Title: Slept So Long
Pairings:
Main: AliceXDemetri
Others: BellaXEdward, RosalieXEmmett, CarlisleXEsme, AroXSulpicia, CaiusXAthenodora, AftonXChelsea
Implied: AliceXJasper, MarcusXDidyme
Summary: After Jasper's death, Alice leaves the Cullens and goes to the Volturi and asks to die. But things don't really go according to plan, and soon Alice finds herself a member of the Volturi and attracted to their tracker, Demetri… but can she love again? What will life be like for her in the Volturi? And what will the Cullens think of all this? AliceXDemetri.
Full Summary: Heartbroken by Jasper's death, Alice decides she cannot deal with the pain anymore, and leaves the Cullen family. She wanders the planet aimlessly, having no desire to belong anywhere any more. Finally, it all becomes too much, and Alice's wish to die becomes overwhelming.
Following Edward's suit, positive that no one will be able to stop her, Alice goes to the Volturi and asks to die. But things don't go exactly the way she plans, and soon she finds herself betraying everything she believed in… and becoming a part of the Volturi.
Yes my summaries suck really bad, but read for me anyway?
Warnings: Character death, smut/lemon, swearing, violence, angst, tragedy, romance, fluff… more to come later.
Rating: MA.
Timeline: Takes place after New Moon, during Eclipse. Since Jasper dies at the hands of Victoria's army.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Unfortunately…! Don't sue!
Notes: Alright so basically, the characters are portrayed by the people who play them in the movies. So Ashley Greene is Alice, Charlie Bewley is Demetri, Michael Sheen is Aro, Jackson Rathbone is Jasper, Robert Pattinson is Edward, Kristen Stewart is Bella, etc. if you do not know who any of these people are or who's playing who in New Moon or Twilight head down to google and look it up.
Author: Ah… Not sure what to say. Charlie Bewley is sexy; I have to write a story about him getting with Alice. Lemons? Oh yes, there will be lemons. Teehee. I love Jasper and Jackson Rathbone and it kills me to have him dead in his story, but that's the only way Alice will ever be with someone else is if Jasper is dead… so… *sob* Alright, on with the story. Enjoy!
BTW, Melancholy I'm almost ready to post a new chapter, so don't fret, it will be there eventually. I've started this earlier than I would have because I need some practice and I need to push through this God-awful writer's block I'm having. Enjoy! And don't hate me too much. I love you all! Lol.
Walking,
waiting I see hell
in your eyes Walking,
waiting I hate you! I've
slept so long without you
Alone without a care
Hoping and hating
the things I
can't bare
Did you think it's cool to walk right up
to take my
life and fuck it up?
Well did you, well did you?
Taken in by surprise
Touching you makes me feel
alive
Touching you makes me die inside
Alone without a care
Hoping and hating
The things I
can't bare
Did ya think it's cool to walk right up
And take my
life and fuck it?
Well did you?
It's tearing me apart too
How did you
get this far?
Playing games with this old heart
I've killed a
million petty souls
but I couldn't kill you…
I've
slept so long with out you
- "Slept So Long", Jonathan Davis of KORN.
Chapter 1, Sanctity of Sorrow
I stared blankly out the window at the rain, my forehead rested gently against the glass. I watched each raindrop as it fell, and for the countless time, I wished I was able to cry. But then again, I wasn't sure there'd be enough tears inside me to express how sad I truly was.
I closed my eyes and searched deep into the abyss of my mind, looking for Jasper's smiling face. But as usual, I shut myself out before I got anywhere close to remembering that. I'd done enough grieving – six months of it – and now it was time to stop. But being in this house was too much.
Every surface reminded me of him. And I just couldn't bear it any longer. Of course I didn't wish to hurt my family – they meant the world to me now. I loved Edward, I loved Bella, I love Rosalie, I loved Emmett, I loved Carlisle and I loved Esme. It would hurt me to leave them, I expected that… but I also expected it would agonize me even more to stay.
With one parting sigh, I turned around and stalked out of the bedroom. But I couldn't resist one last look. Leaning against the door frame, I gazed longingly into the bedroom.
When I was with Jasper, the room was so lively. My clothes were strewn everywhere, my makeup cluttered the table and there were always books everywhere. Sometimes, Jasper and I would curl up on the bed together, and pretend to sleep beside each other. It was our way of bonding. It made us feel human. Even if it was just for a few hours. I'd always have music playing too.
