This story is definitely a first, for me. I've never really written
anything like it before. So if you all would be so kind and review it
would mean a lot to me. Although I think it may be a little rushed.
Please don't sue; I don't own Ginny.
~Closure~
They tell me I'm a borderline. A borderline, what the hell is a borderline? How can I be one if I don't even know what it is? They tell me I'm going somewhere where they'll help me. I'll tell you they're sending me, a crazy home. A goddamn crazy home! I couldn't help but to feel like a failure. I saw my family's disappointed faces as they took me away from them, away from my home, away from everything I knew and felt comfortable with.
I looked out the taxi's windows only to see the yellow-orange leaves that were falling gracefully from the trees, wishing I could simply fall away from everything. Everything went so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this. I only took those pills because they helped my broken heart. Even after all this time, my heart still didn't mend, Harry broke it into a thousand pieces and I don't know if it'll ever get better, in fact, I don't even know. I started taking two pills when I needed them, but after a month that just wasn't enough. I knew what I was doing; I was in control. I'm not crazy like they tell me..... honestly, I'm not. I can feel the tears falling freely now. I'm not even going to attempt to wipe them away. Like everything else in my life, it won't matter, because it won't make them go away.
"Miss Weasley, we'll be arriving shortly," the taxi driver said.
I quietly nodded my head and that's when I noticed the man's taxi Id: 5707. I don't know why I find that fascinating, but I do.
We turn the corner and I see a large building that almost looked like a castle that's in a child's storybook. The building's stonewalls are cold and uninviting and the single large tower is strangely eerie. We stop in front of a black cast iron gate, obviously there to keep the patients in. It opens and we continue up the long drive. We finally make it to the oversized oak doors. They creak open and a frail, old woman steps out, her white hair billowing in the autumn breeze. She has a kind, intelligent old face adorned with wrinkles and bright green eyes. She steps up to the taxi and opens the door. I reluctantly climb out knowing there's no way I can escape now.
"You must be Ginny," the old woman says.
I nod my head in the same manner as I did with the taxi driver.
"Yes, yes, my name is Mrs. Jenson. Welcome to The Western Center." She said in a cheerful voice.
I wonder how can anyone be happy in a place like this? This place seems be to hell itself.
Two large men then came out of the building and took my bags. Once my bags were evacuated from the taxi, the driver bid me one last smile before he sped off. That smile, it seemed to tell me that everything is going to be all right. For some reason, it gave me hope. And that's all I really want.
Mrs. Jenson led me inside. There were countless doors along the walls, leading into bedrooms no doubt. The old woman led me to my room. The walls seemed to hold thousands of stories of past patients ready to tell anyone who would stop and listen. My new room was three doors from the end of the hall and from the solitary confinement room. This scares me; I'm so close to the extremely dangerous patients.
I was then disrupted from my thoughts by a shrill, child-like voice. I turn around only to face a tall, blonde woman with a blue, cotton, tea- parlor dress on.
"You must be my new roommate. My name is Dolly," she told me in a sickly, sweet voice, "What's your name?"
"Ginny," it was the first time I spoke that day.
"That's a lovely name. Would you like to have a tea party with me?" she asked. I told her I would later. She simply smiled and skipped off.
I unpacked what little items I had. At the bottom of my bag I pulled out my black journal and fingered it carefully, as if it was made of glass. I stuck it under my pillow and walked out of my new room.
I slowly walked down the hall, while I observed my surroundings. The whitewashed walls were colorless and bare and it left me craving the colors of home. I then came upon a room with several couches and chairs. There's a table with a checkerboard on it and one wall is lined with windows. In the center of the room there was a television, several people sat around watching it.
Most of the people looked normal enough; maybe I wasn't being realistic when I pictured people in straight jackets with their eyes rolled back in their heads. I was a little afraid of what they would do if I did go in there, they may be crazy but I'm sure they know how to judge people. I paced outside the door for a few minutes, having an internal struggle with myself on whether I should go in or not. A small hand then landed on my shoulder and I turned around. Mrs. Jenson was standing there smiling kindly up at me.
"You don't have to worry, my dear. I'll introduce you."
I get this strange feeling when I'm around her, like she can see right down to the depths of my soul.
The kind old woman led me into the television room. The inhabitance looked up at Mrs. Jenson and I as we stepped in.
