Maya's POV
The way she laughed, killed me. The way she was always happy no matter what, killed me. The way she smiled, killed me. The way she was so into her school work, killed me. Everything she did just killed me. And even worse, I loved it. I loved that she broke me down and made me feel so many emotions. I don't even know how to explain it. My stomach felt a little tingly when I thought about her, or saw her, even hearing her name. I loved it. I Maya Hart loved this weird feeling that this girl brought upon me.
At the moment, I'm lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. It's around 3 in the morning and I have school tomorrow, but I couldn't go to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about this girl who makes me get on my knees for her. I shifted in my bed, and looked at the wall, closing my eyes and sighing. I played out scenarios in my head. I thought about going to school and see her at her locker, walking up to her and wrapping my arms around her. I thought about her giggling at me and whispering me a hello. I thought about kissing her cheek and calling her mine, without a care in the world. I wish she was mine, but she's not. Lucas has ahold of her right now. They're not official, but they are the definition of couple.
I kept thinking about her all night, it got to the point where I started crying. I, Maya Hart, cried because of a stupid girl. I cried because of this feeling inside me, begging for her. I cried because I'll never have someone treat me the way she does. I cried because I knew it would never happen between me and her. I cried because of Riley fucking Matthews… I cried myself to sleep that night. This is not a crush, it isn't.
The next day I walked into the school. I glared at everyone who was in my path. Today I vowed to myself that I will not be hurt today. Riley Matthews will not hurt me. I will take it like I should and deal with it. I walked into Matthew's classroom and sat down at my desk. I slumped in my seat and crossed my arms looking at the front of the class. The bell rang and I sighed watching everyone walk in. I don't know why I came in here early, I guess because I knew I'd have to deal with a hyped up Riley. I don't want to even look at her today. I knew if I did my heart would sink. Riley ran into the room and looked at me with a raised eyebrow, panting softly, "Where were you today?" She asked and sat next to me. I kept my eyes on the board that said Belgium 1820.
"What do you mean?" I asked and saw Farkle walk in, look at the board and sighed walking over and erasing it. He knew we wouldn't be talking about it today. We always say we would talk about it, but never do and his little Farkle heart would crush if we didn't. So he just faced the fact that we won't talk about it. I smirked at that then heard Riley speak up again.
"You usually pick me up and we go on the subway. I had to ride it alone and let me tell you, Riley isn't good riding alone." She said then lean over to whisper. "There are creepy people on there!" She said.
I looked at her and held back a laugh. I looked over her facial features and then sucked in before looking away. "I went alone today." I shrugged then looked up at Matthews who walked in and smiled.
"Hello! Good morning!" He smiled and set his things down. "Today we will be learning about-"
"No we won't! You lie!" Farkle shouted and frowned crossing his arms.
Mr. Matthews raised an eyebrow and looked at the board. He saw that it was gone and laughed, nodding. "You're probably right Farkle."
Riley looked back at me and frowned. "Why? Is there something wrong?" She asked.
I shook my head and looked away. "I'm fine Riley." I groaned.
Matthews look between me and Riley and gave a worried look. "Are you two okay?" He asked making Farkle growl.
"I told you something would happen!" Matthews grinned at him and then looked back to us.
"I don't know, Maya, are you okay?" Riley asked and looked at me worried like her father.
I sighed and got up. "Why are you two all over me? Just leave me alone. I'm fine." I snapped then walked out of the classroom, ignoring Matthew's words telling me to come back. I heard footsteps behind me and I knew they were Riley's. I ignored her also and kept walking. She called my name so I quickly turned around and glares. "Why won't you leave me alone?" I asked crossing my arms.
Riley looked at me for a moment confused and shook her head. "Because I'm not the type of friend that leaves their best friend alone when there's obviously something wrong. I'm going to be here Maya, whether you like it or not. I'm going to be there for you." She said and took a step closer. "You're just going to have to deal with that." She added.
