Warnings: America and Britain mouths and mentions of sexual acts (not related though) An obvlious/ idiot America...? (Though that really shouldn't need to be a warning...) Mild France bashing (though not anymore than they do on the show in all honesty...so it shouldn't be a big deal either.)
Pairing: UK/US
Wait...what
If any of the nations bothered to think about it, it would be clear that America's intelligence was limited for good reasons. One: All his knowledge as gained from Britain and France. Two: This period of time was short because he was so damn determined to rebel. Three: Anything he learned after that he learned from Canada and Japan. Four: Those guys where quiet and awkward as hell so really nothing was gained from that at all.
So really, in all honesty, neither Britain or France should have been surprised when America came up one day and asked; "Yo, what's this sex thing all about anyway?"
The tea cup in Britain's hand broke. France didn't even have time from his moment of shock and what the fuck to get his perve face on yet. "Ah…what…wait right here America." Britain said quickly kicking the glass to the side and pulling France down the hallway. "Why the hell is asking us that! I thought you explained that to him!"
"What are you talking about!" France said equally frantic. "I figured you wouldn't want me 'ruining your colony with my expertise in the matter' so I thought I'd just let you teach him!"
"You never told me that! I just assumed, I mean, oh dear lord. You never listen to me about anything! Since when have you cared what I think!" Britain said looking back at America who stood there with a pout on his face. "I know he's like one of the youngest nations but still, by now he should know! This is going to be the most awkward moment of our lives!"
"Awkward moment of your life! Don't even worry since he's not your colony anymore you shouldn't have any problem with me showing him my expertise now." Aha, there went France with his creepy grin. Well, that didn't take him long. Before he could take another step Britain hit him upside the head.
"Back off you frog! I won't have you touch America! The poor thing doesn't even fully comprehend sex apparently and your not the man I want near him!" Britain snapped with a growl. "I'll talk to America!"
"But you were fine thinking I had taught him when he was younger just a few seconds ago." France whined with a pout.
"Yes, but he was a child then. I had faith you wouldn't molest him when you talked. Now he's older and I don't trust you as far as I can throw you." Britain stared down France viciously.
"Eh, your so cruel Britain. Fine, you can talk to him. It should be interesting to watch anyway." France said with a smirk. Britain flipped him off before walking back over to America who had his arms crossed while looking thoroughly bored.
"Oh my God, thank you. You guys took forever." America said unfolding his arms to wave them around. "Now you going to explain this or not?"
"Of course I'll explain you impatient wanker." Britain shouted. "I'm just astonished you haven't asked us about this sooner! I mean, bloody hell America, you're practically an adult! You should've…like…dealt with this before." Britain found himself stumbling over his words as America stared at him curiously. "Gah! Just, what do you know about…the…subject, so far?"
"Hmm, just what Japan told me."
"WHAT!"
Insert France giggle.
"Yeah. Cause he was the one who brought the whole thing up. He was all, 'Why don't Germany and Italy just have sex and get it over with?' and I was like, 'bro what? How can guys do that?' cause, you know, they teach it at my schools so I totally know how like they do it and stuff, but I had no clue guys could do it!"
"Oh…oh okay so you know about the…wait what? You didn't know about homosexuality!"
"Britain, you know I don't like it when you use big words."
"Gays. America. Gays."
"Oh yeah, I knew about them but I thought nobody thought it was okay for guys to like guys and I never knew how they did it! I just thought they made out and stuff! I don't surf the web for that junk!"
Insert another France giggle.
"Oh dear God America, your country is so weird! Of course men can do it! What the hell do you think France has been doing in his spare time! And it's not just guys either, girls can get with other girls! And yes, some people don't approve of it, but screw those people they don't matter. I oh lord, wait so I've got to explain that to you. Oh I hate my life." Britain wept silently for a moment into his hands.
"Nobody likes France to begin with. It just furthered my impression that everyone thought Gays were bad."
"You've been around Britain too long. You're just as cruel as him." France said overdramatically.
"Shhh, the both of you. I just want to point out. You totally interrupted my story." America mentioned holding up a finger. "As I was saying. So Japan was all like, 'you know, guys can do that.' And he told me like EVERY-FUCKING-THING. Like seriously, he gave me all his comic-book shit-"
"Manga, America."
"Yeah, manwhich whatever. Anyway, and it was just like full of guys doing it! So then I was like, 'wait so it's not weird to like another guy?' and Japan was all like, 'No, not very common but not weird, it's totally normal. Japan said he's totally cool with guys liking guys. He said a lot of our friends are!"
"Wait…so you already know about all that then?" Britain asked finally catching up to America's story. "And Japan gave you his anime porn! I told him to quit handing that shit out, it makes him look like a perve, well an open one instead of a closet one."
"What I'm saying is, what's this sex thing all about?" America shouted stomping his foot. "Dude, I totally already asked it!"
"Well, yeah I heard it but I don't get it!" Britain shouted back, his face ablaze. Damn it, America had him freaking for no reason and now confused as hell! "You seem to get everything by this point!"
"Between you and me!"
"…what?"
"Yeah, if it's cool for guys to like other guys, which mean it's cool for guys to get it on with other guys why the fuck haven't we done it yet Britain?" America said with a pout. "Clearly I think you're hot and according to France you've been staring at my ass everyday for the past two months. So if everyone's cool with it that we know, it's possible and the fact we've been secretly in love with each other for almost forever. Why. Haven't. We. Done. It?"
"Oh…I…uh…well…" Britain said turning red and looking at France who was facedown in the floor laughing.
"Come on." America said grabbing Britain's hand with a grin. "I wanna show you what I learned in Japan's books."
I'm not really sure what compelled me to right this...But I had to. I really hope you guys enjoyed it, and all of it's randomly tossed randomness. I like writing America's words. It's pretty much how I talk to my friends...except 'his elevator doesn't reach the top floor' more than mine does.
Reviews would make me happy and give me the urge to write more stories~! *hint hint* UK/US FOR THE WIN!