"Mrs. Jenson, how nice to see you again!" cried a young brunette upon
our entry.
"I'm doing well Elizabeth. It's nice to see you're back."
I wondered what had happened before I had arrived, but I did not ask. I felt it wasn't my place. I was soon crowded by a group of women asking my name, where I was from, and why I was here. I could answer the first two questions but not the last one. Hell, I didn't even know why I was here. I guess it was a bit rude, but I can't open up to these people. I mean, for heavens sake, they're crazy! I know I'm now a patient just like them but I'm not crazy, just misunderstood.
"Ladies, this is our newest arrival, Ginny."
I smile slightly just to be polite. Most of the women had already gone back to watching the 'Wizard of Oz,' so I just sat in the back and took everything in.
"Hello you're the new girl, right?" Elizabeth asked as she approached where I was sitting.
"Yes."
"Well it's nice to see a new face, after awhile you get sick of the people here. I mean, they treat you like you're crazy!"
I must have looked very strange when she said that, after all we are in a mental home. But then again, she is crazy or else she wouldn't be here so I can't hold it against her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elizabeth and I grew closer as the days went by; it turned out we weren't so very different after all. She too grew up with a large family like I did, but her family soon forgot her when she came here. No one has come to visit her since she came a year ago. She also told me how she has run away quite a few times already and all the exciting places she has been. Even though she told me all about her, I wasn't ready to open up to anyone. The best thing was that she didn't push me to tell her anything; she would enquire, I wouldn't answer, and she would drop it.
About a week after I arrived, I went to Elizabeth's room to show her my newest painting. She was sitting in the corner crying her heart out. I slowly walked up and placed my free hand on her shoulder. She turned around, and smiled a sad smile.
"You know, Ginny," she said to me, "I don't know what I would do if you didn't come, everyone else is so afraid of me. They treat me like I'm about to break at any moment."
That was too much for me, I've never had a single true friend in my life. I slid down next to her and held her. We sat crying together and I knew at that moment that maybe these people weren't so dangerous after all; that maybe, just maybe they were exactly like me, only wanting love and kindness shown to them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Autumn quickly turned to winter. I've been here about a month and I'm just starting to settle. I only talk to Elizabeth because she talked to me first. I'm not one to go out of my way to talk to people I don't know. I'd rather keep everything inside. Mrs. Parks, the therapist here, says that not talking about anything isn't good. I don't tell her anything. I don't see the point because I'm not crazy. She just tells me I'm in denial. What does she know? Elizabeth tells me not to trust her. That everything I say to Mrs. Parks will get twisted some way or another and they'll make me stay longer. I have to admit being here isn't so bad; at least I've made a friend. But even though I did make a friend I still miss my family terribly. Hell, I even miss Harry and that's saying a lot. It was his fault I'm here in the first place. If he'd minded his own business instead snooping in mine I wouldn't be here. This is his entire fault; I hate him for what he did to me, for what he made me become.
"Hey Ginny," Elizabeth said with a slight smile on her face.
I look up at her expectantly with questioning eyes.
"Me, Dolly, and Rosario are going to go sled riding. Do you want to come?"
I smiled and nodded and left my painting, I'll finish it later. Elizabeth and I ran down the hall to the front doors and stepped outside. The cold wind was harsh and strong but it didn't stop us. We met Dolly in her pink Easter dress and stripped stockings. However Rosario is a completely different story. Rosario is very much mature with long black hair. Of course I've never talked with her but I've seen the way she acts and how she treats the others. As we near the other two women Elizabeth runs ahead and jumps on one of the blue plastic sleds. The sled speeds down the hill; her short brown hair whips at her face. A pure, child-like innocence overcame me as I watched and I laughed. I don't laugh very often; it seemed almost foreign to me.
We must've been out there for a good two hours, going up and down the hill time after time again. When we finally decided to go back in our hair was wet with snow and our cheeks and noses were tinged pink from cold.
I walked down the hall laughing with my new friends, but that innocence that overcame me outside was soon washed away in reality as I entered my room. There on my bed sat the one person I hated more than anything else, the one person who put me here, Harry.
"Harry," I whispered. Maybe if I didn't say it too loud it wouldn't be real.
"Gin-," he started.
"No, please leave." I said a little louder.
"Ginny, please listen. I didn't mean-,"
"You didn't mean what? You didn't mean to break my heart? You didn't mean to put me here!" I was now screaming.
