A Bittersweet Pain

By Animebookworm211

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. You cannot fathom how much I wish I did.

He froze in his tracks, mentally cursing himself. Bill and Fleur's wedding reception had seemed the perfect time to escape—the noise, dancing, and general festive atmosphere would make their exit almost unnoticeable, preventing long and teary goodbyes. If he could see that, of course, so could she. In fact, she'd probably figured it out before he had.

Ron sighed heavily. "Do you always have to follow us, Ginny?" he demanded.

Harry shook his head. "No, Ron, it's OK. I knew she would come."

And he had known. Somewhere in his heart, he'd wanted it to be like this, even though right now all he felt was reluctance.

"Come on, Ron," said Hermione softly. "Let's leave them alone for a while…"

Harry concentrated on his friends retreating backs for as long as possible. Finally he turned around.

Ginny was still dressed like a bridesmaid. Her gold robes waved around her in the night breeze; enchanted flowers danced around her waist and her brilliant red hair. She had complained about the dress, saying it was stupid and made her look like some Muggle's idea of a fairy. In a way she was right—it downplayed the toughness and vigor that made her herself—but Harry still thought she looked beautiful.

He swallowed, realizing he had no idea what to say. "I—Ginny—"

She crossed her arms across her chest, looking a bit like her mother for a second. "You didn't think you were leaving without saying goodbye, did you?" Her stance was firm, her smile was playful, but her eyes were watery. Ginny always tried so hard to be strong for him. She didn't seem to understand that love was all she had to give to make him strong.

"I was going to try," he muttered.

"Why?" she demanded. Her tough exterior cracked a little, and he could see she was hurt.

"Because of that," he said, without really thinking.

"Because of what?"

He fumbled for a way to put it that wouldn't incur her anger. "You. Hurting. I knew goodbye would be hard for you—well, for both of us. I didn't want…"

He failed. She was glaring at him. "What? You did all this to keep me from getting hurt? You won't let me fight Voldemort with you, and then you won't let me say goodbye for the exact same reason?"

"No!" But it was a lie. "Ginny…"

"Harry, I can take care of myself! I'd rather say goodbye to you and 'get hurt' than—than anything!" Now she was crying. "Don't you trust me?"

"Ginny!" He ran forward and pulled her to him, letting her cry into his shoulder. Inwardly, he seethed at himself. How many stupid decisions could he make in one night?

"Ginny, of course I trust you. I trust you…to feel the same way about me that I feel about you. I can't see you in pain without hurting, Ginny—I don't want you to see me in pain."

Ginny's tears were diminishing now.

"But I try so hard," she whispered. "I try to hide the pain. I always try to be so strong, even when I'm screaming in my mind."

"I know," said Harry quietly. "I can see you trying, and you shouldn't be. You don't have to be strong for me, Ginny."

She pulled back a little, enough to look him in the eye. "You're one to talk, Harry. You're the one who's always afraid."

It took him by surprise. "I am?"

"It's the only thing I've ever seen you be afraid of." She looked a little embarrassed. "You're afraid of…hurting me. So afraid you won't let me get close to you. It shouldn't be like that."

Harry had to think about that. He didn't want Ginny to be hurt, but he didn't think he was afraid of it. He tried to think of what he'd do in Ginny's place—would his actions show fear?—but realized it was impossible. Normally he did all he could to avoid this type of situation…

Because it hurt Ginny too much.

She was right. He let fear of her pain push Ginny away, but it had only hurt her more. She thought he didn't trust her, and maybe she was right. But this glimpse into his own soul, and hers, had given him new perspective.

"Ginny—I'm sorry," he said, meaning it. "I do trust you. I know that now. I just didn't want you to get hurt…"

Ginny smiled at him. "This is love," she reminded him. "Love means getting hurt."

He smiled back at her, then bent down and kissed her very gently. It only took a few seconds, but it seemed to contain so much more. The very idea of leaving her, the possibility of never seeing her again, caused Harry more pain than he'd expected. He knew Ginny was hurting too. The hurt flowed between them, intensifying into a wash of feeling that enveloped them. It was a bittersweet pain, full of hurt but full of love, giving them strength in a way and of a kind that neither understood.

This is love.

Those eternal seconds finally ended as he pulled away.

"I have to go," he said reluctantly.

Ginny's eyes filled with tears, and this time she didn't hold them back.

"I'll miss you," she said.

"I'll come back if I defeat him," he promised.

That if hung in the air between them, echoing in their ears.

"You will come back," said Ginny. There was no false courage or hardness in her tone—she spoke simply and firmly, stating an undisputable fact. "I trust you to come back."

"I trust you, too."

He took her hands, squeezed them, then let them go. He turned away and walked down the road, towards where he knew Ron and Hermione would be waiting for him. Where his destiny would begin.

Ginny watched him go, the pain filling her up. She remembered what she'd said several minutes before—long minutes that had passed much too quickly.

You didn't think you were leaving without saying goodbye, did you?

"Goodbye!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. The yell was all her emotions converted to sound, and exploding into the night air.

It was also her last joke on Harry before he left.

"Goodbye to whom, dear?" called her mother's voice from within the Burrow. Judging by her tone, she was threatening to come out and begin a round of the tearful group goodbyes Harry had tried so hard to avoid.

Harry spun around. His grin showed that he knew she hadn't attracted attention on accident. "Goodbye!" he shouted back, waving. She grinned mischievously back at him as he turned back and sprinted away, until he was out of sight.

The mischief all went out of her then, and her smile fell.

"I said," Mrs. Weasley repeated, coming outside, "goodbye to whom, Ginny?"

"Nobody," Ginny muttered.

"Don't lie, I heard you—"

Ginny ignored her mother's reprimanding words. She focused on the point where Harry had disappeared. She imagined the day she would be standing in this very spot, and he would run up that road and sweep her into a never-ending embrace. Then she wondered if he would ever stand there again, or if she had just seen him for the last time.

You don't have to be strong for me, Ginny.

She let the tears flow down her face again, and wiped them quickly away before her mother could see.

Somehow she knew that, down the road, Harry was looking back with Ron and Hermione and doing the exact same thing.

This is love.

Like I said before, I hope you enjoy it!

I love everyone who read this story...1) because it means you're a HP fan, 2) because you had the kindness (and courage) to give this story a chance, 3) lots, but I'll love you even more if you write a review and tell me what you think!

Thanks!