By request.
"You're really going to go through with this then?" He asked in a bitter voice.
She nodded softly as she gently pushed her long red hair behind her ear. "Yes. You know I am."
She gazed up at him searching his face for some clue as to what he was feeling. There was a time years ago when she could read his every emotion; when she knew him better than she knew herself. That seemed like it was someone else's life now.
She nearly fainted when she received the owl from him asking her to meet him in their spot. She hadn't seen him in nearly a year. She had so many things to get done for the wedding that she nearly replied that she didn't have the time. She couldn't bring herself to do it though. There was a large part of her that cared for him very deeply. She always thought that had things worked out differently she may be getting ready to marry him. Things were the way they were for a reason though, she truly believed that.
He scowled once more, obviously annoyed by her answer.
"I'm not sure why you would think it wasn't true," she said softly.
Severus shot her a miffed look. "You know how I feel about him."
Lily shrugged. "You are allowed to feel however you please about him Sev, but my marrying him has nothing to do with you."
She watched as he sat down on an old log facing the lake.
"If you've asked me here to make me feel bad about my decision," she started but she didn't finish her sentence. She knew that he wouldn't have done such a thing and instantly felt bad about accusing him of such. "I'm sorry," she finally continued. "I know that isn't the case."
"What happened to us Lil?" He asked in a hushed voice.
"We grew up," she replied gently as she walked over to the log and sat down next to him her back facing the lake.
"You know how I feel about you," he said softly. "How I've always felt."
"I don't," she shook her head. "I've suspected at times but I was never certain."
"I've always cared deeply for you," Severus said in a shocked voice. "You must know that."
Lily was taken back by the fact that he sounded so shocked. Their relationship had been a complicated one over the years. There were times that she wouldn't doubt that he cared for her immensely and then there were times when she was sure he felt nothing but hatred for her.
"Now you are going to marry him," he continued.
She nodded softly. She knew she loved James. She knew that she was doing the right thing marrying him. Still she couldn't help the feeling of wanting to cry.
"I don't say this to hurt you Sev but your actions don't always match your words."
"I know," he said in an even voice.
She could hear the sadness seeping through despite how he tried to hide it. She wanted to comfort him but she couldn't lie to him to do so.
"There is a part of me that will always love you," she said choosing her words carefully. "If different choices had been made perhaps our relationship would have had a different outcome but that isn't the case."
She watched as he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. Slowly he dropped his head his hands holding his forehead.
Carefully she leaned over and into his side.
"Things happen for a reason," she whispered softly. "I truly believe that. We are meant to be where we are now."
He reluctantly nodded in agreement.
"We can stay close friends," she promised. She hated herself for saying it. She knew it would never work. She watched as he nodded in agreement but she knew he didn't mean it either. How could they remain close when he hated the man she loved?
She blinked hard forcing her tears to remain at bay. She wouldn't cry. She had tried so many times to fix things between them only to have him retreat into himself. She has tried and she wouldn't cry now over something that couldn't be helped.
They had both made choices and unfortunately Severus had made some poor ones.
"I have to go," she said softly as she sat up straight. "I'm sorry but he'll be worried."
Severus nodded quietly.
"We'll talk again soon okay?" She asked.
"Okay," he agreed as he too sat up straight.
She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye Severus."
She stood up and walked away before he could see the tears running down her face. She couldn't shake the feeling that it really was goodbye. She knew in her heart that she would never see him again.
She walked to the edge of the tree filled area before she stopped and looked back at him. He was still sitting on the log staring out at the lake.
"I'll always care for you," she whispered softly to herself. "Always."