"Have you ever thought back to your childhood? If you have then, maybe, in recollection you learned something.
Maybe looking back, you got some dirty joke that went over your head, or maybe you realize your parents struggled more than you understood at the time.
I imagine that for most people things like that are pretty common. As for me, however, recalling my childhood from before a certain time is... Difficult.
My therapist tells me that this is due to a phenomenon called "Repression". It's something like a failsafe for the brain to block out traumatic experiences, at least as I understand it, anyway.
Because of this anything before age 8 is fuzzy at best for me, and consequently I barely have any memories of my Father.
I do remember some things, though. Like that he had chin length brown, and that he made really good donuts. I can't, however recall his face.
Pathetic, I know. What does it say about me that the only thing I know about my Dad is that he made good donuts?
Of course, the reverse could also be asked.
I remember one other thing about him. The effect he had on my Mom.
I can remember even as a child noticing the bruises on her, and the strange sense of somthing being wrong, even if I didn't quite know what. I remember her smiling as she reassured me she was ok, with a look on her face like she was trying to convince herself as well as me.
Although since his death my mother has never spoken ill of him, I don't get the impression father was a good person.
Perhaps then, I'm not really missing out by not remembering him. "
Ugh.
I rub my eyes and sigh as I look up in exasperation.
I hate when my therapist gives me take home work, and this little exercise is no different.
She wants me to keep a diary and write down my thoughts and feelings of my father and the inccident.
I've gone this long without remembering, so what does it matter now? Still though, if I don't make an effort, she'll tell Mom, and Mom will worry.
What happened to Doctor Patient privilege? Damn Japanese guardingship laws.
I turn my attention back to my computer screen, and resume my task. No sense complaining about something I can't change.
I hate trying to recall that day. 7 years of this, and still, everytime I think about it my ears ring and my head feels like it's gonna burst.
May as well get right to it, then.
"June, 27, 1998. The day my dad died.
We were caught in a Terrorist attack on the Sakurami Subway. Some one named Uryuu Minene planted bombs in the train we happened to be on, killing all but 2 of its 86 passengers.
Me and a girl around my age.
I of course, recall none of this. The only thing I remember that wasn't told me is a bright pink color... a shade I still see in my dreams.
From the explosion, maybe? I really don't know.
After the incident, my mother having no one look after me while she worked and attended college moved us back in with her recently widowed father, my grandfather.
Kazuma Toho.
He retired from the military to work as a designer for a knife or weapons company or something, though he was long retired by the time I met him.
As you may guess, being from a Military back-ground he was a real hard ass about things like self defense and survival skills that he drilled into me on a regular basis.
He was a hard ass about grades, too...
Though I was initially terrified of the bear of a man that was my Grandfather, I quickly warmed to him. He was way nicer than he looked, a bit goofy even, and he always praised me when I did well. The frequent, although very basic, self defense lessons and camping trips in the woods near his house became something I looked forward to.
Still hated the studying, though...
Even though my mom is finished with college now she still works a lot of long hours, so it's just me and Grandpa most days.
Maybe having him around as a father figure is another reason I don't miss my father. He really is like the father I never had, and with him and my mother I had a happy childhood."
I yawned. I'm done with the whole show and tell routine for now. This much is probably enough to scrape by with, even if it is last minute.
I rubbed my eyes again, and reach for my phone to check the time.
12:48 am
Whew. Later than I thought. At least I won't get chewed out for not doing this stupid exercise.
I scrolled down to my notifications.
32 new messages?!
That Yuno... dammit, I swear she's getting worse. 32 new messages. That's what, a message every 5 minutes since I'd said goodnight to her?
BZZZT!
...33. 33 New messages. I'll have to talk to her about it tomorrow, though how much good it'll do is debatable. The girl has a talent for cherry picking what she wants to hear.
I closed my eyes and again saw that familiar shade of pink...
Yuno Gasai.
For the first 6 years since the accident My life pasted by very quietly. Until last year, when I saw that same shade of pink, only outside of short flashes of long repressed memories this time, and thus began a simple story of boy meets girl...
/
I look at the paper in front of me as my eyes glaze over in thought.
Future goals, eh? I can't really think of one to be honest. I can't think of a specific career field I want to enter, or university I want to attend. Hell, I don't even know if I want to attend a University.
I suppose it could be said I lack direction.
Still though, this being my last year of middle school there's plenty of time for me to figure out how I want to slave away my adult years.
Slave away.
