AN: Many thanks to my wonderful beta, pen 'n notebook! And thank you for clicking on my story, I hope that you like it! The title and song lyrics in the summary are from one of my favorite Natalie Merchant songs. Please let me know what you think!

The sun was bright and hot, just as Riza remembered it. And yet it chilled her to the bone. Who would be afraid of a beautiful sunny day? But with each passing minute, the sun climbed higher in the sky, the train chugged forward, and dread grew heavier in her chest.

"It's amazing how you can do that without even looking."

Riza drew her gaze away from the train window and focused on Jean Havoc, who was grinning at her. He had been sitting next to her since they started their trip very early that morning, and while his normally sunny disposition was slightly dampened by their looming destination, he had spent the last couple hours trying to put a smile on her face.

"What?" She realized that her hands had stilled and she looked down at her lap. On top of the open pages of a book (some mystery novel that had failed to capture her attention) lay the mechanics of one of her firearms. Clutched in her fingers was the grip and barrel of the gun. Had she been assembling it or disassembling it? She felt even more dismay. She was always so attentive when holding her weapons because she knew the destruction that they caused, and she hated that she had been so careless while she was lost in thought. "Oh. Just practice, I guess."

"I bet. You could probably do it in your sleep."

She hummed in affirmation, focusing now on reassembling the weapon. Her nimble fingers made quick work of the job and she tucked the gun back into her side holster. She picked up her book again.

Havoc continued, turning his attention to the dark haired man sitting across from them. "You ever perform alchemy in your sleep, Chief?"

Head down, Riza raised her gaze to regard the man sitting in front of her. He stared out the window, but he was quick to respond.

"It's been a long time since I've fallen asleep wearing my gloves."

In her mind's eye, she saw him next to her, fast asleep, covered in dust from head to toe. She laid on her belly, elbows resting on the windowsill, rifle clutched in her hands as she looked out across the desolation below. He came up to visit her sometimes when she was on guard duty and he was supposed to be sleeping. They talked idly for a few hours until he would slip into a restless slumber. She covered him with her dirty robe to shield him from the chilly desert night air. And his sandy gloves remained on his hands, curled into loose fists. She was glad to see his fingers relaxed, knowing the guilt that he felt about the destruction that they caused.

She didn't mind his visits at all. If anything, his presence soothed her anxious spirit. She was so young when she was sent to war, pulled from the academy while she was still wet behind the ears because she was singled out as a weapon for the military. And every single day she saw a cacophony of terror that was inflicted by her hands. But with him beside her, her hands felt steadier, her eyes were keener, and she didn't feel the pull of sleep. She felt like less of a killer and more of a protector. When the sun began to rise over the horizon, she allowed herself to look at him, and with one finger on the trigger of her rifle, she shook him awake with her free hand.

That was seven years ago, but the memories were so vivid that it seemed like a bad dream from which she had just awoken. And now they were headed back to that dreadful place.

Ishval. She could see the crumbling ruins in the distance now, inching closer and closer by the second.

Havoc, meanwhile, swiveled in his seat and started up a conversation with Breda on the other side of him. But Riza's eyes stayed on the Colonel. He was back to looking out the window, his mouth set into a firm line. There was a crease between his eyebrows. He would not admit it, but he was worried- and while he put up a confident front as always, she could read his face easily.

He was remembering too.

"This is the place," Falman announced. He gripped his suitcase in one hand and a worn, creased map in the other, which he held aloft. He led them to a building on the outskirts of town. It was a simple, two-story house that was dilapidated by the standards of a similar structure in most other towns. But in Ishval it was a rarity with walls that were intact and hardly touched by mortar shells, and the team was promised that there were oil lamps and running water.

They filed inside, all of them relieved to see a clean interior that was largely free from sand particles. It had a simple layout, just a sitting room and a small kitchen off the side of a large bedroom on the ground floor, and two bedrooms upstairs. The local authorities had made them aware ahead of time that there were three twin beds and a pull out couch in the large bedroom on the lower level, and a master bedroom with a smaller bedroom beside it. Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery had drawn straws on the train ride over to determine who would be sleeping on the couch, but they still squabbled as they entered the downstairs bedroom, and there was a rustle as they claimed beds.

Riza turned to the Colonel, and he motioned to the stairs to show that she could go first. When they made their way to the upper level the floorboards creaked beneath their feet as they arrived in the hallway that lead to the two single bedrooms.

"You should take the master bedroom," he offered, turning to her.

She shook her head. "You're the C.O. It's only right that you take it." She peeked inside. It was much bigger than any bedroom that she had ever had. There was a large bed in the center- a king or queen, she couldn't tell- and a wooden chair by the window, which overlooked the town. "Besides, I've never slept in a bed that big before."

