OCTOBER
*
*
*
NOVEMBER
*
*
*
DECEMBER
*
*
*
JANUARY
*
*
*
1. ATONEMENT
Another unbearable day has gone by.
Another excruciating month that immortals wouldn't have given a second thought to.
Another year since I left that horrid forest and Forks behind.
Yet another day flew past since I left my angel. The remorse within me grew day by day.
Yet there is nothing I could do to repent the life of sins I have committed.
There is absolutely nothing I can do to make my angel forgive me, welcome me with open arms.
I was eternally damned for hell. Literally.
Atonement was clearly destined the moment I was born to this wretched life.
Not that I wasn't already in hell before my angel came into my... life.
She made me believe that god still loved me.
This was a different kind of hell. The fire burnt a million times more brilliant.
I was empty once again. My stone heart that was burnt have now turned into ashes.
Alice's visions have done but further burdening me. My Bella is something different now.
I couldn't turn on the Television.
I couldn't bear to look at the magazines or newspapers.
She was everywhere. Absolutely Everywhere.
She was even everywhere all the way from America to here, in London.
London was... cold. But I was colder. It fails to cover up my gloominess.
I spent my days in my piano room, pounding on the keys. Executing the most depressing pieces.
Edward's playing again. Rosalie bunched up her brows.
Poor boy. I would do anything to make my son happy again. Esme sighed.
Kids gone absolutely bonkers. Emmett shook his head.
Edward, stop it, you're overwhelming Jasper. Alice warned.
I looked in my reflection on my piano.
It has been 3 weeks since my last hunting trip. My eyes were of an absolute coal black shade.
The shadow under my eyes were deeper than normal. My hair was messier than its normal dismay.
I stared out of the wide windows of the room. London was it's usual foggy self.
"Oh My God! Bella's concert is going to be on the news in exactly 2 minutes!" Alice screamed, hardly able contain her excitement.
Shush Alice! Esme hushed.
Here we go again. Rosalie rolled her perfect golden eyes.
I dragged myself out of the room and positioned myself in front of the wide screen LCD.
My eyes not leaving the screen for a second. The creature was in a beautiful deep blue gown, perfectly harmonizing with her porcelain skin.
The angel was singing to me. Beaconing me to heaven- or hell. Every living minute was pure hell. Every lyric symbolized the pain I caused her.
She doesn't know the hell I'm going through.
I took a lung full of air, I never quite needed to acquire oxygen, but watching her, she forced me to endure some human moments.
She took my breath away. Despite the layers of make up on her perfect heart shaped face, I could tell she has not been sleeping well. My heart ached.
I longed to touch her.
Ached to touch her exquisite face, and tell her everything's alright and that I love her.
I would live through 10 more centuries of hell just for one more minute with this exquisite creature.
I mentally recorded the news clip and replayed it over and over in my head.
I hauled myself back to my room. Pulling out Bella's first hit album from the shelf, i placed it into the stereo and hit play.
"The truth is hiding in your eyes,
and it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
what kind of man that you are;
if you're a man at all.
Well, I will figure this one out
on my own."
I laughed gingerly at every single little syllable. Indeed, I was no man, I was a monster.
Run Bella Run. While you still can.
The memories of the restaurant and the drive back from Port Angeles overwhelming me.
I took a strike at the lid of my piano, successfully creating a dent.
Small chips of wood fell from my instrument.
Another strike, on the keyboard.
Keys flew across the room in all directions, some hammered into the crisp white walls, a few had landed onto the glass window, causing it to shatter in slow motion.
Some landed on the golden carpet, ripping parts of the threads off.
"I never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me"
"Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream I'm trying not to think about you Can't you just let me be? So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you I should've known you'd bring me heartache Almost lovers always do"
I've heard of the tunes a thousand times, yet each time it strikes me harder.
I was only an almost lover. My angel is trying to forget me, I am to leave her be.
I have never been one for violent acts, yet each time it hits me so hard, I manage to destroy my surroundings.
Distractions.
I need Distractions.
I could go to the Denali clan.
Bella's fame wouldn't spread near their territory.
*******************************************************************************