It was a hot summer day, I guess. Clanta Serita was its usual 110 degree sunny as shit weather, and most of the cities' teenagers were sitting inside playing mind numbing video games, all except for one faggot named Edwin, who was walking home from work, but he was playing Pokemon Go, so I guess he was gaming, too.
Two friends, Ryan and Trent, were also inside playing video games, only they were hanging out with each other playing Rock Band. Ryan played his plastic guitar like the god he is, while Trent handled the vocals. It didn't matter if he knew the words; if he hummed the melody, it counted.
The sun disappeared behind the mountains and soon the sky was a pinkish-blue. Trent had the sensational craving for chili-fries, so he decided to text the group chat.
"yo, any1 down for sum everest?" he wrote.
Immediately, his towelhead friend Sina answered.
"Sorry… I'm busy…" the message said. No one else looked at the message, except for Jesse, but he didn't say anything.
"I'm hungry, too," Ryan verbally told Trent. "Let's order a pizza or some shit."
About a half hour later, after Ryan already ordered the pizza, Sina had sent a message to the group chat.
"Discord?" he asked.
Trent felt rage building inside of him. Sina was too busy to go out to eat but not busy enough to game. Ryan told him not to worry about it, though, and reminded him that Sina does this shit all the time.
Soon, Edwin sent a message to the group chat. "I'm down," he said. "I found this new game you guys can try. Everyone should be able to run it."
To everyone's surprise, everyone in the squad agreed to get on. Trent, Ryan, Edwin, Jesse, Adam, Sina, Braxton, Karl, even Vince. They agreed for 9:00.
Ryan took Trent home at 8. After furiously masturbating for an hour, he got on Discord at 9:01; everyone was on.
"Well look who decided to show up," Edwin said.
"Hey, when you gotta cum, you gotta cum," Trent replied.
"Alright you guys, you ready to hear about this new game?"
"Yeah," everyone said in unison.
"Alright, cool. Go onto Steam and-"
"Yeah," Adam said. His laptop was shit so he always replied late. You can even say it was so shit that he had to write his scripts and stories on his phone.
"Alright," Edwin continued. "Go on Steam and download the game 'The Matrix Legacy Art Online.'" Everyone looked up this new game and downloaded it.
"Does this game run on Mac?" Ryan asked. All anyone could hear after that was the sound of Braxton's nigger lips howling with laughter.
"Yeah, Ryan," said Edwin when the ape calmed down. "You should be fine. Tell me when you guys get it."
Everyone sat down waiting for it to download. It took a while regardless of who's computer it was on, but Adam seemed to be having the most amount of trouble.
"I dunno if my laptop can run this, dude," he said. "My keyboards feeling really hot."
"Eh," Edwin said. "Whadya gonna do?"
"Hey," Ryan said. "Mine's ready."
"Cool, I'll start a room." Edwin clicked something and then all of a sudden, no one could hear him.
"Edwin?" Trent asked.
"His power probably crapped out," Karl said.
Ryan sat there, looking at the reviews for the game. It had a perfect rating. Then, he received a message. He opened it, and it was Edwin.
"Join me."
Ryan clicked "accept," and then everything went white. Next thing he knew, Ryan was in a flat computer world, with nothing in sight but Edwin. Edwin was wearing a full Pokemon Trainer outfit, complete with backpack and Pokeballs.
"HI THERE!" Edwin said.
"Edwin, what the fuck?" Ryan said. "Where are we?"
"'The Matrix Legacy Art Online!"
"Why are you wearing that shit outfit?"
"I'm in a shit outfit? Look at what you're wearing!"
Ryan looked down to see what he had on. He had a leopard skin vest with no shirt, leather pants, and platform shoes. He was also holding a skull guitar.
"What the fuck?!" he said. "Why am I dressed like a faggot?"
"What was the last game you played?"
"I mean, Trent was over earlier and we were playing Rockband."
"Ah, that explains it. This game takes whatever the last game you played and makes you a character from it. You're stuck like that until the next time you come in."
"Well that's retarded," Ryan said. "What if the last game I played was Pac-Man or something?"
"Then you're stuck as Pac-Man!" All of a sudden, his Pokedex beeped. He pulled it out, and looked at it. "Vince is ready!"
