Harry Potter and the Return of the Dark Lord
Chapter 1: The Banished Ring
"What the fuck?" Harry shouted as he put a closing to the book he was reading. "What the hell was that? It made no sense?" He gave a vulgar expression and looked at Ginny. "Have you read this," he asked her. "It was the stupidest thing I have ever read. There was no noticeable plot and the characters just seemed to be there. They had no purpose and they seemed completely useless. It wasn't until the last hundred pages" –he paused and waved his hand in her face – "Wait, scratch that. Not until the last fifty pages that a plot seemed to form, and," he saw that Ginny wasn't listening so he hit her with the book, "and," he continued, "even then there was all this hype and nothing happened."
"Oh, Harry," Ginny looked at him, uncertainly, "the book wasn't that bad. I mean I liked the part when -"
"Wasn't that bad," he said, bewildered. "Blimey, Ginny, that book was horrid." He threw it on the ground, took out his wand and pointed it at the book. "Avada kedavra," Harry shouted and the book instantly died (in the best way a book can die).
"Rubbish, complete rubbish," he muttered under his breath. Ginny turned her gaze from Harry's episode and saw a scrawny gray owl swooping down from the sky, landing on the window sill of the living room. A small bundle of letters was being carried by the creature. Ginny took this time to change the subject. "Harry," she said rather blatantly, "James and Albus have sent us a letter. Oh," she paused and read the envelope attached to a small brown parcel, "and it seems you got a package from the ministry."
Harry took the package and placed it on a table. He took the letter from his sons out of Ginny's hands and read aloud,
To our (mostly) loving parents,
We are now both in Gryffindor with Rose and Hugo. It was no question that Malfoy made Slytherin. He got his picked for it before the sorting hat even touched his head. Professor Longbottom says hi for mom.
Oh, and thanks for the Marauder's Map and the Invisibility Cloak. They really help against Filch. Hagrid's told us all about how dad got out of a lot of bad situations with them. Moaning Myrtle also tells us a lot about you.
Patsy Fedrin taught us how to play Wizard's Chess. Is it true that Uncle Ron was the best when he went to Hogwarts? The holidays will be arriving soon and we can't wait to see you again.
Rose can't wait until Lily comes to Hogwarts. (She's got no friend.) Tell Lily hi.
-Your two (mostly) loving sons,
Albus andJames
P.S. Teddy said that we had to say that he says hi.
"Harry," Ginny said feverishly, "we send them a letter." She got up from the couch and pulled some parchment from the desk and began working almost instantly.
Harry, on the other hand, looked at the package from the ministry. It was quite small and weight close to nothing. He slowly opened the sealed package and removed the brown rapper. Inside he saw a small white box and a letter attached. He read the letter:
Dear Mr. Harry James Potter,
I would personally like to thank you for being part of my book. I know, however, that I have indeed begun to slack off. Many readers are disappointed in you and your rather, how should I put this…confusing and quick battle with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Next time you appear in a book, I would humbly ask that you would make sure that all the readers understand what actually happened in the Seventh Book. I have found that a lot of readers couldn't fully grasp the fact that Severus Snape could have been your father and the whole Deathly Hallows thing. And also the fact that in your seventh year at Hogwarts you weren't even there makes the readers mortified and irate. Finding and destroying the Horcruxes was a time consuming and elaborate process too.
With deepest sympathy I am sad to say that no more Harry Potter books will be made. In the kindest way I can possible put this, I am letting you go. I can no longer suit the needs of the people and neither can you. I, however, have made millions off of you and can afford to stop writing, but you, Mr. Potter, must eternally continue your current job as an Auror for the rest of you life.
However, Mr. Potter, I have hired a successor to continue where I left off. She will continue your story until the public no longer craves Harry Potter.
The person who stuck beside you from the beginning,
J. K. Rowling
Harry stared for a moment, and then rubbed his eyes. "What is it dear?" Ginny asked, looking up from her writing.
Harry's face went pale. All the color left his skin and his eyes opened wide. His throat became dry. The door suddenly burst open and Harry decided that it was a good time to ignore Ginny's question. Lily stood in front of the door covered in mud. "Xeno Longbottom was throwing mud at me," she cried running over to Ginny. Ginny set aside her work and sat Lily on her lap.
"I'll go talk to Luna again about Xenophilius's behavior." She let out a big sigh and said (mostly to herself), "I wonder where that boy gets his manners?" She got up with Ginny and walked to the front door. Before she left, however, she turned to Harry who seemed to be concealing the package behind a sofa cushion. "What did that letter say?" she said sternly this time.
Harry suddenly became defensive. "The letter said…" Ginny gave him a cold stare. Harry was nearly forced to tell the truth but instead, willingly gave in. "I've been sacked," he said in such a low voice it was barely audible.
"WHAT?" Ginny screamed. "You have lost your job. What do you mean?"
"My story," Harry said. Ginny gave an expression that she didn't understand. "My story. You know, the Harry Potter series," Harry continued unable to fathom Ginny's expression. "The story in which all my adventures at Hogwarts took place. Apparently, my story has come to an end."
"What do you mean?" Ginny asked.
"The Harry Potter series was only supposed to go on for seven books. The seventh one was just released and it was really bad. Now my story is over."
"But I liked the book," said Ginny under her breath. "But," she said, startled, "how are we in a story now if the author has quit on us."
Harry glanced down at the letter. "Apparently a successor has been chosen to continue the story."
"Oh, well I suppose that will suffice, as long as the story maintains its Harry Potter-ish ways." Ginny then stormed out of the house holding Lily by the arm.
After Harry was sure they were gone, he looked back at the white box. He turned it around in his hand examining it. The box however had no lid to open it. He took out his wand and cast various spells to open it, but nothing worked. Then, an idea struck him. He commanded the box to open using the same language he had used to open the Chamber of Secrets, the same language he used to send a snake on his cousin Dudley, the same language that he had shared with Lord Voldemort: Parseltongue.
Slowly the box began to twist and turn in his hand until it opened. Harry looked inside. A small note and an object wrapped in tissue paper were all that was inside. The note read,
I Found This For You
-The New Author-
He slowly unwrapped the object hidden behind the paper. A small ring fell into his hand. A line went right through the center of the ring, surrounded by a circle and closing them in by a triangle. Harry studied the Hallow. Why had he been given the object which he willingly threw away? He had no idea.