Super Good Editor's Note: So Pahanin was the Tower's most famous Hunter (that wasn't a Vanguard). He wrote a book (more or less) that encompassed his personality and his one-liners. And he decided what the heck, why stop at one book? He saw that glimmer sitting there for the taking and drafted a sequel…of sorts. Of course, he was murdered by that camping bitc—wait, apparently editors aren't allowed to wrote profanity—camping SOB Dredgen Yor. So the book is incomplete, and as I sit here in the vault, I figured I've nothing better to do than edit what he did have (because, you know, it's not like I'm being chosen for high-end activities anymore, for some reason…). So while his first book was really just a collection of funny lines and unconnected stories, the second is… well, funny lines and mostly unconnected stories. Without any more intro, enjoy Pahanin's last legacy (unless you are Dredgen Yor. In that event, go suck a…)

-Super Good Advice

"Hey Roni, he in?" I asked with low expectations.

Not low expectations about him being able to see me; as soon as I docked people have been scrambling to help me get wherever I needed to go. No one said a word, asked a question, or breathed, but they also didn't stare too long. I'd put a solid 500g down that the Vanguard issued a Highest-Alert: Missing Guardians bounty for us on Venus.

Then again, that would be cheating if I did, because once I got free of interference I got that bounty too. Odd that there was a bounty for three missing Guardians when it was just Kabr, me, and…well, I guess it was just us two. Like I said, odd.

No, what I had low expectations about was that Roni 55-30 would properly work. Damn A.I.s never really seem to function properly on their own. The only time they work is if you consider Exos, and they don't really count for the "A" part, do they? Roni, while beloved by his master, has been on the fritz for a while and really should just be sent down to the maintenance hangar for a good, long checkup.

Preferably long enough for me to have lived a short life with an epic death via gunfight. If I never have to deal with Roni sending me to the wrong fucking planets for my bounties ever again, it would be too soon.

"Yes. My master has cleared his schedule for you. How did the debriefing with Mr. Saint-14 and Mr. The Speaker go?" Roni 55-30 asked in its normal robotic chirp.

I'm stunned. The thing actually functioned properly for once in its miserable life. I may not have to threaten it this time.

"It sucked 'bout as bad as a debriefing with Captain Mohawk and Traveler Jesus sounds."

Okay, so not one of my better lines. I won't jot that one down, but it never hurts to try new material on frames. They tend to not get offended or snitch on you.

"Okay, have a good day Mr. Pahanin."

Oh hell no.

"what DID YOU CALL ME, BITCH!?" I shouted as I whipped out a Golden Gun with a flash and pointed it at Roni.

"Mr. Pahanin" Roni repeated.

I fired a shot just past Roni's head, into a pad in the wall that I just now noticed had to have been added to keep me from putting holes in the place. A second glance confirmed that it was not built to withstand a Golden Gun, at least not with the bird-looking helmet I found.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU NEVER TO CALL ME?"

"Uh. I don't compute that properly."

"OF COURSE YOU DON'T. OPEN MY PERSONEL FILE."

"Opening. Opened."

"LOOK UNDER 'ADDRESS BY'."

"File reads 'Pahanin.' Would you like to change this?"

"OPEN ADVANCED SETTINGS."

"Opening. Opened."

"WHAT DOES IT SAY UNDER PREFIX?"

"Oh dear, my file must be corrupt. There is no prefix."

"EXACTLY. DON'T USE A PREFIX. GOT IT?"

"How should I address you in the absence of a prefix? Would you like to add a title?"

"JUST NEVER CALL ME 'MR' AGAI—wait, did you say a title? Like what, lord or something?"

"Very well, I shall substitute 'lord' as your prefix, Lord Pahanin."

It took me a second to get a read on how that sounded, but I like it. This is the sorta respect a man that come outta the fucking Vault of Glass deserves.

"Threatening my frame again, Pahanin? Do I need to make you read a book on the fundamental elements of near-death culture of the late twentieth century America? I hear there is an extremely accurate depiction of a 'Bingo' game; you look like the type to just look at the pictures anyways…"

"Oh, very funny. You're gonna regret all your sass when I out you as a Hunter disguised as a Warlock in my book."

