Disclaimer: I do not own Batman or any of it's character and the events that take place are purely fictional and are not to be confused with the actual Batman storyline.
It was a wake up call worse than any other and more effective by far than one should ever be. A loud shrieking noise was in the Joker's ear the very moment he was wrenched out of his troubling sleep. Instant reflexes were something the clown prince had dozens of and he couldn't be happier for them especially when they helped so much in situations like these. Both feet came up and after his knees touched his chest the Joker pushed forward with all his might and drove the source of shrieking clear off the side of his bed. That's when he started feeling it again, what a headache, it had been around a day or so now along with the stomach pains, maybe he was sick. The Joker merely put it out of his thoughts while pulling himself slightly over the side of the bed to where he had kicked the noise off. From how annoyed the Joker felt he knew it must have been Harley, only she could snap his nerves in such a way that he would be enraged enough to turn her to paste but never actually follow through. By now she had almost turned angering him to just the right extent into an artform, or so he told himself, it wasn't him it was her. At this point in their odd relationship and considering all they had went through together the clown prince no longer knew if it was for curiosity, fun, possesivness, all of them or something more complex that he kept Harley around and he avoided all passing thoughts on the very touchy subject.
All those confusing thoughts were giving him an even worse migraine and it felt like his heart was sitting in his skull and trying to grow through it. Harley would notice shortly and ruin the very limited chance he had at sleep to try to cure the headache and no doubt make it worse in the process. That was the way it was with him and her, she felt the need to smother him with all her emotions and half the time she pestered him enough to make the clown prince want to throw the damn broad out the nearest window and he usually did. The part that pissed him off the most though was when she'd skip back in before she even had time to hit the pavement, literally skip. The Joker's searing train of thoughts and memories crashed and burned when he heard Harley giggling from the floor. She had a joyful expression on as if she were looking at the most adorable puppy she had ever seen, and for that reason the clown prince didn't even want to imagine what his face and hair looked like at the moment.
"How thoughtful" Joker sneered finally looking down at her. She stopped giggling for a moment but continued to gaze up at him with big dreamy eyes, the Joker felt a whole knew level of sickness wash over him.
"Care to tell me what possesed you to scream like a harpooned banshee at such an hour?" the Joker asked, even he could hear the darkness in his voice.
"But Mistah J it's three o'clock in the afternoon and you've been sleepin' twelve hours, that's four past healthy y'know".
"Do you want to know what's really unhealthy Harls" the Joker stated more than asked, Harley squealed with delight as the clown prince cringed from the sharp noise. While he quickly put on a smile to mask the pain he realized that Harley was nose to nose with him and the Joker decided that the timing was perfect now.
"Me twisting you into a pretzel, dousing you with mustard and feeding you to those giggling mutts while I miss my beauty sleep!"
"But puddin' your already irresistable" Harley chirped then procceded to kiss him on the lips with such force that it pushed the Joker back over and into his pillow. Usually he loved to hear her talk about him and how damn good looking he knew he was but at the moment he was really tired and even more pissed off. So instead of smiling at the compliment the Joker snaked his hand around the nightstand and wrapped his fingers around the lamp. Bringing it down full force intent to hit Harley on the head the clown prince was almost positive he'd hear a hollow sound instead of a thud. As luck would have it though he didn't hear either, she had ducked and rolled into the wall. That's when the lights had flicked on and the Joker had dropped the lamp and retreated under the covers. Even when his eyelids were closed tightly all he could see was red as if that one split second had cooked his eyes, resolving to skin the ditzy bitch alive the Joker waited for his eyes to adjust. Hearing Harley prancing around the room was jolting his last nerve and when the Joker heard her trip over what he knew to be his coat and break the can of pop in his pocket that snapped it.
He jumped up from the bed with his eyelids opened just enough to make out shapes and colour, or maybe it was just the sickness."Hide and seek? great idea Mistah J!" Harley exclaimed before the red and black colours bounded from the room. The Joker promised himself that when he was through with her she'd be black and blue then stumbled from the room after her, feeling every step as though he were made of led. He had felt this way so many times before, it was almost casual at this point and he knew all the right ways to stumble to keep on his feet and upright. Then the voices started and with the throbbing ache in his head it echoed and sent off a wave of blunt and lasting pain through his head. The best way to deal with this he thought, was to counter it with a different pain or maybe try to balance it out. Hitting his forehead off the wall near the bedroom door the Joker felt like it was working until the ache grew with the voices laughter, screams, questions, comments and other things he couldn't make out in the background. He hit his head harder and still it didnn't work then just as Harley pranced back down the hall saying "puddin' what are you-" the clown prince leaned far back and brought his head crashing through the wall. The last thing in memory was the taste of plaster and a pressure on his neck as his body slumped.
