Notes at the beginning: Used to house only Forbidden Topics, which people seemed to like so much for some strange reason. I felt the need to embarrass more of my male characters by making this into a one-shot/short story series. Hiroki will not be the only victim from now on. /gg

Contents
Chapter 1 - Forbidden Topics Part 1
Chapter 2 - Forbidden Topics Part 2
Chapter 3 - Forbidden Topics Part 3
Chapter 4 - The Conversation That Never Was And The Case With Awesome Sauce

Forbidden Topics

Prequel of silly by Halcyon Clouds

Summary: In which a certain poor high priest finds himself penalized for skipping church duties and is made to talk to a group of young, innocent acolytes about…sex?

Disclaimer: Ragnarok isn't mine!

Part 1 of 2

"MURAMASAAAAA!"

"Seize him!"

"Don't let him get away!"

"Ooomph!"

"I've got him! I've got him!"

"Quick! Tie him down!"

"Put the sack on!"

"I PROTEST! THESE ACTIONS ARE NOT CONDONED BY GOD!"

"SHUT UP! MURAMASA!"

Cries echoed through the completely silent streets of Prontera. It was in the middle of the day, but every merchant had stopped hollering about their goods, every child had stopped playing noisily, in fact, everyone had stopped moving as all attention was fixed on something that was going on in the square. The splashing of the fountain in the centre of the plaza had never sounded so loud.

Six priests and priestesses were wrapping layers and layers of rope on what seemed to be a potato sack of sorts. With a final tug, the holy-robed cluster heaved the writhing bundle over their heads, and with all the sanctity of a sacrificial ritual, carried it towards the direction of the church. Muffled cries of "bad karma" and "divine punishment" plus variations of "go to hell" was heard rather clearly coming from the mysterious brown package.

A priestess turned back and faced the entire population of Prontera, who still had their eyes glued to the bizarre show before them. She cleared her throat before announcing in a most grave tone.

"Remember. Love thy neighbour. Violence is not the solution to problems."

With that, she turned and followed her comrades up north.

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"This is an outrage! I nearly suffocated! My wrists!"

Out from the sack and onto the red-carpeted church hall floor tumbled a high priest with jet-black hair of varying lengths in a somewhat haphazard fashion. His eyes were the colour of earth, common, but in combination with his smooth features that betrayed his oriental origins, was enough to make women of all ages smile giddily.

However, none of the people that surrounded him at the time was smiling.

In fact, they all looked like they want to tear him to pieces.

"You're going to get it this time, Muramasa." One of the priests growled darkly at him, "Did you know…she left me because I had to work so much?"

"No I didn't," The high priest ran a hand through tousled hair, "Tell me, is she pretty?"

"Yes…her eyes were the colour of honey—WAIT A SECOND THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" The priest snarled, "THE POINT IS THAT YOU NEVER DO YOUR JOB AND WE ALL HAVE TO OVERTIME BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Yeah!"

"Damn right!"

The lynch mob of clergymen all shouted in unison, then began to discuss heatedly about what to do with their captive.

"Give him the most nerve-wrecking job! Make him babysit novices!"

"No, no. The dirtiest job! Clean the graveyard after the infestation!"

"We should give him the nastiest job. Like…talking to Old Man Reinard…"

The priests all shuddered. Old Man Reinard was a regular at the confession booth. One would not know how to beg for mercy in death if one had not spoken to Reinard.

His sins once had things to do with octopi. And we shall not go there.

"I know what he could do…" A voice spoke from behind them, and they all turned to see the elderly head of the Church, the Pope (who has no name because the author forgot), standing at the altar, and an angelic, benevolent smile on his face. "It's that time…of the year again…"

"Father, you don't mean…"

"That is…brilliant! Father! Absolutely brilliant!"

The high priest sitting on the floor had no idea what they were talking about. But ignorance was bliss…he guessed, for now.

"Hiroki Muramasa," The Pope addressed him, "Your job for tomorrow…is to 'educate'."

Oh…that's not so bad.

"Sure, sure." Hiroki breathed a sigh of relief, "I'll do it."

What unnerved him were the gleefully malevolent smiles the priests around him all wore.

"You are to educate our youngest batch of acolytes…about…naughty things."

Huh? The high priest raised an eyebrow. Naughty…things?

"Sex, to be correct." The Pope pronounced the word with all innocence, "Though it's a little sensitive, they have to be taught."

Hiroki stared. Hiroki did not believe what he was hearing.

"That is your job tomorrow. Don't even think about running away." Benign, loving, priestly smile. Old men sure can be scary. "Meeting adjourned."

Hiroki swore he nearly suffered a coronary.

"But…I'm a virgin!"

The ring of prosecution looked down at him.

All the better. They thought in unwitting unanimity.

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A/N: The more I like a character, the more I like to torture them in stories. This is especially true of the male characters. It was the brainchild of some coffee and meant to be a oneshot, but I felt that there's more impact if I make it a two-part. Second part should be up this week if you review (gg).