"Writing a book now, Pahanin? I wasn't aware you could read! I'm sure your audience won't even understand what you'd be implicating."

There was a long moment of silence as we stared each other down before he finally started to crack, and before long we were both laughing as we walked back into his office.

"It's good to see you, Pahanin. I was beginning to worry I had put you in over your head."

"Oh Osiris, you underestimate me! The Vault might could claim a Titan, but never me. I had a secret weapon, after all?"

"Oh, and what would that be?" Osiris played along.

"A winning smile, of course! If it can slay even the toughest of ladies in this Tower, what chance do the Vex stand, huh?" I stated with a laugh that was well received by my host.

"Even the toughest ladies, huh? I'll be sure to ask Wei Ning about that…" He prodded.

"HEY NOW, that's now fair and you know it! Wei is dispositioned to be immune to my charm! How was I supposed to know that before hitting on her?"

Osiris chuckled and just shook his head as he sat in his chair.

"I think any sort of scouting out the situation—you know, scouting, like good Hunters do—would have told you that it was a bad idea. And to think that she ended up picking a Warlock over you, Praxic no less!"

"Hey, now, to be fair, who wouldn't have picked Eriana over me?"

"True, true… Well, anyways, have a seat. We should probably talk a little…"

I decided to wait a little before sitting. To be honest, I really didn't want to stir up those thoughts just yet; I've been having too much fun with simple small talk, mainly because of how it distracted me from thinking on the Vault. I looked around for anything to change the conversation to.

My eyes scanned across the various artifacts strewn about his office, most of which were themed around ancient Egypt. As good a place as any for a distraction, I suppose.

"Still with all of these sand statues? Would it kill you to frame a mural of the kraken taking over the world?"

"I swear, if I ever find evidence that cephalopods once ruled the earth, I'm burning it in its entirety. They can take my robes away for destroying it, I don't care…" Osiris taunted back, not giving in to my attempt at steering this conversation.

"Kind of apropos that a guy named Osiris would be the young Warlock to discover everything we know about Egyptian mythology, huh?"

"There are some who think that those two events are not mutually exclusive, you know… I've always been fascinated by the symbolism in their work, and as a Sunsinger I do appreciate their praise of Sol. Plus it gave me the ideas for some great shaders, so what's not to love? But that's not why you're here, Pahanin."

I sighed and walked over to the chair opposite his desk before sitting down.

"No, it's not."

"What did the Vanguard and Speaker have to say about the matter?" Osiris added in a very serious tone that completely shifted the tone of the room.

"They were…well, I'll be honest, Saint-14 was pissed that we broke the quarantine on the Vault of Glass and the Speaker is upset that we lost Kabr, but…they were impressed. We actually got the thing open and went in as far as that Hydra. That's unheard of."

"I know. It's why I chose you. Did they reprimand you?"

"Nah, I don't think that woulda sent the right message to my new fans. But I don't think I'll be getting any favors from either of them any time soon."

"No, I suppose not. I know they asked you for everything, but…"

I cut him off by holding up my hand, then reached into my holster and pulled out a hand-cannon.

"Worked like a charm. They never thought to check it."

"I don't think they were really checking you for smuggled items, you know. But good work anyways." Osiris said while taking the gun and heating it with a small solar flare in his hand. As he did so, the glue that held the bottom of the handle together melted away and the bottom of the butt of the weapon fell off, dumping the hidden contents into Osiris' hand.

"I made sure to scan, well, everything I could in between the endless waves of Vex. But get this: there were these things I scanned, Kabr named them Oracles to simplify them while reloading from shooting them, and the reader went crazy. So much data went in that it used an ENTIRE cartridge at once. An entire Golden Age Quantum Storage super thingy in one scan.

"I'm no Warlock, Osiris, but I recognize freaky shit when I see it."

"That would appear to be 'freaky shit,' indeed. How are you holding up?"

