Two Halves
ニブンノイチ
If you're going to read this story, please look up the song, "Nibun no Ichi," which is the intro song for Gundam Build Fighters, and find the translated lyrics. You'll be able to find it on Gendou.
When I first heard the song, I looked up the lyrics. I realized how well this song can be used to describe the relationship between the sisters. I suggest you listen to the song while reading this.
Please enjoy the story, and please tell me your thoughts!
Anna hated this hollow feeling in her chest. She hated this feeling Elsa left in her heart. She hated this break up. She wanted Elsa back. She wanted her Elsa back. Right here. Right now.
She curled up in the corner of her bed in her small dorm room, and growled in frustration. Their last meet up had been an absolute disaster. And it had started perfectly. Or at least she thought it did. But right away she knew something was bothering Elsa, but she brushed it off as part of the stress graduation.
And then Elsa dropped the bombshell.
She ended their relation. She said what they were doing was wrong. People wouldn't accept it and they'd be ridiculed. Their lives would only be harder.
Anna tried to fight it. She tried to argue. They both knew from the beginning and agreed it was worth the risk. But Elsa had been steadfast in her position. In the end Anna ran away in frustration and anger. There was no way she could've argued with her sister in her current state. Elsa could keep her cool far better than she ever could.
But then the situation left her in a quandary: How could she convince Elsa? How could she make her see that it didn't matter to her? She knew Elsa enjoyed their closeness. She knew how happy Elsa was.
She'd never seen Elsa smile so much before. The last time she could remember her smiling was when they were children; before their separation.
She let out another frustrated growl. She had to do something! But how? How could she tell Elsa what she felt about their relation? That they were true and irrefutable? That they were far better together than apart? How could she tell how much Elsa meant to her?
She paused in her thoughts when she heard her roommate walking in, iPhone blasting music. She thought nothing of it initially, until she recognized the language as Japanese.
'Hitori ja nai' tte omoeta toki kara
Kanaerare sou na ki ga shita nda
She suddenly jumps off her bed and snatches the phone, to her roommate's surprise. But she pays no heed. She calls up the home screen and reads the title: ニブンノイチ. "Nibun no Ichi," she mutters under her breath. She wracks her brain for the translation. While she was no slouch in the language she was nowhere proficient as her sister, who'd spent a couple years in Japan.
And then she understood: Two Halves
She quickly restarts the song and listens to it intently, while trying to fend off her roommate from retrieving her phone.
When the song ends, it hits her. "This is it," she whispers.
"What's it?" her roommate grunts as she finally extracts her iPhone from Anna's hands.
"The answer to my problems!" she exclaims and grabs her roommate's shoulder. "Do you have a karaoke version? Please tell me you do!"
Her roommate looks back owlishly. "Uh...I think so," she slowly replies.
"Then give it!" she leaps over her bed and scrambles towards her desk. Grabbing the first USB stick she finds she thrusts it into her roommate's face. "Put it on here!"
She giggles excitedly once she receives the song. She happily uploads it onto her MP3 player and starts to play it on loop when she realized something.
How was she supposed to sing it to Elsa, when she refused to talk to her right now?
The songs was perfect. The lyrics described their relationship together. She even started to memorise the song and practice it already!
But she'd yet to find a way around one particular roadblock: How could she get Elsa to sit down long enough to listen? Anytime they'd see each other on campus, Elsa would promptly turn around and walk away. Anna knew her sister was going out of her way to keep her distance. It hurt Anna, seeing Elsa's back all the time. That's why this needed to work. She wasn't sure how much of this she could take.
She'd confided in her friends how she felt. Those who knew, accepted, and supported her relationship with her sister. And it was those same friends who gave her an idea.
"I really don't know what to do," Anna mutters. She sighs and buries her head in her hands.
"What don't you sign up for this?" Kristoff offered, and holds a flyer in front of her.
Anna peers in between her fingers. The flyer advertised a talent show being held by the student union, and was asking for auditions. Anna snatched the flyer from Kristoff's hands, to the amusement of her friends. She read and reread it several times committing it to memory. This was it! This was her chance! All she had to do was get into the show, convince Elsa to go, and presto! Instant chance to express her feelings to Elsa!