Friend, best friend, and be there for me made me wince. I wanted to scream and tell her that I don't want to be her friend. It hurts! I don't want her to be there for me. It'll make me want her more. Why is this girl so beautiful and have the best personality? It hurts looking at her. I turned my head away from her and sighed. "Riley, please." I whispered and then looked back her with a stern look. "Stay." I demanded and then turned on my heel, pausing for a moment before walking away. And I didn't hear footsteps this time. I vowed not to let myself get hurt today, and failed immediately
Later on that day, I went to Topanga's Cafe. I sat there with a hot chocolate thinking about Riley, and how it must have hurt her walking away from her like that. I bite my lip and looked into my mug, I hurt Riley… And it hurt me thinking about that. Everything revolved around someone getting hurt. That word has been over used today… I wasn't even hurting actually, more like killing me. Riley Matthews has been killing me. I looked up hearing the bells jingle on the door and saw Lucas and Farkle walk in. I sighed and looked back down at my mug. "Hey." I said quietly.
Lucas sat down next to Farkle and smiled. "Hey, you okay?" He asked. I raised an eyebrow and then looked to Farkle who was looking at Lucas. I scrunched my nose watching his eyes trail over Lucas's face.
"I am." I said and then nodded towards Farkle. "Farkle are you okay?" I asked and he snapped out of it and blushed. I smirked and looked between them two before my smile faded away. They were cute… I knew Farkle had a crush on Lucas. He told us awhile back. We were at Riley's and Lucas left early during a game because his mother needed him, Riley and I started messing with Farkle because he kept smiling at Lucas, and he admitted after a while of us pressuring him. I realized that Farkle was me in a way, He'd stare at Lucas, and I'd stare at Riley. I'd stare at her cute smile, her expressions toward things that made her happy. I'd stare at her when she was sad and imagined myself holding her and telling it would be okay, and give her a small kiss on the cheek, but I can't.
"Glad you could join us, M'lady." Lucas said making me look up to see Riley. She smiled big at him and sat down next to me. I scooted over and bit my tongue. Lucas started a conversation about something that's going on back home in Texas. Riley got into it and so did Farkle, but I stayed quiet the whole time and finished my hot chocolate.
After I set my mug down Riley turned to look at me and ran her eyes over me. "Maya?" She whispered. I looked back at her and felt a sharp pain in my chest. She locked her eyes on mine and then I forced myself to clear my throat and turn my head away.
"What?" I asked and picked at my jeans.
Riley was about to say something, but Lucas interrupted. "Farkle wants some ice cream, you guys want to join?" Riley perked her head up at that and instantly got that stupid big stupid smile on her stupid face.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "No." I said bluntly and ran my hand through my hair. Lucas and Farkle shrugged and got up, Riley following and standing up.
"Are you sure?" She asked me while the boys walked out. I didn't say anything and she waited for a moment before continuing. "Maya, whatever it is. I'm here for you and I hope it works out the way you want it too." She placed her hand on my shoulder and I looked at my shoulder, my eyes going up her arm to her face. Riley grinned then let go, walking out of the Café.
I picked at my nails thinking about if I did tell her, and if I didn't. If I told Riley what I was feeling, how would she handle it? It could ruin our friendship. What if I scare her? If I don't tell her, she would never know, and hurt- no, kill me more. What if I don't get to her soon enough and Lucas gets her officially? That could happen any second.
Thinking about that made me panic. I quickly got up from my seat and ran after them. I ran down the steps and looked around for them before freezing. I saw Farkle, he had a little hurt expression going on, then my eyes dragged to what he was looking at…Then I mirrored Farkle's expression. Lucas and Riley were holding hands and smiling at each other. That was supposed to be me.
I turned back around and walked up the steps, my face hardening. Maya Hart will not be hurt, or show any feelings at all anymore. I'm growing up. I need to stop chasing what I can't have. And right now, that's Riley.