He pushed a button and Vince popped up next to them, wearing a full military uniform and equipped with guns.
"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," he said. "YO EDWIN WHERE THE FUCK AM I I DUNNO WHAT JUST HAPPENED YO I WAS SITTING THERE WITH MY CAT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN BOOM I'M HERE HOLY SHIT NIGGA WHAT DO I DO I DUNNO WHERE I AM."
Then Vince looked over and saw Ryan standing there in his rockstar outfit. "ROCK AND ROLL," he said.
Edwin's Pokedex beeped. "Trent!" He pushed a button and Trent popped up, wearing nothing but denim.
"Edwin, what the fuck is this game?" he said.
"I'll explain when everyone gets-" His Pokedex beeped. "Jesse."
Jesse popped up wearing a full Batman costume.
"Injustice?" Edwin asked.
Jesse was looking at his outfit, and then up at Edwin. "What?"
"Was the last game you played Injustice?"
"Oh. Yeah."
Pokedex beeped. Edwin pushed a button and Karl popped up.
"Yo, am I tripping out or something?" he asked. "Where am I?"
"Like I told these guys," Edwin said. "I'll explain when everyone gets here."
Karl looked at everyone's clothes. "Damn, Trent looks badass." He looked at Jesse in his Batman costume and winked. "Jesseeeeee." He continued scanning his eyes at his friends. "You all look so cool! Wait, what am I wearing?"
"Uh," Trent said. "Your normal clothes."
Karl looked down and, sure enough, he was wearing his normal shorts, sandals, and button up shirt. "What? That's not fair!"
"Hey, look!" Ryan said, and pointed above Karl.
Karl looked up and saw a spinning green diamond above him.
"That's what you get for playing Sims, faggot!" Edwin said.
Vince began to honk like a goose.
"What the fuck! You get all this cool shit and I'm a Sim? Jesse, let me look at your gear!" Karl tried moving towards Jesse but he couldn't move his legs. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't progress. "Wait… I can't move!"
"Karl," Edwin said. "Walk to Jesse."
Beyond Karl's control, he began to walk towards Jesse. "Oh, this is gonna suck."
"KARL SUCK MY DICK," Vince said.
Karl got down to his knees and began crawling towards Vince's crotch. "No! Vince! Fucking stop!"
"NAH JUST KIDDING THAT'S FUCKING GAY KEK."
Karl stopped, and stood back up. He was still unable to move.
Edwin's Pokedex beeped. He pushed a button, and a giant rectangular block popped up.
Braxton's voice came from it. "Wut. Where m i."
"'The Matrix Legacy Art Online!" Edwin said.
"FUCKING BLOXORZ," Vince yelled. "KEK."
"Whoooooooaaa," the Braxton block said, and began to roll all over the place.
"Who are we missing?" Trent said.
"Adam and Sina," Edwin said. "It's fine, they'll show up. I'll explain to everyone where we are."
Everyone looked at Edwin.
"This is The Matrix Legacy Art Online. It's like VR times a million. It takes whatever game you were playing last and makes you a character from that game. Then we're stuck in here and have to find our way back to humanity."
"But what if I have to go to bed or something?" Ryan asked.
"Yeah," Karl said. "What if I gotta take a shit?"
"Time freezes for us while we're in here," Edwin said. "One hour here is a second out there. Besides, Karl, you can't shit unless we tell you, apparently."
"Okay, well," Ryan said. "What's there to do? We're in a flat digital fucking space of nothing. We can't go anywhere."
"There's always a way to get out," Edwin said. "We just have to think. What abilities does everyone have?"
Everyone started looking through their pockets and gear, except for Karl, who just stood there.
"I have Baterangs, a grappling hook, and some bombs," Jesse said.
"GRENADES, A PISTOL, A KNIFE, AND AN M27," Vince said.
"I just got this fucking guitar," Ryan said.
"I have a bag of coke in my pocket," Trent said.
"Well, let's try and blow our ways out of here. Jesse, Vince, go put some explosives in a pile on the floor."
Jesse placed a few bombs about twenty yards away. He ran back, gave Vince and thumbs up, and Vince tossed a grenade at it. It made a large explosion, but didn't do anything.
