Dance Like You Want to Dance
It had been seven months since Third Impact had been averted at the last minute. The revelations brought to light before the 17th Angel attacked, thanks to the efforts of Ryoji Kaji and Misato Katsuragi, had spelled the end for SEELE; and the fall of Gendo Ikari, Kozo Fujutsuki and Ritsuko Akagi. The UN had stepped in, and the puppet masters of the projected end of human life had been either jailed, or executed.
For the pilots, life had changed deeply. To begin with, all three had finally received a mental evaluation, and the treatment they needed. For the moment, Asuka was living in Germany, but she would come back in a couple of months. Shinji and Rei had been adopted by the Katsuragi family. They still had the run of NERV, at least while the UN decided to use the GeoFront for something else, or recommissioned NERV.
Rei had begun the long process to get out of the shell Gendo Ikari had carefully constructed around her heart. For Shinji, it was amazing to see her becoming more lively, something that for Rei herself, was mirrored in the way her brother was gaining self-confidence.
One of the ways they had bonded was over Shinji´s love for music. Once a week, they would scour the stores of Tokyo-3, looking for new music to listen during the week.
Shinji followed Rei through the maze-like halls of NERV; until they arrived to a great chamber, with a floor covered with matresses. "This area was intended for martial arts practice. It was barely used even when NERV was in full operation." Rei observed.
Open-mouthed, Shinji looked around, amazed by the sheer size of the place. Somebody had overestimated the needs for the space. Rei dropped her sports bag on the floor, kneeled beside it, and took out a change of clothes and a blue towel. "Wait here.", she said, and went to the other extreme of the place. There were a couple of doors there, side to side. Dressing rooms? Shinji sat next to the towel, to wait.
A few minutes later, Rei came back. She was now dressed with short pants, very loose around her thighs, and a tunic that left her arms free. "A track in the CD we listened to yesterday has made me feel… unquiet. I need to move in ways I don´t understand. In our apartment there´s no space enough."
"Y-you wanna dance?" Shinji looked down. "I don´t know… I think I can´t dance…"
"Is it posible to coordinate the movements of two people?" Rei looked at him with eyes full of curiosity.
"Well… yes…"
"Interesting. Maybe later. At the momento, I just want to follow the impulse to move." She pushed several buttons on the portable CD player, looking for a specific track, until she found it, she adjusted the volume until she felt it was loud enough to be heard at the other end of the chamber.
Rei walked to the center of the room, and knelt while a stringed instrument began to play. Simple chords, punctuated by little bells. Rei closed her eyes, and rose slowly, like a plant. Slowly she lifted her hands, and soon her fingers traced figures in the air, without any hurry; while her head swayed left to right and back again.
The music kept playing, Shinji wasn´t sure of what to do. Rei moved with slow, deliberate, cadence. Suddenly, a frenetic beating of drums joined the melody. Rei´s eyes snapped open, and she began to half run, half jump from one place to another; getting away from him, beating the same rhythm with her feet; spinning away.
From the CD player came a feminine voice, both powerful and delicate; exclaiming words neither could understand, with a contagious urgency.
"Sunitari, no tari; non berhee loEH!"
Shinji realized then that his hands beat
"Sunitari, no tari; non berhee loEH!"
against his thighs, following the drums.
"Sunitari, no tari; non berhee loEH!"
Rei leaped and jumped, daring to spin around herself;
"Sunitari, no tari; nom berhee loEH!"
in each leap, it looked like she was about to trip and fall, but
"MiidoOii! MiidoOi! MiidoterheeroEH!"
she always regained her balance in the last moment.
"TiumeeEEi! MiideEEi! Miidetehee!"
Her arms moved like branches in a hurricane,
"TiumeeEEi! MiideEEi! MiideterheeroEH!"
and her own voice joined the recording.
"TiumeEEi! MiideEEi! Miidetehee!"
A keyboard, deep and solemn, joined the melody.
"Olaworotaiiida, olaworochadachadaa;"
Rei´s fists hit the air, her hips, her shoulders,
"Yiuladeadeayeeeda!"
she wrapped herself in her arms one moment,
"Amisico daAaida! Olaworo yasamaada!"
and the next she spun like a top; first to one side,
"Yiuladeadeayeeeda!"
then to the other.
"Amisico deEeida! Olaworo yasamaada!"
With each turn, her skirt wrapped around her legs and hips.
"Yiuladeadeayeeeda!"
The voices of the recording and Rei sang in complete harmony.
"Amasa decheche checheEEdoOO!"
Her feet traced a complex pattern over the mattresses,
"Amisico daAaida! Olaworo yasamaada!"
with amazing certainty.
"Yiuladeadeayeeeda!"
"Amesecheche checheEHdoOO!"
"Amisico daAaida! Olaworo TaiFariiAAooOOooOO!"
"Fararanza ayambarai, ayeis sifariyiii!"
"Fararasmarasma raambarambaaaaaEEEHHH"
"Fararasmarasma rambaraaaIII Iiyee simbariji!"
"Fararasma raambarambarAAAiiyEHH, aChechecherecheche cheEEHH!"
Suddenly, voices and instruments fell silent, replaced by clapping and whistling; Rei dropped to the ground, over a knee and a foot; hugging herself, almost in fetal position, her head held low. Her breathing was ragged, and from her blue hair fell drops of sweat.
Shinji clapped with all his strength. Rei lifted her head, her crimson eyes half-hidden behind her hair.
"That was amazing, Rei!" Shinji smiled at her, wrapping her shoulders with the towel. With the ends of the towel, she wiped the sweat from her face and forehead. Her skin flushed with the exertion. It took her a while to get her breath back. The CD player kept on, now it was a slow song. The voice of a man, it sounded like he was calling someone far away. Rei allowed herself to fall softly backways, until she was seated. From her eyes, a stream of tears flowed freely. Her fingers touched the tears gingerly. She looked at Shinji, "Am I… sad, Shinji? I don´t feel sad. I feel like I want to…" she gulped, " …I don´t know what I want."
Shinji smiled at her, "You just let yourself go. I guess you never had done something like it. It happens sometimes. Don´t worry, let them flow." Incredulous, she looked at him, and nodded, still crying. "I fell… …light..? Free?" And then, something happened, something that no one In NERV, or at school would have thought possible.
The Strange Girl. The First Child. The Pilot of Unit-00. Wonder Girl. The Ice Queen.
All of them.
Neither.
Rei Ayanami looked up at her brother; closed her eyes; and for the first time in her life, happily smiled a full, open smile.
Author´s Notes
This was a scene I wrote without really knowing where to put it. I just thought that with how repressive Rei´s upbringing had been, eventually she would need to find a way to get in touch with her repressed emotions. The prologue sequence is new. I didn´t want to jump into without any explanation of how Shinji and Rei had come to terms.
I´m not a big fan of interpretative dance; but somehow, the combination of Rei´s character, plus the music that gave me the idea for the scene, made it unavoidable.
The music exists, and is one of my all-time favorites. I have, literally, listened to it hundreds of times; and it still manages to send chills up and down my spine. I guess it simply speaks to my soul.
If you want to try it, it is "Cantara", by Dead Can Dance; specifically, the version recorded live, from the album "Towards the Within".
DCD has released several version of this song; but the live version from this album is, in my opinion, the best.
Ah, don´t bother to look for any translation of the lyrics. Lisa Gerrard has a talent for glossolalia, meaning that she just blurts sounds that seem to be actual words. The lyrics above are just my attempt to put the sounds in writing.
Enjoy!