Lily knew it was wrong.
He frowned as he called his elf, sitting alone in the house, just waiting, just wallowing, just thinking…
She knew that she was betraying so many people... but she couldn't stop.
"Kreacher!" he tried again, snarling the word because of his anger and fear.
The truth was... she loved Regulus Black. And she knew that they were forever. Because that's what happens. Even when Regulus was a Death Eater. Even when she was an Order member.
Even when she was engaged to James Potter.
There was a sudden pop, and Regulus flinched, the sound forcing him from his thoughts.
Lily loved Regulus, and Regulus loved her. They had told each that many times over three years, and yet, they could still not be together in the eyes of the public. Regulus had even given her a ring. It was stunning yet simple. "Master Regulus," Kreacher groaned. He stumbled a few steps and then collapsed to the ground.
Regulus's gaze snapped down.
However, the most important thing about the ring was that it connected one heart to another. Lily would always know if Regulus was alive or not. It was horrid that Regulus thought it was necessary. But he assured her that he would be okay…
Regulus sighed. Lily was everything to him. He was doing this for her and only for her…
Regulus loved her like he had never loved another.
Regulus had told her he had a plan. He could get out the Death Eaters, and they would believe him to be dead. That was essential.
Regulus picked Kreacher up. He had expected the Dark Lord would injure Kreacher, and he was prepared to heal the poor elf.
Lily had the job of escaping the Order. She hated having to deceive her closest friends, but she would do it for him. He was her everything, her ever-after.
She would go to the ends of the Earth and back for him.
Regulus worked methodically, pouring potions - very expensive, high-quality healing potions, down the semi-conscious elf's throat. Not only did he want to save his friend, but if Kreacher died, then his whole plan would fail…
But that didn't mean she would enjoy it. She was a coward - if they knew she was leaving for Regulus, then they'd label her a traitor and a Death Eater. So, instead, she had to fake her own death.
It would break James's heart. However, it would hurt him worse to know that she no longer loved him and had used him. She hated herself for that.
Soon, Kreacher was only sleeping. Regulus fidgeted slightly. Now that he had nothing to work on, he found himself feeling restless. He considered using Sirius's old mirror to call Lily, but it was likely that she was with Potter or the Order, and that would cause even more problems.
Besides, Lily and Regulus knew that they couldn't keep in contact with anyone from their past after they left. Lily would miss them, but she was excited to finally, at long last, truly be with Regulus.
At school, it had always been stolen moments that lasted mere seconds.
Regulus had everything figured out, and the plan was as foolproof as he could make it. All he needed was for Kreacher to heal and lead him to the correct location. Well, he needed more than that. Regulus wasn't sure what protected his goal, and he would need to defeat the monsters blocking his path.
Lily had her plan. Though James was the one that excelled in Transfiguration, she was quite adept at it as well. She had read many books before learning the correct, infallible way to transfigure a piece of parchment into a corpse.
Lily would wait until James was out, and she would trash their small home. Then she would create the corpse. It would look as if the Death Eaters had come through.
Kreacher stirred on his bed. Immediately, Regulus was at his side. "Kreacher?" he asked quietly, trying not to startle the elf. Kreacher's eyes snapped open. "Master Regulus?" he rasped. "Kreacher," he said firmly. "You must tell me what happened."
Lily was struggling. She had her plan, and she knew it would work. Now, she just needed to wait for Regulus's signal. That was harder said than done.
She found herself unable to stop scrutinizing her plan. It was foolproof. Yet...
She was scared.
Regulus listened closely to Kreacher's story. This would be harder than he had imagined. The lake, the inferi... but he would do it. For the girl he loved. For Lily
Lily heard the door before she heard James voice. As the door was flung open, she dropped her head into her hands. Not James... Not now... She really couldn't put a facade up today for him.
"Lils!"
Regulus brought nothing but his wand and the fake locket when he left with Kreacher for the island. They would assume he was dead after he drank the potion. The Dark Lord would know that he went to the island... But the fake locket under the potion that could not be vanished... They would not know he had taken it…
"James! How are you?" Lily said, pasting a fake smile on her face.
"I'm good," he said, sweeping her into a hug. He had been away for hours on a mission for the Order.
Lily kissed him, hating the way she knew how his lips felt but felt no pleasure from it herself.
"How'd it go?"
Kreacher lead Regulus to the island. Regulus ignored the way Kreacher shook and trembled as the memories flew through him. It was cruel to have Kreacher do this, but it was necessary. He reached the potion and pulled out the fake locket, his own hand trembling...
"We could only hold them off. Merlin, Lily, there were so many Death Eaters there. Marlene was cursed pretty badly, but she's going to be okay."
"Was anyone else hurt?" Lily asked. She felt concern running through her, adding to everything she already felt for Regulus. These were her friends...
"Kreacher," Regulus said. "Take this locket and give me the potion. After it is gone, switch the lockets and take me to Grimmauld Place again." "Master, no! The potion... Let Kreacher take it!" "No, Kreacher. You have drank this once. Never again."
"Nothing serious. We were really lucky. The Lestranges were there; Sirius was furious that they got away."
"At least no one was hurt," Lily said.
"Yeah," James agreed vehemently. "We're so lucky."
"Even if I beg you to stop, beg you to take me away, you cannot. Do you understand, Kreacher?"
"Yes, Master Regulus."
Lily nodded uncomfortably. She was lucky. She had a fiancée that loved her… but she didn't love him back.
