Maybe
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost!
About: Sawyer's thoughts about his feelings for Kate- set after season 1, when he's on the raft, from Sawyer's POV please read and review :D xx
Love will drive you crazy. That's what they say, right? Yeah. I never thought it would actually apply to me. To what I'm feeling. Stupid, it's a stupid thing. You know what? I'm not even feeling love. It's just lust. That's all. That's what I'm feeling. Not attraction, and definitely not...not love.
When I kissed her, that time when the blonde chick was havin' an asthma attack? That was only because we were on a damn island, and I wasn't gonna pass up the chance to get a kiss. It wasn't because I felt a connection, or because I kinda felt something for her. No.
And that time we found the waterfall; I was only following her 'cause I had nothin' better to do. Yeah, and she looked kinda cute when she was out in the jungle, up in that tree, pickin' mangoes. But that was it. It definitely wasn't because I wanted to make sure she was ok, to make sure she- no, I was bored. Ok?
And then there was the time we went boar hunting, well, I only let her tag along because I needed to find the damned boar. Look, maybe I thought she was kinda...I dunno...different. There's something about her that makes her different from all the other girls. And that's what I like- I mean, that's why I feel I need to protect her.
Why am I even thinkin' about her? Ok, so maybe I like her. But not in the way you're thinking of. She's...I... Ok. I like her. But only that. She ain't that special. Hell, she's a fugitive. And that definitely doesn't turn me on. No way. Ok, maybe. So I like her because she's got an attitude. Yeah, that's it.
There was the time when I found out I needed glasses. Unfortunately, I remember that. And the Doc was askin' me all the questions about...stuff. Anyway, I was only annoyed because he had no right to be findin' out about stuff like that. I wasn't annoyed because she was there...nope. Not happenin'.
See? I told ya, I just like her. And I don't feel bad about what happened- about me tellin' everyone she was a criminal. No way, she was gonna take my spot on the raft, so I...reacted. And it's her fault, not mine.
Ok, maybe I should've said...sorry. But she...it was her fault. Ya can't blame me, I didn't do nothing. So, yeah, I basically ruined her chances of not going to jail. So? It's not like I actually care or anything. No.
But I don't love her. See, I just told you, I only feel stuff for her because she's like me. I...ok maybe I think she looks kinda nice, and her eyes, the colour of emeralds, and the way she talks and- ok, whatever.
I like her. Maybe. Sort of. But the thing is, I ain't ever felt this before. It's, um...weird. Every time she touches me, every time our hands touch, every time she says something to me, I kinda...I dunno, feel something. Like, this feeling stirring inside me, but it's nice. It's a good feeling. But I hate it.
I've always been a guy who doesn't get attached. That's how you survive- by being a loner. Right? So why do I feel like I'm missing something when I'm not next to her, why do I feel like a part of me is gone when she's not here?
I dunno. I have no idea about any of this stuff; feelings, love...not like I'm feeling it. Am I?
No, I ain't feeling love. Never happened before, ain't happening now. But I miss her. Odd. I miss her little smiles, her laugh, her sideways glances. Everything. I miss everything about her. But that ain't meaning I love her.
Hell, why is this happening to me? Damn it, Freckles. Ok, I don't love her. Nope. Definitely not. I feel something. Ok, I like her. I just like her. Lust. Attraction. So, I feel something for her. It ain't love. It is love. Crap, I think I do love her.