"I'm sorry, please let me explain."
"You're NOT sorry!" I cried.
My mind was a blur and the only thing I remember was screaming and crying while he sat there helplessly. I was huddled in the corner trying to be invisible so he wouldn't see me, he wouldn't see what he had made me become.
The same two big men that came out to get my bags when I first arrived came in and took me away. The last thing I remember was seeing Harry sitting on my bed, a single tear slid down his cheek.
They must've taken me into the solitary confinement room so I could settle down. I was sitting in that room with my tear stained face and my hair was wild and knotty. I heard a knock on the door.
"GO AWAY!" I screamed.
"Please Ginny, please. Let me in, let me explain." It was Harry.
I knew he wouldn't leave me alone, and despite my feelings toward him, when I saw him cry it was like my whole world stopped and then reversed into overdrive. I felt so guilty for not even letting him explain.
"Come in," I said softly.
He came in and sat softly on the bed beside me.
"Ginny, I'm sorry for what happened. I really am."
"You shouldn't have told my family, it was my problem to tell."
"I, well, I didn't know what else do." He really did look apologetic, maybe I should tell him why this whole thing started in the first place.
"Do you know why I started taking pills in the first place?" I asked him. He shook his head; I should've figured as much, "It was because of, you."
"Because of me?"
"Yes."
"Why? What did I do?"
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. I thought that repetitively as I bit my lip trying to come up with the words that were swarming inside my head.
"You know the last day of school, before you graduated?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with," realization dawned on his face. "Oh, oh Ginny. I'm so sorry, if I would've known."
"But you didn't. When I saw you kissing that blonde girl in my year, I was crushed." He opened up his mouth to say something, but I quickly held out my hand, and he shut his mouth. "And, I know it wasn't your fault, but I couldn't help but to feel crushed. And I know you only think of me as a little sister. But anyway," I shook my head to clear my thoughts and looked into his eyes, "I went home that summer and the pain just wouldn't go away, it was like I couldn't feel my chest. And those pills were the only way I could sleep at night, they gave me hope."
"Ginny, how could pills give you hope?"
"I'm not exactly sure, but it was like they gave me a bit of sunshine in a cloudy life. Understand?"
Harry gave a defeated sigh and shook his head no.
"I didn't think so," I started, "And to be quite honest, I don't even know why they made me feel better. They just did. It felt like they replaced the hole in my heart-,"
"That I created."
I looked down at my hands, feeling the tears filling my eyes, "Yes." The next thing I knew I was in his arms. It was like for the first time I felt the pain that I had put my family through that I had put Harry through. I felt his tears on my shoulder; they were warm and comforting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From that day forward, I resolved to do all that I could to get better, Elizabeth's didn't like that idea. My best friend, my only friend thought I was turning on her, abandoning her. I tried to tell her that I only wanted to get better, but she wouldn't listen. We grew apart as quickly as we grew together. Dolly still talked to me, as did Rosario so I was grateful for that. It just wasn't the same, but in my quest to get better, I stopped talking to her. I know it was an awful thing to do but I had to. Elizabeth was the only thing standing in my way preventing me from getting better.
After that I started telling Mrs. Parks everything that popped into my head. I told her that I do get everything out, but I don't talk about it, I write it down in my journal. I also told her how I wanted to become a painter, and even how Harry broke my heart. Mrs. Parks, I felt, was the single most reason that I got better. She really helped me see clearly in an unclear world.
"Miss Weasley, I have good news for you." Mrs. Parks told me one day.
"That's great! What's it about?" I asked
"Well, they're considering releasing you."
"They are! Oh, Mrs. Parks, this is wonderful!" I cried.
"It is, dear. They just want to make sure you have a place to live and a job, so you can live on your own."
I ran down the halls that suddenly have become much brighter and happier. I skidded into my room and Dolly looked up.
"Why are you so happy?" she asked in her child-like voice.
"Oh Dolly! Mrs. Parks said that they're considering releasing me!"
Her smile suddenly fell from her face, "Oh." She looked up at me and there were tears in her eyes.
"Dolly? What's wrong?"
"Ginny, do you have to leave? I'll miss you so much if you do."
"I have an idea Dolly," she looked at me with her innocent blue eyes, "Dolly, would you like to have a tea party with me?"
Her smile reappeared twice as big, "Do you mean it?"