"All the more reason for you to take it." He moved behind her into the smaller room, and she heard a soft thump as he cast his suitcase onto the bed. "Besides, don't you want to be first in line if there's danger in the hall?"

As always, he predicted her response. "Yes, sir." Striding into the room, she laid her small suitcase on a chair in the corner. She hadn't packed much, just the basics that she would need over the next two weeks that they would be staying in Ishval.

"It's oh-ten hundred," she called to him after a glance at her wrist watch. "What time do you want to convene?"

The walls were thin because she heard his voice very clearly. "We should give the men a chance to rest." She saw the logic; it had been a long train ride and they had all woken up early. Besides, they didn't have any meetings until tomorrow. "Maybe after lunch."

"Good idea."

"I'm not hungry yet. Do you want to go find something to eat in an hour?" His voice was closer now and she glanced back to see him standing in the doorway, his hand on the frame.

Riza nodded and moved towards the chair with her suitcase, unzipping it to pull out her bag of toiletries. She angled her body so that her back was to him, so that he could not see the package wrapped in brown paper that was tucked between neatly folded piles of civilian clothing. They had decided that given the Ishvallan's distrust of the State Military that it would be better to not wear their uniforms during their visit. "I'll meet you back here, sir. I want to go on a walk first." Her legs felt cramped from sitting in a crowded train car and she was keen to see how the town had progressed since they had last stayed there. From what she saw in their short trip from the train station, there were a lot of reconstruction projects that had captured her eye. Maybe seeing them would make her feel better about their stay, to witness the town thriving instead of being decimated.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him frown. "I don't think that's a good idea, Lieutenant. We should stick together until we know the area better."

"It'll be alright, sir. I won't go too far. And I can take care of myself." She cast him a wary smile, which he didn't return.

"Alright," he conceded after a moment. "But if you don't come back in an hour we'll come looking for you."

She nodded. "That's fair. Now can you please stop fretting over me?"

"Yes, ma'am," he returned. She looked up to see a grin playing across his lips before he gently closed the door. The smile on her face returned, this time in earnest as she heard his footsteps fading down the hall. The men didn't seem to pay her much notice as she left the house.

There were already a lot of Ishvalans that had moved back into the town, and as she walked the streets she marveled at the number of people bustling around. She made her way to the center of the town where she knew that the market place was. Stalls with brightly colored canvas awnings lined the streets and alleys. The some vendors noticed her immediately, and many tried to call her over to their stall, but she was mostly regarded with suspicious stares. She knew that she was an obvious outsider with her fair skin and golden hair.

"Amestrian!"

Riza looked over at the sound of the voice and found it coming from a dark booth. She could see a lone woman sitting inside, beckoning to her. Riza wasn't sure why, but she decided to look over.

"You are looking for something," the woman crooned, beckoning her closer still. She was sitting behind a round table.

"I haven't seen anything that I want to buy," the lieutenant answered.

The woman laughed and shook her head. "What you are looking for cannot be bought, young woman." When Riza stared at her blankly, she motioned to a chair. "Come, sit."

Riza ducked under the awning and took the seat. Beneath her feet laid a richly textured rug, and around the stall, crystals glistened in the dim light. "I didn't think that your faith allowed fortune telling."

"I only divine what is Ishvalla's vision," the old woman told her. "I illuminate the way to people who are searching for his light."

Riza shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I'm not a believer."

"It doesn't matter. Ishvalla has given me this gift so that I might help those who need it. Would you like to know more?"

She hesitated. She certainly didn't think that she needed help, but she was interested to learn more about the culture. All of her previous experiences in Ishval had been about destroying the people who lived there, and now was the time to nurture them. "How much does it cost?"

The old woman laughed. "For heretics, it is free. You may draw one card for you to show you your fate."

Riza pursed her lips together but nodded. "Alright."

The woman produced a worn stack of cards, and Riza watched as she shuffled them between her weathered hands. After a minute, she stopped and set down the stack before fanning it out on the table between them. "Choose a card. It is yours."

After a pause, Riza picked one of the cards and turned it over. On the face there was a man and a woman, naked and holding hands. There was Ishvallan lettering at the bottom that she could not decipher. "What does it mean?"

"Ah," the woman chuckled, her red eyes glinting. "It is very interesting that you draw this card. It is very powerful. It means a union of duality. It signifies a force that binds two entities together to create wholeness. But it is not absolute- a choice must be made. You must decide what path on which to embark to become whole."

Skeptically, Riza stared at the card. "How I am supposed to know what path to take?"

"Ishvalla gives us the materials to find what we seek. He will show you the way. But you must first open your eyes to what is inside of you."

Riza swallowed. "The writing here, at the bottom… what does it mean?"

The woman smiled, showing rows of teeth yellowed by age. "It is the name of the card. It is called The Lovers."