But now the room was a dead zone. Everything was too neat, too tidy. Too quiet. Like nobody had ever lived in here at all. I was only going to take a few pieces of clothing and jewelry – things I wasn't quite ready to let go of just yet. But they were already packed in the trunk of my car.
My eyes prickled and I wanted to cry. I envied Bella and her ability to shed tears. Closing my eyes and exhaling another poignant and quiet sigh, I switched the light off and made my way down stairs.
Everyone was as silent as my room when I got downstairs. Rosalie was waiting at the foot of the staircase, and as soon as I was down, she embraced me and buried her face in my hair.
"Please don't go, Alice." She begged for the countless time. She was begging in one final, feeble attempt. She knew I wasn't going to change my mind.
"I'm sorry Rosie." I sniffed, and my eyes hurt again. "I'll be in contact."
She pulled back and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes as the pain became overwhelming, and my heart was about ready to burst. I loved Rosalie so very much but I hated how much she reminded me of Jasper. I squeezed her hands, and then I let her go.
Emmett hugged me as well. Like Rosalie, he asked me not to go. It was getting harder and harder to say no and it hurt worse every time I did it, but no amount of pleading was going to change my mind. I hugged Esme next, who was absolutely distraught. Her body racked with dry sobs and she too put her face in my hair. She was the worst to say no to, but I managed.
Once Esme let me go, I moved onto Carlisle. He took my hands in his, and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and felt a hot rush of shame. I felt like I was betraying him somehow, and I got so close to staying, but every time I thought about staying I reminded myself of the reason I wanted to leave.
"There will always be a home for you here, with us." He breathed against my cheek, and I whimpered, throwing my arms around the only real father figure I've ever had in my life. I would never forget him, or any of them, no matter how many centuries I was away from them.
The last two I bade goodbye to were Bella and Edward. They waited for me at the front door. Edward's face was contorted with suppressed pain. He tried to put on a brave face for Bella, but as he saw me approach, his resolve cracked and some of his pain was slipping through.
I put my arms carefully around Bella, and kissed her cheek. If I had been human, she would have been strangling me with the amount of effort she was putting into it. I pulled back after a few minutes and saw tears dripping down her face.
Oh Bella, you have no idea how lucky you are… I thought sorrowfully, referring to her tears. Edward frowned. I wiped one of her tears away with the tip of my finger, and tried my best to give her an encouraging smile. She smiled weakly, embarrassed, and wiped the rest of them away herself.
Suddenly, I discovered how guilty I felt about leaving Bella just when she and Edward got engaged properly. I desperately wanted to stay and plan the wedding, and argue with Edward and Bella all day of it. The very thought of it alone was enough to bring a small smile to my face. But again, it wasn't enough to compel me to stay.
I made a vow to make it up to Edward and Bella somehow in the future.
"This isn't goodbye forever." I told her quietly; unsure of whether or not this was actually the truth. I threw a look at Edward too quickly for Bella to see. "This is just goodbye for a while."
"I wish there wasn't a goodbye at all." Bella whispered, her lips quivering.
I put her face between my hands.
"I love you Bella." I told her sincerely, smiling again. "I always will, no matter how many miles or years you put between us. I'll be in contact, okay?"
Bella scrunched her face up as more tears escaped, and she nodded her head furiously, staring at the floor. I closed my eyes as a vision I didn't want to see appeared in my head.
Me walking out the door. Bella leaning into Edward's chest and holding onto him for support, her frail shoulders shaking from her sobs. Rosalie doing the same with Emmett, and both Edward and Emmett looked beyond grief themselves. Carlisle stared at the floor as he made his way over to Esme, and put his arm around her waist, whispering soothing things to her as she stared longingly out the door.
I closed my eyes.
My final goodbye was probably the hardest of all. He just looked at me as I turned to him. Carefully, I wrapped my arms around him and leaned against him. He put his arms around me and leaned against my head.
Edward, I thought, so nobody else could hear. If Bella asks, you have to tell her that what I said was true, about this not being goodbye forever. I don't know if it is or not. You know I can't take this anymore. I will miss you all horribly, but that doesn't change the fact that it will hurt me much more to stay.
