A/N This is an Ellie plot-bunny that I've had running around my head for a few weeks now, and since it's final exam time I figured it was the perfect time to start writing it! I'll try to update frequently, and the chapters should get longer.
This is the first time I've written fanfic or any creative writing since 2002, so I'm still getting back in the groove – please be gentle!
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I'm sitting there, like I do every second Tuesday. I listen to the deep and meaningful discussion going on around the circle, but I am detached from it. I can't relate to it. I can't relate to them. I don't know why I still come, force of habit I suppose.
Don't get me wrong, I used to love my group. But now it's full of young kids whining about teenage problems, a stage in my life that I'm glad to be passed. I'm totally stable now. Honestly.
Right now a girl's talking about the Degrassi-Lakehurst merger and how the chaos of school is making her feel stressed and out of control. Tucking a strand of curly brown hair behind her ear she explains that school used to be an escape from her home life.
"It was so routine, you know? When I woke up and in the evening I didn't know what my dad was going to be like or what would be happening with my little sister. But at school I knew exactly what was happening and when. I knew what classes I had to go to, I knew what the cafeteria menu for the week was, I knew where my friends would sit at lunch. But now I share a locker and I don't know if Amanda will have moved my stuff around. I don't know if there'll be any tables to eat at for lunch. I don't know any of the Degrassi people so I don't know half the people in my classes." God how trivial. "I felt safe at school but now I don't." She plays with the cuff of her sleeve. "I never used to cut myself at school. I didn't need to. But now…" She trails off.
Mark, our group leader, smiles at her. "Thanks Natalie. Anyone else feel like sharing at this point… Ellie, let's here from you."
Shit. I know he wants me to talk about cutting. Most of the kids are kinda new here don't even know I used to cut and I don't really feel like exposing myself to them. Mark's looking at me intently, waiting.
"Not much to report, really. Life's moving along, relationship with Jesse's going great, umm my parents are both at home at the moment though Dad's leaving shortly after Christmas, but hey, he's in the army, it happens, I'm used to it. Honestly, the hardest thing in my life at the moment is my roommates Paige and Marco. They both just broke up with their partners so the atmosphere at the flat isn't the best with them sulking all over the place. But that just means I spend more time away from the house at university, which is good cos I get lots of study done." Shut up Ellie, you're rambling. Just close your mouth and look like you're in control.
"Is your course-load alright? You're not feeling too pressured?" Mark's starting to push.
"It's fine, honestly. What do you want me to say? That I'm having a horrible time? Life's… going good." Make eye contact. Smile. Around at everyone.
"That's great to hear, Ellie." His tone doesn't give much away, I can't tell if he believes me or not. Thankfully he moves on to the next poor soul. I drift back inside my head. Next thing I know Mark's speaking again, thanking us all for coming and reminding us that he's going away for Christmas so group won't be on again for a couple of weeks. He finishes, and I stand up, pulling on my jacket. Time to go home to my delightful roommates.