Only Hope
A lot can change in ten years.
Once upon a time there was a fifteen year old girl who always had her head in the clouds. She was offered her dreams which she callously threw away. Since then life had been cruel to her, throwing curve ball after curve ball at her from every which way. Soon her dreams were all but forgotten, packed way along with her childhood toys and trinkets in an old cardboard box and left to accumulate dust in her parent's attic.
Rain clouds began to accumulate over Sarah Williams' head as she trudged home after a very long day at work. She sighed. Although she was only a woman of twenty-five, her face looked drawn, aged from life's hardships. Her inky hair had lost its gloss and her emerald eyes had lost their glimmer. She was twenty-five going on fifty.
"I'm home," she called as she unlocked the door to her tiny apartment. Just as she expected, Sarah found her stepmother, Irene, sitting at her petite kitchen table, sipping coffee with a dour look on her face.
"You're late," she said, her tone critical as ever.
"I know. I was swamped at the work. I tried to get here as fast as I—"
"I put Jared to bed for you," said Irene, cutting Sarah's explanation short. Sarah sighed, sitting down opposite of her stepmother at the table. "Sarah, when are you going to make time to take care of your son?" she asked.
Sarah's brows pulled together as she scowled at Irene. They had had this conversation before. "Irene, I am trying to provide for my son. I work extra hours just to be able to put food on the table for my son. Believe me, nobody in the world wants to be here for him more than I do but I can't."
"Well maybe you wouldn't have to work extra hours at a job you hate if you wouldn't have dropped out of college to—"
"You know why I had to drop out," Sarah said fiercely.
"Yes, so you could let your life go down the toilet. I told you that Jason Smith was trouble but did you listen to me? No. You went and let him knock you up and when you told him you were pregnant he upped and disappeared," Irene sneered. Angry tears pricked Sarah's eyes, brought on by her stepmother's harsh words. But Irene was just getting started. "Oh, but, Sarah, you didn't have to keep his unwanted baby. You could have given the baby up for adoption so that you could live your life and someone who actually is capable of behaving responsibly could take care of him. But no. You just had to ruin your reputation, your college experience and your future. You have no one to blame but yourself."
"You know what, Irene? I'm really not in the mood to have this conversation again and you've over stayed your welcome. Please leave." Sarah fought to keep her voice steady but her voice quivered with anger.
Irene stood up from the table, her pride piqued, and stalked out the door. Sarah pushed her flyaway hairs out of her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. It's not fair, she thought bitterly. Horrible job and nagging stepmother be damned, the hardest part for her was that Irene was right. Sarah never had time for her own son. But despite everything that had happened to her, she didn't regret any of it. Becoming a mother was the absolute best thing that had ever happened to her. She just wished that she could give Jared so much more than she did.
Sarah's reverie was broken by the lethargic pitter-patter of her son's tiny feet.
"Mommy?" the little boy asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily.
"Yes, Jared? Did mommy wake you?" Sarah asked, turning to her little boy. The resemblance was uncanny. He had the same ebony hair, creamy skin tone, and green eyes as his mother. Looking at the child's face, it was impossible to find a trace of his father.
"No," he said, climbing into his mother's lap.
"What can I do for you, sweetheart?" she asked, kissing her son's forehead.
"I can't sleep."
"Do you want me to sing you to sleep?"
"Uh huh." The five year old boy hopped off his mother's lap, took her hand and led her to his room. Sarah had sung Jared to sleep since he was a baby and continued on through his toddler years. It became tradition for the two that when Jared couldn't sleep, Sarah would sing him the same song she sung that first night she held him.
Jared snuggled into his Batman blankets and stared expectantly up at Sarah. Sarah brushed his dark hair away from his forehead soothingly. She opened her mouth and began to sing softly.
There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But you sing to me over and over and over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.
Sarah smiled to herself. Almost as soon as she had begun singing did Jared's eyelids droop and finally close in sleep. He was breathing heavily and snoring quietly. It only ever took the sound of her voice. She pressed her lips softly to her child's head and left the room, closing the door behind her gently.
She went to her room and changed for bed, lost in thought. It wasn't the first time she had thought about this either. It was only when she was about to lay her head down to sleep that she allowed herself think of her lost dreams and of the man who had offered her everything she ever wanted. She remembered every detail about him: his unruly, blonde hair; his mismatched brown and blue eyes; his devilish smile; the touch of his hand; the sound of his voice. Like everything and everyone else, he had been cruel. But unlike everything and everyone else, she had wanted it that way. She wanted him to be the villain to her heroine. She wanted to live her one fantasy, if only for a moment. Everything else since then had been cruel, harsh reality.