"Dam," Braxton said.
"Well that didn't work," Trent said.
They started thinking of more ideas. Edwin looked at Karl. "Karl, get us out of here."
Karl shrugged. Then stared at Edwin. "I didn't tell myself to do that."
Suddenly, Edwin's Pokedex beeped. "Oh, Sina's ready. Maybe he'll have something we can use."
Sina popped in wearing no shirt, and had on parachute pants, belts, Aladdin shoes, and a sword.
"Fucking Prince of Persia," Edwin said. "Really?"
"WHAT A FAGGOT" Vince yelled, and started laughing.
"Hey… It's a REALLY… GOOD GAME!" Sina said.
"Let's not fucking argue about this right now," Trent said. "We gotta try and get out of here."
"Sina, do you have anything besides blades?"
Sina looked through what little he had and had nothing but a sword and a dagger. He looked at Edwin and shook his head.
"Worthless," Edwin said.
"Maybe Adam will have something," Ryan said.
"Yeah, if he ever gets here. All he plays is fucking Smash Bros., anyway, so I doubt he'll have anything." Edwin's Pokedex beeped. "There he is."
Adam popped up wearing a blue victorian dress.
"Like I said, he has nothing," Edwin said.
"Where am I?" Adam asked.
"This shit game Edwin made us all download," Ryan told him.
"Yeah, we're stuck as these video game characters from the last game we played," Trent said. "We can't get out until we come up with something."
"What was the last fucking game you played, anyway?" Karl asked.
Adam looked over and laughed at him. "You're a Sim. Fucking faggot."
"Well what are you then, tranny?"
"Uhm…" Adam thought. "I think I played Bioshock Infinite like a week ago."
"WAIT," Vince said. "YOU'RE ELIZABETH OH SHIT CAN'T YOU OPEN PORTALS AND SHIT."
"Huh," Adam said. He turned, grabbed the mid air, and tore a hole open that revealed another world. "Hey. I guess I can."
Edwin looked in the hole. "That's the main hub! That's where we're supposed to go!" He climbed in and looked back. "Come on!"
Everyone climbed in the hole, except Karl, who just stood there. Braxton had to bob around and fit himself in, but he eventually got it. Adam was the last in and looked back at Karl.
"Wait for me!" Karl yelled.
"Mmmmm…" Adam thought. "Nah!"
"Hey, that's not cool!"
"Just kidding. Come on, Karl."
Karl walked over to the hole, climbed through it, and Adam closed it up.
The squad walked around this large green field. Other people dressed as characters ran passed them.
"Edwin, I have to admit, this is pretty cool," Ryan said.
"Yeah, once we got out of that digital field, this got pretty badass," Trent said.
"You know what the best part is?" Edwin asked. "You can bump into other people you know from around the city and fuck with them. Even kill them."
"HOLY FUCK," Vince said, and pointed in the distance. Bowser was walking around.
"I think that's Manny," Edwin said. "Let's go fuck with him."
They all walked over to him, and Manny stood high above them.
"Behold, mortals!" he said. "I am King Koopa! I demand you all bow down to-"
Vince raised his machine gun and shot Manny right in the face. Manny fell to his side, bled out, and died.
"Vince! What the fuck?" Ryan said.
"Yeah, I hate Manny," Karl said. "But he doesn't deserve to die."
Vince was laughing too hard to care.
"Guys, relax," Edwin said. "When you died in this game, you just get sent back to that digital field we were in."
Vince raised his pistol and shot Sina in the back of the head. Sina collapsed face first into the field. Vince looked at everyone with his mouth wide open.
"Let's not do that," Edwin said. "It looks like Adam's the only one who can get us out of there, so when we died, he has to die and come get us."
"Fiiiine," Adam said. "I'll go get Sina."
He took the gun from Vince and raised it to his head.
"No, wait!" Edwin said. Adam dropped the gun and looked at him. "If you kill yourself, you die in real life. Someone else has to kill you."
"This game's fucking retarded," Adam said. He gave the gun back to Vince, and raised his arms to his side. Vince shot Adam in the forehead, and he fell on his back. About ten seconds later, a portal opened up, and Adam and Sina hopped back through it. Both of their corpses disappeared.