Edward nodded slowly, understanding.
And Edward?
He tilted his head slightly, as if to say 'Yeah?'
I love you. Out of everyone in this family, I think you've always been the one I was closest to. Freaks among freaks, remember? You know I'm always going to be there for you and Bella when you need me, but for now, I need to be on my own. I don't know how long that means I'll be gone, or whether I will return at all. When Jasper died, it was the end of something. It was the end of the way I felt about life. And being here didn't make it better. I need to leave, to grow and heal but I've done all the healing I can with you and our family. And now comes the time for me to be alone. Please take care of everyone for me. I love you Edward Cullen, my brother. I always will.
"I love you too Alice." Edward murmured back to me, and he inhaled a sharp breath as he closed his eyes. I felt my heart twist and I knew that now was the time I had to go. Anymore goodbyes would just have been convincing myself to stay. Reluctantly, I let him go, and reached for the door handle.
Turning on my heel, I looked at everyone, and everyone looked back at me. I saw the misery and the longing they all had in their eyes, and I felt another rush of guilt. I smiled at everyone, but it was broken. My own sorrow was seeping through my calm and mature façade.
"I love you all." I told them. "And no matter how long I'm gone for, I will never forget any of you. You're my family, and you always will be."
My eyes darted to the ground, and with one final parting glance at everyone – I moved too quickly between them for me to read their expressions – I opened the front door and stepped outside. I walked down the front steps and onto the green grass.
I inhaled the atmosphere's scent, and strangely, despite all the hurt I had inside me, I felt a little freer. Now I was able to grieve and heal on my own without having to try to put on a brave face for anyone anymore. But this freedom feeling didn't even touch the rotting feeling I had inside of me.
I'm sorry. I thought, hoping Edward would hear me. He would.
I walked into the garage, and like I did with the house, I tried to absorb as many details of it as I could. I didn't want to forget anything while I was away. I ran my fingers over the surface of the tool bench and I felt my heartache even more. Small things I was going to miss along with the huge things.
Edward playing the piano. Rosalie arguing with Edward. The two of them tinkling with cars in this very garage. Esme's cleaning and baking habits, despite the fact that none of us could ever eat them. Carlisle's constant studying and his desire to know more, and the way he'd always try and spend as much time with each of us as possible. And Emmett and his broad smile and his playful manner… and his infantile bets with Jasper.
Thinking his name in such a casual way sent an electric shock through my body. In the last six months, every time I so much as thought his name, I'd always flinch. And I'd always feel like running away whenever someone tried to bring him up. After a while, they just stopped trying. And I was grateful for it.
Grabbing a hold of the Turbo's keys that hung on the key rack, I turned towards the car. The present from Edward. Like I did with the tool bench, I ran my hand across the sleek top of it.
Suddenly, the pain of losing my family hit me in a large blow and I realized exactly what I was doing and what was going to come of this.
I'm gonna be all alone. For the countless time in the last half a year, my eyes prickled. I tilted my head back and looked at the ceiling. I wondered where Jasper was now. I'd like to think he was in a heaven – I couldn't bear the thought of him not existing in some form or another.
I quickly got in my car, and my hands clutched the steering wheel. I leaned against the wheel, careful not to set the horn off.
I love you Jazz. I hoped he would hear this, wherever he was. You know how much I do. And my God darling, I miss you so much. I wish you hadn't been stolen from me. And I know that you wouldn't want me to be doing this – going off and grieving on my own – but this is something I need to do. And it's time to let you go. I can't keep torturing myself like this anymore. I just can't. Please, forgive me. I love you but I gotta go on. That's what you'd want for me anyway, right? Oh Jasper. I love you. So much. I'm so sorry.
I let out a small sob and my face crumpled with ache as I turned the ignition on. I put my foot carefully on the pedal, and heard the engine rev.
Please forgive me. I begged silently, closing my eyes again briefly before I stepped on it, and before I knew it, I was driving far away as fast as I possibly could. I thought of nothing as I drove. I felt nothing. I felt dead. I kept driving faster and faster, in an attempt to escape.
But how long could I do this for?
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Whoo. Chapter one is finished! I hope you all enjoyed it – mind you, this isn't even really the beginning, and future chapters will be longer than this. Thanks for reading, and don't forget to hit the review button and tell me what you thought!