Gravity of Love
By Timble
Amidst the tingling warmth creeping through her body, a misty gaze whose focus she was finding difficult to regain, a burning sensation in her throat, and a dull, slow ache taking almost complete control of her mental faculties, she recalled so clearly and vividly a memory of a distraught male figure looming over her inebriated form. She had a feeling that the man was positively furious, though as to the reason for such, she was absolutely clueless about.
"Jou-chan, if you keep that up, I am never, ever letting you touch tequila again."
Sanosuke Sagara was never a killjoy, she remembered, and so why was he beginning to act like one? How loudly she had complained about his statement that night, crooning about how much she loved the drink, Tequila Rose especially, which she compared happily to Bailey's while sniffing the musty scent off Misao's 'blankie'.
"Oh Sanosuke, you can't possibly mean that," she had slurred and hiccuped. "We're at the apartment. We're safe and sound. Really, how much harm can we do with just a few drinks?" She pointedly punctuated each of her last four words with a slight pause, as if to make a dent on his sobering seriousness, before falling flat on her back and landing on something soft―a bed, perhaps? She never really got to find out what.
"Oh yes I can possibly mean that, Jou-chan. And I'm not just pertaining to times when you're here in the apartment. I agree, you're here, you're safe, but outside? Jesus Christ! You're horrible with alcohol. You can't handle it well! You've had what--two shots? Three?" A piercing squeal from the other, equally intoxicated female named Misao interrupted his tirade, alerting him to the more correct of the two guesses. Sano shook his head. "I honestly feel ashamed of having you as my friends, really, if the both of you can't hold your own against three tiny glasses of alcohol."
"You've got to give me more credit than that Sano," Misao protested, raising a filled shot glass and chugging its contents down her throat. "See, that's four!"
He rolled his eyes.
"Listen, the both of you. For as long as I'm your friend, I'm keeping an eye on you whenever we have so much as a glass of booze, in whatever form, within your reach. And especially when we go out clubbing and/or drinking," came the very sober retort from Sano. "I'm definitely not letting you hurt yourselves."
"Hurt ourselves?" Kaoru exclaimed, trying to sit up. "Where did you get that idea from? And we're big girls--you don't need to protect Misao or me from anything, even from ourselves."
"Right on Kaoru babe!" Misao laughed, crawling over to her. "We are big girls!"
Right, Kaoru scowled to herself. That's why she was here, in one of the glitziest and glamorous night clubs of Tokyo and paying an insanely huge tab for her drinks in an effort to get hopelessly wasted, without any of her best friends.
Carry on, Kaoru tried to console herself. You are a big girl, who could handle a night of drinking alone, with no one to take you home.
Normally, because she believed it was a responsible thing to do, she never went out unaccompanied by anyone she trusted with her life, especially with the track record Sano was kind enough to point out the night she and Misao were the most incomprehensible to themselves and to the world in their entire twenty four years. Tonight, however, was a different circumstance. She wasn't with Sanosuke, Misao or Megumi simply because she couldn't be with them. After all, they were on summer vacation, and by just speed dialing Misao's number from her phone, she could easily have all of them at where she was in a heartbeat. Except for maybe―no, she wouldn't think of that. It wasn't what she came here for.
The truth, she solemnly acknowledged, was that tonight was one of the times she couldn't bear to hang out with them and let them see just how weak she really was.
Weakness, she thought blearily, was something she had always resented in herself ever since the day her father first taught her how to swing her wooden sword. Weakness was what she labored long and hard to completely erase, an unfavorable characteristic that she strove to conceal as much as she possibly could. Weakness, she found, was what drove her to commit acts that gave her sleepless nights and painful pangs of regret. Weakness, she belatedly realized, was what lured her to enter through the dark, olive-tinted steel door in ankle-high boots, a crisp tafetta skirt, an ecru, sequined tank top, a long, chained gold necklace, and a sleek, black leather jacket.
