Walk A Mile
A/N – Okay, a reader of Nothing Will Ever Change That e-mailed me, asking me to create another story similar to this one. Well, of course I couldn't do that, but I did get an idea – rewrite climaxes of the story, but in the eyes of another person highly involved with it. Not too sure how well this is going to turn out, but what the hell. I'll put the rating, what it is and other in for at the beginning.
Rewrite of Epilogue 2 – POV: Dietlinde
Rating – X, but only because of the overall theme of this chapter.
"Look at you! Could you be more beautiful?" Mom was scanning my new dress for any faults that may have occurred when I was getting dressed; hell, I already broke one of the heels off of my shoe getting ready!
"Really Dietlinde… you're beautiful…" ah damn… I can feel myself blushing already! You know, I love dad and everything, but he's turned me into such a daddy's girl!
"Thanks…" oh great, he's starting to cry! No doubt he's thinking about me moving out after graduation!
"We want you back by eleven, okay?" Holy crap! I thought the deal was nine! They really trust me with Jay, don't they? Great, now I feel bad…
"Yeah, sure… thanks a lot for letting me go," yeah, thanks for letting me beg for two months before finally saying yes! Dad swears that it was only one, but I counted the damn days!
"Sure, but don't prove our judgment wrong. We're trusting you to go out alone with a boy, don't break that trust," you know, for once I would really like to see mom set the rules. Sure, she enforces them and tells me to do things here and there, but she's never really taken control over dad.
"I won't, I promise," right on cue, the doorbell rings, "I… think that's him…" my heart starts to race after picturing him outside the door, holding the roses he promised me.
"Listen, why don't you take Dietlinde upstairs for a moment?" mom smiles and guides me up the long flight of stairs… what is dad doing?! Mom has that creepy smile on!
"Mom," I start to whisper under my breath after we get into my room, "What is dad doing?"
"Don't worry, he won't kill Jay, he's just giving him a small talk before letting him take you out. Trust me Dietlinde, he won't embarrass you, he's just really protective of you. You have no idea what that man was like when you were first born," I don't know why, but something tells me they were both a little… murderous?
"Honey, your date's here!" thank God! I rush downstairs – damn near breaking another heel – to see him standing next to Dad holding the roses.
"Hey Jay…" I'm sure I was beat red right then, but I really couldn't have cared less. He looked amazing in that tux, and I imagined he was thinking the same thing about my dress. He took my hand and, defying what I told him to do, kissed my cheek. Just like I imagined, Dad cleared his throat and ended the peck.
"Y-You look… beautiful…" oh come on! Drop the nervous act! He knows I hate it when he does that! His eyes skim over my body a couple of times, pausing at certain locations.
"Thanks," dad once again clears his throat, "Dad! Enough of that!" he simply laughs. He really is a wonderful father, but he gets a little overprotective for my liking sometimes.
"What? I have a sore throat!" bullshit! I take Jay out of the house and into the cab as quickly as I could, trying to get away from the awkward situation.
"Where to?" the cab driver looks at his rear-view mirror to make eye contact with Jay.
"Just go back to where you picked me up," damn, on out first official date he's taking the cheap route and taking me to his house?! All I have to say is that this better be good!
"No problem," without a word, he reaches up and closes the window separating the driver and us.
"Jesus, I thought we'd never get out of there. Is your dad always such a spaz?" okay, so Jay might be a different person around adults then he is at school and around me, and most people would think that he's an ass, but I see a side of him that no one else sees. I really do love him, and I know he feels the same way about me.
"He's not always like that, he's just really protective of me."
"Apparently not protective enough…" he uses his right hand to bring my head into a tight kiss, mostly against my force. We kissed like this for awhile in the back seat – I didn't like it at all really, he was too rough with me, but he liked it so I thought that I might as well give him that – until he went a little far by putting his left hand on my breast. I push away from the kiss, which took a good seven seconds.
"Not here, we're in a damn cab," he lets out a long sigh before speaking again.
"Okay, sorry… you owe me later though," I just smirk at him. I really do feel bad about mom and dad though, because this wasn't unusual for us. I don't know why I do these things, dad raised me perfectly… but he even said himself that feeling like this is normal, so it's okay… right? I'm so stupid… I knew exactly why we were going to his house, but I like to feel that he shows his love for me aside from MAKING love to me. I mean, there are other ways. This may be the first date that mom and dad actually let me go on, but I've gone out plenty of times with Jay, and only recently we started sleeping together.
"Okay guys, we're here," the driver brings down the shield and Jay pays him before helping me out of the car.