The pain was numbed down but still very much present and intact with his head like a parasite, something else was intact with his arm. Jolting up he kicked and thrashed at the restraint on his arm and after the Joker heard a satisfying thump he remembered that it was most likely Harley, then smiled. It was a start at payback for waking him up in the middle of the night. Then he remembered that he hadn't even got a straight answer as to why she had woken him like that. Then the clown prince started remembering other things like, dates, weather, places, streets, clubs, blood, wings, white, lots and lots of white. He pushed those thoughts out of his head and was going to wrench Harley up by the pigtails but she was already standing. It sort of ruined his mood so he just layed back, then his stomach growled and the Joker was reminded of the pain there too. Looking back at the roof however, his omnipresent smile widened. The self portrait was smiling down at him and it made him feel like he could fly, that would be nice.
"Harley, why did you scream?" The Joker asked still examining every inch of the self portrait.
"Because the sheets were wet and you weren't movin', I thought that maybe you had got cut by a knife that you left in the bed or somethin'" She answered her voice getting quiter and quiter until it was unaudible like she would break into tears to just speak of it. "I guess I over acted a little"
"Uh huh" Joker answerd feeling very cold, he had the blanket up to his chest but it didn't seem to be doing much good.
"Puddin'?"
"What?"
"I made you some chicken noodle soup and flat ginger ale, I think you have a cold".
"So?" he asked getting annoyed.
"So ginger ale and chicken noodle soup will help you get better quicker and the quicker your better the quicker we can have fun Mistah J". She saw his eyes clouding and used the last plan she had come up with "If you don't get better you can't come up with ideas to kill the bat because your head-" That was all Harley had to say before he was drinking the ginger ale in large gulps then he brought the bowl up to his lips and made quick work of the contents of that as well.
"Should have gone in reverse order I think-" he stopped and clenched his teeth before swallowing "problem solved" he stated. The Joker was still freezing except for feeling like his stomach was full of liquid fire. How the hell was he supposed to draw out plans with his hand shivering or think of them with his teeth chattering. Setting the bowl on the table he noticed Harley leaving the room then threw the glass in her general direction to catch her attention. It hit her arm and fell to the ground where it shattered, she turned and looked at him and it was plain to see she had tears welling in her eyes.
"Yes mistah J?" she squeaked.
"Did I tell you to leave?" he asked sternly.
"But your suits need ironing and so-"
"I didn't ask for a story either Harley get over her"
She was slowly trotting over with her head drooped, his smile spread wider, Harley thought she was in trouble. She was, kinda, but he needed sleep first and she was going to help with that. When she got within arms reach Joker reached up from the bed, snatched her by the wrists and pulled her down onto the bed. Joker finally had her adjusted so she was facing away from him and he was still holding her by the wrists. Harley giggled and tried to squirm around but he didn't let go.
"Puddin' watcha doin?"
"Sleeping and your going to keep me warm" he answered before hissing into her ear "and no dirty tricks"
"Oh Puddin' I wouldn't do that to you while your sick"
"I wouldn't put it past you" he mumbled then closed his eyes. Then before Joker could fall to sleep he heard her again any other night she would have been face planted in the floor.
"I love you, goodnight"
The clown prince had to think for a moment then remembered, he was a man that always expressed himself through action. He wasn't in the mood though and he was going to fall asleep within the minute, he could already hear the wings. So for once he answered her straightforward "I love me too" she'd understand, then he fell into another nightmare.
The Bat was after him again and this time he had ran into a dead end alley. Trying the door, it wouldn't open, smashing off the handle and opening it. Behind the door was bricks it would have been funny but now it just wasn't. The Bat was closing in on him when he heard laughter. they were all watching, watching him fail. Joker put his fists up and prepared to fight when he heard a loud thunk and the bat fell. Harley stood there with her oversized hammer smiling at him, she was in the process of doing an elaborate bow when Joker leaped over the Bat and wrenched her around by the arm and started running. Looking over to her he saw a huge bag full of toys and couldn't help but laugh, she started laughing with him. he often wondered how Harley could understand him so well, then he'd remember that he couldn't care less. All Joker cared about was having fun and all the times he spent with her were the most fun he ever had.