Today was a good day for me. That's the most important thing, right? That I actually get through the day without feeling the need to cut, without binging and, most importantly, actually liking myself. I know, you're probably wondering 'What the hell could mess you up so bad that you would hate yourself enough to do all of those things. The answer's simple: life. I'm not going to go there now, though. A new year, a new journal, a new start. At least that's what Blaine told me when he gave the book to me. I'd probably believe it too- if my past hadn't started to catch up to me, proving the exact opposite. Yes, it may be a new year, and this is definitely a new journal- not so sure about the new start thing though. I thought that moving back would make things easier. I wouldn't have to face certain problems, or faces, ever again. God, was I wrong.
He's back- I saw him yesterday, and again today. It definitely wasn't an illusion. If it was, his books wouldn't have made the sound they did, crashing onto the ground when he (deliberately) bumped into me. That stupid, surprised look he got in his face really took the cake. 'Sierra? I didn't expect to see you here.' Like hell he didn't! Everyone at my old school knew I was moving back to Ohio- including him. He knew I was moving back home and he bloody well knew why! Can't boys ever take a hint?
Blaine definitely knows something's up. Cooper too, even though he's on the other side of the country. I guess I could tell them, but if I tell them one thing I'll end up telling them EVERYTHING. Even though it would mean extra protection if anything did happen, I'm definitely not ready to divulge anything major when I've only just moved back in. I feel terrible about lying to them, though. Funny how I say that and yet I lie on a daily basis. Like just before for example. Today was not a good day- truth is, I didn't want to start off my journal with a list of worries. I wanted to sound normal for once, but I'm anything but. My day was the worst kind of days- I ate heaps, threw up even more, and my thighs are still red raw and bleeding from my nail scissors. That 'new year, new start' thing Blaine was talking about? Yeah, never going to happen- not with him around…