Title: Starfleet Hero, Doggy Style

Author: Tsuev

Genre: Action/Humor

Rating: PG

Summary: Porthos gets himself kidnapped! Will Archer come to the rescue still in time?

Disclaimer: Hey, guys, do you see that hat I'm wearing? Do you see it, huh? Do you really think if I owned Star Trek I would wear a hat like this? ....well, maybe I would : ). But that's not the point, the point is that I don't own Enterprise. Paramount does. Rats.

AN: Okay, this is my first Enterprise fanfic and of course the story involves my favorite character, the Almighty Porthos.... Because I'm a stupid German, I couldn't write this story in English and so my sister Sita translated it for me. Well, um... On with the story! Please read & review!

Chapter 1

Sometimes humans can be pretty stupid. Just look at that! He left the tin with the chocolate cookies standing on the counter, and he didn't even remember putting the lid back on! Porthos thought, staring up at the red plastic tin and wondering how he could reach it without breaking anything and - even more important - without anyone noticing. He'd already tried the old Jump and Kick routine, but after several futile attempts he had realized that he was simply too small.

Archer wasn't here. T'Pol had called, reporting they had found a planet and asking Archer to come to the bridge immediately. The Captain had complied, leaving Porthos and the cookies alone in his quarters.

Cheese cookies would be even better, but I doubt humans eat that kind of cookies. Pity, though.

Porthos looked around for a chair he could use as a ladder. The only chair in the room, however, was the swivel chair in front of the desk.

Well, it'll have to do.

He began to push the chair in the direction of the counter (fortunately its legs had small wheels, and so didn't leave any scratches on Jon's precious deck paneling), and after a while it began to move, centimeter by centimeter.

Please, please don't let Jon come back from the bridge just yet, Porthos uttered in silent prayer when he saw the chair bump into the trash can, which tipped over, causing a loud, unpleasant clatter when it hit the deck. No such luck, however. The door slid open and Jon entered the room. Putting on his best puppy eyes, Porthos sat beside the chair and started to chew on his left paw.

"Porthos, what are you doing? I told you before not to push around the furniture! Sit," he added. Inwardly, Porthos rolled his eyes.

I am sitting.

Pity he couldn't talk to Archer; he'd have told him long ago that he hated being talked to in that numskully way.

"Why do you always knock over the trash can before maintenance comes to empty it!" Archer scolded, picking up the scattered rubbish with a disgusted expression on his face.

So I can watch you clean it up. Why don't you go back to the bridge so I can finally get my cookies. Once I have the tin under your bed you'll have forgotten that you ever had a tin of chocolate cookies, so why don't you just leave the trashcan alone and go back to the bridge?

Porthos went to lie down on his gray pillow at the end of Jon's bed, starting to chew on the toy ball Trip had given him as a present.

"Hey, boy, are you bored? Why don't we go for a walk, I'm not on duty anyway."

Noooo, I don't want to go for a walk. You can go. All I want are those cookies. Oh well, I'll come with you. At least then you're not in your quarters, and I can be sure you don't eat them all yourself.

Together, they stepped into the corridor.

"Come on, let's go to messhall, get some dinner."

Porthos fell into pace beside his master. Mostly, he enjoyed going for a walk through the ship. He liked seeing different faces, and always hoped to meet Phlox who always smelled of strange, interesting animals. Most important, their walks always ended in messhall where Porthos got his usual piece of cheese.

XXX

Dodging the legs of tables and people, Porthos arrived at Jon's favorite table. Mostly Archer ate in his own private mess, but when he decided to have dinner in messhall he always sat at the same table right in front of one of the windows. Porthos spotted Trip and his meatloaf, made a beeline for the engineer's table and blinked up at him with big brown puppy eyes. Then he returned to Archer's table, chewing contentedly on a sizable piece of juicy meatloaf. The Captain had gotten himself a sandwich, and was now reading something on one of those gray padds with the small blue screens. Porthos still had no idea what these things were supposed to be, or what made them so fascinating. He was bored. He'd already had his own dinner and wasn't hungry anymore, but except from eating there wasn't much you could do in this place.

He saw Reed sitting at one of the tables.

I could pretend trying to bite him. That'd be fun. But I'm sure Jon would be angry with me. After I had returned from sickbay, of course. No, better go tease someone less dangerous!

Hoshi was there as well. She was sitting a few tables away, engaged in lively conversation with Liz Cutler. Porthos sneaked a glance at Jon, but he seemed completely absorbed in his reading. Stealthily, Porthos made his way to Hoshi's table.

"Hi there, Porthos!" Hoshi called when she saw him. "What are you doing here? Oh, the Captain is here as well!" She lifted him onto her lap. Porthos was rather fond of Hoshi; unlike everyone else, she mostly talked to him in a pretty normal tone, and sometimes even shared her food with him. Today, however, she was having some kind of disgusting salad with red crumbs on top; Porthos had no intention of sharing that kind of meal, and Hoshi didn't seem inclined to give him any, either. Cutler, on the other hand, was having meat; he could smell it. Giving her his best puppy eyes, he whined, but she only laughed and continued her meal.

Stupid human! he thought, and kept staring at her. When it didn't have the desired effect, he jumped off Hoshi's lap and laid his paw on Cutler's knee.

"Porthos! Get back here at once!" That was Jon. Sighing, Porthos turned around. When he saw Jon coming towards him, he quickly pulled his tail between his legs and ducked. Pretending to be afraid sometimes averted an angry lecture, because people tended to assume you were sorry for whatever crime you had committed.

"You're not supposed to beg for food. You know that!" Jon threw him an angry look. Porthos ducked his head and gave Jon the Old Puppy Eyes.

"You can't be still hungry, you already had your dinner. Come one, let's go."

Bored and disappointed, Porthos followed Archer who told him to sit under the table and "better not try begging again."

When they finally returned to Archer's quarters, Porthos remembered the cookies.

No no no he mustn't see them, he thought, and with desperate determination he jumped onto Jon's bed and used his snout to knock over the light on the lamp on the night stand. There was a loud crash, and Jon immediately came out of the head.

"What now! Dammit, Porthos, can't you be a little more careful!"

No. Not when my cookies are in danger.

Swearing, Jon picked up the lamp and put it back onto the small table, switching it on.

"You're damn lucky it's not broken," he snapped, and disappeared back into the head.

Well, you are charming company today! Bad day at work?

Porthos went to lie on his pillow and waited for Archer to come back out of the head. When Jon was back Porthos jumped onto the bed and again tried his best puppy eyes. The Captain seemed to feel sorry for his earlier bad mood, sat down next to his dog and scratched him between the ears. The beagle crawled into Jon's lap and buried his snout in the Captain's arm.

"Tell you what, Porthos. T'Pol, me and the others are going to go down to that planet tomorrow, and I think I'm going to take you along. It's a nice planet, rich in plant life and the like. Some fresh air can't hurt, can it? Even though T'Pol won't be very happy about your company!" He smiled. "But be careful, I don't want you to catch another virus!"

Picking up the dog, he put him down at the foot end of the bed. Porthos curled up and rested his head on his paws, at peace with life and the universe in general. Jon wasn't angry at him anymore, and no one had eaten his cookies. And tomorrow he was finally going to get out of the ship for the first time in quite a while.

Covering his ears with his paws when Jon started to snore, he closed his eyes and was soon asleep.

TBC...

Please let me know what you think!