I laughed, "Of course I mean it!"
So Dolly and I finally had that tea party she asked me to have with her the first day I arrived. I felt bad for not having it with her until now, but she was so happy that I was even having it with her that I don't think she minded too much. It was a bittersweet tea party, she told me all about how if I left she would be so lonely. I told her she would never be lonely with her friends and that I would visit often. She seemed to be a little more relieved when I told her I would visit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was finally the day before I left and I was ecstatic. I had my meeting with the heads of the departments earlier that day and they all agreed that I was ready to be let go. I was sitting in my room writing in my journal when Elizabeth walked in. Her face was placid and sickly looking.
"Elizabeth!" I cried as I ran forward. She shut the door behind her and slid down on the floor. "Elizabeth? Are you okay?"
"How could you do this to me? HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME!" she was screaming.
"Elizabeth, I'm not abandoning you, I just want to get better and leave. Don't you want to leave?"
"NO!"
She was on the edge and I didn't know what to do.
"You think I'm just another crazy person, don't you? Well, I'm not! And I'll prove it to you!" she pulled out a shot filled with some sort of yellowish liquid and placed the needle against her skin. "I'll show you Ginny, this will prove that I'm not crazy!"
"Elizabeth! Look at you!" I flared up with anger; she can't do this, not to me. "Can't you see what you're doing? You're out of control Elizabeth, you need help!"
"I DO NOT!"
"Yes, you do! If you think for one moment that sticking yourself with that needle is going to prove that you're not crazy, you're wrong. It proves that you are! And it proves that you're not strong enough, and I know that you are."
"You're wrong!" she told me in a deathly whisper.
"No, Elizabeth, you're wrong." I shook my head in disgust, tears streaming down my face, "No, you're more than wrong; you're pathetic!"
"No, I'm not. I'M NOT!" she screamed and looked up at me, but when I didn't smile or give any sign of encouragement she let the needle slid gently out of her grasp and covered her face with her hands; her shoulders started shaking violently as she cried. I sat down on the floor and didn't move, I just thought of how I just want to leave and never look back. But I have to look back and I have to face my past or else it'll haunt me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I awoke the next morning in the same place I had been the night before, but Elizabeth was gone and so was the needle. I was afraid of she could've done. I quietly ran down the hall to her room. She was asleep in her bed; I gave a sigh of relief. After I saw that she didn't do the unthinkable I walked to my room to pack my things.
I placed my journal in my bag, I wrote so many things in that journal. Maybe I'll one day publish my story I thought to myself. After I packed my clothes and things into my bag and sat down on my bed and pulled out a few pictures I had taken while here. I silently cried as I remembered all the times my new friends and I had. The first time I went sled riding, the frequent visits to Mrs. Jenson and Mrs. Parks. The last one I came upon was of Elizabeth, Dolly, Rosario, and myself together in the television room with the 'Wizard of Oz' playing in the background. I smiled at that picture and place it in my bag and snapped it shut.
I was outside when my taxi arrived. I place my bag into the trunk but before I climbed in I wanted to say good-bye to everyone. Dolly cried for me not to go, but I had to leave. I hugged Mrs. Jenson, Mrs. Parks, and Rosario before I climbed in. I shut the door when I was inside and the driver started to pull slowly away.
"GINNY!" I heard someone call my name. I looked out of the back window and saw Elizabeth chasing fruitlessly after the taxi. She stopped halfway down the drive and gave me a genuine smile and waved until it seemed that her arm was going to fall off. I returned the smile and wave and turned around in my seat. Then something caught my eye. 5707.
I looked up at the man.
"You're back." He said to me.
"Yes, I'm back." And I returned to gaze out at the landscape flying by me. It looks like there's hope after all.
I often wondered in my time there if dying was like dreaming. Elizabeth seemed to think so. You don't feel and you never want to wake up. When I got myself into this it felt like I was dreaming; I couldn't believe that I was a borderline. What a borderline is I have still have yet to find out but what I do know is that without it I would have never made friends; I would've never become complete. One would call my friends crazy but they were what made me, me. What is being crazy anyway? I think everyone has a little piece of them that is unstable, if you've ever lied and liked it, if you never wanted to grow up and remain a child forever. But my friends were all I had and I'll never forget them. It's like each one of them gave me a piece of themselves and they live on in me.
