A/N: Re-uploading this story (without the lyrics) since I'm dumb and didn't know songfics are not allowed. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. Hopefully more people will find this story and love it as much as I do. I honestly feel like it's my best work. I feel like I write better through Stefan's pov. So here it is again.. inspiration comes from Kelly Clarkson's Maybe. Remember to leave me some love.
Saint Stefan. Those words had been thrown around on numerous occasions. He was no where near perfect, far from it actually but people liked to paint him as this hero; the good brother, the one who didn't have a broken moral compass. But the truth was.. Stefan has made mistakes. He has made more than his fair share of them, and he's sure the number will only keep rising. Self-righteous and compassionate.. he had even heard those words a couple of times.
He tried his hardest to be understanding and sympathetic to others and their feelings. He really did. And for the most part he was. But understanding this one thing was just.. impossible. How could she so easily fall out of love with him and at the same time fall in love with his brother? Stefan wasn't a conceited man but he knew their connection and knew that she was the one for him. So why didn't she see it? Why wasn't he enough for her anymore?
He wasn't blind. He knew that there was a part of Elena's heart that had slowly became reserved just for Damon. But now.. his brother held her entire heart? Being around for more than a century, he had seen a lot of things and had a lot of time to adapt to new things in his life. But this would not be one of them. This was just something he could not seem to wrap his head around. He was pretty sure he would never be able to.
She was his Elena. Plain and simple.
And if that made him sound possessive, well be it. He was tired of being the good one. The honorable one. The fucks he could give had all ran out the night he had found out about his brother and his ex. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that after all this had went down that he was changing. He was cold, hard and a little lost.
But that was probably what would happen to anyone if they had just spent their entire Summer at the bottom of a lake, locked up in a safe, drowning over and over again.
He's definitely not the same and everyone has noticed. And he is pretty sure he will scream if someone else asks how he is doing. He's not ok. Nights are the worst. He closes his eyes to rest and he's back in the safe, and it's coming home had just been another hallucination. No one cared enough to come and find him. No one missed him. The hallucinations and dreams came so often that they started to intertwine. He had dreamed so many times of Elena coming to rescue him, wrapping her arms around him and telling him that everything was going to be ok. He had so many of those dreams that even now he was afraid to close his eyes, because he was positive that the second he would.. it would have all just been another hallucination and his worst nightmare would be happening again.
But then he would wake up, and gasp for air like his lungs were about to burst like so many times before. To say he was not ok, would be an understatement. He was so far from ok, it wasn't funny. His head wasn't right and his heart.. his heart was pretty much shattered. Beyond repair. But he managed to put on a fake smile and everyone believed him.
Everyone besides Caroline that is. She sees right through him, and it pisses him off and amuses him all at the same time. He's almost positive that without her, he would be a complete mess. The real smiles he does manage are always courtesy of her. But that doesn't mean he doesn't find himself wishing that a certain brunette would take more notice of him. He wishes more than anything to be a part of her world again.
And it's not that she doesn't want him to be. She tries, he sees that. But it's just so awkward that after awhile he starts to realize it being nothing but a lost cause.
So life goes on, and so does he. Or at least he tries. It's hard, but he catches glimpses of his brother and the love of his life together and seeing the smile on her face is enough to allow himself to let go. The love in her eyes is familiar but knowing it's not for him anymore is also enough reason to step aside. His brother deserves happiness. He reminds himself of that every minute of every single day. But it doesn't keep his mind from wandering. That maybe. Maybe one day. She'll look at him like that again with love in her heart and happiness in her eyes.
Maybe is just like if though. They are such strong words.
Words only a dreamer can learn to hold onto.
He goes back to college. Why he's not even sure, since he's done it countless times before. Caroline has a lot to do with it, she's pretty persistent when she wants to be. And no one tells Caroline Forbes no. Not anyone that values their life that is. The words 'a fresh new start' sound pretty good to him as well. That is at least what he tells himself but if he's being honest, he is here because of her. Everything is because of her. Sometimes he feels like it's beyond his control, like no matter how hard he tries to fight it. He's drawn to her and he's pretty sure that's not ever going to change.
