Set before the Shepherd wedding, before Serena left, before Dan, when it was just the UES crowd. It's Blair-centric.
Ugh. Oh my god. Blair had only been here for 20 minutes and already there was vomit on her Jimmy Choos. Her favourite Jimmy Choos. Her favourite suede Jimmy Choos. Ugh. Her mother would never forgive this. Nate didn't seem to care.
"So take them off!" He told her, his arm draped a little too heavily across her shoulders. She felt like a countertop.
She was trying her best, she really was, she just didn't feel comfortable at all. Blair didn't really drink; at least she didn't drink like her friends were right now. If there was one thing Blair loved it was control and alcohol compromised that.
Iz's apartment was free for the weekend. Scrap that, Iz's apartment was always free at the weekends; her parents practically lived at their country house in Connecticut; and as for the doorman, well he got the same treatment as any maitre d' or bouncer; doormen's jackets are perfect for stuffing hundred dollar bills up.
Blair was waiting for Serena, she said she'd be here by now, but then again, Serena was always "fashionably late" as her mother put it. While Eleanor seemed to think this was a great virtue and very harming, Blair despised anything but punctuality. Why give a time if you won't keep to it?
Her feet felt exceptionally dirty, she decided to go to the bathroom to give the feet of her tights a quick wipe down.
She had sat down on the edge of the bath with wipes in hand when she noticed Chuck sitting on the marble floor in the corner, watching her silently. He was smoking, but not cigarettes, the air was sweet and pungent and his eyes were less focused.
"Elise never could hold tequila." He murmured with a glance to her feet.
"Are you done being creepy yet Chuck I'm not in the mood."
He heaved himself to his feet and sauntered over, she stood p and he pressed up close to her pinning her to the bath.
"Having fun yet?" He stroked her cheek, and to her utter shock Blair felt a jolt run through her, she snapped herself back, she must've hit a whole new level of revulsion, she could smell weed and crab meat on his breath, "Of course not. This is you we're talking about." And he blew the thick smoke out in her face.
Blair pushed him off her, he took a step back. "Fine, have it your way."
He strolled out, joint in hand, Blair followed, thankfully the bathroom was on its own corridor so no-one saw her.
She wanted to go home but she forced herself to re-enter the crowded living room. Serena had arrived, but she wasn't her usual self, she wasn't even her drunk self. She sat on the sofa next to Georgina, completely tense; her limbs clamped together, her hands fidgeting.
Blair sat down on the sofa across from her, but Serena didn't seem to notice her, she was talking to herself more than anyone else.
"I can't believe her, I though we were getting somewhere and then," she buried her face in her hands and pressed fingers into her eyes in frustration, Georgina was trying to hush her, "she tells me we're going out for dinner" her voice was muffled till she pulled her face up, her features stretched into odd shapes, "just the three of us! Well I know what that means. I know what that means."
"Shh! I've got something that'll make you feel better. .. "Georgina giggled, she was bent over the table and Blair only now clocked what she was doing, a thin line of white powder lay on the table, Georgina bent her head down and made what Blair could only describe as the least ladylike noise Blair had ever heard.
Blair's eyes were wide as plates in shock, her mouth formed a little "oh!" of surprise. Serena looked at the second line furtively, "I'm not sure Georgina . . . I've never . . . and . . . I mean . . . Klaus . . ."
Georgina, whose eyes wee bright now leant back and whispered something in Serena's ear, they both giggled and glanced at Blair. Serena pouted and she and Georgina stared at each other for a minute before bursting into laughter, Serena shifted herself so that she was closer to the coffee table.
Blair got up before she saw what came next, she felt like the biggest fool in the world.
She's had enough, she was going to leave, and Nate came up to her, and grabbed her. "Blair!" he giggled and stuck his tongue in her mouth. It wasn't sexy or romantic, it was just gross. His tongue felt massive in her mouth and his spit tasted stale.
Once her surfaced, he pulled her over to the group they had been with earlier, Chuck sat languidly in the group and she could feel his dark eyes on her the whole time and the same jolt as before hit her. She ignored him.
There was a bottle sat in the middle of the group. Someone passed her a half-empty bottle of vodka, fuck it; she drank half of it straight and had to put the back of her wrist against her mouth to stop herself from vomiting there and then. Christ, she knew what to do when she needed to purge again, this was disgusting.
