Disclaimer: Homestuck and its characters belong to Hussie.
Time-hop, kill imps, level up. Time-hop, kill imps, level up.
So this is what your life has come to, or will come to. Or will have had come to, fuck.
Your name is Dave Strider and as a Time player your life is pretty repetitive. A constant rhythm that never seems to change. LOHAC is a pretty sweet backdrop (obviously, it's your planet after all) but after a while even the rivers of lava are losing their chill.
The only excitement around here is the constant pestering from Terezi and the- oh, there we go, another one. Green Felt suit this time – why you ever decided to alchemize this goddamn piece of shit is beyond you – and a smashed-in head.
Yikes, that looks painful.
After taking a closer look you see the smashing must have been an ogre attack. Future you (or is it past you?) should've known better than to let his guard down, what was he even doing?
You shake your head and without batting en eye you drag him by the legs and fling him into the lava below. You watch him sizzle for exactly 1.5 seconds before you turn away and fix your hair with a swipe of your head.
So much for that.
You look down and- eugh, now your tux is full of blood. Beginning to shuffle through your sylladex, you look for another suit, the black Aces one maybe. Yeah, that's cool.
The only reason you are changing is not to give Terezi a heart attack from too much radical red coolkid juice, why else would you even bother?
Once you're done changing you time-hop the fuck outta there, no reason to stay any longer.
Over the course of the next two days, though really it's only a few hours for everyone else, you're back to your routine of completely confusing the fuck out of yourself, with Terezi giving you orders on what should and shouldn't happen on your timeline. You see a lot more dead Daves lying around and you make sure to toss every single one of them into the lava. Can't have a planet as cool as yours be polluted by corpses.
A while later you find yourself surrounded by a bunch of basilisks. They've got nothing on you and there's only two left but just as you're about to do a totally sweet 180 slice-jump to kill one, the other deigns this the perfect moment to ruin your image by breathing fire right at your face. You manage a quick save by turning the jump into a roll but the fire still got your jacket and you instantly take it off and throw it at the basilisk's head. While it's distracted you make a clean slice and there goes its nug, rolling right in front of the last one's charging feet. It trips and falls right onto your sword. Really, these things are getting dumber by the fucking second.
You file your sword back into your strife deck and collect the grist left behind. The last piece is stuck underneath your now completely burnt and torn jacket, smeared full of basilisk blood. Not again. You pick up the grist but leave the jacket on the floor. Nothing you can do about it now, that suit is gone. Man, you really liked that one. Made you look hardboiled as fuck, like a mobster who don't take no shit from anyone.
On second thought, you take the entire suit and give it a proper send off, with double-death by lava. Who cares if you stand there in nothing but your boxers? You certainly don't.
With a sigh you change into your red plush suit, at least now you feel comfy and serious. Besides, you can always just alchemize the suit again.
- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] -
TG: what the fuck was the point of this again
GC: WHY D4V3
GC: WH4T 1S TH1S TH4T MY NOS3 D3T3CTS
GC: COULD 1T B3
GC: T34RS? :O
TG: this is bullshit
TG: this was a setup all along
TG: im out of here
GC: NO STOP YOU C4NT L34V3!
TG: and why the fuck not
TG: ive been doing literally everything you told me to do
TG: but again
TG: this is bullshit
TG: ill talk to you later or something
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] -
GC: B3C4US3 YOULL M3SS UP 3V3RYTH1NG!
GC: D4V3?
GC: FUCK
Your name is Dave Strider and you have about had it with Terezi and her dumbass shenanigans. You climb out of the cauldron your consorts have been fucking cooking you in, and are met with loud protesting nakking. You ignore it on principle and randomly time-jump somewhen into the past.
There's no one around where you end up and you decide the best course of action would be to change out of your wet clothes. Ugh, plush makes it feel even grosser than normal wet stuff.
You take a quick look through your sylladex to find something to wear that isn't bloody, ripped or completely destroyed. It's harder than one might think. Even your regular shirt and pants aren't an option because you left them at your house when your sylladex was too full to carry any more shit. The only thing you could wear is- oh god no. There is no way you are going to put on this abomination. None.
But then again, you really don't feel like walking around looking like a wet noodle that escaped the soup just in time either, even though you are exactly that.
In the end, you decide to just fuck it all, you'll wear the Felt suit until you get home to make more sweet duds. It's about time you alchemised more cool stuff. Hell yes.
You change quickly and look around to get your bearings; man you must be on the other side of the planet. That way back is going to take ages, of course it would. Figures the game would hate you that much.
You take another glance at your surroundings and feel a strong sense of déjà vu. Have you been here before?
- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] -
TG: hey terezi have i been here before
TG: i dunno it seems familiar
TG: …
TG: ok look im sorry
TG: i didnt mean to blow up like that but can you stop the silent treatment
TG: hello
TG: its just really strange
TG: i could swear ive been here before but theres something…
TG: missing
TG: its really weirding me out
Halfway through your next message you feel an odd sound behind you. Like someone breathing. Hard.
You turn around and the ogre's roar rattles your whole body. It raises its gigantic arm. And then you realize.
"Oh."
Thank you for reading! This is my first story I'm publishing here so reviews would be appreciated! :)
Please excuse any typos and other errors, I didn't have a beta. (And yes, that first part of the pesterlog is canon, I just needed that before changing it to fit the rest of the story)
Also, great thanks to A Dreaming Songbird, who gave me the prompt to write this, thanks Song ^^ (go check out her Magestuck au story, 'Darkness & Dreams', it's sweet as hell!)