They lock eyes one night at a frat party being thrown by one of Care's new admirers, and he's ninety-nine percent positive that they have both had way too much to drink. Because he has caught her in the last half hour staring at him five ties. Yes five times. He's counted. He knows he has had too much to drink because he's not keeping his distance from her like the sober/sane version of himself would. Avoiding her like the plague has been working wonders for him so far and he's screwing everything up just to sneak a few glances at her.
It's not entirely his fault though. She had to know that when putting on those cute little shorts, some creep would be checking her out every chance he got. Granted she probably didn't think Saint Stefan would be said creep. He always did love those legs. Long, beautiful and tanned legs.. especially when they were wrapped around-
"You are such a creeper, Salvatore," Caroline sighs disapprovingly and he's snapped out of his thoughts and brought back to reality.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," he lies, sipping casually at his beer.
"Look I know we're waiting until Elena decides to come back to the real world and what not to see what everyone else sees.. that you two are.. epic and all that. But could you in the meantime like.. stop brooding so much?" she frowns concerned for her best friend before adding quickly, "You're kind of ruining my party."
"Your party?"
"Yes. My party. Everyone here loves me," she explains with a huff and he can't help but grin and shake his head.
"That is true. How could anyone not love you?"
When he finishes talking to Caroline he decides he's had enough of the party and takes a walk around the campus. It's a nice night out and even a better night to clear his head. With everything going on in his life right now, he needs all the 'clearing his head' time he can get.
One of the few perks of being a vampire is the heightened of senses and it does come in handy from time to time, especially when you want to eavesdrop. But he's so engrossed in his own thoughts that she catches him off guard.
"Elena.." he says her name softly and slowly out of habit.
The last thing he needs is another hallucination involving her. They have really been doing a number on him lately.
She's sitting alone on a park bench, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. He wonders why she's there and what she's thinking about. But then he's chuckling at the irony of the situation. He has been avoiding her for so long when really it's out of his control. They're two people at the same place at the same time. They're like two magnets being drawn together. Two souls destined to be together.
He sits beside her and reaches for her hand. It's probably not the wisest move all considering, but it seems so natural to him. He's lost, she seems lost. He just wants things to go back to normal or at least half way back to normal. Just holding her hand again makes his world shift back into focus. Even just for a second. She smiles at him and they talk for the next hour or so.
Or so. Who knows. Neither of them was keeping track of time. It was the first time in awhile that he felt almost normal and he didn't want it to end.
He walks her back to her room and the second her hand reaches for her door, he reaches out for her. He swiftly turns her back around and before he even realizes what he's doing he grabs her face and crashes his lips down onto hers.
It's wrong. She's with his brother. It's something Damon would have pulled, not him. But he's not the same person anymore. He knows it and there's no reason to fight it. Especially when it comes to something like this.
You hear the phrase so wrong, but it feels so right. It's not until that exact moment that he truly understands what that means.
She doesn't pull away right away. He even feels her returning the kiss for a fleeting second, but he guesses that reality sets in and that's when she finally decides to pull away. When he looks into her eyes he seems the confusion there. He doesn't need her to say anything because he honestly just needed her to know how he felt. He doesn't say the three words but when he wraps her up in his arms and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, he knows she knows.
No words are needed between them sometimes, because simply being in existence next to one another is enough for them.
She doesn't speak to him for a week after the kiss. He knows she's pissed. But he honestly doesn't care. Because if she's pissed at him that means it effected her more than she would have liked to admitted. And that to him is progress.
He knows it's crazy but he can't help but think of one word. Maybe. It's a strong word. A word only a dreamer can hold onto. And Stefan has always been a dreamer.