But what if things had been different? What if she hadn't thrown everything he had offered her in his face? What if she had believed in the things that he promised her instead of thinking them to be a trick? In hindsight she could see the foolishness of her choice and had realized she loved him all along, despite her fantastic delusions of him being a villain. She hated herself for letting him go. The one comfort she carried with her all these years was that had she chosen Jareth, she wouldn't have ever had Jared. It was this knowledge that wouldn't permit her to regret her decision…entirely. She just wished that she could give her son so much more than what she had to offer.
Thinking of Jareth's promises brought her back to the words of her son's lullaby. She started humming to herself quietly and then began to sing again.
Sing to me the song of the stars
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like me dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.
She wished so badly that she could take those things that she said back, to be with the one man who had and would give her everything her heart desired. This wasn't the life she wanted for herself and it definitely wasn't the life she wanted for her son either. Soon she was no longer singing to herself, but rather to a man whose love she had foolishly scorned in her youth and now she would give anything to have back.
I give you my destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
Sarah curled under her covers and stared out her open window.
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.
"Jareth, I wish for my dreams. If not for my sake, for the sake of my son," Sarah whispered as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She was certain he wouldn't hear her but still…she hoped. The minutes passed and nothing happened. She felt stupid for even trying. Finally, Sarah closed her eyes so she could sink into a dreamless, disappointed sleep.
But life has a funny way of working and at that precise moment, she was no longer the only adult in the room.
"What took you so long, Sarah?" a soft voice asked. Startled, Sarah bolted upright in her bed and gazed around wildly for the source of the voice. She found it lounging against the opposite wall, gazing at her speculatively.
Sarah stared in disbelief. She blinked several times and pinched her cheek. Nothing changed except the expression upon her visitor's face which went from tentative to amused.
"It's you. You're here. I—"
"Shhh," he said, putting a gloved finger to her lips. "Who am I to deny such a request, least of which from you?"
"Jareth, I am so sorry for everything I ever said or did. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't even realize what you were offering. I was naïve and stupid. Please, say you forgive me." She looked into his eyes and found them to be sparkling with what looked like hope.
"Of course," he whispered fervently. "And…the offer still stands, Sarah. I will do anything for you…and your son now, too. I won't even ask you to fear me or do as I say," he said with a weak chuckle. "All I ask is that you love me and I will give you the life you deserve, not the life you've settled for.
Sarah answered his plea wordlessly by brushing her lips softly against his. She felt warm moisture trickle onto her cheeks and realized they weren't her own tears. She pulled away briefly to look into his eyes and sure enough she saw the tell-tale-tear-trails silently running down his cheeks. Not wanting to be separated from his love, Jareth pressed his lips firmly again against Sarah's and pulled her close to him in an all-consuming embrace.
When they parted again they were no longer in her apartment bedroom but a cozy bedchamber and on the bed lay her little boy, sleeping soundly. But that wasn't all that had changed. Sarah had changed too. Her face no longer was lined with exhaustion. Her hair was no longer dull in the light and her eyes sparkled with the happiness that was slowly bubbling up inside her. Sarah looked up at Jareth in wonder as she took it all in.
"Thank you," she whispered ardently.
Jareth beamed at her. "You're welcome." He turned and looked at the sleeping child. "He looks just like you, you know." She smiled in return. "Come," he said. "We should let him sleep in peace."
He took her hand and led her out the door just down the hallway into another room. It was a lavish bedchamber draped in rich fabrics with a king sized bed complete with a canopy centered on the opposite wall. Jareth grinned as he watched the emotions play on Sarah's face. "Do you like it?" he inquired.
"It's perfect," she replied. "Like a dream."
"It's not a dream, though. It's real."
Sarah turned to completely face Jareth. "Jareth, in such little time, you've given me so much. You've given me my hope back."
"As long as you love me," he replied softly, stroking her cheek with his hand.
"I do love you. Forever."
"And I you. Forever" With that, the conversation came to a halt as Sarah and Jareth's lips became a bit preoccupied.
To Sarah, Jareth had been her villain and more recently her white knight, her beacon of hope that life could go on. But what she didn't know was the change she had made in his life. She made him a better man but he couldn't be that man without her love. As much as he was her only hope, so she was his.
Needless to say, they all lived happily ever after.
author note: I'm not wild about this piece but I felt it needed to be written. Who knows? I might edit this someday when I have the time to make it better. I just wanted to get this down while I mull over the details about how I want to end All's Fair in Love and War. The lyrics are from Mandy Moore's song Only Hope. I hope you found this even a little bit enjoyable. Please review!