Author Notes: So I got this idea while role-playing with Male!Hungary's Admin (I'm 2P!Italy's Admin) on this page yesiamhetalian so I wrote this! Enjoy! (Also, my preferred name for 2P!Italy is Veneziano, so that's his name in this fic)
Growling in frustration, Veneziano threw the laptop at the wall.
'Fifth laptop this week.' Veneziano thought, looking over at the stack of 50 laptops, unopened, in the corner.
"'Hey Vinnie you should try shopping online! It's so easy!'" Veneziano mocked. "Easy my arse."
His older brother, Leonardo Vargas had offered this advice, but it hadn't worked very well for Veneziano. So far, he had accidentally bought: 23 packets of cookies, 53 crates of cola, 55 laptops, 125 packs of pancakes, 214 bottles of maple syrup - and at one point Sealand. Eventually he managed to sell most of the food back and made Sealand independent. He also still had the cuts and bruises from when he accidentally paid using Russia's credit card. But now he had no food left, so Veneziano decided there and then that he was going to a normal shop.
"Where are you going Vinnie?" Leonardo asked Veneziano as he was searching for some trousers and a coat.
Veneziano sighed in embarrassment as his older brother take an Instagram picture of the coffee he was making while wearing animal pattern clothes.
"I'm going shopping."
"What did I say to you about shopping online?"
"You saw how well that worked out! What did you even do with 214 bottles of maple syrup anyway?" Veneziano asked, putting his coat on.
"I bathed in them."
Veneziano spit out the glass of juice he was holding.
"I-I'm sorry. You did what?" He asked in disbelief.
"I bathed in the maple syrup. 'Ok! Magazine' said that maple syrup enhances then skin and prevents wrinkles."
"Really? It actually said that?"
"Well it described it as 'preventing your skin looking like Arthur Kirkland's eyebrows', but I think you get the point.
"Let me get this straight. You saw an article. In a magazine. That told you to bathe in maple syrup. And you followed it?"
"Well I also shaved my legs with it but I didn't think you'd want to know that."
Veneziano sprinted towards the door, before he could lash out in anger.
"I-I just. You." He mumbled.
After a few minutes of erratic driving, he arrived at ASDA picking out a trolley.
Inside, it seemed like everyone, 1Ps and 2Ps, were doing their shopping. Arthur and Oliver were stood over by the bakery arguing over a mysterious cupcake with blue and pink icing that Oliver was holding, Matthew was picking up the last pack of pancakes while his 2P Matt stormed towards him, hockey stick in hand. He spotted both Ludwig and Lutz stood by the magazine section. Ludwig was reading a newspaper, while Lutz was obviously staring lustfully at the more pornographic magazines and from the alcohol aisles a yell of 'VOOODDDKKKKAAAAA' was heard.
Veneziano had a craving for homemade pancakes, so he started walking towards the home baking aisle. He tried to make it past the newspaper aisle without being noticed but it didn't work. Lutz beckoned hom over with an evil glare in his eyes.
"I've got it all figured out Veneziano! The battle plan, the armies, I just need your seal of approval for it to work."
Veneziano sighed, rubbing his palm against his forehead. "Lutz, how many times do I have to tell you? We can't just invade Canada."
"But the plan is foolproof!"
"What about his allies? Trust me, it'll do more harm for our economies. Now my final answer is no."
He turned away and started to walk away when Feliciano walked into the aisle clutching multiple bags of pasta.
"Doitsu~ I have the pasta we needed for the wurst bologne-"
He saw Veneziano in front of him and his eyes shot open in fear. He screamed, throwing the pasta into the air as he clutched onto Ludwig.
"I was just leaving." Veneziano explained to a confused Ludwig.
In the home baking aisle, he noticed a single bottle of maple syrup sat on an empty shelf. He grabbed it, hoping that Matthew and Matt already had maple syrup and wouldn't go looking for his. He continued down the aisle, picking up a 12 egg box of eggs when a voice from behind yelled at him.
"WHERE IS THE LAST BOTTLE OF MAPLE SYRUP?!"
Veneziano turned to see - thankfully not Matthew or Matt - Male!Hungary, or Henry.
"Ah. Excuse me, can I have that bottle of syrup please?" Henry asked, spotting the bottle in Veneziano's trolley.
"No."
"I'm sorry?"
"No. It's my damn maple syrup and I'm going to use it on my pancakes later."
"Hold on, aren't you that Italian guy? What's his name, the pasta obsessed one."
Veneziano threw a knife, barely missing Henry. "DON'T YOU EVER COMPARE ME TO THAT BASTARD EVER AGAIN!"
"Ah. I see. I didn't want to but it looks like I'm going to have to take the syrup by force."
Veneziano flicked his hand up, revealing a knife inbetween each finger.
"YOU JUST TRY!"
Henry reached into his coat and removed a large, slightly dented, frying pan.
They circled each other for a few minutes before Henry swung at Veneziano. Seizing the moment, Veneziano ducked and punched Henry is the stomach, knives still in hand. Henry winced slightly, but kicked Veneziano away, blood leaking from his stomach. Blow after blow from Veneziano seemed to be ignored by Henry, while Henry's hits with the frying pan made Veneziano hiss and growl in pain, which only seemed to spur Henry on. To avoid being knockrd senseless, Veneziano took a last minute change of plan.
As Henry lunged forward Vemeziano ducked and slid through Henry's legs, stabbing a knife into his crotch as he went.
As expected, Henry doubled over in pain and fell to the floor.
"Sorry, that was a step too far wasn't it?" Veneziano asked, brushing himself off.
"OBVIOUSLY!" Henry groaned, still on the floor.
"How about we make a deal? I'll cook pancakes and we can share the maple syrup while your wound heals?"
"Offer accepted. NOW GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!"
Veneziano grabbed the knife handle, pausing for a second.
"Have you ever had a bikini wax?"
"Yeah, but what has that got to do with anything?!"
"Just to warn you. This'll hurt ten times worse than a bikini wax." He said, pulling the knife out sharply.