The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

OK, here's an oddball bit of inspiration. I've been reading a LOT of fanfic lately, and every now and then I'll stumble across something that makes me think "that's a really cool idea, but that's not how I would have handled it." So I've decided to just wholesale lift those ideas and put my own spin on them.

The first is "appropriated" (with permission) fromMoreBonesPlz' first chapter of "2015 Holiday Challenge Bonanza – Uncensored." I intend to keep mine slightly less M-rated, however.

Chapter 1: Possession Is 11/10s Of The Law

Bones glanced around the room. "All right, Booth, I concede – this isn't as bad as I thought it would be."

Booth, arm around her waist, pulled her a little closer. "Just because it's the Bureau doesn't mean that we don't know how to throw a good Christmas party."

"I am pleasantly surprised. And I also appreciate how the punch isn't nailed."

"It's 'spiked,' and we at the Bureau tend to take such things seriously. It is, technically, illegal to serve someone alcohol without their knowledge and consent, and besides we have a cash bar. Now I believe you owe me a dance..."

"Only one?"

"One for now." And the two began a slow twirl around the dance floor.

Halfway through the second number, Bones felt Booth tense up. "What is it, Booth?"

"She's here, and she just spotted me."

"Who? Oh, her?"

Booth turned them around so Bones could see Special Agent Kendall Chase glaring at them. The younger woman had made it abundantly clear on several occasions that she had designs on Booth, and had no regard for Bones' – or even Booth's – objections.

As the song ended, the two stepped off the dance floor and headed for the refreshment table. Just as they were looking for a quiet place to sit, Chase popped up.

"Well, well, well. Special Agent Seeley Booth. I guess I have been a good girl this year!"

Booth squirmed his discomfort. "Agent... Chase, is it? Nice to see you again. I'm sure you remember my partner, Dr. Temp..."

Chase didn't take her eyes off Booth. "Delighted to see you again, Dr. Brendan."

Bones bristled. "It's Brennan."

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, Seeley, here we are again, and you just happen to be standing under the mistletoe."

Booth quickly looked up. "Um, no, I don't appear to be..."

Chase grinned and shrugged. "Well, it's a Christmas party, so there has to be some around here somewhere. So we can either go look for it, or..." she jumped up, threw her arms around Booth's neck, and began kissing him thoroughly.

Bones, already incensed, saw the protest in Booth's eyes and his hands trying to push the woman away. She grabbed Chase's left arm and pulled her away and into a hammerlock. "Agent Chase, you are currently committing assault on my partner, and..."

Chase, although startled by the sudden move, was still a highly-trained FBI agent. She spun into Bones, freeing her arm and throwing her to the floor. "I don't know who you are, lady, but you just assaulted a fed..."

Bones, while lacking formal FBI hand-to-hand training, was no slouch. As she fell, she hooked one leg around Chase's knees and pulled, sending the other woman to the floor as well. The two immediately began grappling on the floor.

Booth finally came out of his daze and intervened. He grabbed one woman (Bones, it turned out) and started pulling them apart. "A little help here?" he yelled to the group, and two more Agents quickly came over and restrained Chase.

Chase strained against her fellow agents and tried to lunge at Bones. "You crazy bitch, you just assaulted a federal agent. I'll have you..."

"Enough!" An older man stepped up. Booth muttered an "oh, crap" that only Bones could hear. "Deputy Assistant Director Harris! Sir, I'm sorry about this. I'll get this squared away..."

Harris glared at Booth. "Special Agent Booth, if you had any sort of ability to 'square this away,' it wouldn't have happened in the first place." He paused. "You two wait right here while I have a few words with Agent Chase." At his glance, the agents restraining her let her go, and the two walked away to a quiet corner.

Booth watched them leave, then glanced at his partner – and promptly started taking off his coat. "Here, Bones, take this."

"What? Why are you offering me your coat? I'm not cold. If anything, I'm still feeling an elevated body temperature from the adrenaline..."

"You're not cold now, but you will be in a moment. Look at your..." he glanced bashfully at her chest, then looked away.

Bones looked down at the front of her dress. Where once had been a rather daring bit of cleavage showing, the entire bodice was how hanging by one very-frayed spaghetti strap – and even if it didn't snap, her modesty was already greatly imperiled. "This dress cost over a thousand dollars, Booth!" She turned towards the corner where Chase and Harris were talking.

