A/N: This story is named after a chapter in a book about primates. The title isn't 100% original, just so you know.
Disclaimer: I do not own Jim Henson's Animal Show. It's Muppet property.
"Earth is a wonderful world," said Dave the Human, "And it has lots of wonderful animal life forms that populate its every corner."
"Yes, that very true, Dave," said Jake the Polar Bear. "And how do you think humans like yourself fit in with the animals and the world?"
"Well," said Dave, "We're the supreme creation, of course, or the supreme evolution. Whichever you prefer to call us. We're called on to be the friends and stewards of this world's animal kingdom, as well as its plant kingdom, because as wonderful as all animals are, personhood belongs first and foremost to human beings."
"Are you really so sure about that?" asked Trudy the Chimpanzee. "I think that the apes of the world, especially the great apes, deserve personhood, too, you know."
"Yeah," said Jackie the Orangutan, "I certainly feel like a person, and I'm not human. I'm an orangutan."
"Really?" asked Dave in surprise, "I always assumed that only man and woman could achieve the rational, thinking mind that a creature needs to be counted as a person."
"I once thought so myself, too," said Jake, "Why don't you primates tell us all about what you think?"
"Well, for one thing," said Trudy, "there are some of the more obvious things that primatologists have learned, like how chimps can make and use tools for things like fishing out termites and cracking nuts."
"Not to mention how an orangutan can use a large leaf as an umbrella, or as a makeshift cup to drink water from," said Jackie.
"But there are other things, too," said Lenny the Gorilla. "Humans like you, Dave, can think rationally, and can have feelings and emotions. And while all animals have feelings and emotions, no matter how small or insignificant, apes like me can think about logic and problems, too."
"That's especially true with me," said Trudy, "Chimps and the closely related bonobos are excellent at counting, identifying pictures, imitation of man and woman's actions, and interpreting sign language."
"That last is true with me, too," said Lenny.
"And me," said Jackie.
"So, in other words," said Dave, "you're saying that apes like yourselves can think similarly to humans, and this makes you eligible for personhood?"
"That's part of it," said Trudy. Then, after a pause, she said, "But it isn't just our ability to think logically that makes us like persons, or even the fact that we are shaped similarly to humans. It's the fact that, in addition to rational and logical thinking, we apes can choose to do good things, as well as bad things, and not just by accident."
"Exactly," said Jackie, "In fact, as a wise old orangutan, I am familiar with an old story that apes have shared with each other for generations. Are you familiar with 'The Parable of the Good Samaritan' in the Bible?"
"Why, yes, I am," confirmed Dave.
"Well, apes like Lenny, Trudy, and myself, have passed down through the ages a parable that's even older than that biblical parable," continued Jackie. "We call it, 'The Parable of the Good Simian.'"
Dave blinked. "'The Parable of the Good Simian?' What is that, exactly?"
"It's a story about how a simian, or in this case, an ape, can show goodness and kindness to its own kind, and in one case, even to mankind," said Trudy. "One chimp would be using a tool to do a certain task, like get at an object that was outside of grabbing range, while another one nearby would have a whole set of tools at his disposal. The chimp with the tools saw the first chimp's dilemma, and selected the right tool for his chimp sister, handing it to her, and she was able to get at the object she wanted to get. It's a way that chimps show kindness to each other, you see."
"In these modern times, one example is one chimp needing either a rake or a straw to get at a glass of orange juice in a chimp test. More ancient ideas may be a little harder for a modern man like you to understand, but I think you get the point. Chimpanzees are capable of being good people, as well as logical thinkers, and they can do good deeds, no matter how small, although, obviously, they can be bad and do bad things, too. Some chimps are downright hostile with their own kind for no apparent reason. And some have been mistreated by humans to the point that they've become like the savage beasts mankind always used to mistake them for."
"Wow," said Dave, "That's fascinating. I must confess, I'm not a primatologist myself, so I originally didn't know such things."
"I didn't know it, either," said Jake with wonder, "Chimps can sure do a lot more than the average polar bear can do."
"That isn't the only version of the parable," said Jackie, "Back in the days when orangutans were more common in Asia, many of my kind also practiced our own 'Parable of the Good Simian.' We orangutans are solitary these days more out of necessity than out of a desire to be reclusive hermits, but in earlier ages, we sometimes got together in our own troops. Did you know that in a torrential downpour of rain in the rainforest one day, an orangutan mother was drenched in the rain, and her little baby was threatening to be drowned by it all? Well, this was because they were in a tree where they couldn't reach any leaves large enough to protect them from the rain. But, seeing how wet they were getting, another female orangutan took her own umbrella leaf and swung through the trees to the suffering mother and her baby. She freely and selflessly offered her leaf to them so they could be dry until the storm stopped, and then she returned to her own tree to find herself another leaf."
"And there's a version for gorillas, as well," said Lenny. "In the rainforests of Africa, a gorilla mother was killed by a poacher, but her baby son managed to escape. He was lost in the woods for some time, unable to find his own food and shelter, suffering through cold nights and hot days without the comfort of another gorilla female. Then, one day, before the baby could starve to death or otherwise get seriously ill, a male gorilla that was out on its own came along and found the baby. He wasn't a female, obviously, so he couldn't comfort the baby the same way his mother could, but he took compassion and pity on the poor little thing, and brought him into his own family of gorilla folks, effectively adopting him. The baby never forgot this kindness, and when he grew up, he, in turn, cared for a baby girl who had been similarly separated from his mother."
Dave was awed to hear all of this. So was Jake.
"Amazing!" said Jake. "Simply amazing!"
"You know something?" said Dave. "I think the three of you have just convinced me to accept all great apes as persons right now. I may not be able to officially make people accept you as people, but you have succeeded in convincing one human being that you are worthy."
"Really?" said a chorus of ape voices.
"Really," said Dave. "And I'll start with you guys. Trudy the Chimpanzee, Lenny the Gorilla, Jackie the Orangutan, in my book, you are persons in this world just as much as I am. And I'm hoping that someday, I can convince some human people to accept that, too."
"Gee, thanks, Dave," said Trudy, "That really means a lot to me."
"Me too," said Lenny, "It feels good to be considered a person by somebody and not just an animal."
"Three cheers for Dave the Human!" shouted Jackie.
The three apes let out a cheer that shook the set of the show.
"All right! All right!" said Jake, laughing, "It's good to see that we've discovered another thing that's fresh and original on The Animal Show today. Now, what shall we talk about next?"
"Why don't you start counting skunks like me as persons, too?" said Stinky suddenly, who had been quiet up until that point.
They laughed. "Stinky, I hate to break it to you," said Dave, "But skunks aren't nearly as intelligent as humans or apes. And their bodies aren't shaped similarly to humans, either."
"Aw, shucks," said Stinky, "I would've liked to be counted as a person, too."
"You are a person, Stinky, as far as I'm concerned," said Jake, "You're my co-host on this show, and also my best friend. And you have your own personality, also. Don't let your lack of personhood make you feel any less of a person."
"Okay, Jake," said Stinky cheerfully. "As long as I can still be the one to ask more clever questions sometime," he muttered under his breath.