Summary- So, I'm sure you've all read the occasional boring fanfic about how Jack and Will arrive in the future, and yes, this is another one- except it's guaranteed to be better. Francesca and Amanda are two best friends, minding their own lives, when two certain pirates enter them. SO, I'm guessing that you're guessing they fall in love, blah, marry, have kids, blah. Wrong. Humour-tears-jealousy-freindship-love-hate-shame-and CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. Want to see what really happens? Read to find out!the p.o.v. of Francesca, and occasionally Jack, Will, and Amanda.

Chapter 1-My Ex-Boyfriend Claims he is Will Turner.

I quietly sipped my tea, listening to Amanda's gentle, soothing voice go on and on. She was sitting beside me, holding my hand, as I felt a fresh batch of tears pour down my face. The sun shone through the glass window, making me squint uncomfortably. I sniffed, wiping my eyes.

"Cez…he doesn't even deserve you…you're really better off without him!" said Amanda, handing me a tissue.

"I suppose…but why must he be so insensitive???... Too busy with work? Ugh, well I'm busy too, who isn't…How can he be busy anyway…he's already finished filming that stupid Pirates of the Chest or whatever it is ages ago!!" I carried on angrily.

"I agree, what did he say?" Amanda asked the hundredth time.

"I just told you!" I whined. "Said "we should go our separate ways. We really can't be together, I'm always so busy… so are you…maybe we should just take a break" I imitated in a high, sarcastic voice.

"And just what will everyone say…God! People magazine has called me twice already to do a freaking interview. I hate them. I hate all of them, Amanda! I wish they would all go away" I went on.

"It'll be okay" soothed Amanda. "You know what? I'm taking you shopping tomorrow. Forget about him, we'll wear wigs and track pants, no one will know the difference"

"Oh I love you Amanda" I sniffed, as she leaned in to give me a big hug. I admire her so much. Amanda Glisseo had been my best friend ever since we were little. We were both supermodels and we lived in New York for as long as I remembered, and she was always there for me. I have to admit, though I was a bit jealous of her. She had a quiet, happy life, there were no cameras everywhere she went, no pictures of her on the gossip pages. Whereas, I hated my life. Hate being keyword. When you have all the money in the world, you just suddenly realise that life is one big fucking bore. That's where I was. If I asked a stranger to describe me it would probably go something like this:

"Francesca Lint is a stuck up model who gets paid millions of dollars to wear expensive clothes and pose for pictures, attending shows to get free stuff. I think she is an anorexic bitch and one day I will kill her for ever dating MY Orlando Bloom. I'm glad they broke up, she's such a fake" I read out loud. "Hmmmpph" I added

Or something like that. I scanned the page, pointing at the picture to Amanda. It was in "Famous"- quoted by a "Bridget Wright" Where there was a full two pages dedicated to what people thought of us breaking up.

There was another one.

"I think she's hot" – quoted by a "James Puillous"

I scowled. That's not even the question you imbecile.

"Amanda I am not anorexic!!" I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Of course not! Come on, Cez! I think she's just jealous coz she's fat!" grinned Amanda, obviously trying to make me feel better.

"Oh that's a nice thing to say to someone! Hi, Amanda, I think you're just jealous coz your fat!" I stammered.

"Cez!! This Bridget character isn't exactly nice- "anorexic bitch?" questioned Amanda.

"I am not an anorexic bitch !!!!!!!!!I hate Bridget! I hate her!" I said light-headedly.

"Yes, we all hate Bridget…" said Amanda quietly, obviously noticing I'd gone crazy.

I glared at her. She rolled her eyes back.

"Come on Cez! Do you really care what they say? You're never like that! Don't let them get to you, Cez"

"I wont" I sniffed, as she hugged me again.

"You know, all this-" Amanda said- gesturing to the pile of magazines. "- is just rubbish. Its just coz of your breakup- I'm sure if you keep a low profile the next few weeks everyone will be focusing on Paris Hilton's newly discovered mole, soon enough."

I chuckled softly. "Yeah, your right…"

"Alright. Listen- I'm terribly sorry but have to go to a freakin' photo shoot, like right now- I'll come by and pick you up tomorrow afternoon, at say 2 okay?" said Amanda reluctantly.

"Aww. Okay- see you tomorrow." I sighed.

"And don't forget the wig and tracksuit!"

I woke up the next morning at sunrise, and turned around, stretching my arms. I screamed. Lying beside me on my double bed, was my ex-boyfriend. He awoke, getting off the bed whilst scratching his head, staring at me confusedly. He glanced around the room a couple of times like he hadn't even seen it before.

I felt my jaw drop. He was dressed as Will Turner in that Pirate outfit he wore in the movie. He had a tiny bit of dirt smudged on his forehead, like he let someone draw it on with a crayon, and was wearing a loose-fitting shirt, a black leather coat and black pants. He even had a pair of dirty boots on, and a sword. Dirty boots! In my bed! What the FUCK???

I couldn't believe this. Of all the bizarre things that could happen in this world- my ex was standing in front of me, dressed in a pirate outfit and was gawking at me like I was some kind of an alien. If he was looking at me like I was crazy, then I figured I must look pretty retarded.