"My parents aren't home tonight, we have all night to ourselv-"
"Jay, do you even love me?" he paused in front of the door and gave me a confused look, "Ever since the first time we slept together, all you want from me is sex. I mean, I got all dressed up for you because I thought that we were going to have a real date for once," I had both of my arms in front of me, where my fingers met and crossed below my waist.
"Honey," he took me into a tight hug, "I'm so sorry, it's just that… well, you're just so beautiful! But I promise, I'll stop with all of that, okay?" with a smile from both of us, we walk into his empty house. His response wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but I could tell that he meant it, "So, how about we watch a movie and then eat dinner? It may not be the most romantic thing, but is it okay with you?"
"Yeah, sure. What movie?"
"You'll see…" he smiles at me with that face he only allows me to see. Within a few minutes, we were sitting in the dark, under a large blanket staring at a glowing TV screen. As far as I could tell, it was an old adventure movie, but I wasn't too sure. Honestly, I wasn't even watching the movie, I was just thinking about our relationship. It was honest enough to begin with, but a month ago we were on this very sofa alone, and things got a little out of hand. We both had quite a scare, because I was late on my period that month. Ever since we found out that I wasn't pregnant, I've pretty much been coming over here every weekend to have sex… which is why I feel so bad. I always tell mom or dad that I was going to a friend's house, and that I'd be back soon. I really don't know why I've degraded my body to this… "So, you like the move?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah," he looks down at the comforter and chuckles.
"I can't believe that we're still in these things! Listen, I have some old clothes over in my room, why don't you go throw on some? I'll put on a few when you're done," he did have a point, this was getting uncomfortable. After a couple exchanging words and a peck on the lips, I make my way to his room – which was painfully familiar to me – and find his old shirts and gym-shorts in his closet. I change into them, leaving all of my things just on his bed, trying not to get them wrinkled, then walk back out into the living room to see him already undoing his tie.
"Jay, I want to make something clear right now," I wanted to get this out of the way.
"Yeah? What is it?"
"We're not having sex tonight. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I just don't think we're ready for the consequences if I… you know…" he just chuckles and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"I completely understand, if you want to stop, that's no problem," wow… I can't believe that he's actually agreeing to this!
"Really? You're okay with it?"
"Of course, if you're not comfortable with it, then why would I want to put you through that?" okay, I know that it would be rape if he would force sex on me, but knowing him I wouldn't be surprised, "Don't worry, I promise. I'll be right back," with a smile after he left, I crawl under the comforter , inadvertently getting a nose-full of his scent.
"What are you doing here Dietlinde? Go home… just go home, tell mom and dad everything, and maybe they can help…" I make it about two steps towards the door before I feel a hand on my shoulder, obviously Jay.
"Dietlinde, why were you about to leave?" he adjusts himself so that he was standing next to me with his right arm wrapped around my shoulders.
"I just… want to tell mom and dad…" he put his thumb and index finger on my chin, making me look deeply into his eyes, "Sorry…" without another word, he leans in and embraces me in a tight kiss. Odd thing is, I wanted to push away, but the furthest I got to doing that is putting my hands on his chest, which could have easily been mistaken for a sign of affection. I'm not going to let him do this again… he doesn't own me…
Our bodies eventually come in contact with the sofa, where we then fall back onto it with him on top. He slowly brings his hand up under my shirt, the cold skin of his hand making contact with my chest, "Mmm!" that's all I really could do – whine. I don't know why I wasn't getting away from him, I could have easily called rape, but something prevented me from doing it. He pulls back from the kiss only to bring my shirt up above my head, leaving me even more vulnerable. I don't remember when, but he got all of his clothes off in what seemed to be an instant, and soon enough, the only piece of cloth between the two of us was his gym-shorts on my body – which were already pulled down past my hipbone. He reached down, and in one swift motion removed the pants; it was at this point that it really hit home what was happening.
"Get… off of me!" I push him backwards off of the sofa and I leap up myself, "I… swear… to God… if you touch me… again…" he stands up to meet me at eye level and simply smiles.
"Dietlinde, I know that you think otherwise, but I do love you. I just want to become closer to you, you know? Listen, would it help if I wore a condom?" he doesn't love me…
"N-No…" I take his wrist and guide him upstairs, "Just… go ahead…" he doesn't love me… but I want him to so badly… throwing my dress aside onto the floor, I lay on my back on his bed, limbs all spread. I know he doesn't love me, but I love him, and I just want him to feel the same way about me that I feel about him. With a smirk, he crawls over me with his hands planted on either side of my head.
"See, was that too hard?" using his right hand, he slowly slid into me… but the gentleness stopped right there. I'm no virgin, and the last two times didn't hurt at all, but this… he was just being too rough, and it eventually led to tearing.
