It feels like something a girl would do, but I love to talk with him over the phone. He always answers, he knows when I like the silence and his attention is always on me. I know he never dismissively games or smoke for my sake which, never, ever fails to make me feel special.
"Ya still there Near?" His voice is barely audible. It was as if I had cups over my ears, sitting in front of the television. The wind trapped outside whistles angrily against my window as if wanting entry, it then dies down and resounds again. It's almost hypnotic.
"Yes," I affirm quietly and my hand, unconsciously squeezes my jaw when it moves, holding me upright. He continued as lively as ever as I continue gazing out, his voice, seemingly unending, calms me in the empty space. He suddenly curses, snapping me out of the daze. I wince and set my hand down, feeling pins and needles eliciting up my arms. I put the phone on speaker, place my cheek on my pillow and drag my blanket up so my head stuck out.
"Are you okay?" I ask and he quickly reassures me. I can imagine him, rubbing the nape of his neck sheepishly, gazing at his lackadaisical mistake.
"It's on speaker," I whisper once I was in my comfort zone.
"You sound like your sleep walking, love." He laughs and I smile, realizing my eyelids were heavy. His voice was raspy, playful and lively. It booms over whatever was in the background - which was nothing. I treasure it.
"Is Mazy keeping you company?" My hand brushes the plastic toy in front of me. I felt bad for neglecting him, leaving him out the warm layers. I stuck my hand out and bring the hand-made toy robot under until his head stuck out, looking at me with his permanent goofy smile.
"The best there can ever be." I sigh gratefully.
"Huh, well I hope he isn't getting too comfortable. I don't think I would be able to hold up against the competition."
I covered the inanimate objects nail ears. "Even if he was, I wouldn't consider him the prize. Don't worry, he doesn't know."
An over dramatic gasp echoes. "Back stabbing, Near? That doesn't sound like you!" My hands unconsciously clench. I want him to be besides me so badly.
Under my blankets I was completely warm and at ease but undyingly lonesome. I continue staring out the secure glass as frost collected on it. I embrace the trapped and helpless feeling from the strong hard cold blizzard in full force beyond my pane keeping me inside. I was beyond glad that I had placed the lights off because the lovely glow of the moonlight remains, enveloping me, making the moment feel utterly nostalgic. I didn't want it to end at all.
"I can't say I'm surprised though, it's already a quarter past two."
Oh.
"Sleep. I'll see you later, k?" I gave a hesitant hum and hung up. I couldn't help but frown but just as quickly my face melts and my lips embody a smile. Being distant from him made me feel longing, yet knowing I will see him later makes my heart flurry.
It was obviously too late to say my good nights to my foster family so I went straight to sleep with a smile on my face.
On snowy nights, I wish Matt would be here instead of this gift replacement…
"Are you sure you want to go today? It's going to be a bit bothersome to travel…" Aunt Lauran asked with concern marring her young features. I nod and reposition the single strap on my bag, opening the door.
Woosh! A breeze welcomes use, managing to bring droplets of snow in.
"Near, sweetie,"
It wasn't that bad, just a gust of air breaking the difference of pressure of the outside and inside. The blizzard came as fast as it went, but I admit the inches of snow was a bit ridiculous. Thankfully, our neighborhood was cooperative enough to shovel space for the roads so snow was piled up on lawns.
"I'm fine, really," I clutch my jacket and turn, almost uncharacteristically squealing in joy but it came out as a shrill gasp. I saw the same red hair that always towered above me stand out in the white wonderland surrounding it. I reacted that way because, I never saw the silky red locks this early in the morning, mused, bedhead look and on top a handsome face. I almost felt bad for the little mountain of tresses, being combed back by a gloved hand and wet from stray melting snow drops.
"I'll be taking him, Ms. Naples." She narrows her eyes in response, as if to put up a fight but sighs and nods and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I turn back to him after seeing the door close. His smile makes it feel as if the cold dies out.
"Coming love?" My face warms but I'm sure the cold of the air had already colored it red. I nod uncertainly, looking around.
"We aren't driving," he points out, noticing me search for his red car. I could feel how strongly I wanted to whine, but I keep it in.
He lifts his goggles over his eyes, the delusional glow from the snow makes them shine a lighter green. He closes them and smirks. "I more along the lines wanted to walk with my significant other today."
His smile degenerates to a frown and he turns so his back faces me. "I guess the feelings weren't as mutual as I dreamed them to be."
My lips gape and I realize that they were dry. I lick them before I speak up. "I do."
"Huh, Near?" The snow finally halts it's teasing showers and a small breeze blew.
"I do… I want to walk with you. I'm completely fine with that!" I bury my face back into my scarf, feeling a bit of embarrassment. I've never talked much, never found a reason to until I met Matt. I never realized how much I wanted anyone to hear me; actually, for him to hear me, in this case.
He brushes my hair back and kisses my forehead, smiling apologetically. "It's alright, I know."
