Note: All of this is set after Throne of Bhaal, but I think it still falls into the category… or at least it will soon. Let me know if I'm doing a terrible job voicing a male character, OK?

By the way, I do not own any of this stuff except for original characters like Ryan. But you knew that, didn't you?

"Ryan Irithsen, you are under arrest." The pillow I'd covered my head with when he began battering down my door was abruptly yanked away, allowing the sunlight to attack my face and the guard to frown down at me without hindrance.

"What for this time?" I muttered as innocently as I could into the mattress. It was only after I'd blurted that out that I realized "this time" didn't work that well with fake innocence.

The guard seized upon that right away. "Don't act like you don't know!" I sat up and stared blankly at him. Obviously, this was a new one. Most of the city's guards would know that I could go on all day acting like I didn't know.

As it was, it took about five minutes for the man to sigh and tick the charges off on his armored fingers. "Fraud, petty theft, vagrancy, and obstruction of justice."

I leaned back on the bed and pretended to think very hard. (I probably looked like I was having difficulty making a bowel movement, but it seemed to work on the guard.) "Funny, I don't remember the vagrancy."

"You were caught sleeping on the street outside this very inn!"

"Too lazy to climb the stairs," I dismissed it idly. "Doesn't mean I'm a vagrant. Vagrants are unemployed, for one thing."

"Oh, really, and you have a job?"

"I'm a respectable…" I cast my eyes around the room for inspiration. Just when I thought the guard was going to haul me away on an additional charge of making incomplete sentences, I saw a deck of fortune-telling cards on the floor that I'd pickpocketed from some overly-painted performer the inn's owner had hired to bore the dinner guests. "I'll have you know I'm a respectable diviner!"

The guard looked doubtful. "Can I see a spell?"

"And bring the Cowled Wizards down on my head?" I scoffed. "What kind of self-respecting officer of the law would encourage the law to be-"

"Don't get your arse in a twist." Now it was the guard's turn to scour the room for ideas. "You can use these, can't you?" He asked, holding up the deck of cards.

"Of course." Actually, the closest I'd ever been to one of these readings was watching a circus con artist at work, but I didn't think the guard was an expert either. I could bluff this out. "Now, let's see. Looks like you're due for some big changes in your life, probably involving your religion… you've been driven by money in the past, and it's coming back to haunt you." I gave him a somber glance to make sure he was going along with the lie.

He sure looked like he was falling for it. "I knew I should have donated more to Talos!"

I nodded grimly. "You'll want to get some of your close friends together to help you, but you haven't been very good to those you love lately. In particular, I see a woman…"

"…Jonna!"

"…she'll be there for you, but only if you make things right." Could I sound any sappier?

There were tears in the guard's eyes now. "Thank you so much, Mr. Irithsen, I'm sorry to have disturbed…"

"Nayar! What's taking you so long?" A familiar head poked into the room. Angston. He'd arrested me about four times before… perhaps five? He was used to my crap… which meant I was really in trouble now. "Ah. You let him talk to you, didn't you?"

"Yes, and sir, I think-"

"Let me show you something." Angston snatched the deck from my hands and pointed at the bottom, where some spoilsport had embossed "R. Antir" in gold leaf. "Now, what were you about to say? Something about Irithsen being a decent man, couldn't possibly be a criminal?"

Nayar's face hardened. The next thing I knew, I was in irons and being half-thrown down the stairs.

"Thanks a lot," I shouted up at Angston.

"Don't mention it."

As I was hauled down to the prison, I began to worry about what would happen now that I was finally unable to talk myself out of a situation. Months? Years? A Shadow Thief's shiv in the back?

I had to get myself out of this city. I didn't care what the next opportunity was; I was taking it.