Saved message, sent from: July fourth at 9:32 P.M.
"Hey Roy, I was just checking up on you. You seemed really uptight last night, and you left pretty quickly. It made me nervous, and it sounded like you were nervous too; and I…you know I love you."
…press five to delete. Press six to save it in your archives. Press seven to repe–
'Fly Away Pretty Bird'
By Songsix
He had to block out thoughts of them, so he wouldn't lose his head. However, on this particular day it was impossible not to think about everything they had done, said, felt. Every image and picture was a like a little reel of tape that reminded him he was alone. They played movies in his head that made a porno feel like home.
There was an itching in his gut, and a tugging at his chest as his soul and body begged for him to just do something. Anything at all, and whatever it would take to bring them back to his life. But could he tuck away those insecurities and swallow his pride? Could he really forget about all the things he didn't do–
"You Know I love you."
–but then again, could he forget all the things they did do for him?
With a heavy heart, normally agile fingers clumsily shook dialing a number he hadn't called in quite awhile. He listened to six solid rings before being met with an automated voicemail message, "Robin? It's me, Roy. I needed to talk to you…Can you–listen, I just wanted to–Robbie, I need to–can you just come over?" There was a long pause as he did his best to fight back a choke in his throat, refusing to let the other boy hear how weak he felt. "Just come, right now. Please just come."
When he had nothing else to say he clicked the end button. He quickly hung up dropping the phone to the ground, running fingers into his hair, leaning back in his chair staring up at the ceiling. He hadn't really spoken to anyone on the phone in a long time, too busy with his solo career to have the time to make idle chit-chat. Maybe that was his first mistake? Never calling back.
.
Hate Me Today
.
"Hey Roy! It's Wally. Me and Supey are heading to the mall later. I wanted to know if you wanted to come with. Call me back!"
He heard the phone, but he didn't feel like picking up. He wasn't going to join their kiddie club and do what the League wants. He told them that, and he wasn't going to be tricked into joining the team no matter how much they wanted him. Where were they when he stood up to all their mentors? Where were they when he left? He didn't seen any of them on either side of when he walked out. He was alone.
"This is Kaldur. Roy, remember what we had discussed a few nights ago? You are the only person I am able to talk to about this, please contact my comm.-link as soon as you can."
Even Kaldur, the most mature one of their circle, the one who understood him the most…he just stood by idly. They all let him walk away. No one even came after him. No one wanted him. They all abandoned him. Kid Flash, Aqualad, Green Arrow…
"Hey! So what's going on? Do you want to fill me in, because no one else will right now. Call me as soon as you can."
All of them.
"I know it must be tough for you right now, but please just call me so we can talk. I'm sorry about everything. Ok…so call me when you can."
"Roy, did you get my other message? I wanted to talk to you about what happened. Please just call me."
"Don't tell me you're going to ignore me now? Let's grab dinner or something."
"Hello? You're home, I know you are. Pick up the phone."
"Roy? Can you please pick-up the phone."
"This is the last time I'm calling. Next time, you call me. K-Kay?"
"Please don't– I just– I want to–…Roy, just take care. I know you're under a lot of pressure. Call me back."
"No more unheard messages. Saved message, sent from: July fourth at 9:32 P.M."
"Hey Roy, I was just checking up on you. You seemed really uptight last night, and you left pretty quickly. It made me nervous, and it sounded like you were nervous too; and I…"
.
Hate Me Tomorrow
.
As a million thoughts continued to flash through his mind and being three months sober, he felt a powerful urge to grab a bottle of beer…or even something else. But he swore to himself, and he swore to them he would never touch that stuff again. After everything they did to help him get through that detox and break his addiction, he promised that part of his life was over. But it could be so easy to start up again–
"Just leave me alone!"
"It'll get better, calm down."
"It hurts, it hurts so much."
"Shhh, just breathe. I won't leave you."
"I'm so pathetic, why am I so stupid?"
"Stop that, Roy. Don't ever say you're anything less than what you are. You are strong, and you are going to make it."