~Fin~
A/N: Please be kind, review! This is my first story. Well, the first story I let anyone else see at least.
Please don't sue; I don't own Ginny.
~Closure~
They tell me I'm a borderline. A borderline, what the hell is a borderline? How can I be one if I don't even know what it is? They tell me I'm going somewhere where they'll help me. I'll tell you they're sending me, a crazy home. A goddamn crazy home! I couldn't help but to feel like a failure. I saw my family's disappointed faces as they took me away from them, away from my home, away from everything I knew and felt comfortable with.
I looked out the taxi's windows only to see the yellow-orange leaves that were falling gracefully from the trees, wishing I could simply fall away from everything. Everything went so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this. I only took those pills because they helped my broken heart. Even after all this time, my heart still didn't mend, Harry broke it into a thousand pieces and I don't know if it'll ever get better, in fact, I don't even know. I started taking two pills when I needed them, but after a month that just wasn't enough. I knew what I was doing; I was in control. I'm not crazy like they tell me..... honestly, I'm not. I can feel the tears falling freely now. I'm not even going to attempt to wipe them away. Like everything else in my life, it won't matter, because it won't make them go away.
"Miss Weasley, we'll be arriving shortly," the taxi driver said.
I quietly nodded my head and that's when I noticed the man's taxi Id: 5707. I don't know why I find that fascinating, but I do.
We turn the corner and I see a large building that almost looked like a castle that's in a child's storybook. The building's stonewalls are cold and uninviting and the single large tower is strangely eerie. We stop in front of a black cast iron gate, obviously there to keep the patients in. It opens and we continue up the long drive. We finally make it to the oversized oak doors. They creak open and a frail, old woman steps out, her white hair billowing in the autumn breeze. She has a kind, intelligent old face adorned with wrinkles and bright green eyes. She steps up to the taxi and opens the door. I reluctantly climb out knowing there's no way I can escape now.
"You must be Ginny," the old woman says.
I nod my head in the same manner as I did with the taxi driver.
"Yes, yes, my name is Mrs. Jenson. Welcome to The Western Center." She said in a cheerful voice.
I wonder how can anyone be happy in a place like this? This place seems be to hell itself.
Two large men then came out of the building and took my bags. Once my bags were evacuated from the taxi, the driver bid me one last smile before he sped off. That smile, it seemed to tell me that everything is going to be all right. For some reason, it gave me hope. And that's all I really want.
Mrs. Jenson led me inside. There were countless doors along the walls, leading into bedrooms no doubt. The old woman led me to my room. The walls seemed to hold thousands of stories of past patients ready to tell anyone who would stop and listen. My new room was three doors from the end of the hall and from the solitary confinement room. This scares me; I'm so close to the extremely dangerous patients.
I was then disrupted from my thoughts by a shrill, child-like voice. I turn around only to face a tall, blonde woman with a blue, cotton, tea- parlor dress on.
"You must be my new roommate. My name is Dolly," she told me in a sickly, sweet voice, "What's your name?"
"Ginny," it was the first time I spoke that day.
"That's a lovely name. Would you like to have a tea party with me?" she asked. I told her I would later. She simply smiled and skipped off.
I unpacked what little items I had. At the bottom of my bag I pulled out my black journal and fingered it carefully, as if it was made of glass. I stuck it under my pillow and walked out of my new room.
I slowly walked down the hall, while I observed my surroundings. The whitewashed walls were colorless and bare and it left me craving the colors of home. I then came upon a room with several couches and chairs. There's a table with a checkerboard on it and one wall is lined with windows. In the center of the room there was a television, several people sat around watching it.
Most of the people looked normal enough; maybe I wasn't being realistic when I pictured people in straight jackets with their eyes rolled back in their heads. I was a little afraid of what they would do if I did go in there, they may be crazy but I'm sure they know how to judge people. I paced outside the door for a few minutes, having an internal struggle with myself on whether I should go in or not. A small hand then landed on my shoulder and I turned around. Mrs. Jenson was standing there smiling kindly up at me.
"You don't have to worry, my dear. I'll introduce you."
I get this strange feeling when I'm around her, like she can see right down to the depths of my soul.
The kind old woman led me into the television room. The inhabitance looked up at Mrs. Jenson and I as we stepped in.
"Mrs. Jenson, how nice to see you again!" cried a young brunette upon
our entry.
"I'm doing well Elizabeth. It's nice to see you're back."
