Yes, I'm a filthy liar. I said no more multi chapters until I closed out a few of the ones I already have open but this one has been begging for release. It's inspired by Padre Sandunguero and was intended to be just a one-shot but y'all know how I get with Bensaro and soooo... Not sure how long this story will be but here it is. Dick Wolf owns the SVU characters, enjoy!

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After parting ways with Nicolas that night, Nick found his mind in complete disarray and desperately needing a way to quiet it. Usually he would find his solace in his baby girl; no matter how bad things got for him he could always count on a hug and kiss from Zara to put everything back in perspective but with her now back in L.A. with her mother, he was left alone to deal with the raw emotion that coursed through him with such intensity, he thought it might kill him.

"Fuck this" he swore out loud to no one, quickly logged out of his computer, grabbed his coat and got the hell out of there - destination unknown.

He found himself wandering into the bar just a few blocks from the precinct where he ran into Barba who, he guessed was feeling as shitty as he was and shared his plan to find absolution at the bottom of a bottle - albeit, he couldn't afford the $250 bottle that Barba preferred but a bottle, was a bottle

"Thought you might end up here." Rafael said without looking at Nick as he refilled then took a hearty sip of McCallun from his glass.

"I figured it's as good a night as any to get shit-faced drunk."

"Excepto, no haces borracho." Barba grinned "Glass for my friend here" he said to the bartender

"Yeah well, yolo, right? Nick decided as he took a seat in the stool beside his friend and picked up the glass Barba had poured for him. "...to bad fathers" he proposed

"May they burn in hell!" Barba concluded, both men smiling as their glasses clinked to complete the sad toast.

... ... ...

Half a bottle later, Barba was called back to the office and Nick sat alone, having decided that he didn't in fact, like drinking, but finished up his second shot before heading out. The brisk night air felt good against his skin as he stood deciding what his next move should be. He could always go home but then what? Go home to silence that would drive him insane? Perhaps it wasn't too late to catch up with Carisi... But he wasn't really in the mood to be with a group tonight.

"Maybe I'll go back to work" he thought out loud, more than certain that Olivia would understand his need to keep busy under his current circumstances.

"Olivia..." He sighed wistfully. He still felt like shit for what he said to her earlier in the week and had meant to make it right but he didn't know how. More than anything, he wished that he could take it back but he knew that just like you couldn't unring a bell, you couldn't unspeak words.

"It's not about him, this is is about you holding on to you your anger... In order to heal, we have to let go."

"Oh? So, what? You forgiven your father? Or William Lewis; huh? You forgiven them?"

"Wow!" She didn't even know how to respond but one thing was clear; he'd hurt her.

"You never should have said it, you dick!" he scolded himself as he walked back toward the 1-6. "The one person who's always had your back and you were an ass to her... And then you give her that half-assed apology and she still had your back!" He shook his head. He didn't deserve her kindness...

"Amaro" he answered his phone, after being suddenly jarred from his thoughts by the ringing.

"Hey." the voice on the other end of the line greeted warmly. He could almost hear her smile in her voice.

"Liv!" He stopped in his tracks. His breath catching. God, the way she made him feel with even the smallest gestures.

"I was just calling to see if everything's okay, things were so tense when I left" she said as she sat rubbing lotion onto her skin after having just taken a hot bath.

"You know...Nicolas is... Well, he's Nicolas!"

"I take it things didn't go well?"

"Understatement."

"I'm sorry"

"Don't, it's not your fault"

"Still... Nick, if you need to talk, you could always come over, I'm here." She offered and he wanted more than anything to jump at the opportunity.

"I...it's late, I don't wanna intrude."

"You wouldn't be." She insisted. "Noah is asleep for the night and I'm wide awake; it wouldn't be an intrusion."

He stopped to consider for a moment before agreeing. Deciding right then and there that it was time to properly apologize to her for being an ass.

"Just lemme get a cab and I'll be there in ten." He said before ending the call.

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Am I continuing? Please review and tell me what you think.