Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. I stare at the clock in the classroom wall. It's mocking me. I've been staring at it for 5 minutes straight, willing time to go faster. Only two more minutes until I can go to lunch. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. How come time passes fast when you want it to drag on forever. But when I want time to speed up and make the pain go away faster the clock goes extremely slow.

Brring!! The bell rings, I grudgingly go to lunch. Nothing's ever been the same since... Don't Bella! Don't -whatever you do- think about that! I mental scold myself for thinking those thoughts that will surely re-break my heart.

I walk into the cafeteria. Grabbing my lunch I sit down at an empty table, ever since he-I can't bring myself to even think his name- left I've been a mess. Everybody stopped talking to me because I've become a shell. A hollow shell. Empty, no life. Like a hermit crab. It comes and lives in a shell, but in a matter of time it leaves the shell. Just like what he did. Just up and left, like a hermit crab and its shell. He probably found someone else. He probably has a beautiful vampire girlfriend. One who he loves, he doesn't have to worry about physically breaking them, and the lucky girl is probably super model gorgeous. Life isn't fair...

School ends and I head toward my red truck. I step inside and turn on the heater. It's wintertime, the snowflakes hang delicately on trees, the icicles are visible everywhere and the snow seems to sparkle. But I can't find it beautiful. Nothing's very pretty anymore to me, well except him, he haunts my thoughts and dreams. Topaz eyes, bronze unruly hair, his breath taking crooked smile, sculpted cheek bones...STOP BELLA! I found myself daydreaming about him. Of what could've been...my life with him. I could've been a vampire, eternity with him. If only he still loved me, because I always will love him. I always have...

I arrive home, Charlie's cruiser is not parked in the driveway. Home alone. I know I'm disappointing Charlie, I really don't like to and I don't want to. But I don't know how to not be sad anymore, It hurts to be happy. It's a weird feeling when someone you loved-and still love- walks away and says he doesn't love you back. A promise broken...

I finish my homework and sit around. I have actually found myself liking homework. Thought only for one reason, It takes my mind off of subjects that are better undiscovered. I decide to turn on the T.V., I used to never watch it but know I need some entertainment. Something to keep my mind busy. I flip through channel after channel. Suddenly I hear Claire de Lune on one of the channels. I drop the remote and fall down on to the couch. I sob. For everything and anything. For him, for my could've been life, for my pitiful self, for Charlie, for my friends at school, for Renee... The song brings back hurtful memories. Simple things trigger them, anything that is a tiny bit close in memories to him I sob over. I don't know how long my heart can take all this pain and heartbreak...

Charlie comes home after y crying escapade. I'm sure my eyes are still red and puffy. I turned off the T.V. in case something else came on. So now I was staring at an empty screen, eyes red and puffy.

"Bella. You hungry? I'll heat something up." I can hear Charlie's concern in his voice. And what hurts even more is that he's concerned for me. Because I can't take this all and deal with the fact that he left and doesn't love me.

I realize he's waiting for an answer. "No thanks dad. I'm not very hungry." I still sit their staring at the screen. I see my reflection and I don't want to worry Charlie.

"Okay Bells. I ate on the way home. I'm going to bed. Goodnight." With that Charlie walks up the stairs to bed. To dream happy dreams. I decide I should go to sleep to. I get up to turn off all the lights and head upstairs.

I lay in my bed, wide awake. I can't sleep. i've tried it hurts. Every time I close my eyes I see topaz eyes staring at me in a peaceful and calm meadow. When I sleep any dream comes. They, of course, involve him and I can take it. I usually wake up screaming and crying. At first this scared Charlie. But after hearing it every night you would get used to it too.

After a few hours of trying to fall asleep I tip toe down stairs. I go to the drawer where I find sleep medicine. I walk back up stairs with the medicine and a glass of water. I take the pill and swallow some water. After almost another hour I fall into a medicine induced dreamless unconscious state.

I wake up to find birds chirping and the sun shining. The exact opposite of my mood. Cheery and happy compared to gloomy and dull. Like the sun and a thunderstorm. I throw my hair in a ponytail. Not caring what it looks like and not wanting to see the person in the mirror. I know what she looks like yet I have know idea what she's become. Shriveled up and died inside. I know my face shows the same distress. The dark purple bags under my eyes. The dull color my eyes are. The pale sickly white skin. The tight cheekbones. The most important is the sorrow in her eyes. Unmistakable pain and sorrow...

I grab my books and backpack. I head in to my truck, going on to complete this routine cycle of my useless existence.