"Thank you Kristoff!" she squeals. She pulls him into a crushing hug before running off to sign up. Things where looking up already!
The audition had been a near disaster. She'd slept in, almost crashed into several doors and people in her rush, and almost spilled coffee. She even forgot the USB stick and the MP3 player that held the song she wanted to perform. She frantically searched YouTube in hopes of finding the instrumental of her song. Thankfully she found one.
She thanked her lucky stars when she exits the audition room and shouts to her friends she got in! She thanked her lucky stars her voice didn't crack nor did she stumble over the lyrics. However, she did have to skip most of the rap parts of the song. She was going to have to ask someone else to help her with that.
Her friends cheered and congratulated her for getting a spot. And after a lot of begging and bribery, Anna managed to convince one of her Japanese friends to perform the rap parts for her.
The only left to do was figure out how to convince Elsa to attend the performance.
Turns out she didn't have to.
One of their mutual friends who knew of their relationship (and subsequent breakup) told Anna that Elsa was attending because some of her friends were taking part. It was easy to draw a promise from Elsa's friend to keep her there during her performance, as well a promise to keep quiet about Anna's performance. Elsa wouldn't suspect a thing.
The week preceding the show she practiced. She'd practice after class. She'd practice during breaks, walking between classrooms or back to her dorm. She'd sing under her breath or just mouth the lyrics. She'd practice in front of friends, or in front of anyone who'd be willing to listen. Whenever the chance came she'd practice. She had to get this down pact. Her roommate had once called her crazy, until she'd heard her sing it one time. Since then she gave Anna her full support, occasionally offering her own thoughts and input.
And then the big day came.
Anna was nervous. In fact she was shaking. It felt like hornets were swarming inside her belly. She was the next act. She watched from the side as the previous act finished and the audience cheered and applauded. She fidgeted on the spot. She watched the MC thank the previous act and started to introduce her. She glanced towards her 'partner' who smiled. She patted Anna's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
"Everything'll be fine," she said. "Just give it your all. That's all you can do. The rest is up to Elsa."
Anna nods mechanically. Despite her attempts, her words doesn't settle the ginger. She gripped the microphone tightly in her hands. This had to work. It just had to. Anna needed, absolutely needed, Elsa to hear her. She wasn't sure what she'd do if Elsa didn't.
She heard her named called.
She walked onto the stage, nervous.
She was greeted with friendly applause, along with loud cheers from her friends. She scanned the audience, looking for the spot she was told Anna would be. She quickly her sister's platinum blonde hair. Elsa looked surprised that Anna was performing. She definitely hadn't expected her to.
She brought the microphone to her lips. She drew a shaky breath and spoke. "Before I begin, I'd like to say something." She turns to the MC off to the side, who nods. Emboldened she pressed on. "Recently I had a fight with someone I'm close to. I won't say who it is, but they know who they are." She sees Elsa fidget in her seat, held down by her friends. She pauses, seeing how red Elsa was turning. She almost falters, but reminds herself this was for their relationship. Everything was riding on this one moment. She had to keep going.
"I...I found this song by sheer chance. But I feel that it best describes our relationship. It's in Japanese, so I apologize. To the person who I direct this to, I just want to say I don't care what happens. We're in this together now. You're not alone."
There was no turning back. She glanced towards the sound techs in front of the stage and nodded. The lights dim until there's one spotlight: hers.
The music comes on. She takes one last breath as the synthesizer plays the intro. This was it. She looks to Elsa and sings.
'Hitori ja nai' bokura tsunagatteru kara
Asu e to fumidashitaku natta nda
Elsa's stunned. She hadn't expected Anna to do something this crazy. Her face burns, mortified. She felt like she was ready to spontaneously combust. If it weren't for her friends holding her down on either side, she'd have already left. Traitors.
She knew what Anna was doing. She couldn't let her resolve break. She couldn't let Anna suffer because of their relationship. She deserved someone better. Someone who could give her the love she deserved.
And then Anna began to sing. Elsa stopped her struggle.
Anna has always been expressive. She always teemed with energy, and gave everything she did her all.