I wondered what had happened before I had arrived, but I did not ask. I felt it wasn't my place. I was soon crowded by a group of women asking my name, where I was from, and why I was here. I could answer the first two questions but not the last one. Hell, I didn't even know why I was here. I guess it was a bit rude, but I can't open up to these people. I mean, for heavens sake, they're crazy! I know I'm now a patient just like them but I'm not crazy, just misunderstood.
"Ladies, this is our newest arrival, Ginny."
I smile slightly just to be polite. Most of the women had already gone back to watching the 'Wizard of Oz,' so I just sat in the back and took everything in.
"Hello you're the new girl, right?" Elizabeth asked as she approached where I was sitting.
"Yes."
"Well it's nice to see a new face, after awhile you get sick of the people here. I mean, they treat you like you're crazy!"
I must have looked very strange when she said that, after all we are in a mental home. But then again, she is crazy or else she wouldn't be here so I can't hold it against her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Elizabeth and I grew closer as the days went by; it turned out we weren't so very different after all. She too grew up with a large family like I did, but her family soon forgot her when she came here. No one has come to visit her since she came a year ago. She also told me how she has run away quite a few times already and all the exciting places she has been. Even though she told me all about her, I wasn't ready to open up to anyone. The best thing was that she didn't push me to tell her anything; she would enquire, I wouldn't answer, and she would drop it.
About a week after I arrived, I went to Elizabeth's room to show her my newest painting. She was sitting in the corner crying her heart out. I slowly walked up and placed my free hand on her shoulder. She turned around, and smiled a sad smile.
"You know, Ginny," she said to me, "I don't know what I would do if you didn't come, everyone else is so afraid of me. They treat me like I'm about to break at any moment."
That was too much for me, I've never had a single true friend in my life. I slid down next to her and held her. We sat crying together and I knew at that moment that maybe these people weren't so dangerous after all; that maybe, just maybe they were exactly like me, only wanting love and kindness shown to them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Autumn quickly turned to winter. I've been here about a month and I'm just starting to settle. I only talk to Elizabeth because she talked to me first. I'm not one to go out of my way to talk to people I don't know. I'd rather keep everything inside. Mrs. Parks, the therapist here, says that not talking about anything isn't good. I don't tell her anything. I don't see the point because I'm not crazy. She just tells me I'm in denial. What does she know? Elizabeth tells me not to trust her. That everything I say to Mrs. Parks will get twisted some way or another and they'll make me stay longer. I have to admit being here isn't so bad; at least I've made a friend. But even though I did make a friend I still miss my family terribly. Hell, I even miss Harry and that's saying a lot. It was his fault I'm here in the first place. If he'd minded his own business instead snooping in mine I wouldn't be here. This is his entire fault; I hate him for what he did to me, for what he made me become.
"Hey Ginny," Elizabeth said with a slight smile on her face.
I look up at her expectantly with questioning eyes.
"Me, Dolly, and Rosario are going to go sled riding. Do you want to come?"
I smiled and nodded and left my painting, I'll finish it later. Elizabeth and I ran down the hall to the front doors and stepped outside. The cold wind was harsh and strong but it didn't stop us. We met Dolly in her pink Easter dress and stripped stockings. However Rosario is a completely different story. Rosario is very much mature with long black hair. Of course I've never talked with her but I've seen the way she acts and how she treats the others. As we near the other two women Elizabeth runs ahead and jumps on one of the blue plastic sleds. The sled speeds down the hill; her short brown hair whips at her face. A pure, child-like innocence overcame me as I watched and I laughed. I don't laugh very often; it seemed almost foreign to me.
We must've been out there for a good two hours, going up and down the hill time after time again. When we finally decided to go back in our hair was wet with snow and our cheeks and noses were tinged pink from cold.
I walked down the hall laughing with my new friends, but that innocence that overcame me outside was soon washed away in reality as I entered my room. There on my bed sat the one person I hated more than anything else, the one person who put me here, Harry.
"Harry," I whispered. Maybe if I didn't say it too loud it wouldn't be real.
"Gin-," he started.
"No, please leave." I said a little louder.
"Ginny, please listen. I didn't mean-,"
"You didn't mean what? You didn't mean to break my heart? You didn't mean to put me here!" I was now screaming.
"I'm sorry, please let me explain."
"You're NOT sorry!" I cried.
