The Humanification Transfixator
The gnome poked his head up over the top of his contraption, and his expression brightened. "It worked!" he exclaimed happily! "My Humanfication Transfixator worked!" He grinned at his faerie assistant who, for some reason, looked abnormally pale. She was staring at the area beyond the gnome's latest invention and pointing. No doubt she was simply awed and excited by such a dazzling display of magimechanical genius. "The subject has become human!" The gnome immediately turned towards his subject and asked, "You there! What's it like? Now that you're human, how do you feel."
"Annoyed," growled Captain Hook. He shook his head before covering his face with his one good hand. He had been on Pan's trail for certain when this... this creature had popped out of no-where with his bizarre contraption and aimed it at Hook. Before the pirate could react, there had been a brilliant flash of light, and now... this. Hook's crew had dived out of the way when the machine had showed itself, but now they were creeping out of the bushes and trees, waiting curiously to see how this situation would resolve itself.
"Annoyed?" questioned the gnome, before repeating himself. "Ah. Annoyed." He pulled out a notebook and scribbled something down. "'Subjects... find... being turned human... annoying...'" he muttered as he wrote, before adding, "Not that I can blame them, really. I mean, human? Ugh. But for some reason it's easier to re-arrange the morphic fields that way..."
Strangely, the gnome's assistant had taken flight. Ah, well. Whimsical things, faeries. It's what he got for hiring one as an assistant.
"Not annoyed at being turned human," James Hook corrected, the faintest of red spots starting to show in the center of his blue eyes. "Annoyed. With you. I have always been human, and I will always be human. Your... device did nothing."
The gnome's face fell. "N-n-nothing?" he sputtered out. "Are you quite sure? Maybe... maybe it just made you think you were always-"
"Wrong!" the human snarled as he stepped forward. "I am James Hook, captain of the Jolly Roger, scourge of the Seven Seas, terror of the Spanish Main, the only man whom the Sea-Cook feared, and most certainly, obviously, human." Each point that Hook made was emphasized by a step forward, until at last he drew his sword. "And you are in my way!" he shouted, swinging his blade.
"Yikes!" was all the gnome had to say at first as he ducked under the blade (and still lost the top of his hat for his troubles). "Well, if you're quite certain," his voice wavered as he hit a switch on his device, causing it to fold in on itself rather quickly. Then he snatched it up and scampered off into the woods. "Back to the drawing board, then!"
James Hook let out a long, low growl that was really more a blowing out of air, a sort of deflating as he tried to calm himself down. He glanced back at his men. "What are you ninny-hammers doing, lying about in the dirt like that? Get up, men! Forward! It's time to resume the search." With that, the Captain turned and strode deeper into the woods, daring anything else, anything at all, to get in his way.
It was some time before Hook finally realized something was missing. He stopped quite suddenly, causing Smee and Starkey to run into him, which caused Cookson and Mason to run into them, which, in turn, caused Jukes and Mullins to run into them. "Er... something wrong, my Captain?" Smee asked tentatively.
Hook, for his part, was frantically checking his shoulders. "Short Tom! Odds and bobs, where's Short Tom got to? My bloody parrot is missing!"
Back where the crew had encountered the gnome, something rustled in the nearby bushes and groaned. That something was male, human, adult, and most decidedly naked. He looked around at the world and then at himself with an air of confusion.
What was this? His perspective was all wrong! Everything seemed... smaller, somehow. And where were his wings? And where were his feathers? Nothing was right, and everything was strange!
After several clumsy tries, Short Tom figured out how to work his weird pink legs, and he stumbled off to see if he couldn't find some way to fix his problem. Or, failing that, a cracker.
End. For now.
Author's Notes: I may continue this sometime, but I wouldn't bet on it. This was written as part of a flash-fic challenge, and one of my prompts was, "Turn something human." Since I ordinarily write in the Transformers fandom, it was expected that I'd turn one of them human, but I didn't feel like it. Everyone turns Transformers human, and although I'm just as fascinated by the plot as the next Transfan (assuming the next Transfan isn't Koilungfish), and while I may yet try my hand at humanization, the idea of turning Short Tom human instead really just seemed more amusing at the time.