"You know what, Vince!" Sina said. "I don't appreciate what you just did!"
Vince raised his gun back up at Sina, but Edwin blocked him. "Fucking stop," he said. "Let's try and do something."
"Well fine," Trent said. "What are we gonna do?"
Edwin walked a few yards away, up to the top of a hill, and looked out at the distance, then he pointed. "There." The Squad walked up next to him, and looked off. They saw a huge castle off in the distance, and on top of it was a beam of light, shooting into the sky. "That's the way back. We have to make it there together in order to escape."
"Well let's get out of here," said Ryan. "These pants are chafing."
"Karl, follow us," said Trent.
They began to walk down the hill, and make it towards the castle.
They walked for a while, casting each other in stupid TV shows and whatnot, until they heard a voice behind them.
"Edwin!" it said. "Hey, Edwin!"
The Squad turned around and saw Landon walking towards them, running out of breathe. He was in a barbaric outfit, and had a sword, an ax, a crossbow, and a hammer dangling from different parts of his body.
"Well, look at this faggot!" Edwin said. "Why is a vegan dressed as a fucking barbarian?"
"Skyrim, okay?" Landon said. "It has the best weapons."
"Yeah, whatever," Edwin replied. "What's up?"
"I'm looking for a few people. One of them's this twelve year old kid who's Super Meat Boy. I fucking hate staring at him, it just… it makes me so mad!"
"Nope, can't say I have," said Edwin. "Who else?"
"Oh, Manny. He's Bowser."
"I FUCKING SHOT HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE," Vince yelled.
"You WHAT?!" said Landon, pushing passed Edwin and towards Vince.
"YOU HEARD ME FAGGOT. HE'S FUCKING DEAD. I DON'T LIKE LOSERS. FUCKING LOSERS. YOU'RE A LOSER, TOO." Vince raised his gun at Landon, but Landon quickly drew his sword and with one clean swipe, cut Vince's neck in half. Vince gargled and drooled, kind of like he does when he laughs too hard, and fell back.
"Fucking Landon," Edwin said.
"I mean, let's be real," Karl said. "He kind of deserved that."
"Here, you guys can join our group," Landon said. "We'll get our dead friends back and make it there together."
"PPPTTT," Edwin said. "Us? Work with you?! Ah-HAH!"
"Edwin, this game's fucking shitty," Trent said. "I wanna go home. Besides, I'm fucking hungry."
"Actually, I'm pretty hungry too," said Karl. Jesse nodded in agreement.
"Ugh, fine," Edwin said. "We'll join up with Landon. Follow us, Karl."
They followed Landon west.
"Short! Short!" said an annoying Minecraft character.
"What the fuck do you want?" said Short, a Roblox character.
"You should totally play Minecraft with me tomorrow!"
"No, fuck that. I'm not playing shit with you."
"WILL YOU GUYZ PLEAZE SHUDDUP!" said Matthew, who was Sora from Kingdom Hearts. "LETZ JUST PATIENTLY WAIT FOR LANDON TO GET BACK SO WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE AND I CAN EAT THE DINO NUGGETZ IN MY FREEZER ALREADY!"
"There's the fucker now," said Short. "But who are those faggots with him?"
Matt squinted his eyes. "OH FUCK, ITZ EDWIN AND HIZ GROUP OF FRIENDZ. I HATE ALL OF THEM. THEY'RE AZZHOLEZ."
"I bring visitors!" Landon said. "They're trying to get out of here, too, so if we all work together, we can get out of here quicker."
"FUCKING FINALLY, I'M STARVING," said Matt.
"Me too, buddy," said Trent.
"Okay, we're both missing members," Landon said. "Vince from these guys' group killed Manny, and in turn, I killed Vince."
"Good job, Landon!" the annoying Minecraft character said.
"Oh fuck," Adam said under his breath. "It's Tom Petty kid."
"So we have two options," Landon continued. "We can try and get out of here now and come back for them tomorrow, or we can kill the person who can get them out of the digital field quickest."
"Adam can do that," Karl said. "He can open portals and shit."
"How you faggots get out?" said Ryan.
"I mined and mined and mined for hours," Tom Petty Kid said. "Until I finally got us out."