I sigh, relieved almost and nod pushing back flutter feelings. He ushers me along, his heat over powering the cold besides me as our short journey begins.
On snowy mornings I wish he could be by my side from the moment I wake to the second I fall asleep.
'Ah…' I blow into my reddening hands, marveling at the white, pinking clouds that blend with the red color below them. I really enjoy his company… I really do, but maybe we should have done this when the temperature was in a state I've already adjusted to. After that though, I resulted to self-loathing feelings like, 'how could I have forgotten about my gloves,' or 'now he's probably going to feel bad.'
I didn't realize I was slowing down and lagging behind. Still, he stops, and looks behind meeting my gaze. Amusement painted his pastel features.
"Are you cold?" He holds out his normally gloved hands, which were now holding the accessories out to me. I look away.
"N-no, I suppose. Are you not? All you have on is a vest,"
He shrugs. "I'm sure if I had you close I'd be warm. You're slower than I thought." He calmly states, in a fake bully like demeanor.
I flush at his made-up disappointment, moving ahead. "I don't appreciate your teasing. It was your suggestion to walk anyway." I always thought my voice was low; I stress thought, because having met Matt changed that.
"Was it… hmm, I'll remember this next time then." I stop and he walks on, hands behind his fiery head, gloves in his vest pocket.
The panicking feeling came out of nowhere. I run and grab his vest, and just knowing he was still in my clutch, I hug him from behind.
"No please," He jumps but swiftly escapes my grasp and pet's me, not meaning to, but emphasizing my five foot stature to his additional six inches. I probably look like a kid, undoubtedly. I know I'm smaller—much smaller—than him but I'm still only a year younger!
"Just kidding, just kidding. Ah, Near, your reactions are going to be the death of me." His eyebrows are furrowed as a remorseful smile forms. I hear my right conscience scold me. It was another new reaction I had to grow accustomed to around Matt: pouting. I did so gazing at him furiously, embarrassment engulfing me, and I grip him painfully on the arm and speed our very few viewers.
"I hate you, I hate your cocky attitude, I hate your provoking -"
I trip, wide eyed, heart pounding, but find a much softer landing.
"Whoa there…" When he catches me, I grab onto his vest for dear life. There was a beat as I calmed myself. He leans and whispers into my ears: "Should chain you to me? I wouldn't want a scar on such beauty…" I gasp and my face heats the cold licking at my cheeks. I jump from his embrace and clutch my hand against my chest.
So mocking, so immature, so provocative, he was.
The rest of the walk to school I felt Matt's smirk as I walked ahead and he trailed closely behind. He was grinning like a fool because he's the only one that knows why my face was radiating red.
On snowy mornings -
No… I wish I could have more mornings like this all the time.
School passed by with a few taunts here and there, Matt defended me, feeling the guilt of him getting rebuked. It was a normal day.
"Hey snowball, you going home to your trash of a family?" James, my high school bully, calls out. I flinch quickly as his hand slams my locker close but compose my features just as fast to prevent his twisted satisfaction.
Footsteps rush as they near me. Not too unexpectedly, the sound of flesh roughly connecting quickly silences the crowd rushing out the front doors.
"Leave. Him. Alone." A familiar voice hisses. I tensed, afraid. Matt was taller, stronger than me, deeper into the masculine part of the gender spectrum than I was, but he still had a boyish frame, obviously smaller than James and his lackeys. I was beyond worried but for his sake. The two, along with James lackeys begin to fight until teacher's cut in.
"Cut it out! Always causing a commotion! You two will get expelled soon enough! Detention for both of you, come on, try it." The gym teacher, Ms. Falcon, I think, tried. She glared at James as he and his coterie leave in all their glory. Then she's looking back at Matt and me.
It's not like he's hasn't detention before but I can't stop worrying. It's like he's getting worse when it comes to violence.
"Matt," I tug on his stripe sleeve but he doesn't move. The students are leaving faster now but some still looking.
"Please," He finally looks at me and his gaze softens. His hand slips into mine as he opens his mouth to apologize but is easily cut off.
"I guess we know who the bitch is, huh." A handful of people snicker.
"Go home!" Ms. Falcon growls. The teachers who are moving on from the scene usher the kids away.
Matt's jaw clenches and I grip my hair, waiting on any more sudden motions. Thankfully he simply scoffs and walks off. Still joined by our hands I follow, feeling sick.
"Sorry Anna, but I can't get locked up today. I've got more important things that need attention," Is his playful response but he's angry, I feel it. His hand squeezes now and then and I squeeze back with whatever strength I have left. I was to let him know I'm there to bring him back from his painful thoughts. We make our daily detour to the nurses' office then leave. I couldn't help but pick up the, 'Poor Matt, he should leave him' and other comments that flew around as we passed.
It was silent the way back home. He suddenly stops in front of me and apologizes, for reasons unknown.
"I know you don't like violence and I'm sorry about what everyone's saying. Don't mind them, okay?" I solemnly shake my head and rip my hollow gaze from his influential jade green ones. It took effort to force back the tears that seemed to be ready to let out. I let out a breath, keeping my stoic look.
