Neon Genesis Evangelion
Pilot's Table
By D.A.
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Title:
Prompt: Set 1 / Prompt 34 (Confide)
Word Count: 1100+
Rating: T
Summary: Despite all the lives lived inside Instrumentality, Asuka and Shinji know what they'd always known. They can count on each other through anything.
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion
Notes: I decided I just had to do an entire arc on how the Pilots react to each other, knowing what happened inside Instrumentality. The fact that in some illusions, the couples as they are were different. (Includes mentions of events/relationships from Angel and Fading Dream, plus other situations from the vast and varied Evangelion fanfiction community here on FFnet. (You guys rock.))
Part one of the "I knew you then" Arc of my Pilot's Table drabble series. Sequel to the "Awakening" arc.
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Shinji and Asuka both knew they needed to talk about it, though it wasn't an issue for them, both between themselves and with the others. It was just something they needed to be clear on, and they both knew it. Instrumentality had shown them so many possible ways they could have lived their lives, and the people they could have lived them with. It broke down barriers and stripped their minds almost of all individuality.
But in the end, it built them back up. It forced them to think about themselves, and how they wanted to be, and when Shinji chose to end Instrumentality it gave them a choice. And they chose to live, not a false life inside the vast mental soup that Instrumentailty was, but a real life where all the joys and pains of life could be experienced.
And so they talked.
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"Shinji, what do you think about Hikari and Touji?"
The question was a simple one, and one that the young man knew was coming. Had known one of them would finally ask about the people they knew inside Instrumentality. To Shinji, that was the point of such a question. Not to ask about the here and now, but the then and there.
"They're our friends." he said, expression thoughtful as he finished setting the table while Asuka moved about the living room, continuing to organize the various pictures they'd taken since coming to this old house over a month ago, "They always will be. And I love them because of it."
"I love them too." Asuka admitted. She could really talk to Shinji now, since her choice inside Instrumentality, and it felt so freeing knowing that he would answer back just as openly, "You don't worry about Touji and me?"
"Do you worry about Hikari and I?" he asked in return, "We both lived a life where they were the ones we chose to be with. But as meaningful as those memories are, that's not what we are now."
"We made our choices." Asuka agreed, "Those lives just mean we have even better friends. I just..."
"You miss Mana and Kyo." Shinji turned as Asuka walked into the kitchen/dining room, a small sad smile on his face. "Of the six of us, You and Touji are the only ones to live out almost an entire life inside. And it means something important to you both. I don't want to cut that bond you have."
"Yeah," Asuka sighed, and Shinji could hear the hitch in her voice, "I always thought I didn't want kids, and maybe the reason that life lasted so long was for me to see that I want them."
"Maybe it was, or maybe it was to show Touji what he was missing." Shinji agreed, moving over and holding Asuka, again feeling a thrill that Asuka wanted a family like he does, "Maybe the reason we saw what we did was because we had in the back of our minds wondered about it at one point or another."
Asuka grinned as she leaned into him, "We learned what we did, and when we chose to come back we also chose to be better for it."
Shinji bobbed his head once as Asuka gently pulled away, and they both moved into the kitchen to finish last minute things before eating.
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After dinner the two of them sat on the sofa, simply leaning into each other, when Asuka quietly repeated her earlier question. Shinji thought for a moment, and Asuka let him.
"I enjoyed the time I had with her," Shinji finally answered, "It gave me a chance to see what a relationship could be like. She wasn't you, it's not how she is, but it was a glimpse at me being in a stable relationship. It showed me that I could have one, that the person I was with could be with me because they cared and not because they had a use for me."
"Like that life I lived where I dated Kaworu." Asuka murmurred her agreement, watching Shinji, "It showed me I could be loved for simply being who I was. That I didn't need a mask, and I could depend on others."
The young man nodded once, and turned to kiss the young woman beside him. Asuka met him halfway, and they spent a few moments in comfortable silence.
"Do you wonder sometimes?" She asked after they pulled back, "What it would be like, if those lives had been real, or we stayed with the people we chose in there?"
"I've thought of it, but I'm glad this is reality." Shinji answered, "As much as I love her, and Rei even, I don't think I could really be with anyone else. We've known so much through our lives, all of them, that I'm certain it will always be you and me."
"I'm glad." Asuka whispered, leaning against him again, "So now we just have to convince them of it too."
"Yeah."
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It was a relief to both of them. That they could talk to each other, interacting without worrying what others might think of them. They spoke and moved much more fluidly than when they had when they synched so long ago, and it was because they had realized just how hurtful Asuka's pride and anger had been and how limiting Shinji's fear of interacting and self-loathing was.
They leaned on each other, because they both knew each other intimately. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. They'd seen and felt each other's lives, and lived others, inside Instrumentality. And they recognized a spark of similarity. They had both been alone for most of their lives, abandoned by the people they held most dear, and had worn masks to hide that loneliness so they wouldn't be hurt again. It hadn't worked, and both saw that clearly now. So they leaned on each other, and confided in each other the various secrets they each held.
And now, they would make sure their friends could do the same.
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A/N: Well, what do you think? I know, not much, but it's the introduction to the next few chapters. Be patient, they'll be up when they're up. ^.^