"Uh huh, good job, kid," said Edwin, pulling out his Pokedex. "Landon, your code in so our Squads will be joined together." Landon typed in a code. Everyone lit up for a second, and then they were paired up.
"So what, now if we all die, we go to the same field?" Ryan asked.
"Right," said Edwin. "Manny and Vince are stuck together now. Adam, go get them." He signaled to Landon, who walked up to Adam and stabbed him. He collapsed.
Meanwhile, Manny and Vince were arguing in the digital realm.
"I don't know why had to just kill me like that!" Manny said.
"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING FAGGOT," Vince said.
"Well… you…" Manny started snapping a shit ton.
Suddenly, Adam popped up. "Alright, kiss and makeup. We're getting out of here." He opened a portal, and signaled for them to climb through it.
On the other side, Sina was whining per usual.
"You know, I really don't like how violent this game is."
"Shut the fuck up," Trent said.
The portal opened up, and Adam, Vince, and Manny came through it. Vince immediately started charging Landon.
"Vince, stop," Edwin said. "We're a team now!"
"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" Vince said, and drew his pistol.
Trent held him back. "Seriously, Vince, fucking stop."
Vince looked around, and saw Matt, Short, and Tom Petty Kid. He let out a loud laugh, broke free, and shot Matt in the stomach.
Matt fell to the floor, groaning. "VINSE, WHAT THE FACK?!"
"What's this guy's problem?" Tom Petty Kid asked.
Vince raised his gun and mowed down Tom Petty Kid, Matt, and Short. They fell to the floor, and bled out.
"Fuck this shit," Landon said, drawing his sword. Manny started charging towards Vince.
Jesse, protecting his friend, threw a bomb that stuck to Manny's back; he didn't notice. "Karl, run," Jesse said.
Edwin's Squad began running away, while Landon and Manny watched them leave.
"What a bunch of assholes," Landon said.
Then they heard a beep. Looking around, Landon noticed the bomb on Manny. He pulled it off and they looked at each other.
"Jesse!" Manny yelled "Why-?!"
An explosion blew them each in different directions, killing them instantly.
The Squad watched, Sina's mouth wide open, while everyone else seemed indifferent.
"Vince, you gotta stop fucking around," said Karl.
"I thot it wuz funny," said Braxton.
"YEAH ME TOO," said Vince. "FUCK THOSE GUYS."
"Let's just get out of here," said Ryan. "No more teaming up."
"No, guys," said Sina. "It isn't fair to them. They try so hard to get out of the digital world while we just walk through a portal."
"Shut the fuck up, Sina," said Trent. "Let's just leave."
"Come on, Karl," said Adam.
They all began walking back towards the castle, except Sina.
"Shoot me," said Sina.
They stopped, turned around, and stared at him. "What?" said Trent.
"Shoot me."
"YOU GOT IT." Vince raised his pistol.
"No, fucking stop!" said Trent. "Sina, get your ass over here."
"I want to help them!" said Sina.
"Stop being a faggot!" said Adam.
"Let the baby do what he wants to do," said Edwin. He grabbed Vince's gun and shot Sina in the forehead.
"I'm done with this shit," said Ryan. "Let's just leave."
"Hold on," said Edwin, typing in his Pokedex. "Okay, Sina's with that group now, we're not connected with them anymore. All we have to do is get to that beam and then we can fucking leave."
"Noice," said Braxton.
"Come on, Karl," said Edwin. The Squad walked off to the castle, eager to escape.
Meanwhile, in the digital field, Landon and his group are letting out their aggression, except for Tom Petty Kid, who was quietly digging away.
"Those stupid assholes!" Landon yelled, pacing back and forth. "Backstabbing, motherfucking meat eaters!"
"HEY, I LIKE MEAT," said Matt.
"Shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear your voice." Landon thought for a second. "We gotta bombard them when we get out of here. But how?"
"I can help you," a voice said behind them. They all looked, and Sina stood there, staring at them. "For years, those assholes have treated me like shit. I try to be so nice, but I'm just the punching back to every joke. Muslim jokes, tiny jokes, wimpy jokes… I'm tired of it! I want to help you guys get back at them!"
"Well what can you do?" Short said.