To see Anna look at her with such intensity froze her. It scared Elsa. She already felt her resolve crumbling faster than she could keep it. From where she sat she could see the depths of Anna's feelings, mirroring the feelings she harboured deep within her heart. Feelings she futilely tried to bury. And to her horror she couldn't look away.
Anna pours her heart into this song. She doesn't know what else she could do. If this didn't work, she knew she'd be heartbroken. It's this horrifying reality that spurs her to keep singing. This was her last chance. As she approaches the instrumental she worries. Was this enough? Would Elsa hear her?
She had to hear them. She had to know her feelings. She had to accept them.
Elsa watches, transfixed as Anna stares right at her. Never once did she break eye contact with her. Tears formed in the corners of Anna's eyes as the instrumental began. Anna was laying it all before her.
As Anna sings the ab-lib, she starts to tear up. No. She outright cries. Fat tears drip down along her cheeks. But despite them Anna presses on. She hears every single word that Anna sings. Elsa starts to cry as well. She covers her mouth, realising exactly what Anna was doing. She was placing everything in her hands, with the hope that she'll reciprocate. And she feels Anna's love. She sees it in her eyes. And she hears it in Anna's voice.
"Anna," she sobbed.
Anna pushes through the tears. She forces her throat to open as she sings. She sings against the painful protests of her throat.
She loved Elsa with every fibre of her being. She had for a long time. Ever since they agreed to try it out despite the social taboo of incest, she'd been the happiest she'd ever been. She finally had Elsa back. For the first time in forever she felt whole. That she'd found the other half of other self.
She knew Elsa felt the same.
She smiled the brightest smiles she'd ever seen from her. The way her eyes sparkled, like diamonds, reflected the joy she felt in her heart. The way Elsa would stroke her hair when she laid her head on the blonde's lap. The way she arced her delicate eyebrow ever so when amused. The warm, elegant, dulcet tones of her voice whenever she spoke.
She wanted it all back.
She wanted Elsa back.
She places it all on in the last two choruses.
This was her final bet. This was the biggest gamble she'd ever make.
She stays out for a few moments longer as the crowd hoots, hollers, and cheers. But she doesn't hear them. She doesn't see them. All she sees is Elsa, who stares back at her with a similarly tearful expression.
After what feels like an eternity, but only a few seconds, she finally breaks eye contact and walks off stage.
It was now up to Elsa.
The instant Anna disappeared Elsa hurries out of the auditorium, never minding the fact she was disturbing people. She rushes out the doors and pulls out her cell phone. She tries calling her. She's taken to Anna's voicemail. She panics. She sends her a text, asking her to meet in the nearby park. No one should be there at this hour she hopes.
She pulls her coat tightly around her and rushes. She prays she doesn't have to wait long.
Anna wipes her tears as she heads backstage, where her friends greet her. They cheer and congratulate her on a job well done. She's inundated in hugs and more cheer. But she hardly notices it. She's lost in a haze of her own feelings. She absentmindedly draws her phone from her pocket, and turns it back on amidst the jubilation.
Her phone buzzes, showing she missed a call and had a message. She checks the message first. Her eyes widen in surprise. She tells her friends she needed to see Elsa immediately.
Her friends offer their support and encouragement. A few hugs and offers of good luck later, she runs. The instant she clears the auditorium she sprints for the park. She knew where Elsa wanted to meet. It was the only one place they knew at this hour that would offer them the privacy they needed.
She just hoped things turned out well.
Anna sees Elsa sitting on the bench. She's nervously looking around, worried that someone would happen on her and waiting for Anna' arrival. She looks distressed. Her arms are wrapped tightly around herself, and she looked like she'd been crying for a while. Anna doesn't waste another second and closes the gap.
"Elsa!" she cries out.
The platinum blonde looks to her. "Anna!" she shouts back and rises to her feet.
Elsa reaches out and pulls Anna into a tight embrace when she nears. She buries her face in the crook of Anna's neck and weeps. "You idiot," she sobs. "You just had to do something crazy."
Anna automatically shrugs. "What can I say? I don't do things in halves." She revels in the hug. Two weeks was a long time.