"Orlando?…How the fuck and why were you in my bed. How did you get in this house?!!" I snarled. It wasn't a question, it was more like a threat. I gazed menacingly at him.

"Uh, I can't remember" was all he said. Yep! My ex-fucking boyfriend apparently doesn't know how he got into my house and was in my bed with pirate boots on. He stood there, looking more confused as ever.

"Get OUT, Orlando, now!! Wait no- stay. How did you get in?? Do you still have my key?? Hand over the key now!" I shouted. I was freaked out alright.

"What does orlando mean?" he asked timidly.

I let out a fake laugh. I buried my hands in my face, before running them through my hair.

"Is this all some kind of a funny joke here?" I suddenly blurted. "'Cause I'm not laughing"

"Laughing? Who's laughing?" he said, looking around the room suspiciously.

I inhaled sharply, still glaring at him. My patience was wearing dead thin.

"Miss, if you could kindly tell me where I am…" Orlando said in his innocence.

I completely lost it. I raised my hand and slapped him with as much strength I could muster. He clutched his cheek in pain, frowning at me.

"Miss! I really do not think that was appropriate! I do not even know you, I was just asking for help!" he said unpleasantly.

"Orlando, this is not funny. I'm really glad this is all a great joke to you, but please leave, now…" I said, my voice cracking, tears falling down my face. "How can you be so cruel?"

His expression changed to one of regret. "No, Miss, I never meant to make you cry! I'm sorry, Its just, I would be very thankful if you could tell me…where I am!" he said softly, brushing a tear off my cheek.

I slapped it away. He breaks up with me and now breaks into my house to ask me where he is?

Insane.

I took a deep breath, fearing that if I didn't help regain his memory I might be sued, or something. "Well…uh where were you last? Can you remember?" I said steadily, calming down a little.

"Well. I remember being at Tia's hut, and she told me to sleep in her bed…since Elizabeth wanted to be alone…" he said lightly.

I breathed in deeply, clenching my fists. "Tia? Elizabeth?? God, Orlando its been two fucking days and you've already managed to get two girls into your bed. What's your secret?" I fumed sarcastically.

He looked as if he didn't understand me at all. "Miss, may I ask what is orlando? And I don't have any secrets…" he said innocently, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Orlando? Oh I forgot to tell you! So silly of me…" I laughed it off. "…It's justyour name!" I retorted.

"But Miss, my name is William Turner, I'm sorry I haven't introduced already, please forgive me for my rudeness…You may call me Will, if you like" he said kindly.

I had no idea what to do. Orlando or William Turner… had literally lost his mind. Maybe Jerry Bruckheimer hypnotized him, and now he thinks he's that Will character. And Miss? Whatever happened to "Cesca, baby" or "blossom"???

"Alright Orlando-Will…," I said, still refusing to call him "Will" unless I got some actually proof that we were both sane. "So…you were in Tia's bed…" I said humorously, nodding my head with raised eyebrows.

"I was told to sleep in Tia's bed…" he corrected.

"Okay then. "Tia" told you to sleep in her bed and-" I began sarcastically

Orlando-Will butted in. "Miss, you make it sound improper… she merely asked me to… spend the night there before we set sail!" he said.

Spend the night? As if that sounded more "proper"

"OKAY. So Tia invited you to share her-" I began again.

"Not "share", Miss, use" insisted Orlando-Will kindly.

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!" I yelled. Orlando-Will shut up, looking horrified.

"Okay. So. Tia kindly invited you to have a nap on her bed, She was not in the room at the time, nor did she share the bed with you, she told you to rest, before you "Set sail". Correct?" I managed to say. I was near tears.

"Yes" mumbled Orlando-Will sheepishly.

"And what happened after?" I questioned.

"I woke up…here."

I sighed loudly. This was getting no-where.

"Okay. So then you woke up……… In my bed…" I concluded out loud, before realising how ridiculous it sounded.

"May I ask what is your name, Miss?" asked Orlando-Will timidly.

Oh god he really has lost his mind. I sighed again.

"Francesca Lint" I said grudgingly.

"Will Turner" said Orlando-Will, smiling. He held out a hand, which I sort of shook awkwardly.

I thought I was going crazy. Hallucinating maybe. My ex-boyfriend was shaking hands with me, having just formally introduced himself as Will Turner. Yes. I thought it was all too much.

Then Jack Sparrow entered from the bathroom.

I fainted.

There! Is it ok? It's actually supposed to be funny…is it? I dunno…review peeps! God I am so sick of writing "Orlando-Will" lol.

Xx

Mrs.Turner

Oh wait- gotta do this

Disclaimer-

I don't own- Will Turner, Jack Sparrow, Thank god I don't own Paris Hilton, People, Famous, or James Puillous lol he's my boyfriend so I decided for him to make an appearance…Don't own Bridget..just a friend..and I don't hate her either lol! Don't own Amanda Glisseo. She's my BBF, so should defiantly make an appearance. Luv you Man! (she hates it when I call her that lol) Or Jerry Bruckheimer.

Which means I don't own anything, really! Not even Francesca, who is just my name coz I couldn't think of one. My mum owns me. And right now she's telling me to get off the computer and eat my dinner , so ciao!