"How can you even say that?"
"Because I wouldn't if it weren't true."
–but it was just as hard to undo all the effort and all the work they did to help him when he was at his worst, which was much more than Ollie ever did for him. The man blew him off and told him what a disappointment he was, and how as Green Arrow's 'sidekick' he should know better. But they never looked down at him; In fact, it was them who taught him to look up, even when it all seemed hopeless. Despite the fact they could have just let his bad decisions tear them a part, they refused to ever leave his side. Even when he was vomiting over the toilet every day, they were right there holding his hand. Even when his body wouldn't stop jerking violently as he tried to rest, they stayed close holding him not letting him sleep alone. Even when he screamed until his voice gave out and he wanted to cry, they stood there whispering soothing words into his ear calming his mind.
Yet here he was, letting their decision to choose the League, the team, and Ollie distant their relationship.
Tears prickled at his eyeballs, but he blinked them away as soon as he heard a light patter at his windowsill, "alright Roy, what did you want?"
"I just–" he didn't even bother to face the Boy Wonder, he had too much shame." –I wish I could make it right." He mumbled quietly, scared of what the other would think. He sat away in the corner letting the shadows of the room hide the sorrow on his face, but Robin was much too smart and much too good of a friend not to notice.
He jumped slightly in his seat when a comforting hand grasped his shoulder by surprise as a small voice muttered softly, "I know you do."
.
Hate Me for all the things I didn't do for you
.
It was only a few months ago that Oliver Queen threw Roy into a whirlwind of new changes. He wasn't exactly sure how to take them. He was excited, of course. He would be doing what other kids could only ever dream of doing as they watched their favorite heroes on the television screen. It was like being in a real life action movie, because it was. Even just thinking about it made him feel anxious to slap on his domino mask, get out there, and kick some bad guy butt. Then, on the other hand…
He was frightened.
What if he messed up? What if he froze up? What if one of those bad guys hurt him? Or even worse, killed him. What if he wasn't strong enough to be able to handle the life as vigilante? He was pretty good with a bow and arrow, but there was no saying he could actually use them in combat. Then there was that fact. How would he be able to use those tools to hurt someone else? He was well aware he must never kill anyone, but he knew eventually he'd have to hurt someone.
He couldn't bring these feelings to Ollie to talk about. He barely knew the man as is, and he didn't think the guy would really understand. Even though Ollie took him in, he still felt as though he was standing alone on his own two feet. Especially since recently, all he seemed to do was mess up. He'd shoot the wrong target. He didn't shoot far enough at all. He failed to follow orders. Most of the time, it felt more like Green Arrow had to spend more time saving his ass than getting any help at all. He felt like a burden.
Maybe that's all he's ever going to be. A burden people would pass on forever. It was a sickening feeling of suicidal hate. He didn't belong anywhere, and he never will. He had no ground to stand on…
"Hey there, you must be Speedy."…and then he met them.
"Y-Yeah." He responded in a small voice, still playing with the feathered ends of his arrows. He'd been sitting on the couch in the dark doing this for awhile.
"Whatcha got there?"
"Arrows. Duh." Roy snorted, annoyed at the question.
"I hear you're pretty good with a bow and arrow."
"Well you heard wrong." He spat out, before scooting further away.
"Oliver said really good things about you. I've seen you two work together too."
Roy's mouth almost curled into a smile at this knowledge, but then he frowned once more. No way Ollie would ever say things like that, and this person must be lying. He knew he's been messing up. They were just being a pity party. "Then you should know I suck." He muttered darkly, tightening his grip on the arrow in his hand.
But instead of leaving, much to his chagrin, they scooted closer towards them placing a gentle arm around their shoulders leaning his head against their body. He froze up, not sure what they were doing or what they wanted. His first reaction was to shove them away, but it's been forever since anyone has held him this way. It was warm and comforting.