At that thought I feel a pang of guilt.
"I don't want to be a burden to my mother", I scribble, almost automatically into the blank space provided for my future goals.
I think of my Mom. After my Dad died she put herself through college, while also working full time. Despite my Grandpa's protests she refused any sort of financial help.
I look at the paper again, and inwardly cringe.
On second thought, announcing my guilt complex to the world is pretty lame, and more than a little embarassing.
I start to erase it.
I feel a hand rest on my shoulder and look to its owner.
"Are you having trouble too?"
Yuno Gasai.
Or the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in 3d. Flawless skin, beautiful face, and big bright pink eyes. Like, eyes so big it looks like they could pop out of her head, but in a good way if that makes any sense.
Yeah, I know that it doesn't.
And then there's her hair. Shiny pink locks the same color of her eyes frames her face perfectly. Something about that color made me feel... I don't know, nostalgia?
Like remembering a bit from a dream you'd all but forgotten. At any rate, like I said this girl is gorgeous. Nearly every guy in the school is in love her. Not that she cares, if she notices.
One of many reasons I'd never spoken to her. To put it simply, I have no chance.
Still though looking at her now this close to me, I feel my heart quicken and the space around her almost seems to blur, as though my brain realizes what an unforgivable crime it would be to give her anything less than my undivided attention. The prettiest girl in school is talking to me, and I cant help but think that maybe, it's my lucky day.
I meet her eyes to find a look of mild confusion and amusement.
Shit. How long was I spacing out, internally gushing about how hot she is?
I clear my throat and try to answer as evenly as possible.
"Uh y-yeah." My voice cracks. Damn puberty. "I think my answer's kinda dumb, "to not be a burden"... It just sounds stupid out loud."
I move to erase my answer, but Yuno brings her hand to my own to stop me, by moving her hand from its place on my shoulder to my own.
"You shouldn't just erase it, I think it's really sweet..."
I catch her eyes and my heart flutters again.
"So, if you don't mind my asking, what do you mean by "burdening your mother?"
I take in a sharp breath and contemplate my answer. Despite my better judgment I feel... compelled to spill my guts to this adorable, yet total, stranger.
I glance away from her and touch my pointer finger to my cheek, and begin to speak.
"It's hard for me to put into words, but... I feel like my existence has caused my mother a lot of trouble. So I want to become independent as soon as I can, so she doesn't have to worry about me." I finish, looking back at Yuno to see her in thought. I'm not sure if she notices her right hand still on mine, but I certainly don't mind.
" I see.", she says thoughtfully, drawing my attention from her hand to her eyes.
"Have you given any thought as to what you'll do to support yourself when you move out?"
Urk.
I hope my face doesn't translate this feeling into a dumbfounded expression. I hadn't exactly gotten to that stage yet.
I hear a soft laugh from Yuno as she speaks.
"I kinda figured. I mean, since you were having so much trouble with the question."
My cheeks burn hotter as Yuno reaches for my pencil as though she's going to write something, but she stops short, and speaks again.
"You know... having a son that gets so ahead of himself, without thinking things through, living all alone is sure to make your Mom worry, Amano."
I avert her gaze. She's right, and I look like a petulant child. I just made an ass of myself in front of the prettiest girl in school. Maybe today isn't my lucky day.
"Y-yeah..." I say looking down, " You're right there. I guess it was a half baked Idea..."
Yuno leans closer, as she begins to write something down, and I smell the sweet fruity scent of her shampoo... Apples?
She speaks and startles me slightly, but I resist the urge to jump.
"But, no one ever said you HAD to be all alone... Like for instance, if you had a wife to take care of you, I'm sure your mom would feel better about you leaving the nest..."
I looked at the paper.
"I want to be Amano's bride."
I look back at Yuno, a gentle smile on her face.
"If you want, I'll help you out... I could be be your wife, and we could be our own family..."
I smiled at her, not really sure what to say.
"We'll have to wait till we're older."
After that I tried several times to speak to her, but nothing ever really came of it.
Oh well. What was I thinking? I wouldn't have a chance with her in 10,000 years, or so I thought, anyway.
/
Flash forward to my first year of high school, and other than a string of murders in the Sakurami area, things are normal.
The whole "string of murders" thing turns out to be pretty important.
It was around the time that, at my therapist's suggestion, I began to keep a diary on my phone of my daily activities and feelings, though I wasn't very consistent, because that was really, really boring.