"What'da mean by that?" I asked probably too quickly. If he hadn't caught on before, he probably does now.

"Don't even try, Pahanin. You've been off this whole time. What'd you see down there that's got a Hunter like you rattled?"

I took a deep breath and tussled my hair while staring off out the window for a moment, trying to put my thumb on it.

"I don't know. Kabr. I didn't know him well, but part of me can't shake the Survivor's Guilt. That son of a gun was impressive down there for so long that I feel like I let him do too much. I didn't help when I could have—you know, when I was scanning around—and before I knew it he was going nuts down there. Drinking the Vex, twitching, screaming…he died with the most bone-chilling yell I've ever heard. And he started glowing, too, like some real Warlock shit as he just kinda blew up. The explosion gave me a chance to scale the well unfollowed, but even once he was gone the spot just glowed.

"I just can't get over his sacrifice. He died alone in a hopeless spot so I could get out. Its feels…"

"Wrong. It feels wrong that he died like that while you live. You said it yourself, Survivor's Guilt. And I'm also sure that you'll get through this. You know that he died knowing his purpose and fighting for it: to get you out of there safe. Now, every step you take is an attribute to his memory."

"Well, gee, when you say it like that it almost makes me feel bad for failing at hitting on so many Guardians…"

Osiris gave a good chuckle at that before we both settled into the silence.

"Just take some time off, Pahanin. Do whatever you would for fun. Go hang out with Wei Ning and the crew. Mock Pujari during his lectures again (and don't tell him I condone this). Go write more stupid fanfictions about squids…"

"Hey, now, that is certified literature! It's published and everything!"

"I know, I read it. Not half bad, if you can get past it being propaganda for an 8-legged sea creature."

"Don't say it like that. It includes crabs if you do."

"Oh, my bad. And before you go, I've got a…gift for you."
"Oh?" I said as I stood up.

"Yes, some excavations from another off-book mission in Japan uncovered early 21st century films. A young Hunter on loan from Andal earmarked one 'DVD' set for you. I watched a bit and agreed that it is right up your alley." Osiris said, betraying a slight smirk. Whatever it was that he was handing me, there is a joke hidden somewhere in its meaning.

I read the label on the video.

"'Japanese Tentacle Porn'? What's that mean?"

"We've got no clue. Never seen that last word in any archives, strange enough. From what I watched, though, you'd probably really enjoy it…" He said with a much more obvious grin.

"Uh, thanks… I guess I'll play it later tonight. Bye." I said while walking out.

"Oh, and it might not be wise to have any of those women lining up over when you watch it… or do, maybe. Who knows…" He called out, trying to add on to what must be a hysterical prank for him.

Well, the jokes on him. I already have this whole DVD set.

Author's Note: Alright, so I got bored and wondered what it would look like to write out chapters of the Pahanin Errata, but that'd be too much pressure to live up to the real thing. So why not an unfinished sequel, huh? It would be a collection of stories set throughout random times of Pahanin's life, mostly later in it though. This test chapter is set just as Pahanin escapes from the Vault of Glass, so presumably Osiris is still there. The Speaker once complained that Osiris sent Guardians searching after the legendary Vault of Glass, so I don't think it's a stretch that he sponsored the first group to crack the Vault.

This story is designed to mostly be sets of related one-shots about Pahanin, mostly for his comedic value. However, Pahanin really does have a good story, so I'm hoping to do justice to both aspects. His story is somewhat unclear aside from the few main points: VoG, terrified of being alone, creates SGA, and dies to Dredgen Yor. He also writes a book of one-liners and praises cephalopods at all turns, so he's a fun character to take on.

Let me know how this chapter works (or doesn't). If you like it and want to see more, let me know and I'll proceed as planned. If it sucks and the humor doesn't hit the marks, don't let me continue making garbage jokes that no one wants. :D I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers.

The next chapter, assuming that I didn't just write the worst story ever, should take a time-skip a few months forwards as Pahanin finally gets off his ass and gets into gear again.