"J… Jay…" I wrap my limbs around his torso, trying to get into the rhythm of everything, "Uh…" with my eyes half open, my head flops to the left towards his nightstand. In this constantly moving world, I was able to make out the clock reading twelve-AM… and yet I didn't care, "Go faster… c-come on Jay…" I close my eyes, leaning my head back as he follows my orders, "Uh… uh… uh… aaaAAAHH!!" I doubt he realized it, but I climaxed right then, which was soon met with him doing the same, but this time not pulling out. This is the first time that he hasn't pulled out, and it felt… well, to say the least disgusting. The entire weight of his body relaxed on top of mine, my limbs still wrapped around his torso.
"D-Dietlinde…" both of our heads whip towards the doorway to see my dad standing there with a pale face… at least he can help me now… from that point on was kind of a blur until we were riding home and… that was hell… he made me leave my dress and ride home completely naked as if that wasn't bad enough, there were at least two cars full of guys checking me out on the ride.
"Dad, listen to-" I would have told him everything right then and there if he hadn't cut me off, and after what he said… he might as well have punched me.
"No! I'm not going to listen to you again! He came inside you, didn't he?" I simply look down, pretty much looking at the answer, "FUCK!" he slams his hands on the steering wheel so hard I was surprised that he didn't break it, "What the hell is wrong with you Dietlinde?" more then he'll ever know…
"What about my dress?" he gave me the look from hell at that point.
"He can burn it for all I care! Is that all you're thinking about? What about the fact that you could possibly be a mother?" that's not the first time he's gotten a lot of semen in me, so I think I'm just sterile.
"I'm not pregnant… if I'm not by now, I'm never going to be…" I muttered that last part under my breath.
"And how do you know that? Are you wearing a condom?" what the hell? "See! You didn't even know that you COULD wear a condom, did you?" well… no, "I was lenient as hell on what you wore; V-cut collars, tight pants, tight shirts, I even saw you wear a thong a few times, but I let it all go! I trusted that you wouldn't give anything up, but on your first Goddamn date you fuck a guy!" like clothes have anything to do with this, "That's it, all of those clothes are gone! I don't care if you bought them or not!" he pulls into a parking lot, making my heart sink. Is he going to hit me? Would he beat me? When he's this mad, I just really don't know…
"But that's not fair!"
""Not fair? How fair is it that now I have to pay for you to get a checkup, huh? You're going in tomorrow to see if you're pregnant, and if you are, you're not getting an abortion. Got it?" but… I can't take care of a baby…
"Yeah…"
"Get inside and get dressed. We're far from done here!" I slowly make my way into the house, feeling the cold night air against every inch of my skin. I hurry past a wide-eyed mom, feeling extremely embarrassed about this, "When you're done get back out here!" for some reason, Asuka was in my room… just great…
"Get the hell out of my room Asuka."
"Oh, so you're back from yo-" she turns around and sees me standing there naked, still trying to cover my breasts by crossing my arms, "What happened?" instead of mocking me like I expected, she had a face of concern, as if wanting to help me.
"I… don't know… I didn't even want to have sex with him…" she rushes out of the room and brings back a towel for me to dry off. I was still fairly sweaty from the act, that among other liquids apparently made it noticeable, "Thanks… just stay in your room, I'll talk to you about it later," with a nod, she retreats into her room. I get into a pair of sweat pants and a long-sleeve t-shirt, wanting to be covered as much as possible. When I was walking out into the living room and saw mom and dad talking, it really hit me what was happening, and what could happen. Tears start streaming down my face and my bottom lip quivers uncontrollably.
"Why the hell did you let him stay inside?! If you were going to do that, at least have him pull out!" mom leaps at me – I thought it was to hit me, but she just grabbed my shoulders – and yells a few inches from my face.
"I'm… s-sorry…" mom, of all people, knows about this, she went through the same thing with me when she was fifteen.
"What do we do here Shinji?" dad just looked at me with disappointment.
---
Half an Hour Later
"Were you even ready for it?" by now, dad made me pack up all of my clothes and he's making me donate them. I really do feel stupid, because I seem to care more about the clothes then what happened. We were pulled into another parking lot and he has calmed down slightly. I just close my eyes and shake my head, "Then why did you do it?"
"Because I thought I was… when he actually started… I thought it was too late to back out…" which was one-hundred percent true… but that's how I felt the first night I slept with him. Dad takes me in a gentle hug – something new to this night – and I embrace it.
"Was he even gentle with you?" I start crying as I shake my head. The truth is that I wanted him to be rough this time around, maybe because I wanted to punish myself subconsciously… and wow, he was rough. Tearing hurts SO much worse then actually breaking the hymen.