"Shhh…no you don't. Look, I know how you must be feeling right now." They cooed, "you're anxious, scared, and you have no clue how to feel because life used to be normal. You have to keep telling yourself you're strong. Because, you truly are."
Roy nodded slightly un-subconsciously. It was as though they could truly read his mind. For the first time, someone was voicing the words he couldn't find. But there was this bitter taste on his tongue as he held his guard, because he had no clue what this person expected or what they wanted. Sure, they knew all the best words in the book, but that's all they were. Words. Did this person really care? Probably not. In fact, he was pretty sure that…"Ollie sent you here to get me to stop sulking. Didn't he?" He accused, pulling away from their hold. However, instead they held on tighter. It would be a lie if he said that didn't help cheer him up just a little bit.
"Listen, I am here because Ollie asked me to," Roy felt a bile bubble up in his stomach, "but I'm staying right now, because I care. I know what it's like to feel alone, to feel weak. Like a burden." But it quickly died out into a soothing relief.
"R-Really?" He asked timidly, with an undertone of hope.
"When you're in this kind of business, it's good to have friends. Besides Oliver, I can be your first." He wanted to desperately believe them, have someone to trust in such a new world. But he was hesitant to let himself take the risk he's always feared over and over. The risk of being abandoned.
"Why do you care?"
"I've learned, that in this kind of business, when you stand alone you fall. But if you have someone, at least they'll be there to catch you. I was lucky to have someone, and you should too."
.
Hate Me in ways
.
The two boys sat on his couch in the darkness as Roy revisited every mistake he ever made. He couldn't even count them on his fingers, that's how much he messed up; and starting with that day he walked away without so much as a wave goodbye, so that he wouldn't have to see that look on their face. He knew if he saw those eyes–that look–it would break his heart. He knew how selfish it was; because he knew he was breaking theirs…
"Now what?" Roy wondered out loud.
Robin stared blankly at him before replying in a gentle tone. "Now? Now you make it right."
"How?"
"Easy."
…but in the end, he ended up seeing blue eyes cry anyway.
.
Ways hard to swallow
.
The injustice League had been attacking the whole world using Poison Ivy's stupid plants. It was total chaos. Of course, Red Arrow would help the Justice League fight them. But not for those jerks, but because they were attacking his city. If there were trouble brewing, he wouldn't stand around and do nothing just because he was angry with Green Arrow and the rest of them. He didn't expect to have to take on the plants by himself on that bridge. He didn't expect Guy Gardner to come out of nowhere and save that school bus. When they ran over to check on the children, he didn't expect for one of those slimy, stupid, damned, god forsaken plants to come towards him from behind–
"Watch out!"
–he also didn't expect for them to step in just in time for it to smash across their body instead sending them flying into the concrete. Their hair flew in a furry across their face. He could hear a few cracks as they slammed onto the asphalt. He felt like time froze for just a second as he stood watching and waiting for them to stand. When they did not, only a few blinks later and he found himself lashing out at that same plant shooting. Shooting. Shooting. Direct hit every time.
Why did they do that?
They had large, blooming, purple bruises, bloody scratches, and a couple broken ribs. The doctor said they were going to be just fine so, it wasn't too serious. But he came to the cave to check up on them anyways.
Why did they do that?
"I only came to help, because people were in trouble." He insisted, crossing his arms not daring to look them in the eye.
"I'm glad you did." They commented, never moving their eyes from him.
Glaring down at the stone floor, he told them, "you didn't have to do that back there."
He could hear the click of their shoes as they walked towards him. He took a step back, but they closed the gap between them, and they placed a loving hand on his shoulder. He flinched slightly to this, but went to a familiar ease under the touch. "Of course I did, Roy." They cooed.
"Look at you…" He commented angrily, pulling away and gesturing to the bandages around their arms and legs. It wasn't a new sight, but it was one he'd never get used to seeing.
"It happens, that's what comes with the job description."
"I could have handled myself." Roy growled, the frustration growing within him. He had to move his eyes; he hated seeing those winded tapes of white. It was all his fault they got hurt. It shouldn't have happen.
