Please Stay in My Past

(Summary: Sam explains the reasons why he is no longer with Leah while trying to forget that he loves her. Based on 'If you'll stay in my past' by Maria Mena. Check it out on YouTube. –NL)

'I understand your need to switch the roles around and despise me for the fact that we didn't last.'

Pretending that the past didn't exist and doesn't matter is much easier than facing it. Who wants to relive the best moments of their life, knowing that it's never going to be like that again, or to be reminded of the times they screwed up and become overwhelmed with regret?

I knew that Leah would be hard to forget, to get over. Three years with someone will do that to you, even though theoretically I have moved on, I am married to Emily and we have started our own little family. All of that doesn't erase three untouchable years.

I'd kept these thoughts and feelings these … memories of us bottled up since I had become a dad for the first time, and now Emily is pregnant again, which somehow makes me think about Leah not being able to have kids, which makes me think about Leah.

God, I love her. There, I admitted it. Thinking about the past brought all of those emotions to the surface.

I can remember her smooth, firm skin, her delicacy, her untainted sweetness and innocence. Yes, Leah was once innocent and trusting. She used to look me directly in the eyes, bolder than anyone else I ever knew, and then look away shyly when the intensity got too much.

Even when we were officially together, she did that. Leah always seemed to understand me when I wasn't saying anything, which I often did because I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to articulate anything. Leah would take my hands in hers, complain about how rough they were, and then kiss them lightly.

She made me fall in love with her long before she gave into me. And I thought we would be together until we both died. I remember Leah used to ask me, "How long have you loved me?"

And I would respond, "Long before you loved me." She would just giggle and then roll over and kiss me in a way that only she knew how. It felt good, special, sacred. And it was amazing … while it lasted.

And ironically enough, I was the reason why it ended. It all happened when Jacob's half-brother, Kelly, decided to throw me a Bachelor Party. Yes, even though Leah was nineteen and I was twenty-five, we were going to get married. In my mind, I had already chosen her to be with me forever … I had already imprinted her, which was how I got Leah to love me the way I'd loved her for years.

I went along with it so I really can't blame Kelly. I really can't get mad about the fact that we went off to Seattle to a couple of clubs where the other guys picked up girls and I was left alone, with a drink. It's not his fault that I chose to drink that drink or that I chose to sleep with the girl that I'd met in the club. But it is fate's doing that that one girl happened to be Leah's first cousin.

At first, I didn't know about who she even was until the week of the wedding. I noticed the glow of her skin and her happiness, but it was the sweetness of her voice that I remembered. And then I felt sick.

(A/N: This is based on Maria Mena's 'If you'll stay in my past,' one of the best break-up/getting over someone songs ever! Right now I'm on the Sam-Leah track… I wrote this whole thing about two months ago, but I hope you're into it. I'll get back on the Jacob-Leah thing eventually. And I love feedback. It makes me less insecure about the mediocre slop that I throw out to you all. Luv. –NL)