My mind was a blur and the only thing I remember was screaming and crying while he sat there helplessly. I was huddled in the corner trying to be invisible so he wouldn't see me, he wouldn't see what he had made me become.
The same two big men that came out to get my bags when I first arrived came in and took me away. The last thing I remember was seeing Harry sitting on my bed, a single tear slid down his cheek.
They must've taken me into the solitary confinement room so I could settle down. I was sitting in that room with my tear stained face and my hair was wild and knotty. I heard a knock on the door.
"GO AWAY!" I screamed.
"Please Ginny, please. Let me in, let me explain." It was Harry.
I knew he wouldn't leave me alone, and despite my feelings toward him, when I saw him cry it was like my whole world stopped and then reversed into overdrive. I felt so guilty for not even letting him explain.
"Come in," I said softly.
He came in and sat softly on the bed beside me.
"Ginny, I'm sorry for what happened. I really am."
"You shouldn't have told my family, it was my problem to tell."
"I, well, I didn't know what else do." He really did look apologetic, maybe I should tell him why this whole thing started in the first place.
"Do you know why I started taking pills in the first place?" I asked him. He shook his head; I should've figured as much, "It was because of, you."
"Because of me?"
"Yes."
"Why? What did I do?"
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. I thought that repetitively as I bit my lip trying to come up with the words that were swarming inside my head.
"You know the last day of school, before you graduated?"
"Yeah, but what does that have to do with," realization dawned on his face. "Oh, oh Ginny. I'm so sorry, if I would've known."
"But you didn't. When I saw you kissing that blonde girl in my year, I was crushed." He opened up his mouth to say something, but I quickly held out my hand, and he shut his mouth. "And, I know it wasn't your fault, but I couldn't help but to feel crushed. And I know you only think of me as a little sister. But anyway," I shook my head to clear my thoughts and looked into his eyes, "I went home that summer and the pain just wouldn't go away, it was like I couldn't feel my chest. And those pills were the only way I could sleep at night, they gave me hope."
"Ginny, how could pills give you hope?"
"I'm not exactly sure, but it was like they gave me a bit of sunshine in a cloudy life. Understand?"
Harry gave a defeated sigh and shook his head no.
"I didn't think so," I started, "And to be quite honest, I don't even know why they made me feel better. They just did. It felt like they replaced the hole in my heart-,"
"That I created."
I looked down at my hands, feeling the tears filling my eyes, "Yes." The next thing I knew I was in his arms. It was like for the first time I felt the pain that I had put my family through that I had put Harry through. I felt his tears on my shoulder; they were warm and comforting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From that day forward, I resolved to do all that I could to get better, Elizabeth's didn't like that idea. My best friend, my only friend thought I was turning on her, abandoning her. I tried to tell her that I only wanted to get better, but she wouldn't listen. We grew apart as quickly as we grew together. Dolly still talked to me, as did Rosario so I was grateful for that. It just wasn't the same, but in my quest to get better, I stopped talking to her. I know it was an awful thing to do but I had to. Elizabeth was the only thing standing in my way preventing me from getting better.
After that I started telling Mrs. Parks everything that popped into my head. I told her that I do get everything out, but I don't talk about it, I write it down in my journal. I also told her how I wanted to become a painter, and even how Harry broke my heart. Mrs. Parks, I felt, was the single most reason that I got better. She really helped me see clearly in an unclear world.
"Miss Weasley, I have good news for you." Mrs. Parks told me one day.
"That's great! What's it about?" I asked
"Well, they're considering releasing you."
"They are! Oh, Mrs. Parks, this is wonderful!" I cried.
"It is, dear. They just want to make sure you have a place to live and a job, so you can live on your own."
I ran down the halls that suddenly have become much brighter and happier. I skidded into my room and Dolly looked up.
"Why are you so happy?" she asked in her child-like voice.
"Oh Dolly! Mrs. Parks said that they're considering releasing me!"
Her smile suddenly fell from her face, "Oh." She looked up at me and there were tears in her eyes.
"Dolly? What's wrong?"
"Ginny, do you have to leave? I'll miss you so much if you do."
"I have an idea Dolly," she looked at me with her innocent blue eyes, "Dolly, would you like to have a tea party with me?"
Her smile reappeared twice as big, "Do you mean it?"
I laughed, "Of course I mean it!"