The bottle was spun and some people made out, hen it hit her, she gave Asher a chaste kiss on the cheek and everyone laughed, one of the lacrosse guys slapped Nate on the back. Her head was hurting and she was feeling more irritable, sounds and colours pressed in one her, was this drunkenness? Why did anyone drink?
As Chuck kissed the girl next to her, his eyes stayed open and trained on Blair, she couldn't help but look back. He finished and sat back down. A tall, blonde girl in the year above them, Ashlee spun the bottle and it hit Nate. Blair's heart just about stopped, before she could pat his arm to remind him of her presence, he was leaning forward and kissing Ashlee with more fervour than he had ever kissed her, the Lacrosse boys whooped and the girls watched Blair intently. Blair bit her lip and blinked back tears that crowded her eyes.
Nate sat back down and put his arm around Blair again, taking swig for his beer bottle, he and Ashlee were still glancing at each other, flirting with their eyes. No-one else was acting like this was strange so Blair let it lie. She felt like her stomach was going to eject its contents all over the Persian rug. After a while, Nate got up and pottered about a side table, Blair sat drinking the rest of the vodka, she couldn't talk to him right now.
Serena seemed livelier now; she and Georgina were dancing together in their bras on a table, letting guys stick dollar bills in their skirt waistbands and laughing, singing along in foreign accents. Blair hugged her knees to her chest and took another gulp. Chuck was still watching her out of the corner of his eye, another girl kissing his neck though he didn't reciprocate.
He glanced up and started a little, Blair turned, Ashlee was leading Nate into a room, their fingers curled loosely together, before the door slammed she saw him step forward and grab her waist.
Normally Blair would have cried, she would have gone home, but Blair was angry. And drunk.
She got up, Chuck moved to do the same, one eyebrow raised, but one look from her made him sink back into his chair.
Blair approached Carter; he was looking at Serena from across the room. She was now kissing Georgina as the guys around whooped and screamed and laughed.
And she did something she normally only ever did for Nate, she turned her eyes on.
She stood up close to him and she spoke low so he had to lean even closer and she bit her lips and put her hands on his waist when he thought he made her laugh and let it slip down so it was just inches from . . .
And she became aware of a flash, she looked over, girls were talking behind their hands and whispering and looking at her as if she were the devil incarnate.
Beyond them, Nate emerged from the room with Ashlee, her cheeks were flushed and her hair was a bit dishevelled but no-one took a photo of them and no-one whispered things about them. Carter saw Nate and pushed Blair off him a little. She stumbled backwards and towards the door, Nate was looking at her but he wouldn't meet her eye, Chuck was still watching her, Georgina and Serena were giggling under the arms of a Columbia junior, the whispers hurt her ears and she grabbed her ruined shoes and stumbled out to hail a taxi, her bare feet got wet in the new York sludge.
She rocked herself back and forward in the taxi. She had always known that Nate did that, but seeing it was different. She psyched herself up for it, she was going to end it, she ran her wet hand all over her face, smudging her make-up and pulled her necklace off, breaking it, she felt like it was choking her. Nate. Serena. Georgina. Carter. Chuck. They swirled round in her head faster and faster.
She fell into the lift and out into the apartment. Her mother was some reading some document on the chaise longue.
"Blair, what on earth?"
Blair had had enough, she came out with a slurred rant about men and feminism and life and lies and how she wasn't going to do any of it and she was going to break up with Nate and sleep with whoever she wanted and never drink and never wear bras and never let people eat crab. She though it was quite eloquent but her mother merely took off her reading glasses wearily.
"I think perhaps its time you took your make-up off and went to bed."
Blair let out a little scream of frustration and stomped up the stairs, slipping and almost falling several times on the way to her bedroom.
She collapsed next to the toile. She felt ill. She felt stupid. She felt fat. If she broke up with Nate, who would sleep with her? She'd be a virgin forever! She leaned over the toilet and didn't have to touch her throat at all, the image of Ashlee's flushed cheeks and Nate's content eyes and the itch of Carter's hands on her and the sound of Serena snorting and the smell of Chuck's breath enveloped her and she vomited until there was nothing left but bile. She flushed. She felt better without the vodka inside her. Everything would be okay. In the morning things would be normal again.
She got up and took her make-up off, brushed hair, put on her pyjamas and slid into bed, willing herself to sleep for a morning when she could forget,