A/N: My new multi-chapter story! I really want to write a longish story, and I haven't written in a while, so this will kind of be…ok-ish. My friend Mangarific came up with this idea, so I dedicate this story to you, Mangarific!! What happens when the Fullmetal cast gets invited on a non-existing talk show? Comedy happens, that's what. Enjoy!! (P.S, Sandy is me. My real name. In case you're wondering who this Sandy in the story is. She's the host.) (P.S.S- NO OFFENSE TO ROYED OR HAVOCAI OR ANYONE WHO LIKED THE MOVIE!!!!!)

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, you think it's funny! Well I don't!!!

"Welcome to the Very late late show that you didn't realize existed! With your host, Sandy!! Tonight I have a variety of guest from the ever popular Manga, really suckish anime, and a better second anime, Fullmetal Alchemist! We'll discuss many things from the crappy anime, and even shittier movie, and those pairings that you've come to love and hate! Now my first guest is a lady with 99.9 percent accurate aiming skills, and who can make anyone shit themselves with one glance, 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye!", Sandy, the host said. And the over-excited audience cheered.

Riza Hawkeye walked onto the incredibly cheesy backdrop of a painted city, and sat in the hard armchair.

"So Riza, or would you prefer Lieutenant?" Sandy laughed, at a pathetic attempt to joke, that for some reason the crowd laughed at.

"Lieutenant please." Riza replied annoyed. She didn't even want to be here, except Roy and the rest of the team wanted to. So here she was on a 3rd rate talk show, when she could be doing many other things.

"Right, so Lieutenant. How do you feel about your life on Fullmetal Alchemist? Just what do you do, and do you like it?" Sandy questioned.

"Well, do you not read the manga or even watch the horrible anime? I'm sure it's quite clear, but I guess I'll tell you. I sit behind a desk, do paperwork, keep my commanding officer in line, and occasionally shoot someone's brains out." Riza answered, she couldn't believe how stupid this woman was. Really, if you knew about Fullmetal Alchemist, and went through the trouble of inviting them here, wouldn't you at least know about the characters?

"Interesting. Now, about this commanding office of yours, The Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang. The hottest thing that ever walked the face of the earth, tell us about him." Sandy said, leaning forward. What was with this lady?

"Well, he's a lazy ass and enjoys perverted things. He's probably screwed every women in Amestris but can also be really emo. He has a temper and overall is quite big-headed. Anymore?" Riza said flatly, really she was kind of exaggerating. Roy wasn't that conceited, lazy, perverted, and hopefully he hadn't screwed all the women in Amestris, but he could be pretty emo… She was just having fun.

"Everyone is just dying to know, are you and the colonel together?"

The was a pause, one where you could of heard a needle fall on the floor, or in this case Ed bitching about something backstage. Riza started to say, 'None of your business', but decided it wouldn't hurt anything, and definitely was scared of those rabid Royai fans. "Well…yes. Yes we are together." The audience was going wild, with Royai fans screaming, "I knew it! I knew it!! HAHAHA!!" and Royed/Havocai fans going into denial, but thankfully, I mean unfortunately, they all died of what they deemed a shock.

Riza stared at the dying idiots who thought she was in love with Havoc. Did they think she was going to declare her love for Havoc? Did all those times she was with Roy, helping him, taking care of him, not count? What stupid person would believe she was in love with Havoc??

"Oho! I knew it!! Though this means, he's not single…dammit." Sandy sighed.

"There's no way in hell lady." Riza muttered.

"What?"

"Uh…I said…go to hell Havocai fans?…" Riza responded.

"I know right! Anyways, tell us about your feelings on Royed and Havocai." Sandy resumed her questioning.

"Oh. My. God. Let me say this, Roy is not a fucking pedophile who enjoys CENSORED Ed, and they CENSORED CENSORED SOME MORE CENSORING!!! Havoc and I are not together nor do we CENSORED!!!!! You screwed up weirdoes better run and hide before I shove my guns up your assess!!!! MWHAHHAHAHA!!!" Riza laughed, mirthlessly.

"Right…so…are you going to be okay?"

"Oh. Sorry I got carried away, I just really really hate Royed and Havocai. I mean what idiot came up with that?" Riza said.

"I have no idea. So tell us about that damned movie. What was your part and did you like it?"

"First off, I was in there for like 5 minutes, and secondly, of course I didn't like the movie!!! It was depressing, with Ed in some foreign world with no hope of return, and Roy lost in Emoland. God, no one in their right mind would like it!" Riza said in disgust. The people, who obviously weren't right in their mind, and liked the movie, started booing her. Riza stood up and took out her guns,

"Okay! Well, thanks for that wonderful chat. Stick around and we'll be right back!" Sandy said hurriedly.

"Get over it bitches!! CENSORED CENSORED A LITTLE MORE CENSORED you guys!!" Riza yelled, and it was soon cut to commercial.

One of those ones, where it says how fat you are and how you can lose weight, when you and I both know that you can't.

Ha ha. Riza's crazy. I'm not actully that stupid in real life. Sorry about the insults… I didn't say it, Riza did! I hope none of you guys got offended. It was joking purposes only. Next person to be interviewed on this messed up show? Stay tuned!! Review as always!!!