One Rainy Night


The rain pelted on the rooftop as though it were sending shards and daggers into her already wounded heart. She awakened to a huge clap of thunder that shook the house, taking her from her dreams of happiness. She had been lost in the sweet memory of her childhood and better days. She sat up in the bed, her heart thundering and crashing just as the storm did outside her bedroom window. She gingerly crawled out of bed, realizing the power was out and she could not turn on the light. The house was bathed in darkness. Only an occasional zig-zag of lightening brought a flash of silver into her room. *Ohhh God, why?* her bruised heart cried out.

Tears blurred her vision, what little there was of it as she searched for a candle or even a spare flashlight - anything she could find to brighten up the darkness and gloom in hopes it would alleviate her fears. She made it down the staircase by sheer determination even though it was pitch black and she only had her hands to guide her. She was a fighter - not a victim and she'd make it to safety. She'd survive the storm.

Once she made it into the parlor, she was able to find a candelabra upon the fireplace mantel. She lit each tall white candle, bathing the room in a faint, eerie glow. She set the candelabra atop her piano, but it gave her no comfort or protection as the windows of the parlor glowed with cascading water running in rivulets like cold, bitter tears. She ached, nearly falling to her knees. She needed more light. She needed sudden healing. There was so much she needed, but she feared it would never come.

The rain was mocking her. The tears slid from her eyes just like the rain that fell from a cold, bitter sky. And with each heavy drop that fell, her heart was crying out *Why? Ohhhh why?*

Why couldn't the rain wash away the tears and the betrayal? Why couldn't the rain stop the thundering in her sad, tortured soul?

She was shaking when she found it. She stared down at the silver flashlight now in her hands. She switched it on. It only gave her a tiny bit of comfort. She could find her way now in the dark. The dancing candles continued to send odd patterns upon the walls as she silently cried. She had no knowledge of her tears. They were falling from her broken soul just as fiercely as the raging storm - the wind, rain, lightning, and thunder.

It was so unfair. Her heart had been demolished in a single violent act. "God, why did it happen? Why must I suffer?* her wounded heart cried out with bitterness.

There was no answer, just the crashing of the storm and the wind outside. They sky seemed angry and unforgiving. Why wouldn't it stop? How much more could she possibly take?

As she stood there shivering from head to toe, wearing nothing more than a thigh-length white nightgown which did nothing to take away the chill, she heard pounding on the front door. It was after midnight in the middle of a crazy storm. Who in the world would be out on a night like tonight, knocking urgently at her door?

Something compelled her toward the door despite all her fears. She threw it open, seeing the same face that came to her in all her nightmares. He was drenched in the fierce, driving rain as his eyes stared into hers. Their gazes were locked as they looked at each other in deepening shock.

"Todd, what...?" she gasped. "What are YOU doing here?!"

As the thunder rolled, she heard him whisper through the rain, "I needed to be with you. Marty, please let me in..."

She shook her head, but inside she could not refuse his entry. She moved aside, allowing him into her house. He tore his gaze from hers as in the faint light he stared up the staircase. He thought of her room upstairs where he had made sweet love to her. It had been such a beautiful night and in that tender moment, their incredible bond had forged, but now they were bonded in yet another way. After Spring Fling, they were trauma bonded.

The rainy outside brought back flashes of horrific memory, haunting him with how he'd hurt her- the only one he'd ever truly loved. He had to come to her side. He had to help her. He had no other choice.

"Todd, why are you here?" she asked as tears streaked her face. "Why? Why now?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you, Marty."

"It's a little too late for apologies," she said as she took a step back. He was her tormentor, but deep in heart, he was so much more. She couldn't put words to what she felt, but maybe somehow, someway, she knew he could be her salvation.

"I need you... and you need me. I had to come," he said as he tried to explain why the storm brought him to her side. "I know what the rain does. It haunts me, too. I want... no, I need something to soothe those memories."

She shook her head in an attempt to deny everything he had just said. "I owe you nothing."

"That's right and I owe you everything. And even more so, I owe it to myself. Marty, I have to make things right again, somehow."

"You can't take back what you did. You can't erase it," she said as she stood there shivering in the doorway. She was absolutely freezing.

He closed the door, but made no sudden movements. The last thing he wanted was to frighten her, but he knew she was cold. "We should... put some logs on the fireplace. You're cold." He was chilled as well, his clothing soaked from the rain, but he cared more about her and her discomfort. He knew he'd survive. He always did.

She nodded, breaking free from the trance she had disappeared into while staring into his eyes. She turned around and returned to the parlor. She picked up a couple of logs, placing them on the hearth. In minutes, a roaring blaze had started of soft orange and a brilliant gold. It's heat seeped around her as Todd approached quietly. He stood directly behind her, wrapping her in a throw from the couch. She hardly felt his touch as it was so subtle.

She turned to look at him, eyes still haunted. He was now silhouetted in the picture window as the rain fell mockingly against the glass. The storm wasn't letting up. It continued, just as it did that night - that dark, fateful night when his brutality left her wounded and full of so much sorrow.

"You have a lot of nerve coming here. You know that, don't you?"

"It took every ounce of my courage to come here, but I HAD to do it. I needed to be with you. There is so much I HAVE to say and I am struggling to find the words. Please, Marty, will you hear me out?"

