things were going to be awkward for a while.
Karofksy's eyes were darting around, his hands shoved in his pockets as he sped his walking slightly so that he walked alongside Puck. His voice was quiet, 'Hey, Puckerman. About what happened in there-'
'Dude. What happens in the closet, stays in the closet.' Puck growled, dangerously low. Then, eyes scanning the halls briefly. 'But…uh. If you want another demonstration of how awesomely straight I am...'
Karofsky cleared his throat. 'I…have a pretty big closet in my room.'
Puck grinned a wicked grin. 'Then I guess I'll have to check it out some time.' He teased, and as the bell rang and the hallways filled with people, they suddenly switched to discussing last week's football game.
A couple of paces back, Kurt sighed. 'Guess there's no hope for some people.' He said to Blaine, who was very suavely adjusting his tie.
'Well at least we might have gotten Karofsky off your back for a while…and possibly on to Puckerman's.' He snickered, and Kurt stifled a laugh.
So what if Karofsky was still pretending to be straight? Kurt liked to think that maybe, just maybe, everyone was slightly less closeted now.