Why did they do that?
"Roy, I could never let anyone or anything hurt you. I love you." They comforted, reaching out to wrap small arms around his body. He almost pulled away, but when he found himself in their hold it felt so warm, inviting, and wonderful. All of the tenseness and stress in his shoulders relaxed, and it felt so fucking good he could cry. It was almost as if somebody wanted him after feeling so alone for so long. It was as though he was never abandoned…
…but he suddenly remembered. He was. It was as though all the gears in his brain went haywire and those hot feelings of fury and anguish crept right back up his body and into his heart and mind. Furiously, he shoved them away with clenched fists and gritted teeth. "Would you quit saying you love me, just so you can put it in my face?" He yelled at them, his voice shaky and bitter.
There was a pang in his chest as he saw something in their face change. It was an expression he never thought existed for them, but he couldn't stop those gears from turning as they went on at full throttle. "How can you say that?" They asked, lips trembling and arms hanging loosely at their sides.
"Because I don't love you!" For a moment, he almost reached out so that he could grab at the words he didn't mean to let escape his lips, but it was too late.
"I see." Blue eyes started to water, and everything in him just snapped.
As they turned to walk away, to get away, he quickly grabbed their face in rough calloused hands begging and pleading. "No wait! I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it! Please, just, I–I just…just stop crying please…"
With gruff thumbs he wiped at the hot tears that fell down their cheeks, but they pulled away from him staring up as though he were a stranger. That killed him inside. As they started to talk away they whispered with pain he never ever wanted to cause for them after everything they've done, "How could you do this to me?" He asked himself the same thing, watching them move further and further away. He moved to chase after them, to turn them around and beg for forgiveness, but instead he found himself moving towards the zeta-beams. It was better this way. They would be better off without a burden like him.
.
Hate Me so you can finally see what's good for you
.
She stood by the zeta beams tapping her fingers against her side waiting patiently. She didn't care if he was the partner to 'The Dark Knight' or The Boy Wonder. No one was exempt, and no one got special treatment. She would stand there all day if she had to, as long as she made her point. She even ordered the rest of the team to wait in their quarters until Robin returned. If they thought Batman ripped Aqualad a new one, she was going to obliterate the cocky little hacker.
She glared intensely in a tense stance growing angrier by the minute. Today was not the day to piss her off. She already had other things on her mind; she did not need to deal with a little kid that decided to play hooky. As soon as an automated voice gave recognition to his return, she was livid and ready to jump. The fact he was smirking like the devil he is, only pissed her off even more.
"Robin," her voice was grave, and held clear irritation, "you missed the lesson."
The boy didn't react to a word she said ignoring them. Instead, he pulled out fifteen perfect pink roses wrapped up in silver paper from behind his back, pushing them into her arms. "This is for you."
For a moment, she was speechless and at awe at the gesture. Her eyes half-lidded in appreciation, and her chest felt slightly more lifted than she had been feeling earlier that day. However, she also felt insulted at his poor attempt to get out of missing class, and in a stern voice she started to explain that to him, "they're beautiful, but this doesn't change the fact you–" but before she could even finish the boy waved his hand at her shushing the woman.
"They're not from me," he told her. She didn't need to see his eyes to know what the young boy had meant. She grabbed at her chest once her heart beat wildly as if it were going to pop right out. Tears welled up in crystal blue as a bittersweet sadness glistened in her eyes. A warm sense of hope blossomed in her chest, and she thought she could break down and cry right there… "Happy Mother's Day, Black Canary."…and she did.
"…you know I love you."
…press five to dele–
Author's Note: Written Before 'Cold Hearted', so this oneshot was based on the series up to that episode. I was going to release it on Mother's Day, but recently I lost someone in my family. I thought I'd post this now and say: Always tell the people you love how much they mean to you. Pink roses stand for 'Gratitude' and fifteen roses all in all stands for "Please forgive me."
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Young Justice' or 'Hate Me' by Blue October