This weakness was what she was determined to forget, at least for that night, by pretending to be someone she wasn't.
A firm hand touched her shoulder, and she whirled around, looking inquiringly at the gentleman she found standing behind her.
"May I buy you a drink?" said the tall, raffish man with the strangest yet interesting silvery hair, gently leaning into her and grinning slightly. She paused for a moment, pursing her lips and tilting her head a bit, before allowing a small smile to creep into her face. His grin widened, and he let his hand slip from her shoulder to slide down her bare arm and over the hand that held her jacket.
"A margarita would be wonderful."
* * * * * * * * * *
"Meh, what happened to the others?" Sanosuke asked hotly, not bothering to look at the man he was conversing with. He rocked the ice cubes impatiently against their glass in an absent effort to preoccupy himself. Anyone who looked at him at that moment would know he wasn't happy with something.
"I don't know Sano," came the vehement response and the downing of another shot of vodka. "I called, but they weren't picking up."
"I can imagine why," Sano replied, shooting an accusing glare across him.
For his part, Kenshin simply crossed his arms and leaned back into his chair. "I know you're against this, but you're my friends. It means so much to me if you would come."
"Precisely, Kenshin, and that's why we're going. Not because we're genuinely happy for you or something."
"Sano, I'm getting married. Please be happy for me. It's supposed to be a happy day for me!"
He simply frowned.
"I know you don't like her very much," Kenshin retorted, his shoulders sagging over the disdainful countenance of the man seated before him. "But please—"
"Tomoe is nice, Kenshin. She's a beautiful woman. She's smart, amiable, interesting to talk with, accommodating, and she's been nothing but nice to all of us. But, you know why we don't like her for you the way you want us to."
Kenshin sighed, leaning in a little further into the table to refill his shot glass with the bottle of liquor they had bought. "Then that's unfair for her. She's been doing everything to make all of you feel good with her, but you guys just aren't responding properly."
At this, Sano's eyes narrowed at the insinuation. His lips pursed into a thin line, and his voice took on a markedly lower tone when he said, "It's not our fault we like someone else for you."
His friend waved his hand dismissively, an edgy smile forming across his face.
"That was the past. Things are different now."
"Well, true. You made a choice, Kenshin. So we're just going to have to suck it up," Sano replied matter-of-fact-ly, crossing his legs while finishing the remaining whisky in his glass. "By Sunday, we're all going to have a new world order we need to get used to. We're your friends after all."
That seemed to signal the end of their conversation on that matter, and Kenshin took the opportunity to stand and move out for a while.
"Are you going to stay here?" he asked the taller man.
He shook his head, preferring to lie down on the couch of the booth they were settled in.
"I have some things I'd like to think about," was his reply, bringing an arm over his forehead.
Kenshin nodded and moved to the dance floor, all the while thinking that there was no way he was going to tell Tomoe about this part of his and Sano's night. He had called her on her cellphone earlier during the day to tell her that he and Sano were planning on drinking that night. She had offered to join them, but he had declined; he wanted some friendly time with his best man before the wedding, and besides, Sano probably preferred that his bride not be around. Most definitely, Kenshin sighed inwardly, considering the way he was acting tonight, the reason was because up to now, he still couldn't accept that it was Tomoe, and not another girl, that he was going to walk down the aisle with on Sunday.
He was already walking down a short flight of steps towards the crowd of people on the dance floor, silently reveling in the lights, music and the intoxicated happiness emanating from them. The bar was over to his left—he didn't need to pass by now, he just wanted to know where it was in case he'd like to grab another drink—and the DJ was up front. Men and women were gravitating towards the space before him, wording or moving their approval and enjoyment. He smiled to himself as he finally stepped in to join the circle of bodies. A few girls were already trying to catch his eye, but he politely looked away. He was getting married on Sunday, and he was sure that the woman he would be spending the rest of his life with wouldn't appreciate him entertaining any other women tonight.