So Dolly and I finally had that tea party she asked me to have with her the first day I arrived. I felt bad for not having it with her until now, but she was so happy that I was even having it with her that I don't think she minded too much. It was a bittersweet tea party, she told me all about how if I left she would be so lonely. I told her she would never be lonely with her friends and that I would visit often. She seemed to be a little more relieved when I told her I would visit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was finally the day before I left and I was ecstatic. I had my meeting with the heads of the departments earlier that day and they all agreed that I was ready to be let go. I was sitting in my room writing in my journal when Elizabeth walked in. Her face was placid and sickly looking.
"Elizabeth!" I cried as I ran forward. She shut the door behind her and slid down on the floor. "Elizabeth? Are you okay?"
"How could you do this to me? HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME!" she was screaming.
"Elizabeth, I'm not abandoning you, I just want to get better and leave. Don't you want to leave?"
"NO!"
She was on the edge and I didn't know what to do.
"You think I'm just another crazy person, don't you? Well, I'm not! And I'll prove it to you!" she pulled out a shot filled with some sort of yellowish liquid and placed the needle against her skin. "I'll show you Ginny, this will prove that I'm not crazy!"
"Elizabeth! Look at you!" I flared up with anger; she can't do this, not to me. "Can't you see what you're doing? You're out of control Elizabeth, you need help!"
"I DO NOT!"
"Yes, you do! If you think for one moment that sticking yourself with that needle is going to prove that you're not crazy, you're wrong. It proves that you are! And it proves that you're not strong enough, and I know that you are."
"You're wrong!" she told me in a deathly whisper.
"No, Elizabeth, you're wrong." I shook my head in disgust, tears streaming down my face, "No, you're more than wrong; you're pathetic!"
"No, I'm not. I'M NOT!" she screamed and looked up at me, but when I didn't smile or give any sign of encouragement she let the needle slid gently out of her grasp and covered her face with her hands; her shoulders started shaking violently as she cried. I sat down on the floor and didn't move, I just thought of how I just want to leave and never look back. But I have to look back and I have to face my past or else it'll haunt me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I awoke the next morning in the same place I had been the night before, but Elizabeth was gone and so was the needle. I was afraid of she could've done. I quietly ran down the hall to her room. She was asleep in her bed; I gave a sigh of relief. After I saw that she didn't do the unthinkable I walked to my room to pack my things.
I placed my journal in my bag, I wrote so many things in that journal. Maybe I'll one day publish my story I thought to myself. After I packed my clothes and things into my bag and sat down on my bed and pulled out a few pictures I had taken while here. I silently cried as I remembered all the times my new friends and I had. The first time I went sled riding, the frequent visits to Mrs. Jenson and Mrs. Parks. The last one I came upon was of Elizabeth, Dolly, Rosario, and myself together in the television room with the 'Wizard of Oz' playing in the background. I smiled at that picture and place it in my bag and snapped it shut.
I was outside when my taxi arrived. I place my bag into the trunk but before I climbed in I wanted to say good-bye to everyone. Dolly cried for me not to go, but I had to leave. I hugged Mrs. Jenson, Mrs. Parks, and Rosario before I climbed in. I shut the door when I was inside and the driver started to pull slowly away.
"GINNY!" I heard someone call my name. I looked out of the back window and saw Elizabeth chasing fruitlessly after the taxi. She stopped halfway down the drive and gave me a genuine smile and waved until it seemed that her arm was going to fall off. I returned the smile and wave and turned around in my seat. Then something caught my eye. 5707.
I looked up at the man.
"You're back." He said to me.
"Yes, I'm back." And I returned to gaze out at the landscape flying by me. It looks like there's hope after all.
I often wondered in my time there if dying was like dreaming. Elizabeth seemed to think so. You don't feel and you never want to wake up. When I got myself into this it felt like I was dreaming; I couldn't believe that I was a borderline. What a borderline is I have still have yet to find out but what I do know is that without it I would have never made friends; I would've never become complete. One would call my friends crazy but they were what made me, me. What is being crazy anyway? I think everyone has a little piece of them that is unstable, if you've ever lied and liked it, if you never wanted to grow up and remain a child forever. But my friends were all I had and I'll never forget them. It's like each one of them gave me a piece of themselves and they live on in me.
~Fin~
A/N: Please be kind, review! This is my first story. Well, the first story I let anyone else see at least.