That and my friends at school would rib me for having my nose in a phone all day. Well I say "friends" but really it's just Kousaka.
Kousaka comes from money, so a lot of people hang around him for a free ride, and I kinda get the feeling he doesn't have many real friends.
I'm not super popular or anything, but I'm not a pariah either, so it's not like I don't have other friends... But I kinda feel bad for the guy, so I try and humor his ribbing when it's not too terribly inconvenient.
He had loudly brought up the issue the day before, and I really didn't care to put up with it that day, so my phone remained in my pocket.
He seemed more preoccupied with track practice today, though and left as soon as class ended.
Ever since the first time he brought it up, again, loudly, I could swear I could catch Yuno stealing glances.
BZZZT!
A text? I check my phone, and I see its from Mom.
"Gotta work late tonite. Be home tmw. Luv u kiddo."
I sigh. She works way too much. I was planning on cooking her favorite tonight, too.
I glance up and notice Yuno and I are the only two left in the room, and she seems to be staring at me from the corner of her eye.
Did she hear the text? Was she... jealous? I mean she did kinda ask me to marry her. Was that what it was? Did she think I was texting a girl?
As if. I'm just ascribing my own meaning to random coincidences. I need to stop obsessing over her, it's pathetic and more than a little creepy.
I need to move on and talk to girls I have a chance with.
Maybe I should ask Wakaba out? Gotta be better than pining after someway who won't give you the time of day, right? That and I don't think she'd say no, then again my experience with girls was sorely lacking, and if Yuno is any indication, girls are wierd.
"Yuki."
"Hn?" I said startled out of my little reverie, by none other than Yuno herself.
"You saw it didn't you? You got a dead end."
"What."
"I could see it a mile away, but don't worry Yuki-"
I stand up and turn slightly, contemplating just walking away. I don't know what she's playing at, but Yuno seems... Off. She had a slightly unhinged look in her eye, and a smile too wide for her face. I don't know what's up, but I decide I don't want any part of it.
"Yuki wait!" She grabs my sleeve.
I turn back, and look at her. She seems to be very keen on holding my attention. I meet her gaze and catch a glint of desperation, and something else, an expression I can't really place.
For some reason, it scares me.
I can't help but feel a little bit guilty when I feel my right hand brush against the outline of Grandpa's folding knife in my pocket. Get a grip, you wuss. She's just a 14 year old girl. And a pretty one at that. Despite this wierd feeling of unease, shes harmless. I know that.
I vaguely recall the news report about the string of murders and feel more guilty. I was spacing out for a while, and the school is probably just about empty. Letting her walk home alone seems like a bad idea. I'm not exactly a badass like Grandpa, but he did teach me to handle myself pretty well for my age, and besides, strength in numbers and all that.
...also I could do do a lot worse with my time than walk the prettiest girl in school home, even if she does have 8th grade syndrome... or something.
I'm vaguely aware that Yuno is still talking through my little internal monologue. Something about seeing the future, and a killer coming after me?
"But don't worry. Cause, Yuno is going to protect you."
Yep. Eighth grade syndrome. Fantastic.
She doesn't seem to have noticed that I'd checked out for a bit. Oh well. No harm, no foul.
I try to downplay her antics as nonchalantly as possible, and make my move.
"Uh yeah. Listen it's late, if you want Gasai, I'll walk you home."
I try and fail to not sound rattled by her behavior.
Rather than answer, Yuno seems to blush and move toward me slowly, deliberately.
"Call me Yuno." She says in a way that doesn't sound like a request, closing the gap between us all the while.
"What are you-mmmphh" My question is cut off prematurely by the sensation of Yuno's lips crashing into my own.
My heart explodes in my chest and I close my eyes as I attempt to return the kiss. As amazing as this moment is, one thought bubbles to the surface of my mind.
She's done this before.
And then, as quick as it came, it ended. I cant help but feel a little dissapointment that the moment passed.
"I love you, Yuki!"
My head was still spinning. I was dimly aware of Yuno leading me by the hand out of the school. Though I offered no protest
It is only now that I wonder, if I hadn't been riding the high of my first kiss, would I have noticed the dark figure following us from afar?
Could I have altered my fate? Would my life still have changed?
Or what if I ignored Yuno, would I have died that day?
Oh well. No sense complaining about something you can't change.
/
Well, you can probably guess what happens in the next chapter.
Thanks to anyone who read this far, I hope you enjoyed it, and reviews are very much appreciated.