The Weakness in Me
It was the end of Sakura's night shift, as she headed towards her mentor's office to collect the paperwork for the next day. The halls were dimly lit, the night well into its cycle.
What greeted her, when she opened the door to the Hokage's office, was completely unexpected. A few tears were rolling down her mentor's cheeks, the red puffy eyes indicated that they were not the first to fall.
Immediately, Sakura was stuck. She could deal with the loud, insulting and sometimes rather cocky blonde. She could deal with shouting, beatings and scary threats.
This, she could not deal with. In over ten years of knowing this woman, training under her and respecting her, not once had she seen her cry. The sight of the upset Hokage tore her heart a little, made her want to cry herself, in that moment she had never felt weaker.
"Shishou?" She croaked out, after a moment of silence.
Not bothering to hide her emotions, Tsunade smiled slightly. "Sakura."
"Is everything all right?"
"Fine."
If Tsunade's face was not like a waterfall, then Sakura would have been fooled by the tone. She sounded fine. It made the pink haired medic wonder just how many times the Sannin had managed to make her believe she was feeling one way, when in fact she felt oppositely.
"You might not have a poker face, Shishou, but you certainly have a poker voice," Sakura grumbled, a small frown on her face.
"You have neither," the Hokage replied.
Typical response. They often indulged in banter with each other. But the spark in her eye wasn't there, the teasing glint that told her she was most definitely taking the Michael. Sakura tore her gaze away from the watery stare of her teacher to see a half empty bottle of sake on the desk. Walking forwards, she reached out to take it.
"Don't touch the sake," Tsunade warned.
"Have you not had enough?" Sakura stood her ground, prepared to fight for that drink if it was going to have a further negative effect on the blonde's mood.
"I'm not drunk, Sakura."
Sakura tilted her head to study her mentor, not believing it for one minute.
"I started drinking an hour ago, that is my first bottle."
Sakura's eyes widened. Usually Tsunade could drink several bottles by then. She knew this because she often came in too late to stop her. Many a times she heard her mentor was drinking and set off with the intention to confiscate the alcohol straight away, but it had always already gone - either hidden away again or already digesting.
"May I ask what is wrong?" She asked quietly.
"No."
"Please?"
Tsunade sighed deeply. "...That katana Naruto took to the chest last week was a very close call."
Sakura swallowed, she wasn't expecting that, it had been her mentor who convinced her that her teammate would be all right.
"Naruto is Naruto, he's always being heroic and getting injured but he always pulls through," Sakura repeated the words that the older medic had spoken to her.
"I know." Tsunade smiled weakly. "But for a moment I thought my luck had gotten to him. I've always believed I'm cursed."
"You're not cursed, Shishou," Sakura said with a frown. "Personally I think your bad luck in gambling comes from a lack of skill."
"You know that's not true, Sakura," Tsunade hummed. "And that was not the type of cursed luck I was talking about."
"...Then what?"
"I always lose those closest to me."
Sakura closed her eyes briefly. This was part of her mentor's past that she never looked into, she respected the blonde's privacy - but she had heard of the stories, Tsunade had lost her little brother and a lover...
"In the war," Sakura opened her eyes, "We lost a lot in the war."
"I always survive," Tsunade frowned, "Always... But my friends, my family... It's getting to the point where I don't personally know anyone of my age."
Sakura glanced at the sake again before meeting her mentor's gaze. "I for one am very grateful you always survive, so is Konoha. There are not many ninjas who reach your age, Shishou."
"I know I'm old," Tsunade snorted. "But I lost far more when I was young."
"You're not old." Sakura shuffled.
"I'm ancient." The Sannin smiled.
"If I reach your age, I'm sure I will understand," Sakura replied. "It is near impossible for us not to experience loss, unless we die first..."
"Don't you go anywhere, Sakura," Tsunade's voice was laced with worry and even a little pain as she replied.
Sakura's eyes widened. She had never heard her sound so emotional. Attempting to smile, she stood tall. "That's not going to happen, I mean, I am your student after all, you passed your survival skills onto me."
"You're the closest I have to family," the Hokage stated. "You're like a daughter to me."
Smiling properly, she replied, "You're like a mother to me, and a grandmother all in one. Heck, I'd tell you things I wouldn't tell my real mother."
"You're one of very few I have allowed myself to grow so attached to," Tsunade smiled weakly, "So if I can't protect you I really am a failure."
"You're not allowed to use that word in the same sentence as your name, Shishou," Sakura frowned, "Never ever."
"You think too highly of me."
"With good reason," the pinkette insisted. "There is no doubt you have more medical successes than anyone in the entire history of our existence."
The Sannin sighed. "Medical success or not, it has never helped the most important to me."
"At least you cry in reasonable situations," Sakura countered. "I cry way too much, you handle loss way better than I ever could, if I lost Naruto..."
Tsunade smiled weakly. "You've not seen me at my lowest point."
"And I never want to... You turned me from that weak, hopeless little girl into what I am today."
"You worked for that, not me." The Hokage shrugged.
"You pushed me," Sakura laughed lightly, "Very hard, nobody else could have done it."
"You need to have a little more faith in yourself."
"Likewise." Sakura smiled back.
"Oh how I would like to sit here and sulk more, you certainly ruined the mood, Sakura." Tsunade grinned.
"Good," Sakura snorted, "Because whatever negative points you have been through, it will not be what you are remembered for. The lives you have saved, the talents and jutsus you have created will be passed onto future generations for hundreds of years to come."
"And I expect nothing less from you." The Sannin nodded.
"I would be honoured to be considered in the same category as you in skill level by future generations," Sakura said honestly.
"Sakura," Tsunade smiled, "You already are."
Sakura's eyes widened. It was very rare the Hokage spoke so highly of her. It was a shame the seemingly positive comments coming from her mentor were when she was in such a state.
"I'm going for a walk," Tsunade stood up. "Care to join me?"
"If I can have that sake," Sakura proposed.
"Get your own sake." Tsunade snorted.
Sakura laughed. "Fine, I will, and then I will be back and we will go for a walk."
With that the younger medic turned and left the room.
Tsunade smiled to herself and shook her head.
"Thank you, Sakura."
Author Notes:
The idea for this story is very old. The summary of this had been stuck at the bottom of my iPod notes untouched for over a year. Then I went through and gave names to all my stories and story ideas and I got inspired to write it.
Initially it had been intended to be a lot more depressing, generally with Tsunade reflecting on all of the loss and pain she had suffered in the past brought on by a close call with Naruto's life. Then I started writing it and I figured that if Sakura had known and been Tsunade's apprentice for over ten years (let's say Sakura is 23 meaning Tsunade is 62) then they'd be close and likely to be able to pull each other up.
It is different to what I've posted so far; it's the first that has had a slightly depressing mood. I have got stories just as depressing or even more so, though however dark they do get, it's rare I don't give a story as happy an ending as it could realistically get.
This story and my last, have not been spell-checked/grammar checked properly by a word document since I can't get these notes onto my computer whilst my iPod email isn't working - but hopefully there is nothing too obviously wrong about it. Feel free to point out any errors!
Really it turned out nothing at all how I planned and I'm still unsure what to post on here. I could pretty much post stories of any genre, rating, pairing or length.
Thank you for reading :).