Booth quickly draped his coat around her shoulders and spun her back to face him. "Later, Bones. Right now the cost of your dress is way, way down our list of priorities."

Bones wanted to argue the point, but sighed and pulled the jacket tighter. "Booth, you have that look that says we're in trouble, but what did I do wrong? She was clearly sexually assaulting you, and the use of force to stop an assault is perfectly legal..."

Booth sighed back at her. "You're right, Bones, but sometimes there are better ways to settle such things than brawling with an FBI agent at an FBI party in the FBI headquarters."

"Ahem." The two looked up to see an irate Harris and a chagrined Chase standing close by. "Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan, Agent Chase has something she would like to say before she leaves."

Chase glared at the floor as she spoke. "Agent Booth, I apologize for my conduct towards you and Dr. Brendan"

"Brennan. My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan."

Harris nudged Chase, who took the hint. "...Dr. Brennan, and I sincerely hope we can all just forget it ever happened."

Bones was not ready to accept that. "Agent Chase, your conduct was completely inappropriate, and caused considerable..."

Booth caught Harris' eye, understood the message being sent, and interrupted. "Agent Chase, on behalf of Dr. Brennan and myself, we accept your apology and agree to let the matter slide. However, we think it would be best for all parties if we were to avoid each other as much as possible, and maintain a strictly professional standard should we happen to encounter each other in the future."

Harris nodded. "I believe that can be arranged, Agent Booth, and let me say I personally appreciate both you and Agent Chase choosing to keep this whole matter unofficial. Also, be sure to submit your expense reports promptly next week." He turned towards Chase. "I believe you were just leaving, but I will be seeing you in my office Monday morning..."

The two left.

Bones was still infuriated, and turned towards Booth. "And that's that? You're going to let her get away with assaulting the two of us, ruining my dress, and ruining our evening?"

Booth leaned in close. "Bones, a hell of a lot more just happened than you understand."

Bones looked at him, and he saw that rare moment of vulnerability in her eyes. "Then help me understand, Booth. I did nothing wrong – you said so yourself! We're the victims here! And, technically, she committed sexual assault on a federal agent, so why isn't she being arrested? Instead, our evening is ruined, my dress is ruined, and she's getting away with it!"

Booth pulled her into a corner (coincidentally, the one Harris had used with Chase). "Bones, Harris just did everyone a big favor. If he made it official, then there would be a whole lot of ugliness and attention, and we'd be spending a lot of time and energy dealing with it. Plus, I'd get known as the man who got all upset over a little kiss."

"A little kiss? It was a lot more than that, Booth!"

"Yeah, but that's not how it would get spread around. Instead, Harris is going to tell her that she can accept a transfer out of DC – possibly with a demotion – or be fired. He's also going to have the FBI pick up the tab for your ruined dress, and he now owes me a big favor."

Bones frowned. "But he said nothing like that. How did I miss all that right in front of me?"

Booth smiled reassuringly. "It's because you don't speak FBI. He said we won't be seeing her, so she's leaving – either transfer or firing, if she's got enough other black marks on her record. He's pissed at her, so it won't be a good transfer, and he might make her take a demotion along with it. He stressed the word 'personally,' which means he knows we could have made a stink, but didn't – and he appreciated that. Finally, he was looking at your dress when he made the comment about the expense reports, so it's clear he considers the damage to be the Bureau's responsibility."

Bones stared at him, then slowly nodded. "So, by letting him deal with this matter unofficially, we are making his life easier... and, in turn, at some point in the future he will be favorably inclined to assist us."

Booth nodded. "And, even if I never call in that marker, he will remember that we did this for him, and will be more generously disposed towards us generally. In fact, it would probably be better if I never did explicitly ask for that favor."

Bones nodded. "I... see now. Yes, in that case, I accept your handling of the matter, and will also consider the whole situation closed – as long as I never see that woman again."

Booth finally let out the breath he'd been holding and smiled. "I'm pretty sure that won't happen."

Bones then looked up into his eyes. "However, there is still one matter needing resolution."

Booth tensed back up. "Um... and that would be..."

She opened his coat and pressed her almost-exposed chest into his. "This all started because that woman did not respect my proprietary interest in you, Agent Booth. I feel the need to take you back to my apartment and reassert my exclusive rights to your person."

Booth grinned. "I think I can live with that."