I was born Lindsay Izabella Monroe in 1981, you could say I was a happy child. I had a stable ranch home, 4 older brothers (Roger, Lucifer, Lincoln Jr. and Forrest) that I always used to follow round.
I had a dad (Lincoln Sr) that was my world he taught me that I could do anything with my life, it was my choice and that he would always be proud of me.
and a mother (Heather).
My dad and my brothers treated me as one of them, they taught me every thing from how to ride a horse to shooting metal cans from a brick wall.
At the age of 11, my parents started to argue, or as they put it 'talking loudly'.
Mother never approved of my tomboyish ways, she was forever washing my muddy jeans, I could see it in her eyes, she wanted a daughter she could teach how to cook, a daughter she could braid her hair, a daughter she could go shopping with on a Saturday afternoon. And that was just not me.
I could hear the arguments, being the youngest meant I was automatically 'deaf'.
They never had these disagreements when my brothers were around, only when I was. I could only hear bits of the arguments stuff like 'she will never meet a boy if you…' or 'she is a young girl the ranch is not safe…..'.
Sometimes it would be 'She is a country girl and will forever by a country girl, she will never be outside the boundaries of Montana……..'.
Once of twice it was 'we own her, she is our property….'
My Daddy was always so good to me and stuck up for me, he said stuff like 'She is my Princess, she can do whatever she wants to with her life, it is her life',
Mother did not know what to say to that.
So at the young age of 12, I knew that I wanted to get out of Montana, after all there is more to life then Wheat fields.
Hush.. just
stop
there's nothing you can do or say
i've had enough
i'm
not your property as from today
I started to read books, I started to go to after school clubs, I sometimes took my horse to the mountains and imagined what it must have been like to be free.
Then when I was 14, it was careers day at school, People came to talk to us about what we wanted to b in life, All the girls said teachers or ranchers wives, the boys said shop owners, the armed forces or ranchers, then everyone looked at me I said I wanted to be a Forensic Scientist, I then added that I wanted to moved to New York.
They started to laugh, but their laughter only made me want to do it more.
My brothers were in Law Enforcement, and my Grandfather, Matteo Monroe (Daddies dad)was the Captain of The Montana Police joint CSI department, so I was always wondering around the lab, my Grandfather was a strong Italian, my Grandmother, Anastasia (Daddies Mother) was a German lady who survived both world wars, I remember she often told me stories about the second world war, Grandfather, my 2 uncles and a heavily pregnant Grandmother had to hid in the 'shells that were meant to protect us'.
When I told Grandparents about my choices they were proud of me, saying I 'had inherited the family gene'.
I never understood what that meant until my Grandmother died 4 years later. By then I was in University, I was excelling in every class, I toke a job as Junior Homicide Detective. I remember the look on Mothers face; I thought she had died for shock.
Two years later I became Homicide Detective, jugging both an education and a job was hard, but I didn't mind.
I then finished University, I was moved straight in to CSI level 2.
Daddy couldn't have been prouder, mother put on a brave face.
A year later I was CSI Level 3, almost level 4; my Grandfather had retired, so my Eldest brother Roger took over as Captain, he told me that New York Crime lab had a position available, so I packed my bags. And told my parents, Daddy again was so proud, Mother said I could not make it on my own, 'as I was forever a country girl'. I was going to prove my mother wrong.
you
might think that i wont make it on my own Stronger
than yesterday Than i ever thought that
i could be
but now im
now its nothin' but my way
my loneliness ain't
killing me no more
i...im stronger
i used to go with the flow
didn't really care 'bout
me
I rang my Daddy every week, Mother never spoke to me, not that it mattered.
I realized that my mother was holding me back, I could imagine her in my mind, Amanda 'Posh' McCann, the most popular girl in our school, I could imagine her at home, with 3 kids under 5, I could imagine her husband Bradley 'The bomb' Wilson, the school hunk arriving home after a hard days work on the ranch.
As much as I hated it Danny was fun and his teasing was fun, at least someone was making me feel welcome.
You might think that
i cant take it Stronger
than yesterday
but your wrong
'Cause now im
now its nothin' but my way
my lonliness ain't
killing me no more
i...im stronger
Danny first took me out to dinner then it all started from their, I was truly happy, It was 13 months after we started dating that he proposed to me, that's when I found out that I was pregnant, by then Grandfather had died, he was walking to the Police department, checking up on the place, when someone with a gun came in shooting, he was the only causality, he was 87, but at least he was together
with Grandmother. My brothers are bachelors for life they say.
Daddy still owns the ranch and Mother still doesn't talk to me.
I gave birth to twins, beautiful, a boy and a girl both with big brown eyes; we named them Matteo Daniel Messer and Anastasia Izabella Messer.
I was stronger, I was happy, I weren't lonely I had 2 beautiful babies, a gorgeous husband, Wonderful friends and I guess that my family had made me stronger.
here i
go stronger than yesterday
its nothin but my way
my
loneliness aint killin me no more
Stronger
than yesterday
now its nothin' but my way
my lonliness ain't
killing me no more
i...im stronger
Stronger
than yesterday
now its nothin' but my way
my lonliness ain't
killing me no more
i...im stronger