"I know how they work," Sina said. "Adam's the only one who can get them out of the realm. If we keep him alive, they can't escape."
Landon nodded to himself. "I like how you think, you fucking terrorist."
"You, too?!"
They waited for Tom Petty Kid to dig, while they decided how they were going to bombard them.
Edwin's Squad eventually made it up to the castle. They walked through corridor after corridor but couldn't find their way to the top. It felt like they were there for hours. But in their defense, only half of the time was spent searching; the other half was Edwin trying to concur another gym.
"Where the fuck is this place?" said Ryan. "I'm tired of searching!"
"Yeah, I'm craving chili fries like crazy," said Trent. "But I know for a fact Everest is closed by now."
"We'll be fine, it's coming up, I know it," said Edwin.
Down the hall, in one of the rooms, Tom Petty Kid finally mined their way through. Him, Short, Matt, Manny, Landon, and Sina crawled through the hole.
"We're in the castle," said Landon.
Sina's Ryan sense was tingly. He smelled him. Sina peeked his head out the door and saw his original Squad down the hall. He then turned back to his new allies. "They're here."
"Good," said Landon. "Go get them in a room. We'll attack them there."
Sina nodded, and walked out the door.
Edwin's Squad continued their search.
"Well what do we have here!" said Karl, seeing Sina approach them.
"If it isn't Bitch McGee," said Trent. "How's your butt buddies?"
"Oh…" Sina said. "They're… okay, I guess. I want to come with you guys now."
"Fine," said Edwin. "Type your code into the Pokedex and you'll be let back into our squad."
Sina typed his code and then glowed.
"Welcome back, faggot," said Ryan.
"Oh!" Sina said. "They showed me where the portal was! Come on, I'll show you!"
The Squad eagerly followed him, except for Edwin and Karl.
"Why aren't you going?" Karl said.
"I feel like I'm forgetting something…" Edwin thought for a second.
"Think about it later. I want to be able to control my body again."
"Fine. Come on, Karl."
They ran and followed the rest of the Squad. Landon and his group waited in the room and watched them pass. Landon smirked to himself.
Sina led them into a large, circular dome. Only one door, and no portal.
"Sina, where the fuck are we?" said Trent.
"I mean… I thought it was in here."
"Fuck this," Ryan said. "Let's keep looking."
They all turned around, and suddenly, the door kicked open. Landon and his group stood there, staring at them.
"Get her," he said.
"Squad!" Trent said. "Roll out!"
"Arbok, I choose you!" Edwin yelled, smashing a Pokeball to the floor.
An arbok came out. "I'm a sssnakeee," it said.
"Arbok, rip these faggots apart!"
"Ssssnaaaake." It slithered toward Landon and his group. His group spread apart, and began charging at different people. Manny ran up to Jesse and smacked him across the room. Matt swung his key at Vince, who couldn't raise his gun in time but dodged Matt. He drew his knife and stabbed Matt in the shoulder blade.
Meanwhile, the arbok rose up and hissed at Landon, who drew his sword. The arbok lunged in for a bite, but Landon defended himself. He raised his sword up and leaped towards the snake, slicing it in half, landing in front of Edwin.
"Nigga!" Edwin said.
"I'm done with your shit, Edwin," Landon said, and stabbed him in the stomach.
Edwin let out a groan, and in a heavily breathed voice said: "Fucking bitch." He then collapsed forward and died.
Trent and Ryan looked on in horror.
"Holy shit," Trent said.
"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Ryan asked.
They looked at each other, and simultaneously nodded. Ryan tuned his guitar and Trent took a sniff from the cocaine in his pocket. Trent violently shook his head, and nodded to Ryan. Ryan strummed a heavy bar chord. Everyone in the room looked over, and Ryan started jamming out to a hardcore punk number. Trent began running around the room and moshing into the opposing team. He knocked Landon to the floor, then Short, then Tom Petty Kid, and further injured Matt.
"Go Trent!" Karl yelled. Adam and Jesse started headbanging.
Trent kept going, like Sanic. He was a madman. An Absolute Madman. Then he reached Manny. Trent was a big guy, but not big enough to crush the monster. Manny took a few steps back, and Trent ricocheted off of him and fell flat on his ass. Trent looked up at Manny, who jumped in the air and slammed himself on top of Trent, crushing him to death.