"We'll go to my place, fine with that?" I nod and look at the corner of my neighborhoods street. We don't turn into it. He reconnects our hands the rest of the way, his hands bare and naked in an embrace with mine. A few squeezes here and there.
In seemingly painful moments like these, I wish I wasn't as weak as I know I am.
"You didn't call me! You didn't even know storm was coming back again," My Aunt yelled.
"I apologize, Aunt Lauran -"
"You never fail to," She sighs. "No, excuse my outburst. I'm glad you're alright. It will be gone as soon as it came and it's Friday, thank goodness. But stop jumping to places without telling me first!"
I nod as if she were there. "…And Lauran is fine, remember?"
I nod. I mean, "Yes,"
There was a brief silence before Matt calls out.
Lauran gasps and her aura changes as she harshly demands for Matt.
I hand him the phone and wish him the best as I head into the living room.
"MAIL. JEEVAS! HOW DARE YOU TAKE NA-"
'Ah,' I sit under the futon and sigh in content. Matt's parents are always out on covert expeditions and seemed to collect many things from their visits. This futon was one of many gifts they brought here. But with them constantly gone he lives with his brothers. They seem to go on their own private travels as well.
He comes back from a harsh lecture, rubbing his ear he hands me my phone.
"I'll make some hot coco and cookies, want some?" I nod, almost too happily, and he beams from the response as he heads off. I notice the pile of opened letters on the television's glass stand and smile.
It took a while to finish the treats and I didn't feel like doing much so I sat there, observing like it was he first time. The tawny futon blends in orange and red shades in the family room. It always disturbs me to nice that there were barely any family pictures on the walls but his games and systems littered almost everywhere.
He's reading their letters, but he's not doing much to remember them.
"You okay in there?"
I shove back the depressing thoughts and smile at him as he pocks his head out the doorway.
"I'm fine." I went back to looking around.
There were too many traces of him; as if, his brothers and parents never stepped one foot in here. It was as if this was his house where he was living here permanently alone. His smell consisted of smoke and metal. It always strong, on him, in here; especially when he opened the door when we got here. Now it only lingers since he started making the hot chocolate.
I was in a change of clothes. I wore a large orange, black stripped shirt which practically hung on me. On my lithe hips were retro robot design pajama pants he bought for me when I stayed over. My pale skin stuck out in contrast but I don't mind. He completely surrounds me.
The sound of the wind guides me for some time. The gale sounds so angry, lost, and even sorrowful but it make me feel wanted yet safe. I wouldn't be surprised if the wind is because it was locked outside, unable to reach me.
Suddenly, I smell a different sweetly pungent scent and warmth wafts besides me.
Completely safe.
"Wow," An opaque voice, so close yet far becomes clearer, "you tire really easily." I blink, meeting green eyes and wipe my eyes.
"What," My tongue wanders in my mouth and I finally lick my lips nervously, still groggy, "why were you staring?"
"I can't? How can I not? You look beautiful when you sleep. You were pretty in the snow too…" He picks up a cookie from the tray; it doesn't look like his first one, and points to the much fuller cup of coco. I play with my hair absentmindedly, gaze averted to the active mini snowstorm. "And you look cute when you do that…" He whispers then kisses my cheek.
"Cocky leg-puller," I look at him through my white lashes and halfheartedly address him until a thought comes to mind.
"Let's work on the Latin project." I sip on the coco and smile, sleep leaving my senses.
"Ugh, but it's Friday!" He slumps and I refrain from rolling my eyes.
"And like any other it will end without affecting the due date. Did you even start your portion?"
He whistles and nibbles on a star shaped cookie.
I put my cup down and rub my temples.
"Matt," My voice becomes firm to reprimand him but he cuts me off.
"Aw, what did I do this time, dear?" He playfully drags on, batting his eyes. I start my attempt to scold him but in my peripheral vision I see my cup tip. He catches it but that doesn't stop some of the searing hot drink to get bits on me.
I hiss lightly but dismiss it because it wasn't much to fuss about.
"Looks like the planets are on my side this time, love." He sheepishly states, patting me down. I take the tissue and finish what he started.
I do roll my eyes this time, putting the wet tissue down, "Fine… what now?
"Look at me Near," I turn my attention from the stains and disdainfully look at him. Our lips abruptly but shyly meet; his unclothed hand lifts my chin and caresses my cheeks. I'm surprised by the sudden contact and he only smiles. All of a sudden his embrace feels so much warmer than remnant stinging of the drink on my skin.
On snow days like this, I don't really feel cold.
~x~
Clarity: Near lives with his Aunt (maternal side), Uncle and their two kids, if you wanted to know. I may use this AU again.
Plus, this will be the only AU one-shot in which Matt is that made up fan made design, y'know, red hair and green eyes.
I had a tough time winning my battle with my verb tenses. How'd I do?