And she was going to ruin his life to make hers better.
Regulus raised the goblet to his lips. Mocking a toast, he raised the goblet.
"To love," he said and drowned the potion. Its immediate affect was staggering. He lunged to the side, thrashing wildly as he collapsed to the stone.
Visions began to play in his head. Sirius, Lily, his parents…
"Are you okay, honey?" James asked, concerned. "You seem upset."
"I – I'm just worried… f – for you." And it wasn't a lie. Lily thought of him as one of her best friends. She was worried for him. He'd be heartbroken after her 'death.'
Regulus convulsed, feeling the stones scratch against his skin.
"No more," he moaned. Lily came before his eyes.
"Do you really think I love you? Do you think I care? I have James now."
"I'll be okay. Besides, I spent years trying to get you to go out with me. You won't get rid of me that easily!" Lily felt tears begin to run down her face.
"I love you, Lily," James said, but she only started crying harder.
If this was right, then why'd it hurt so much?
Lily was right. She did have Potter. And he loved her so obviously and so publically… something he never could do.
She didn't have to change her life for him… he was part of it. He was perfect for her.
James Potter was a respectable Auror and an Order member. He was everything Regulus wasn't.
Why would Lily love him?
James let her cry on his shoulder for as long as she needed. That was one of the amazing things about James. No matter what he was going through, he was still there for her. Whenever she needed him.
Lily couldn't say the same.
She was leaving. And yes, she would regret leaving James.
But James was only a friend. And Regulus meant so much more to her. She couldn't not leave.
She just wished she could say goodbye.
"Like you'd be good enough for Lily!" Sirius scoffed. "She's perfect. James is the only one good enough for her."
"It's not true," Regulus whispered. Then he screamed it.
"No! No!"
Lily pushed James away. He deserved only the best… and it wasn't her.
It would never be her because she was too damn selfish.
Unable to stay nest to him, she raced out of the room, running up the stairs to their bedroom.
"It's the last one, Master Regulus!" Kreacher pleaded.
"No," Regulus moaned. "No, Lily… I love you."
She appeared again.
"Do you really think I love you? You are nothing but a failure, Regulus Black. Your brother is the only one in your family that's worth even a second of my time."
Lily sobbed on her – on their – bed. She wanted to be with Regulus… but she didn't want to break James's heart.
What could she do?
James said he loved her so many times… and she had said it back. How was she supposed to say that it had always been a lie?
"Lily!" Regulus screamed again. He swallowed the last of the potion. Finally seeing reality, he saw that Kreacher was switching the lockets. Kreacher wasn't looking at him.
What was he doing?
James was there for her, and she thought he was a great friend… but that was all. He was a friend.
Why had this ever seemed like a good idea?
He was ruining Lily's life. Regulus couldn't do that to her. She had Potter. He would love her… even when he couldn't.
"Kreacher?" Regulus said, his voice hoarse.
"Yes, Master Regulus?" Kreacher said, turning around.
"Leave."
The whole Order of the Phoenix would mourn for her… Was she really that selfish?
She couldn't fake her own death. That wouldn't solve anything. She'd be running away.
But how could she possibly tell everyone that she was in love with Regulus Black, known Death Eater and Sirius's hated brother?
"No, Master Regulus!" Kreacher protested. "Kreacher will –"
"Leave, Kreacher," Regulus rasped. "Take the locket and destroy it. Go! Do not disobey me!"
With a wail and a heart-wrenching look, the elf Disapparated, leaving Regulus alone on the island.
Suddenly, Regulus realized there was a terrible thirst in the back of his throat. Crawling, he made it to the water, lowering a shaking hand to scoop some of it to his mouth.
Lily's tears faded slowly. She was thankful that James had left her alone. He always seemed to do the right thing for her…
She had to tell him the truth. It would hurt him terribly but deceiving him would be even worse. Resigned, she stood and walked to the mirror.
She began whispering what she wanted to tell him, trying to plan it out, to soften the blow…
but nothing could do that.
Regulus felt a dead hand grab his wrist. It was cold and slimy, but it was strong. Another followed it and another. He couldn't stop them.
He saw one's face as it rose out of the water. The blonde haired being dug one of its hands into his long hair, wrenching him towards it.
He fell forward, letting one last yell escape him.
"Lily!"
There was a quiet knock on the door.
"Lily?" James's voice called softly. "Do you need anything? I made dinner, if you want it."
Lily opened her mouth to say that she was fine but found that she couldn't speak.
James pushed the door open carefully and saw her crying and staring into the mirror.
"Oh, Lily," he whispered. She had a feeling that he wasn't aware he said it.
"We'll make it through this together, alright? I promise."
Lily felt another tear roll from her eyes. They wouldn't be together. Not now and certainly not for forever.
Regulus gasped as the cold water hit him. Immediately, it ran into his mouth, choking him. He fell down into the water, trying to protect the little bit of air he still had. It was pointless.
Regulus couldn't escape them.
"I love you, Lily, and I'm sorry."
Lily looked down at Regulus's ring. As she watched, it crumbled, fading away into dust and falling from her finger.
No.
He was dead.
She looked up at James, who hadn't seen her ring breaking, hadn't seen her heart dying.
"I'm here for you, Lily," he whispered. She stared at him for a few moments before quietly whispering back.
"I love you, James."
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Damn, that was sad… Wow, I'm crying…
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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!