She sat down on the rug in front of the fire, huddled in the throw he had placed around her. He joined her there, so close, yet so far away. She only had to reach out, just a tiny bit, and she could be touching him. Touching him again was what she feared the most.

"Alright, Todd, you're here. What is it you have to say?"

"I should have stayed."

She turned to look at him sharply as she wasn't expecting those words. She thought he'd try to apologize for the events of Spring Fling again, but no - what the hell was it he was trying to say?

"The night we made love upstairs in your bedroom, you begged me to stay. I wanted to stay. I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life," he said as he bared his soul to her. "I can't forgive myself for leaving you that night when you needed me the most. I hurt you that night... and I also hurt myself... so deeply."

"Why- why did you leave?"

"Because, Marty, I'd fallen in love with you. My feelings were so strong; they scared me. I had to get away. I didn't want you to see my scars."

She stared at him in disbelief. He had a lot of nerve talking about his scars after all the ones he had given her. "I was hurting, so I hurt you, too and I am sorry," Todd said as his voice broke. Drops of rain were falling from his drenched hair. They mingled with his silent tears. They were torn from his soul as he couldn't possibly hold them back a moment longer.

"I don't expect you to forgive me or anything I did, but I wanted you to know. I had to get it off my chest and tell you how I feel. I know you'll never forget, because I can't either. What happened is like a knife inside my soul."

"What happened?" she said, her voice rising a little. "What happened is that you abandoned me after you made love to me. What happened is that you raped me. Why am I even here talking to you?"

"Because you don't hate me as much as you say you do. I know you don't. We never hated one another and we never really will, because the feelings we have are far too strong. I try, but I can't stay away from you. It's like I am drawn to you, as if... we are connected by something alive and incredibly strong."

She was feeling warmer now as the heat of the fire seemed to bathe her flesh in it's soothing warmth. She watched as he shivered in his clothes that were soaked from the rain. She almost stood up. "I need to get you a towel."

"Marty, did you hear anything I said? Did you really listen?"

She nodded. "I heard everything, Todd. But just as you said, you can't expect me to forgive you - just like that. You were cruel and you were brutal. There is nothing you could do that could ever make up for your actions."

He hung his head because he knew he deserved those words and so much worse. He deserved to be thrown outside, back into the rain. He also deserved to tossed out the door on his ass and out of her life forever.

She switched on the flashlight. "I am going to get that towel now. Stay right here."

He obeyed her, not moving a muscle. He was quivering from the cold when she returned with some towels and a thick blanket. "Thank you," he said as he dried off and wrapped up in the warmth of a blanket that smelled exactly like her. Inhaling her sweet scent, he cried even more, trying to hold back his sorrowful sobs. How he longed to bask in the amazing scent that was her and feel her tender touch on his flesh again, but he knew he did not deserve it. All he deserved now was pain and suffering. If only she knew how much he was hurting, too, and how many nights he had cried himself to sleep. She wouldn't care if he told her and he knew nothing he could ever say could possibly make things better between them. He was doomed to suffer through the storm and he knew she was suffering just as deeply. If only he could take that pain away from her and replace it with something beautiful.

"If I could, I would take away all the pain and I would give you peace. I'd stop your suffering and give you something meaningful to hang onto. You deserve it," Todd said when she joined him again close to the fire. "You deserve that and so much more. I hurt, knowing I can't give that to you."

"You had a chance, but you destroyed it," she said as her thoughts returned to the night they'd made love and she had begged him to stay. "Things could have been different."

"I know, and I hate myself for it. Sometimes I don't want to live with what I've done. But I get up everyday and I fight. I struggle and I fight, because I want to find a way to make things right again, for you. I don't want you to suffer anymore. I don't want you to fear the storm."

As lightening lit up the room and thunder crashed outside, she stared into his eyes. She knew in her heart that he was one hundred percent sincere. She could read him like a book. He truly regretted his actions and the irreparable damage he had caused her.

"I believe you, Todd," she softly whispered.

And when she said those words, some of his shattered and broken pieces came flying back together. He felt his heart as it began to beat again. For so long it had remained as though dead inside his chest. Life could resume again, because his words had finally reached her. It was just the beginning of a new and exciting chapter - one of sacrifice and healing.

"Where do we go from here?"

"I have no idea," she told him honestly. "I just want peace and contentment. I want to be safe from the nightmares and the storm."

"I promise you; you're safe now. I'd never let anything... or anyone hurt you again. I swear it on my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to you."

"Todd, I don't need you to be my protector."

"We don't have a choice. You know that. I am indebted to you forever."

She couldn't deny it. He spoke the truth. He was always there as a shadow by her side. And deep inside, she didn't want him to leave. Just like that night they had made love, she truly wanted him to stay.

"I am going to make it up to you... somehow. I promise."

Cautiously he reached across the short distance, his hand touching hers. His fingertips lightly grazed her skin, sending shock waves way down deep, into her soul. There was no denying their connection. It was fierce and unstoppable. It was stronger than any storm or any heartbreaking disaster.

In that moment, she was ready. She would stand up and she would face the storm. Despite all her wounds, she knew she would persevere. Sudden hope flared inside her battered heart - not only did she hope to survive the storm, maybe in time, she would find a rainbow waiting for her on the other side.

The End