Adam and Jesse looked in horror. Adam grabbed one of Jesse' batterangs and threw it towards Karl. "Karl, catch!"
Karl turned around and caught it in midair.
"Now fight!"
Karl, beyond his control was throwing the batterang all over the room, cutting Landon's arm, Tom Petty Kid's leg, and sliced across Matt's stomach, who was just laying on the floor in pain.
"Get the fuck out of here!" Landon said, running towards him with a war hammer and smacking him in the side of the head, then turning around and taking out the useless Braxton block.
"You fucking bitch," said Ryan, who lifted the guitar over his head and began storming towards Landon. Landon quickly looked, drew his sword, and raised it up in anticipation.
"RYAN!" Vince yelled, and raised his machine gun. Landon, seeing him in the corner of his eye, jumped out of the way, and when Vince opened fire, it went right across Ryan's kneecaps. Ryan collapsed to the floor.
"Vince, you stupid fucking nigger!" yelled Ryan in pain.
"I AIN'T BLACK," yelled Vince.
"No," said Landon, crossbow raised and Vince in target. "But you are dead." Landon shot the arrow and it pierced Vince right through the neck, killing him instantly. He looked over at Jesse, and shot him in the eye. Jesse fell to his knees, screaming in pain, until Tom Petty Kid came up and stabbed him in the neck with his shitty Minecraft sword.
"Now, who do we have left?" Landon asked, scanning his eyes across the room. Adam stood in the corner, legs shaking, Ryan laid in the middle of the room, knees bleeding out, and Sina stood fearfully watching across the room from Adam.
"Ryan," Landon said. "I see you're not dead yet."
"Go fuck yourself, you Steven Universe loving faggot."
Landon filled with rage. "It's a really… good… show! Manny! Hold him down!"
Manny ran over to Ryan and pinned him to the floor. Landon pulled out his battle ax and put it in position, across Ryan's neck. Ryan looked up at Sina, who was looking at him with tears in his eyes. Landon raised his ax up, chopped down, and beheaded the guitar player. Sina fell to his knees in shame.
Landon looked over at Adam, who stared him fearfully in the eyes. "Don't worry, sweetheart; you're okay." Adam confusingly watched him as he walked over to Sina. Landon knelt down, lifted Sina's chin up, and stared him down. "Hey, Sina. Thanks for the help." Landon stood back up and walked over to Matt, who was slowly dying on the floor.
"Sina?" Adam asked. "You helped them?"
"Adam, I-" Sina said.
"Sina!" Adam interrupted. "They're not gonna kill me because I'm the only one who can get them out of the digital realm, are they?"
Sina looked at Adam with shame in his eyes.
"LANDON," Matt said. "DE FUCKING BITCHEZ CUT ME UP TOO FUCKING BAD. FUCKING KILL ME."
"You got it, buddy," Landon said, aiming his crossbow at the side of Matt's head, and pulling the trigger. The blood splattered onto Adam's face, as he glared at Sina from across the room. Sina got to his feet and ran.
"Sina!" Tom Petty Kid yelled. "Where you going?"
"Let the fucking worm go," Landon said.
Sina ran down the corridors in fear, stopped at a window, and looked out, breathing heavily. Outside, he saw a kid dressed as Bomberman roaming the fields. Sina knew what he had to do. He drew his sword, and ran off.
Adam was being held captive in the room where all his friends died. All their bodies were still scattered around on the floor.
"You know," Tom Petty Kid said. "You don't look half bad in makeup."
"Fuck off," Adam said.
On the other side of the room, Landon and Short were having a debate.
"All I'm saying is," Landon said. "If you know it harms the environment and it limits animal population, why would you eat it?"
"Because it's fucking good."
"Well, I think you're worse than Hitler." Suddenly, the door slowly opened, and Sina's silhouette stood there. "Sina! You fucking loser, you ready to leave this place?"
"Yes," Sina said. He took a step forward and he had bombs strapped all over him. "I am ready to leave this place."
Everyone took a few steps back.
"Whoa, dude," Landon said. "What's with the bombs?"