"I didn't… know it would hurt so bad… I tried to tell him, but he said that it'd get better…" which is also true, this just happened about a month ago.
"And it didn't, did it?" if it didn't feel good, then I wouldn't have gone through with it.
"It did… that's why I kept going…" and kept going BACK. To a certain extent, I really do believe that I was a sex addict, "Why did I do it?" I'm almost screaming into his shoulder by now, "I… don't want a baby! I don't want to be a mother!"
"Shhhh…" dad patted my back, which actually helped a little, "Just calm down… it wasn't worth it, was it?" I obviously shake my head, "I'm going to take you home and you go straight to bed, okay? We'll go to the doctor's tomorrow morning," I give a weak nod and he, thankfully, drives back home. I couldn't avert my eyes from the floor, because I felt like that's all I deserved.
"Dad…?" he looks over at me, but I don't look at him, "I love you…"
"I love you too honey."
---
1:00 AM – Dietlinde's Room
"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but if you need to talk to someone-"
"Asuka… stay here… I need you right now…" using the thick carpet as a bed, we lay side by side, staring up at the plain white ceiling. We would always lay here when one of us was upset as far back as I could remember, but right now, this spot seemed like heaven.
"You don't have to lie to me, I won't tell anyone, I promise. What really happened?" I felt comfortable around my younger sibling, I always have. While she would never admit it, she looks up to me a way a little girl would look up to her mother. Even though I was a little over one year older then her, she saw me as a sort of 'replacement mother' when our real one wasn't around, which is why I felt obligated to apologize to her.
"I'm so sorry Asuka…" she's normally extremely narrow-minded, but for some reason she understood the meaning of this.
"Don't worry about it… so, you don't want to tell me? I understand, it's your business."
"No, I want to… you've met Jay, right?" she looks at me and nods, "Well, Dad caught us having sex… but I'm feeling horrible because that's not the first time we've slept together. The first time was… amazing… the connection between us was so wonderful, I wanted to go back for more. But after the second time, he started seeing me as just a thing to go to for sex. Asuka, listen to me, keep your virginity, I'm not joking here. I fucked up big time, you don't make that same decision, hear me?" while we were only a year apart, she wasn't as developed as me, so I doubt many guys would have an attraction to her anyway.
"Well… see, me and Blaze have… we haven't had sex, don't get me wrong, but we have fooled around a little. Just stupid stuff really, like, last week we made out and he got a little too touchy-feely," I instantly prop myself up on my elbow and glare down at her.
"Asuka, you listen to me, don't you ever do things like that again! I went down the exact same road; it started off with just wandering hands, then it went to actually losing some clothing, and before I knew it we were having sex on his sofa. Promise me Asuka, right now, promise me you won't do that again!" her eyes were wide, because – in my opinion – I made a breakthrough.
"O… kay… I didn't know that it was that big of a deal…"
"Listen, you haven't been in the circumstance yet, but you lose control of your body. Let me tell you this though; the guy is always the one to initiate it, I can promise you that. If you have will power, you can avoid it. I'm not one to talk, I admit that, but you have to just say no," I know that this was supposed to be about me, but while we're on the subject I might as well get this through.
"Dietlinde? Something happened at Jay's house that you're not telling me," I fall back onto the rug.
"I'm sorry Asuka… I can't tell you… I've lost all of your respect as it is…" I get up and crawl into bed, "Go to bed, it's getting late," without a word, she follows what I told her to do.
Later on, many months from that point, I do tell her what I did, but not before I catch her and Blaze getting a little too intimate. I didn't tell mom or dad about it if Asuka promised me that she'd carry around a condom. She kept her promise though, as far as I know, she stayed a virgin until she was seventeen. I guess that even though I screwed up, it helped her out slightly.
The next morning really was hell, I found out that I was pregnant, had an abortion, and saw Jay for the last time in my life that day. Did I love him after he left? Oh hell yes, I wouldn't even date for a good year after he left… that is until I found Takajin, the man I'll be living with the rest of my life. I can speak from experience here; if you have sex at a very young age, it's not real. You don't love each other; you just love each other's bodies. Remind yourself of this.
A/N – So, how'd you all like it? Not all of them will be this 'lemony', but since this seemed to be the high-point in the epilogue, I wanted to do this first. From now on, I'll be take requests, as long as they're realistic. So just ask for the next chapter in your review and I'll make it!
A/A/N – Keep in mind that this is an extremely out of the way project, so don't expect me to make a new one every week. This comes after supporting a family and Puberty, so don't read this hoping for fast updates.