disclaimer: still don't own anything - poor me!
summary: our ladies are having feelings for each other, that much is clear. but can they overcome their insecurities and misunderstandings and build a relationship?
We'll see...Just r&r!
Part One
You're looking at him, waiting for his reaction to your theorie. It's always so important for you what he thinks. If you valued my opinion only half as much… No, that's leading nowhere. I should stop, I really should. You're becoming my obsession,you know. My goddamn 24h/day, heartbreaking obsession.
Focus, Willows, focus!
It won't do me any good to let my thoughts drift away like that. But damn, I've been doing so many things that aren't exactly good for me since… it's still hard for me to admit it, even to myself, you know…since I developped certain feelings for you. Things like staring at you whenever you walk by, imagining how you body looks without those black blouses you love so much or like studying the movement of your lips rather than listening to what you're actually saying about cases. Like I'm doing now. And see, it isn't doing me any good, because suddenly you're looking at me and I can tell that you're expecting a response. Unfortunately I have no clue what you just said.
This is getting ridiculous, you know. I'm behaving like a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl with a crush. But, back to more pressing matters, somehow I manage to produce a halfway decent answer, at least I think I am, because no one is casting me strange glances.
God, I have to get out of here. It's driving me crazy, sitting opposite of you the whole time, having to look at you all the time, without escape.
Gosh Willows, stop kidding yourself, you don't want to look anywhere else.
But for now, the more rational part of my brain is still in charge, telling me to get away before I do something stupid. And, truth to be told, I want to listen to it very, very much, because you know, it's hard enough this way, without me embarassing myself completely. If only you didn't look this damn cute today. If only you didn't look this damn cute every single bloody day!
Once again you look at him and suddenly I don't have any more problems with lustfull thoughts. The way you look at him and the way he briefly returns your gaze, before getting back to his professional self, believe me, it's speaking volumes. I feel a sharp pain stabbing in my chest and know that I can't possibly stay in here any longer. Having to observe the two of you at such a close proximity is just too much. I murmur an apology and get up, struggling not to simply run as far away as I can. Instead I make my way to the locker room, still feeling the confused glances on my back.
Great, Willows, this will do loads for your reputation!
As if I gave a fuck about my reputation right now! The image of the two of you keeps replaying in front of my inner eye, a cruel reminder of my mind. I slam my hand against the locker. Pain is shooting through my system but I welcome it, because for a brief moment this goddamn image disappears.
God, this is so hard! Seeing you every day, wanting you but still knowing that you're in love with him. With the man who's come to be my friend. I feel like a horrible, selfish bitch for wishing you to break up with him. Just the bitch you see me as, right? Right. I mean, damn, who am I kidding,? Even if the two of you split up, you still wouldn't give me a second glance. To you, I'm just the bitch you unfortunately have to work with. The one who can't stop arguing with you about every single, tiny thing under the sun. You could never see me as anything different from that. Let alone as your lover.
I can feel tears starting to prickle behind my eyes and fight them fiercely. There's no way I'm gonna cry over this mess. Least of all here in public.
,,Cath? You okay?''
Warrick. Thank God. I don't think I could have coped if it had been you. Or Gil, for that matter. Hah, like you ever came searching for me! I shake my head, trying to get rid of that tiny little voice in the back of my head.
,,Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed a moment to myself.''
That's no lie! Well, the first part of the sentence perhaps, but the second one is true. I really needed to be alone for a while. Warrrick is looking at me critically, concern obvious in his eyes. I need to say something, anything that makes him believe me. Because if he asks me any further, I'm sure I'm gonna break under that soft, gentle gaze and tell him everything. And then I'll not only have to deal with all this crap but also with his pity. And I don't think I could do that.
,,Really Warrick. I'm just tired, Lindsey and I have been fighting again.''
Great, now I'm lying to my friend and, even worse, using my daughter as an excuse. Gosh, Willows, you're so fucked up!
But at least he's believing me now. He nods, giving me that sympathetic glance again. Suddenly there's a hand on my shoulder and he says
,,It's alright Cath. You two are gonna be alright. I'm sure she's just going through a difficult phase. You're daughter loves you, that's for sure. Believe me, it's gonna be alright.''
He's so nice to me and I'm lying to him. I'm such a horrible person. No wonder you prefer him. The thought brings fresh tears to my eyes and I lower my head, my shoulders shaking. No, it's not gonna be alright.
,,Oh Cath. Come here.''
With these words, Warrick pulls me into a tight embrace. As I feel strong, gentle arms closing around me I can't help but let it go. His sympathetic attitude and unwavering support make me finally give in to the desperation I feel. I cling to him, burying my head on his shoulder while the tears are flowing freely down my cheeks. He just holds me, softly stroking my back, while I shake with sobs.
After what feels like an eternity the tears finally stop. And I realize that there's a huge wet spot on Warrick's shirt where my head has been. A bit embarassed I raise my gaze and point to the spot with an apologetic smile.
,,Sorry about that. And- thank you. I guess I needed that.''
He smiles back at me.
,,Hey, you're welcome. And don't worry. I've got a spare set of clothes in the locker, so it's no harm done. And anyway, that's what friends are for. So feel free to ruin my shirt anytime you like.''
I laugh inspite of my bad consciousness that I'm lying to him. Stepping out of his embrace I turn a bit. The laughter dies in my throat as I see you standing in the door.
Our eyes meet and I'm shocked to see hurt in them. But then anger crosses your face so quickly that I start to think it was only my imagination playing tricks on me. Suddenly I feel embarassed. I must look terrible. A blush is rising in my cheeks. You shouldn't see me like this. I lower my gaze, staring at the floor. Only your snort makes me raise my head in surprise.
,,Couldn't wait until you got home, could you? Just get a hotel room, alright!''
With that you are gone. I don't know what just happened. You can't possibly think that Warrick and I are…, can you? Surely not. But your words made that quite clear. Gosh, what a mess this is! This day is just getting worse by the second.
A/N: Alright, that's it for now. What do you think? Please tell me if I should continue, because I'm not quite sure this story's worth it.
Cheers, Kassandra