Sina began slowly walking towards Jesse's body. "You know who these people were, Landon? These people you killed?"
Landon stared at him, nervous. "You… Your friends?"
"No!" Sina exclaimed. "They were assholes! Every single one of these people. Assholes assholes ASSHOLES!" He took a few bombs from Jesse's corpse. He then began walking across the room. "But you know who wasn't an asshole?" He stopped at Ryan, picked up his head, and held it high. "This guy."
"He made fun of you too, though," Short said.
"Yes," Sina replied. "But he was also my best friend! I loved him! We went to the bathroom together and I gave him massages. I even sucked his dick once while he was sleeping."
"HAH!" Adam cried. "Knew it!"
"Shut your mouth, you mediocre saxophone player."
"M-m-mediocre?"
"Adam," Sina continued. "Once i had respect for you. I thought you were cool. You were nice. And I thought you were pretty. I would've let you fuck me!"
"Sina," Adam said. "Enough of this conversation, let's just-"
"UNTIL," Sina exclaimed, getting closer to Vince. "That once night at Denny's. You all thought it was sooo funny to stack garbage and plates on top of MY side of the table. Everyone was doing it. Except for you. Until… You took that piece of gum out of your mouth… AND STUCK IT ON TOP OF THE HEEP." He bent down towards Vince and took a grenade. "It was from then on… That I had respect for you… NO MORE!"
"Sina, buddy," a nervous Landon said. "If you hate him so much, let's just leave him here-"
"NO!" Sina yelled. "Then I'll he screwing over Ryan, and I don't want to screw over Ryan!" Sina put his finger in the grenade pin.
"Okay, okay, you win." Ryan drew his crossbow. "I'll kill Adam right now."
"Really?!" Sina exclaimed. "Yay!" He raised his arms up in excitement, but accidently pulled the grenade pin. He stared at the grenade, then looked up at the rest of them, who all stood wide-eyed, staring at him.
Adam broke the silence, and exclaimed: "Wu-hell!"
Outside of the room, various players walked around looking for the portal out of there. From that room, the doors blew open and an explosion of fire and body parts showered out, after that, smoke. The players gathered around and looked in.
Out of the smoke came Sina, his body half blown off. He stared at the players, opened his mouth, and said the first thing that came to his mind: "الله اکبر " He collapsed onto the floor, and died.
In the digital realm, Edwin and his Squad sat in a circle, waiting for Adam to eventually die and get them out of there.
"What haven't we done?" Edwin said.
"What about The Simpsons?" recommended Trent.
"YOOO I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT SHOW THOUGH," exclaimed Vince.
"rip," said Braxton.
Then Adam popped in, wide eyed.
"Adam!" Edwin yelled. He jumped to his feet, and hugged him. "Buddy, get us out of here!"
Adam stayed stationary, staring blankly. "Adam?" Jesse asked.
"What, did Tom Petty Kid fuck you?" Karl asked.
"Sina," Adam asked. "He… he…"
"Yo, tell us later," Trent said. "I'm fucking hungry."
Adam slowly turned his head. "You know what? I won't tell you; I'll show you."
He led them to where the explosion happened. Sina's half blown off body still laid there, people gathered around it. The Squad walked up, and looked down at him.
"There he is," Trent said. "The fucking faggot."
"wrekt," said Braxton.
"I NEVER EVEN GOT TO GIVE HIM A WEDGIE," said Vince.
"Goodnight, sweet prince," Edwin said. He turned to Adam, and the rest of the Squad. "Let's go."
They eventually found the portal, and the Squad, now back to its original eight members, grabbed hands and walked into the light, back to planet earth.
They decided to go to Denny's that night. Enjoy life together not as video game characters, but as themselves. They requested a seat for nine; on the empty ninth seat, they stacked a pile of garbage, a tribute to their fallen friend.
Adam looked over at it, and cleared his throat. "Alas, poor Sina. We knew him, guys: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath made us laugh a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at-"
Their waiter, Pencil Sideburns, came over. "Refills?" he said in a quiet voice.
Everyone said various things, gave all their glasses to him, and he walked off. Then they sat in silence.
"What were we talking about?" asked Karl.
"Sina, I think," said Trent.
"Oh yeah," said Karl. "What a faggot."