Hi all,
This is a domestic violence story so if it's going to upset anyone then please don't read. I haven't been through this myself so I can only apologise for anything which isn't accurate. If you're ever in this situation then please do get help as soon as it starts.
I own neither Casualty nor the song lyrics in this, which come from Said Too Much by Jessie J.
Beth x
The first time it happened she'd managed to brush it off as a mistake, the result of pent up anger. It was the only justification she could think of for why she stayed.
Jacob had gone to visit his mum, and after another argument, she'd convinced him that she had a meeting and couldn't go. Quietly she sat in the corner of the pub, tucked into the darkness where none of her colleagues could spot her. From where she was sat she could hear her colleagues talking and laughing and she could just make out Zoe sat on Max's lap, drunkenly laughing and placing kisses on each other's faces. As she watched the happy couple, she couldn't help but think of her own relationship. Connie and Jacob had been together for nearly a year and a half, and despite everything that happened she still missed him when he wasn't there. She sipped at the glass of wine in front of her and then looked at the four other empty glasses the littered the table. Normally the pub was the opposite of where she wanted to be, but lately she found herself here more and more. Whether it was to numb the pain or just to get away from the house was questionable.
Stick and stones, shattered bones
But in the end they always heal
Take a sip, make a joke
Turn on the pain, but this is real
Every time I look in the mirror, all your words I keep on hearing
Are tearing me apart
No one had noticed what was going on, no one had noticed how much pain she was feeling. People had realised that she had softened, it was hard to get away from that but many put it down to her being in love, no one would have ever guessed that it was because she was terrified of her fiancé. The clothes she wore covered the majority of the bruises and the broken ribs, the only noticeable injury had been the broken arm. Something that she had excused by telling them she'd slipped on ice, when in actual fact he'd grabbed her with such a force and knocked her to the ground. Arguments had started off over her missing yet another date night that he'd planned. The first time he'd just grabbed her, it had hurt and left a bruise but she'd never questioned it. It had soon moved on to him raising his hand frequently to her, and yet by that point she'd been so worn down by all his criticisms of her and the fear that she couldn't leave. She loved him, and despite everything that didn't change. As she returned home, once again drunk but still not numb, she stood in front of the mirror. Once upon a time she'd have stood and the voice in her head would tell her that for her age she looked great, now she just heard Jacob tell her that she didn't try hard enough anymore. Heard his voice telling her that she looked old, that there was some things that no amount of make-up could cover.
I think you might've said too much
Sorry isn't good enough
I thought that you would call this love, love
No, you can't take it back
I think you might've said too much
Man you really messed me up
I thought that you would call this love, love
No, you can't take it back
But I think you might've said too much
"Connie?" Jacob called through the house, and immediately she stood frozen with fear in their room. He wasn't meant to be back yet. "I missed you baby." He told her as he walked into the room and pulled her into a hug. She could tell that he was in a good mood as he began to stroke her hair. "I love you Con." The situation that she was currently in was not something that was new, and she could tell exactly where this was going. He leant forward and gently kissed her, immediately he could taste the alcohol on her breath. "You've been drinking? So much for a meeting." He said angrily as he pulled back from her. "You're a mess, 48 years old and you're a drunken mess. You make it so hard to love you. How hard would it be to do one thing for me? I do so much for you, you're nothing without me anymore. You're a pathetic, cold and heartless woman."
He grabbed the glass vase from the bedside cabinet, which housed the flowers that he'd bought her just before he'd gone. The flowers had been an apology for the bruises that currently decorated her back, and there was something significant in the way they now lay scattered across the floor surrounded by shards of glass. Blood gently trickled down her foot as a bit of glass had landed on her bare feet, despite all the alcohol it was this that made her feel numb.
I can't glue back broken glasses
But I can fix what you were smashing
Don't apologize again
"Are you alright?" Zoe asked as she walked into the hospital hand in hand with Max, and noticed Connie limping slightly.
"I accidentally stood on her foot this morning, I turned around in these big clumpy shoes and didn't realise she was behind me." Jacob explained. Zoe seemed content with the explanation and then continued to walk towards her office, her hand still linked with Max. Connie watched them, while Jacob tried to talk to her, something inside her clicked. What she and Jacob had wasn't love, and regardless of what he said somehow it now seemed impossible to convince herself that Jacob did love her.
"I'm sorry Con, I just get so angry when you don't seem to want to make an effort to do things with me. I didn't mean to hurt you." The realisation that he didn't really love her, broke her heart but she knew that her heart would fix. What she wasn't sure would fix, was her body if she stayed with her abusive fiancé. Embarrassment filled her at the fact that she'd let it go on but fear was still the emotion that consumed her the most. She had no idea what he'd do if she tried to leave, but she knew that somehow she had to get out.
Stick and stones, shattered bones
But in the end they always heal
All the lies, you crossed the lines
You showed me how you really deal
Every time I look your way, I can see my future clearer