A flash of white caught the corner of his eye. He turned to follow the trail, his eyes scanning the crowd for what could have been its source. He realized that it was from a piece of clothing on the familiar figure of a familiar woman who, even if he didn't see her too often, was someone he would recognize easily.
He had second thoughts, however, when he finally laid his eyes on her. There was that white piece of clothing on her—though it looked more like the faded kind of white, ecru—and she definitely had a profile that he thought he could place anywhere. Especially since she had long, black hair that fell across her back like a rich curtain of ebony. He knew only a few girls with that kind of feature.
But she was also in ankle boots with high heels and a dark skirt that hung high above her knees. The girl he knew didn't really wear things like that; she would cringe at the thought of having to dress herself up like that and parade herself like a "fresh, ripe fruit waiting to be plucked." He laughed inwardly at the memory. No, he told himself. That girl, who also had her bare arms wrapped around a tall man with white hair, wasn't her. She was probably just another one of the kind of girls that frequented this place with a different man on their arm each time.
Until they whirled around and he saw her full face: lips parted slightly in an impassioned intake of breath, cheeks heavily flushed a warm pink, and eyes he knew to be the richest shade of blue shut in rapture. Then she leaned closer into her man's embrace, smiling shyly as she received a small kiss on her cheek.
Shock overpowered him and rooted him to his spot.
That couldn't be, that couldn't be, that couldn't be her.
Kaoru—
They pulled away from each other quite reluctantly, the man whispering something into his ear and eliciting a wider smile from Kaoru. She nodded and let him lead her towards the edge of the floor, where he took out a card from his wallet and handed it to her. Once more, he placed another kiss on her cheek, and once more, she smiled, staying put as he walked away from the floor and, presumably, out of the club. At this, Kaoru held her free hand up to her face and swept the bangs out of her eyes, turning around to walk towards Kenshin's direction.
She stopped when she realized that the man in front of her refused to budge from his spot and was therefore blocking her way.
"Excuse me sir, I can't pass," she said, looking up to his face. It was then that her eyes widened in surprise—and something like fear. "Kenshin? What are you doing here?"
It took some moments before he could respond properly.
"Sano and I are here for a drink. We were calling you guys if you wanted to come, but none of you were picking up, so it was just the two of us," he said simply, watching her.
Kaoru nodded wordlessly, registering the palpable tension between them. Inwardly, she was flailing desperately. Oh gods, she wailed, why was he here? Why, of all people, did it have to be him, here, in the same club? Why did he have to find her?
"Who are you with?" Kenshin asked pointedly.
"No one," Kaoru replied.
Kenshin raised an eyebrow.
"You're alone? And you're drinking?"
"Yes. What's the matter?"
"I didn't know you to be this irresponsible."
"It's one of the few times I allow myself to be so."
Kenshin frowned.
"Who's going to take you home?"
"I'm driving myself."
"In this state?"
"I didn't say I was going home now."
"Oh? And what time are you going home?"
Kaoru's brows burrowed in anger.
"Why are you suddenly acting like my father?" she spat.
"Because you're acting irresponsibly by going out for a drink, alone, and getting yourself drunk, and driving yourself home," he replied hotly.
"I'm not drunk," she retorted, seething.
"Really now? Do you remember the faces of all the guys that groped you and slid their hands up your legs? Or you weren't keeping track, as long as they did it?"
Kaoru froze and her vision went black. She wasn't thinking straight when her right hand made contact with his left cheek. The resounding sound of the impact jerked her back to reality.
Kenshin was cradling his left cheek, the side with his cross scar. He was looking at her with surprise, regret, anger, and confusion written all over his face.
Kaoru whirled around and started to take off in the opposite direction of where she was originally headed towards. But Kenshin, too quick for her, grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm leaving."
"I thought you weren't going home yet."
"I changed my mind. Let me go."
"Kaoru, you can't go home like that."
"Oh yes I can. I'm fine."
