Title: This Glamorous Kind of Life: Chapter One Spring Rain
Author: Sno-Chan
Beta: Gladrial
Permission to Archive: Go ahead, just please let me know if you do.
Category: Slice of Life, JHQ, Multi-Chapter Miniseries
Genre: Romance, Drama, Humor
Rating: T for some language, nudity, violence, and possible light sexual situations.
Summary: In Gotham there are many different places for someone to lose themselves in…Harley doesn't particularly enjoy any of them too much. Four seasons, five locations, a five chapter WIP. (JokerxHarley)
Disclaimer: DC owns all these characters and WB owns DC and Time Warner owns WB and I'm pretty sure the rest of the world. Also, I stole this disclaimer from Amanda.
Spoilers: None. Pick a time period and go for it!
Keywords: Joker, Harley, JHQ, Gotham
Author Notes: This is a quick little miniseries I cooked up one day while it was raining that started out as a quick little drabble and grew into five chapters within a few days. Now you must bear with me because this whole "posting chapters as I write them" thing is new to me, and I normally am against it for many creative reasons, but this time it just felt appropriate. So there may be weeks (or perhaps months) between chapters, depending on how much writing I'm getting done at the time, but don't fret because it will be finished at some point.
Each chapter is set in a new season and an increasingly better residence, this one taking place in a rather dumpy apartment, the next in a slightly better one, and it becomes more obvious as the chapters continue. The whole point is to showcase the variety of Joker and Harley's living conditions and present a possible view of what their home life is like on a daily basis. No fluff, I swear. (Gladrial has drawn the line with "Catch Me When I Fall" and I shant dare to cross it!) This is also the shortest of the chapters, if my in-progress chapter two is any indication.
This Glamorous Kind of Life: Chapter One Spring Rain
It was raining. Now, although she had no real problem with rain, or water in general, Harley did take exception to it pouring through their roof and soaking her personal effects. And the furniture. And herself.
Things had been fine at first, with only a few stray drops hitting the corner of the sofa, quickly remedied with the clever application of a bucket swiped from the janitor's closet. But within the hour the sprinkling of rain had turned into a full-blown storm, and one bucket turned into two, then three, and after that any device capable of holding water. Her shower cap and pencil box had been added to the affair in a last ditch attempt to handle things, but this was quite obviously one problem she was not going to solve without re-roofing the entire apartment building.
And, to be honest, she didn't really care that much.
So gathering up a pillow and one of the dime-store romances she frequently indulged in, Harley retreated to the last dry place in the apartment: the bathroom. And this was exactly where her Puddin' found her almost three hours later, stretched out lazily in the unfilled tub, bare feet propped on the faucet.
"Harley," he began patiently, "May I inquire as to why you're in the bathtub fully clothed and not cooking or doing some other worthwhile task for me?"
Not bothering to look up from her book, she responded simply, "'Cause it's raining."
"Yes, I did notice that. In fact, I also noticed that it's raining inside our apartment as well as outside. I know this is odd because it doesn't usually feel like a typhoon near our coffee table."
At this point, Harley had decided that it was of no use beating around the bush and gently laid her book down on her lap. "Mistah J, you think it'd be a good idea to move now, what with our place rapidly becoming adequate for marine life?"
"Perhaps," the Joker replied airily, "but let's forget about it for tonight and go bowling instead. And by bowling, I mean terrorize the entire alley and kill a few people."
"Kay."
-o-o-o-o-o-
So they had a fantastic time at the nearest Bowl-O-Rama, which was very crowded that afternoon because of the rain. The Joker took the place hostage with some hired thugs and even slung a toddler down one of the lanes and got a strike. Harley quite enjoyed smacking around bowling balls with her oversized mallet as if she were playing golf, and made up a few suggestive victory dances to perform each time she hit someone among the huddled masses.
At one point during the festivities she was watching her man force a poor employee to reach up into the crane machine, fetching him a prize the old fashioned way, and cautiously brought up the state of their apartment again.
"Don't you worry about that, pumpkin pie. We've got a brand new one waiting for us back home," the Joker assured her before turning his attention back to the crying woman with her arm shoved into the machine. "There ya go, Stephie! Reach a little harder for that Robin doll in the middle. Wait, I changed my mind, get the Batgirl instead. And I DON'T see any NACHOS in my hands, people! Let's get it together!"
-o-o-o-o-o-
She knew her line by heart. Who ordered a large sausage? Who ordered a large sausage? Who ordered a large sausage who ordered a large sausage who ordered a large sausage… Her darlin' had his ear against the door, listening to the chattering and happy conversation occurring within the apartment. It sounded like Spanish to Harley.
She held her breath as he straightened up and rapped his knuckles on the cheap wood, calling out in a surprisingly good squeaky teenage voice, "Pizza delivery!"
The voices inside ceased and a moment later the door was opened by a confused looking man in his thirties, who managed to get out, "I'm sorry, we didn't order any pizza," in a very accented voice before realizing just who was at his threshold. The man's dark eyes got wider than baseballs and his futile efforts to shut the door were in vain as the Joker merely placed a palm against the front and slammed it open once again.
It was Harley's cue. She cartwheeled through the entrance, tumbling to a stop at the feet of the other two people in the apartment, both women who had leapt up out of their chairs, and proclaimed in her most gratingly perky voice, "Who ordered a large sausage!?"
Perfect.
-o-o-o-o-o-
A few hours later they were getting ready for bed in their new bedroom, located two floors down from their last. It wasn't any better than their old one really, but the furniture was a little nicer and there was actual food in the kitchen. And, most importantly, they didn't have to swim anywhere.
"Look Puddin'! They had cupcakes in the fridge," Harley exclaimed happily as she brought a couple to the bed with her, one of which was immediately smashed into her face by the Joker. Sighing quietly she headed towards the attached bathroom to wash the chocolate off while the other clown busied himself with coating her side of the bed in crumbs as he ate.
"Hey Harl, where'd you put our lovely former renters' bodies?" he managed to ask around a mouthful of cupcake.
Her voice floated from the attached bathroom, backed by the sound of splashing. "Up on the roof, in that little utilities room no one pays attention to. There was a hole in that ceiling too, so I thought it fitting."
Joker made a grunting sound of approval, mumbling something about irony being acceptable, as Harley returned to the bedroom, face freshly scrubbed and blonde hair falling around her shoulders, curled slightly from being in pigtails all day. She thought she must look like a knockout in the little blue nightie, and supposed that her Puddin' might even reward her for doing such a good job during that days activities.
As Harley approached the bed, however, Joker pointedly turned his back on her and pulled the covers over himself, as if he had anticipated such a thought would pop into her empty little noggin and decided to head it off at the pass. It was a disappointed Harley that crawled into bed then…and right out as soon as she realized that her side was covered in bits of cake.
End Author Notes: Please read and review, let me know what you thought! Next chapter- Harley's ass and bloody torture with knives. Related? Perhaps.