I don't own anything related to CM.
This is not meant to be a feminist fanfic. I apologize if any of the wording implies so or is crude. I wrote this fanfic because it seemed pretty fun to tease Reid. (; This is set in an alternate universe, but I'll try to keep everyone in character.
Chapter 1
"So," Morgan began, sliding over to Reid on his swivel chair. "Found a lucky lady yet, Pretty Boy?"
"No," Reid replied without looking up from his work. The only thing he wanted to do was to finish his paperwork and go home.
"Why not?" The whine was blatant in Morgan's voice.
He sighed; the topic was already broached upon before. Several times in fact. "I just don't feel comfortable flashing the Card."
The Card enabled every adult male to have relations whenever and wherever they desired. The system established itself after an epidemic ravaged the country. Mortality rates rose by hundreds of thousands. A plethora of vaccines were developed, but most only affected males. Society was then forced to assimilate to the changes, selecting the development of the Card as the fastest method of repopulation.
Having finished the last of his paperwork, Reid turned to Morgan with a solemn expression. "Have you seriously used the Card before?"
"I never had to." Morgan's lips twitched at the fond memory. "From the day I called her Baby Girl, we clicked."
"How did you, you know, secure her?"
"I presented her with the collar one day and told her that it was up to her decision." Morgan paused, sensing Reid's nervous disposition. "Hey, man, don't worry about it too much."
The sound of the metal tinkling of a collar alerted the two of their latest company. She strutted into the bullpen, decked out in the boldest colors and fashion. She bounded up to the two with a smile and draped her arms around Morgan. "What are my favorite g-men up to?"
Morgan grinned back. "Nothing too big, mama. Reid's just antsy about the Card."
"Which card? The Card or his v-card?"
"G-Garcia! " Reid stammered as cherry shade streaks manifested on his cheeks. The jokes that his coworkers cracked always managed to fluster him. He cleared his throat before continuing. "I'll have you know that I can handle myself." He tried not to wince at how high-pitched his voice was.
"Oh?" The cheshire grin only grew. "How about we go clubbing then?"
"Sounds good to me." Morgan remarked. He checked his watch and noticed that their shifts were just about to end.
"We still have work tomorrow." Reid defended.
Despite the fact that the Card allowed for widespread copulation, there were still strict laws intact to prevent complete chaos. Murder, for instance, was prohibited.
"I don't think we'll have a case tomorrow." Garcia teased. She pinched Reid lightly on the cheek and cooed at him. "Don't be shy. Unleash your wild side."
Reid surveyed the faculty members in the bullpen, enumerating which of those whose enlistment would support his cause. At last he spotted one. "Hotch!" He quickly waved the man over.
"Is something wrong?" Hotch asked once he approached the three. He eyed them warily. The trio always managed to entangle themselves in some sort of mess.
"We have some important case tomorrow, right?" Reid hoped that there was one.
"Unlikely. Crime has been low lately."
Morgan chuckled. "He's just trying to dodge clubbing."
"In that case, I think you should go with them." Hotch commented. The younger agent was always diligent in his work and deserved to relax.
"See, even the boss man thinks so!" Garcia said. She patted Reid, who attempted his best puppy-eyes and pout, on the head.
Seeing that defeat was inevitable, Reid mentally prepared himself for the untamed evening to come.
"Uh..." Reid mumbled against the lips of a brunette. Any further comments were disrupted by the brunette claiming his mouth as if it was her own. Befuddled and reluctant, Reid thought of what brought him to his current predicament.
Immediately after work Morgan drove Reid home and personally selected what kinds of garb Reid should wear to the club. He dismissed every apparel suggestion until Morgan threatened to dissect a sweater vest if he didn't hurry up and make a selection. The choice of wardrobe was bearable until they reached the club where they met up with Garcia. Between the packed room filled with bouncing bodies and little air conditioning, Reid felt extremely uncomfortable and sweaty.
He mainly kept to sitting with Garcia and observing the scene around him. (Morgan wandered off to dance, or rather grind, with several attractive women.) That is, until a brunette plucked him from his seat and onto the dance floor.
The same brunette whose hand trailed down his abdomen and approached his crotch at an alarming rate. Prying her off of himself as gentle as possible, he grimaced as her tongue retracted a piece of gum she misplaced in his mouth.
"I, uh, I'm sorry." Reid faltered. He wasn't sure of how to address the pointed look the brunette gave him. "I have to go." He ducked behind other dancers and hurried back to the table.
"How did it go, lover boy?" Morgan asked, eyebrow quirked.