"Where is your car parked? I'll drive you home."
"Leave me alone, Kenshin. I'm fine."
"Kaoru."
"I said, leave me alone. Let go of my hand!"
"I'm not letting to until you let me take you home."
"No! I can go home by myself!"
"Kaoru!"
"Stop, Kenshin! Or I'll call—"
She was silenced by the sudden press of his lips against hers. Dumbfounded, she failed to notice his hand snaking around her back, only realizing belatedly that she was already pressed against his frame and wrapping her arms around his neck in an unconscious desire to get closer to him. Meanwhile, his hand pressed more firmly on her back, encouraging her, as his other hand moved up her spine to rest at the nape of her neck, fingers twining into her hair.
Their kiss was strained at first—almost unwanted, almost uncomfortable. But as the moments drew on, they found a rhythm that they didn't know existed between them, the rhythm that send blood pulsing madly through their bodies and heady sensations clouding all other thoughts of anyone and anything else but them. Kenshin kissed her so fervently, with an ardor that he didn't realize he had for anyone, and Kaoru… Kaoru…
She was in tears.
Kenshin pulled back, bewildered and worried over the steady stream of tears that were falling down Kaoru's face. He cupped her face with his hands, whispered soothing words as his thumbs brushed over the wet trails, and asked her repeatedly if she would tell him what was wrong.
"Why, Kenshin? Why?" she whispered brokenly, the tears still falling steadily.
"What do you mean why—"
"Why did you kiss me?" she breathed, eyelids dropping and chest heaving.
He was at a loss for words.
And so she put two and two together, despite the searing ache she felt within her chest. It was but right. It would help her in the long run. But this was the very reason why she had come here, to forget the pain that his smile would bring, the darkness that she felt whenever she understood that his eyes would never shine for her. She came here to be someone she wasn't—someone who was desired, someone who was wanted—and not to be reminded of her failure in the very man upon whom she set her hopes and dreams upon. Foolish hopes and dreams, she berated herself. Tonight was another reminder of her mistake, of her weakness.
"You're getting married on Sunday," she smiled wryly, pulling his hands away from her face. "I understand, you were never supposed to do this. This is a club, you probably had a few drinks, and so did I. It wasn't supposed to happen."
He stared at her as her eyes told her the words she couldn't bear to speak, that what they had just shared was a mistake.
Something deep inside him was protesting the thought, claiming that it wasn't at all what he had felt—what they had felt—if the raging fire within him that had yet to be quelled was any indication. No, he challenged. It wasn't a mistake. It wasn't something he wanted to regret.
And yet, he thought, it seemed like she did.
So she broke away completely from his grasp and went running as fast as her feet could carry her in the filled expanse of the club. She was relieved when she didn't see or feel Kenshin running after her or stopping her like he originally did, and in her mind, she thought that such an action confirmed her earlier sentiments about the mistake they made. Once more, however, her thoughts were interrupted when she bumped into the familiar strong arms of a man who had promised he would protect her, even from herself.
Sanosuke's brown eyes looked at her strangely, and his face was etched in grim lines. Recovering from her initial surprise, Kaoru's face started to fall when she understood the emotions in his eyes—anger, hurt and disappointment directed not at her but at someone else; relief, sadness and fierce protectiveness over her—and for the second time that night—she couldn't help it, she couldn't stop herself—she broke into a flood of tears. Sano sighed, wrapping his arms around her comfortingly and rubbing her back. He had seen everything that had happened as he was looking for Kenshin to ask if they could already leave, and at that very moment, he was contemplating whether he should boycott his best friend's wedding for devastating the only little sister he never had.
He sighed again, whispering into her ear, "Come on Jou-chan, take me to where your car is parked. I'll drive you home."
She nodded, letting herself be carried away in his strong arms. So lost she was in her own misery that she didn't notice Sano glance behind him and give Kenshin a fierce, raging glare as the other man tried to approach her and apologize for what he had done.