Her heart's hammering hard. She's struggling to keep her breathing in check. So much was riding on Elsa's answer. When she feels like she's caught her breath she draws back enough so she can look at Elsa.
For a moment neither say a thing. They're afraid to break the silence. They look at each other, taking in everything. They take in their tearstained cheeks, and the look of unbridled adoration they had for the other. While one shined in pure unadulterated love, the other was mired in fear and uncertainty.
Eventually Anna breaks the silence. "So what do you think?" she slowly asks.
Elsa feels her throat close. This was it. This was her last chance to end it all. But the words couldn't come. She looks at Anna; really looks at her. She sees Anna's hopeful expression, and the her silent pleas for a positive answer. Her beautiful sister has placed her entire being into her hands. With a few words she could either destroy her, or send her flying to the highest skies and beyond.
Elsa's resolve crumbles. She couldn't do it.
"Damn it," she sobs, and falls to her knees. She buries her face in her hands and cries. "It's not fair, it's not fair!" she wails.
Anna's instantly by her side. She looks at her worriedly. But she says nothing. It's not an answer; she hoped that Elsa had more to say. She draws Elsa into her arms and offers what comfort she could.
"It's not fair." Her voice was hoarse from crying. "Why do we have to be sisters?" She draws back and cups her sisters face.
"I love you so much," she mumbles. "Damn it, I love you so much that it hurts. I love you more than I should, but I can't help it."
"Then why?" Anna demands. Even though it's been over a week, her heart still ached from the breakup. It hurt like no other pain she's ever felt. "Why break it off?"
"Because I'm afraid," she cries out. "I'm afraid of what people will say. Of what people will think. Of what people will do. I'm afraid of what they'll hurt you and me!"
"Who gives a fuck?" Anna counters. She grabs either side of Elsa's face and looks her right in the eyes. She stares into those pools of ice that held so much fear. "We have friends who support us. That encourage us to keep going. And I'll be damned if we don't see this through," she quietly says, but just as intensely. "I'm not giving up on you easily. Do you hear me Elsa? I'm not giving up on you."
"Anna," Elsa whimpers.
"Hitori ja nai, onee-chan," Anna says. "Like the song says, you're not alone. Don't close yourself off. Let me be your strength. Let my love hold you up." She leans in and presses their foreheads together. "Please."
Elsa stares back at her sister, who silently pleaded her to make things right again. This was a dangerous game they played. People wouldn't understand. People wouldn't support their love. People would hurt them both, and anyone who supported them. She couldn't live with herself if it happened.
But to see the determination in Anna's eyes she questions if they could really do it. Could they really see it through? Could they truly stand together through the hardship. She searches the ginger's determined expression. She had to be sure. She had to be absolutely sure that this would work.
She sees nothing but the utmost loyalty to her. Loyalty that's been forged by years of separation, and hardened with the resolve to see it to the end. Anna was truly prepared, Elsa realized.
If Anna was prepared to face the consequences, what did that make her?
Elsa sighs and slumped against Anna. "You're right," she whispered. She smiled as she watched Anna's eyes light up. She takes it in, appreciating the radiant beauty in the expression of unbridled joy and hope adorning her sister's face.
She smiles softly and kisses away Anna's tears. Deep down inside herself she'd known the answer all along. There would be no other.
She leaned back so she's sitting on her haunches. She takes Anna's hands in hers and takes a moment to relish the feel of her skin against hers. She brings them to her lips and she kissed each knuckle. She looks up at Anna, who stared back at her with the happiest expression she'd seen since they started seeing each other.
"I, Elsa Arendelle, am truly and deeply in love with my sister, Anna Arendelle," she quietly swears before her sister.
Anna's momentarily stunned, but quickly recovers. "I, Anna Arendelle, am truly and deeply in love with my sister, Elsa Arendelle."
Anna leans in, albeit hesitantly. She looks up at Elsa, worried that she might be pushing it. But instead Elsa smiles and closes the distance.
Many years later while they would argue who was the best kisser, they would agree that this kiss was the most memorable kiss of their lives.
There was no going back.
Anna was right.
They each were one of two halves.