Reid shook his head as he reached for Morgan's beer. "She kissed me while she had gum in her mouth."
"Ew!" Garcia gasped. She pushed her shot of vodka to him. "Here, sweetie, disinfect your mouth with this."
He accepted the shot gratefully, ignoring the burning sensation it caused on the way down.
"How about we play Two Truths, One Lie?" Morgan suggested. "You think of three facts about yourself, but one fact has to be a lie. The rest has to guess what the lie is. Guess wrong and you have to drink a shot."
"Sure, gorgeous. You start."
"I posed nude for an art class. I do a thousand sit-ups a day to workout. I had a threesome." He grinned at the expressions of the two. Garcia held a look of approval while Reid was perplexed.
"I'm going to go with the sit-ups. As much as I love your muscles, I don't think it takes that much to keep them in tip-top shape."
"I pick posing nude." Reid added. "I can imagine you doing it in private, but not in public. You don't seem to be an exhibitionist." He blushed when he realized what he had said. "I didn't mean it that way."
Morgan let out a hearty laugh. "It was the threesome. The idea never really appealed to me."
Garcia feigned a gasp. "My word, I didn't expect that from Derek Morgan!"
"Alright, sugar. Your turn."
"Hmmm... I'm not into BDSM. I have a pet goldfish named R2-D2. I'm an only child."
"Goldfish," Reid guessed. His face began to form a pink cotton candy hue.
"BDSM," Morgan challenged, looking smug.
"Ding ding ding! Chocolate thunder got it right." Garcia declared.
"Garcia!" Reid cried as he buried his face in his hands out of embarrassment. It was mortifying enough to discuss the raunchy part of his own adult life, let alone his friends'.
"You get used to it." She patted him reassuringly. "Your turn."
He paused in thought. The alcohol got the better of him. "I made out with Lila Archer in the pool. Prentiss caught me in the middle of a wet dream when I took a nap in Hotch's office. I can't remember what happened the last time we went out like this."
"He admitted to Lila!" Morgan shouted. Some of his beer sloshed onto the table as he pointed at Reid.
"Our junior g-man is so scandalous," Garcia exclaimed. "I have to go with Prentiss catching you."
"I'm going with her on this one."
Reid drunkenly whopped and clapped his hands. "Ohhhhhhh, you guys are so wrong! That actually did happen." He looked up at them with eyes as wide as china plates and sucked on his thumb. "Don't tell Hotch though. He'll use me as a human target."
"No worries there." Garcia giggled.
Morgan exchanged an amused look with Garcia before guiding Reid out of his seat. "I think it's time to get you home, boy genius."
"Are you sure you can make it up there by yourself?" Morgan asked for the umpteenth time. He leaned out of the car window to look at his tipsy friend who ignored the light drizzle.
"Yes, Morgan." Reid replied, exasperated. "I'm a federal agent. I'm sure I can handle myself." He smacked the area on his hip where his revolver was normally located. "I'm armed too."
"Okay. Call me if you need anything."
"Aye, aye, captain." Reid mock saluted Morgan and watched him pull away from the curb. Once the car drove out of sight he turned and stumbled to the entrance of his apartment complex. He only took a couple steps before he heard and felt a persistent meowing and pawing down at his leg.
He peered down and met the sight of a frail black kitten. He cooed and petted it, ignoring a voice in the back of his mind warning him of rabies. "What are you doing here, kitty?" The kitten nuzzled at his hand, happy of the attention it received. This continued for a few more moments until the kitten padded away. It took a look at him before darting down an alleyway.
"Where are you going?" Reid called out. He wondered if he should follow it and decided on the affirmative. The neighborhood he lived in was relatively safe and people were still wide awake in their homes. Should anything arise he would be able to attract help.
He brushed his damp hair out of the way as the rain shifted from sprinkles to full-sized droplets. He made his way down the alleyway, aware of the continuous meowing. The rain hitting the gutter and his footsteps echoing on the cobblestone were the only other sounds to be heard.
"There you are," Reid said once he caught up to the source of the meowing. However, the sight halted his footsteps.
Lying amongst a heap of trash bags, partially hidden from the general view, was an unconscious blond woman. She appeared to be of Reid's age and looked almost tranquil if it wasn't for the details. Her wet shirt and shorts were dirtied and torn at several places. Blue and purple bruises littered her limbs, especially around her neck. Only the movement of her breathing signaled life.
At this point all of the euphoria from the alcohol wore off. Reid reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He dialed a number.
"Hotch, I need you to come over. Bring Prentiss too."
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